He hesitated for a while, keeping me in suspense. “I don’t know what I feel. I only know what I know.”
He pulled back the covers and got out of my bed.
“Wait,” I breathed. “Where are you going?”
“This was a mistake. I mean, it was great, but it was probably a mistake. It’s best if we keep things professional until we can both get out of this situation.”
“But we have a connection,” I shouted after him
“I’m sorry, Sierra,” he continued walking out the door.
I couldn’t let him leave, not again. There were too many things that would be left unsaid if he walked out now. It wasn’t just about the sex anymore. I was falling for him.
“Wait,” I yelled. “I have to tell you something.”
“No, Sierra,” he said, sounding forlorn.
“I’m pregnant with your baby.”
He stopped dead in his tracks but didn’t turn around. I wanted to see his face so I could gauge his reaction.
“Apollo?” I squeaked out after a few long moments.
“How do you know?” he asked, his back still toward me.
“I haven’t slept with anyone besides you. I got a blood test done. It can only be yours.”
“It’s not,” he said. “It’s just not.”
“Look at me,” I ordered, startling myself with my own strength coming from inside.
Finally, he turned to face me, a strange look of sadness and anger on his face.
“What do you want me to do, Sierra?” he sighed. “If you want me to stay with you and take care of the baby, I just can’t. If you want me to try to send you money, I’ll do my best, but I don’t have any money as it is. If you ever want to tell your father, he will surely kill me.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” I said. “No one’s going to kill you.”
He grimaced. “You don’t understand, Sierra, and you never will.”
“You have no idea how hard it’s been to keep this a secret, and have no idea where the hell you are,” I shouted. “How am I supposed to do this all on my own? It’s not fair. You’re just as responsible for this as I am.”
“I know, I know,” he said, rubbing his stubble against his palms. “This doesn’t change anything, though. I still have to carry out my plans. There is no situation where this works out between us. In a perfect world, I would take you and the baby far away from here and we’d make a great life with one another. But it isn’t a perfect world, Sierra. It’s a terrible place where unjust things happen every day. I’m just trying to correct one wrong. There’s nothing else I can do.”
He ended his rant with a strangled cry as he buried his face in his hands. Then, before the emotions overcame him. He turned around again and left for good.
Nothing about what he told me made sense, except the fact that the world was an unjust place. I was too young to have to worry about bringing a child into this world alone. I was too well-behaved to have these kinds of problems. It was unfair that the one man I truly cared for could never be with me.
I had run out of tears to cry. I would no longer go back and forth with Apollo Nano, hating him one moment and loving him the next. I would never move on if I couldn’t detach myself from the tiny bit of hope that I reserved for him. It was time, once and for all, to say goodbye to the man from the tattoo parlor.
My fingers traced the tiny bird on my wrist. One day, my unborn child would ask me about it, and I would tell them the story of how their father made the biggest mistake of his life. By then, I hoped that the memory would no longer hurt so much.
Quitting
Apollo
Just when I thought my situation couldn’t get any worse, it did exponentially. I couldn’t be with Sierra, nor could I take care of a child. Not when they both belonged to Giorgio, anyway.
What made things worse, was that I did feel a connection to Sierra. She was so kind and cute, and if I could see myself making a life with anyone, it would be her. She was smart and cool, and most importantly, she knew who I was and still wanted to be with me.
I liked her enough that it really tore me up inside that she was carrying my child. I wasn’t ready to be a father now, but I had always imagined I would be some day. I wanted to provide for someone who needed me and give them a better life than I had. My parents did everything they could for me, but it’s not easy when one parent is doing bitch work for the mob and the other has to stay home to take care of their children.
For a moment in Sierra’s apartment, I imagined the two of us living in a house in a small city with our baby. She could find a hospital to work at and I’d find a bike shop. It would be a lot of hard work to start all over, but we could do it.
But, that could never work if her father was still in the picture.
That was my next conundrum. I was so set on killing Giorgio as soon as I possibly could, but I knew that it would devastate Sierra. Even though he was a deplorable human being, she still loved him. I couldn’t take her father away from her.
If I didn’t, everything that I had been working for would be wasted. I could try to leave the mob, but that wasn’t easy work. My dad tried to leave on numerous occasions, but always got sucked back in, whether through the threat of violence or with cash.
I wasn’t sure what I would have to do to free myself from the mess I was in. There really wasn’t a good option, and I had thought of a hundred of them.
