His quick smile faded. With their shift in position, the wind had changed. It blew a lock of hair onto his forehead. She liked the casual disarray.
“I don’t know that I’m capable of loving anyone, because I’ve never seen love in action,” he said. “My parents never cared about me or each other. Maybe I have a missing gene or something.”
“What about the women who have loved you?” she asked.
“There haven’t been any.”
She stared at him. “Women? Of course there have. We just talked about them.”
He smiled sadly. “None of them loved me, Molly.”
“Not one out of all ninety-nine?”
“Not one.”
“I don’t believe that.”
He smoothed his hair back. “Some of them cared about me, but most of them wanted something that I could provide. Sex, excitement, a good dance partner.”
“You dance?”
He laughed and this time the humor was genuine. “No, I was making a point.”
“Too bad. I always wanted to learn to dance.”
“Someday we’ll learn together,” he promised.
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to think they were going to have a “someday,” but she knew they weren’t. Their relationship, if she could even call it that, was strictly temporary.
“What I was pointing out,” he continued, “is that everyone wants something.”
“Now who’s being the cynic?” she asked.
“Agreed, but if someone like you won’t believe in love, what chance does a guy like me have?”
“You’re saying it’s my fault?”
“No, I’m saying I wish you still believed. If I ever get the chance, I’m going to beat Grant into a pile of broken bones.”
She liked that image. “Thanks for the offer, but I was questioning everything long before Grant took off with his secretary.”
“Don’t give up, Molly,” he told her. “My life is a series of monogamous relationships, but you can have more.”
“So you see one woman, then you break up and start seeing someone else?”
“Something like that.”
She pulled one knee up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her leg. “Do you ever miss them when they’re gone?”
“Some, but always less than I should.”
None of this shocked her, but she had hoped Dylan would have the answers to all her questions. Obviously they were both still searching for the truth. Life was not an easy journey.
Will you miss me?
She thought the question but didn’t actually speak it. She was too afraid. She didn’t want to know that he was going to let her go easily. She knew that she would remember him. Long after their adventure was over, she would look back and savor each day they’d spent together. Whatever the outcome, she would be grateful that he’d helped her get through this difficult time.
“I don’t connect with people that well,” he said. “I never have. I learned early to keep my emotional distance. Look what happened with Janet. I thought I wanted to marry her, but six weeks later, I was grateful I’d escaped.” He glanced at her. “How’s she doing?”
“Very well. When she married Thomas, I thought she was doing it for the money and the position, but it’s been fourteen years and she’s still crazy about him.” She hesitated, not sure what all she should tell him.
“Go on,” he said. “I’d like to hear about her. Don’t worry, you’re not opening scars.”
“If you’re sure.”
He nodded. “Tell me everything.”
“The girls—”
“Autumn, Lilly and Tatum,” he said.
She nodded. “They’re just as pretty as my sister. Janet is a stay-at-home mom and she loves it. They live in a great house, up by San Francisco. Thomas’s law firm is very successful. I go up and visit whenever I can. I love being an aunt.”
She pressed her lips together. There was a time when she’d thought about having kids of her own. Now she wasn’t so sure. And not just because Grant had turned out to be a jerk.
“I think it’s nice that you know your nieces so well. I’ll bet you spoil those girls.”
“I try as often as I can.” She looked at him, at the emotions flashing through his eyes. She couldn’t read them all. “Are you all right with this, Dylan?”
“Sure. I have regrets about my life, but they don’t include Janet.”
Molly had her own set of regrets. She wondered if she was going to have a lot more in the next few weeks. But if everything worked out the way she hoped, she would never have another regret as long as she lived. She was learning how to be in the moment and not worry about anything else.
But those thoughts weren’t for today, she reminded herself. For today there was the ocean and the sky and the magic that was Dylan.
“Was there anyone else you came close to marrying?” she asked.
“Nope, just Janet. Since then I’ve been a lot more cautious.” He reached down and opened the small cooler they’d brought with them. After pulling out a soda, he offered her one. She took it.
“I don’t know how someone knows that he’s met the person he wants to be with for the rest of his life,” he said. “What does love look like or feel like? How are we supposed to know when it’s real?”
Molly sat up straight. “Exactly! That’s what I’ve been thinking. It’s a crazy way to run a life. What if both people are wrong? I know a lot of marriages end in divorce, but I don’t want that. I would want to be sure that it was forever. And I don’t think that’s possible.”
She opened her soda. “That’s what I resent about Grant. Even more than the fact that he left me for another woman, I really dislike that I don’t miss him more. How could I have been so wrong? Maybe I’m in shock or something.”
“Sorry, but I think you’d be feeling the pain if there was any to feel.”
“Then how are we supposed to know when it’s real? Lightning bolts from the sky?”
He glanced up at the large white sail. “The mast is metal. Maybe we should ask for a different sign.”
“Okay, then a voice from the heavens.”
“That would get my attention,” he agreed.
He was smiling.
She shook her head. “Fine, laugh at me, but I’m serious. Next time I want to be sure.”
“I agree with you. I don’t plan to tell someone I love her until I can answer all the questions we’ve been discussing.”
“Me, too. It’s too hard otherwise.”
She didn’t hate Grant for what he’d done, but she was angry about it. The sad part was, her regrets weren’t about losing him but about losing her dream of a family and children.
Dylan read her mind. “You want kids, Molly?”
With all her heart, but would they be in her future? That question could bring her to tears. “I’m not sure,” she lied.
“I can see you as a mom,” he said. “I can see you helping the kids make popcorn strings for the tree.”
“That sounds fun.” She sipped her soda, hoping the physical action would be a distraction. “First I’d have to have a husband. I don’t think I could be a single mom. They’re amazing women and I’m pretty average. Seeing as we’ve both just sworn off love, I don’t think I’m going to be getting married any time soon, so talking about kids seems a little premature.”
Dylan reached out his hand toward her. She stared at him for a second, then placed her fingers on his palm. He squeezed gently.
“I’m having a really good time,” he told her. “Thanks for coming away with me.”
She didn’t know what to say, or even if she could talk. Her throat was suddenly tight, and it wasn’t all because of the electricity shooting up her arm.
&
nbsp; “Thank you,” she said. She knew that she wouldn’t have survived this time without him. “I can’t begin to tell you how much this has meant to me. I owe you.”
“No way. I needed to get away and I wouldn’t have done it without you.” He chuckled. “Tell you what. When we hit shore, we’ll arm-wrestle to figure out who owes whom more.”
He squeezed her fingers once more, then released her. Molly leaned back in her seat and smiled. This was, she thought, the most perfect day. If she were given one wish, it would be that this time never ended.
* * *
“I’ll be right back,” Molly said as she picked up her phone and disappeared into her bedroom.
Dylan watched her go, wondering, as he did every night, who she was hoping had left a message and why. The calls never lasted long, just a couple of minutes, and she hadn’t missed one night in the past week.
He still didn’t have any answers. Was she hoping to hear from Grant?
Dylan stretched out on the sofa. He couldn’t believe that, especially after the conversation they’d had that afternoon on the boat. There was no way she would want Grant back in her life. Of course, that was his opinion, and Lord knew women had shocked him many times in the past. Maybe she’d been on some job interviews and was waiting to hear the results. Maybe—
“Hell, this is getting me nowhere. If I want to know so badly, I should just ask.”
But he knew he wouldn’t. It was against the rules. Just as he wouldn’t touch her or hold her, even though he wanted to.
The wanting hadn’t gone away. He’d thought it would. After all, he rarely maintained interest in a woman for very long. But with Molly, he found himself thinking about her more and more. Spending time with her didn’t alleviate the symptoms. If anything, they got worse. Maybe it was because he liked her so much.
He rose to his feet, crossed to the window and stared out into the darkness. He didn’t like that she went into another room and closed herself off from him. He didn’t like the secrets. He wanted there to be something special between them. She was a lot of fun, someone he could talk to. He liked that they laughed together. They had similar tastes in food and music. They liked to read the same books.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d allowed anyone to be his friend, especially a woman. Molly had started out as Janet’s little sister, but now she was so much more. He cared about her. He worried about her future, which was one of the reasons her nightly phone calls frustrated him.
And he wanted her. Still.
Sometimes he was amazed by how much he thought about being with her. It wasn’t just about sex, either. He didn’t agree with her that people didn’t make love, that they “got off,” instead. He was willing to admit he’d had sex a lot more times than he’d made love, but he knew it would be the latter with Molly. He could sense that it would be different and special. When he thought about being with her, he didn’t just long for the physical release. He wanted the actual intimacy of holding her close, touching her, tasting her. He wanted to watch her expression change, he wanted to please her and to remember being together for a long time afterward. Then he wanted her to tell him what was wrong so he could fix it for her.
She was different from the other women he’d had in his life. With them it had been easy. He’d been out for the good time and they’d been out for what they could get. He wasn’t sure that Molly wanted anything from him. What he wanted with Molly was to care.
It wasn’t love, he told himself. Like her, he wasn’t sure love existed. He wasn’t worth loving—he’d known that for a long time. Oddly, it hurt to think that someone like Molly couldn’t ever love him.
The bedroom door opened and she stepped out into the light. He couldn’t read her expression. Normally he didn’t comment, but tonight he couldn’t help asking, “Is everything all right?”
She nodded. “It’s fine. No messages.”
He wanted to ask if that was good or bad, but he didn’t have the right and he didn’t want to upset her. He wished he could go to her and hold her tightly in his arms. That might make them both feel better.
Before he could figure out if she would appreciate the gesture, she crossed to the small kitchen table. “You ready to continue our card game?” she asked. “I know I was winning.”
She gave him a quick smile as she spoke. Then he saw it—the sadness in her eyes. The pain. The fear.
He walked over to her and touched her shoulder. “Molly, let me help.”
She shook her head. “You can’t do anything. I wish you could, but I have to get through this on my own.”
“Is it about Grant or your job?”
She wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Let’s just play cards,” she whispered. “The best thing you can do for me is let me forget. That’s really what I want. To pretend none of this is actually happening to me.”
He knew she wasn’t talking about their time together but about whatever was bothering her. He wanted to insist that she tell him everything. But he didn’t. Instead he held out the chair for her, then took the seat opposite.
If playing cards helped her to forget, then that’s what he would do with her. He would do anything. Even not ask again what was wrong.
Chapter Eight
“It was an old sedan. Not much power, a real sleeper,” Dylan said, and grinned at the memory. “First, I redid the exhaust system—opened it up so the engine could breathe. You could hear that baby coming from three blocks away. Then I tinkered with the engine a little. Gave it more power.”
“Why?” Molly asked. “I thought you liked Mrs. Carson.”
“I did. That’s why I worked on her car. She didn’t have any money, so I did it free. Even paid for the parts myself.” His smile faded. “When my folks were too drunk to feed me or even give a damn whether I came home, Mrs. Carson cared. She used to watch for me, and if I stayed out too late, she tore into me. One time she got so mad I thought she was going to hit me.” He shrugged. “Of course, she wasn’t even five feet, and I doubt she weighed ninety pounds. Still, the sight of her with her fists planted on her hips as she lectured me from the top step of her trailer was enough to put the fear of God into me.”
“I’m glad someone was looking out for you,” Molly said.
He glanced at her. She walked next to him on the beach. They’d just finished an early dinner and were watching the sunset.
“I was nearly seventeen. I could take care of myself.”
“That’s not the point,” she told him. “We can all take care of ourselves. We just shouldn’t have to manage everything alone. It’s nice that she was there for you. And that you cared about her, too. Even if you did destroy her car.”
“I didn’t destroy it. I improved it.” He raised his hands in a gesture of protest. “I’ll admit I souped up the engine a little, but I fixed an oil leak and gave her a complete tuneup. I also replaced her shock absorbers and rotated the tires. The truth is, when I was done that car could practically fly. She loved it. I warned her, but she didn’t listen. Two days later, she came home all proud and excited. At the ripe old age of sixty-four, she’d finally gotten her first speeding ticket. You’d have thought she’d won first prize in a beauty contest.”
“Are you trying to tell me she was happy about the speeding ticket?”
“She was grinning from ear to ear.”
Molly rolled her eyes. “The worst part of all this is that I actually want to believe you.”
“I’ll admit I was a wild kid,” Dylan said, “but I wasn’t bad. I didn’t get into much trouble. At least not as much as everyone thought.”
“You were the hottest thing around.” Molly paused and motioned to the sand. “Is this all right?”
“Sure.”
She sank down and he took a seat next to her. They faced the ocean. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wr
apped her arms around her legs.
“You were something,” she said, picking up the thread of conversation. “Do you remember that movie Dirty Dancing?”
“I think so. A family spends a few weeks at a mountain resort and one of the daughters falls for a dancer.”
“Exactly.” She sighed. “That’s what I think about when I remember you back then. The bad boy who tempted all the nice girls. Everyone had a crush on you. Even me.”
She made the statement casually. Dylan waited to see if she would notice what she’d just admitted. She did. She stiffened, then squared her shoulders.
“What I meant is...” Her voice trailed off.
“Yes?” He couldn’t keep the pleasure from his voice. A crush? Molly? He’d known that she liked him a lot, but a crush was different. Better.
“Well, you know,” she finished lamely.
“Not really. I’d like to hear the details.”
She looked at him. “Oh, I’ll just bet. How thrilling for you to hear about my infatuation. If you’d known at the time, you would have hurt yourself laughing.”
Without thinking, he touched her cheek. “Don’t say that. It’s not true. I would have been flattered. I always liked you, Molly.”
“Yeah, but I was just Janet’s little sister.”
“You were bright and funny, someone I enjoyed spending time with.”
She had left her long hair loose tonight and it blew gently in the wind. He wanted to touch the strands to see if they were as soft as they looked. He wanted to let his fingers get tangled in the curls as he pulled her close for a kiss.
“You were never interested in me,” she said.
“I thought we were friends. Besides, you were only fourteen. Way too young for me. I believe the slang expression is ‘jailbait.’”
She rested her chin on her knees. “You’re being kind. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but the truth is you never saw me as anyone special. I don’t blame you,” she said quickly, before he could interrupt. “I was the typical teenage ugly duckling.”
“Now you’re a beautiful swan.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Nice comeback. Not true, but nice. I know my limitations. I’m a decent duck. Not ugly, but not a swan, either.” She patted her hips. “A well-rounded duck, but I can make my way through the pond.”
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