To make matters worse, I had a meeting scheduled with Giorgio at his house the next morning. He thought it was a good idea to have regular meetings for me to report on his daughter’s whereabouts. I thought the whole thing was creepy and weird, and I wanted to punch his stupid face every time he talked about her. She deserved so much better, but I couldn’t tell her whom to love.
Not knowing what to do with all of my energy when I got back to my stupid, rich apartment, I opened the fridge and cracked open a beer. When I finished the first one, I opened another and another until my brain stopped screaming.
The alcohol helped subdue my racing mind, but it did nothing for my unstable emotions. As someone who rarely felt anything but rage, I was confused by what I was feeling. Alongside the anger was a large helping of despair. It didn’t matter what I did—nothing would go right for me anyway.
I drank until I fell asleep on the fancy couch, relieved to have a break from my problems. Morning came too soon, though, and I felt just as conflicted, but now with a hangover.
“Hello, Apollo,” Giorgio said with a shit-eating grin when he answered his door.
“Hello, Giorgio,” I said, gripping his hand. It took all of my strength not to slash his wrists right there and then.
“Come in,” he said. “We can talk in my office.”
If I hadn’t been watching where I was going, I would have stepped on Alice D’Angelo. She was sprawled out on the floor, her cheek shiny and red.
I jumped back, startled by her haggard appearance. A sweaty sheen covered her face and neck and her hair was a mess. It looked like she had been in a fight.
“Alice, for God’s sake,” Giorgio said in a stern voice. “Go upstairs and clean yourself up. We have company.”
She muttered something under her breath and got up, limping up the stairs and out of sight.
“So,” Giorgio said brightly, “where were we?”
“Is she okay,” I asked.
“Alice? Yeah, she’s fine. She’s been a real nightmare lately. It makes me really miss having Sierra at the house. She always kept the peace, my Sierra. Such a sweetheart.”
I nodded in agreement. Sierra was a sweet girl and it made following her so much harder.
“Speaking of Sierra,” he said, sinking down into his desk chair, “what have you noticed about her?”
Now was my time to lie. I needed to tell him enough for him to believe that I was really watching her, and something boring enough to keep the both of us out of trouble.
“I’ve been spending time outside of the hospital, keeping an e
ye on her. When I’ve asked around, it doesn’t sound like she does anything other than work. Doesn’t really use her phone or talk to people while she’s there. She hasn’t been anywhere besides the hospital, her apartment, and the grocery store once or twice this week.”
“Good,” he mused. “Has anyone been over to the house?”
“Not when Sierra’s been there, except for the roommates.”
He nodded, pleased with himself.
“Is there any reason to believe that a man has gotten into contact with her?”
I dug my short fingernails into my palm. “I don’t see how that would be possible. I haven’t noticed anything of the sort.”
“Good work, Apollo,” he said, standing up abruptly. “Let’s do another week of close surveillance, and then we’ll reevaluate. I’m sure you’ve enjoyed your time with Sierra, but I think there are bigger jobs for you to work on next. How does that sound?”
“Great,” I said, my stomach churning with rage.
“I’ll keep in touch. You can see yourself out.”
I walked stiffly toward the door, knowing that if I thought about it too much, I’d send my fist through his face. This was not the time or the place to blow my cover. I had to keep cool.
As I pulled the door close, I heard Giorgio shouting at his wife again. Something told me that her injuries had nothing to do with her drinking.
Coming Clean
Apollo
The following week, I did the bare minimum of surveillance I could get away with. I didn’t want to get myself into a situation where I had to speak to Sierra. At this point, there was nothing I could say to make things better for either of us. That didn’t stop her from trying, though.
Somehow, she managed to get the number to my burner phone and called at least once a day. On occasion, she’d leave me messages and plead with me to call her back. I deleted each one. It was better that way.
I lazily drove from her house to work at the corresponding hours, just to make sure she was at one of those places. If she wasn’t, I’d cruise around for an hour or so, and she’d turn up, right where she was supposed to be.
When I had just two more days until my next meeting with Giorgio, she left me a message that I couldn’t ignore.
Apollo, she said, her voice full of anxiety, I understand that you’re ignoring me to protect yourself, but I’m really scared and have no one to turn to. I’m thinking about telling my dad everything, just to get it off my chest. At least he’ll help me. Please call me back. I’m running out of options.
When I heard that, I got into my car and sped to her house. Not caring that her roommates could be home, I knocked on the door.
Felicity answered, but I didn’t think that she recognized me. She was pretty far gone when we briefly met.
“Is Sierra here?” I asked. “I need to speak with her.”
She gave me a quizzical look. Of course, Sierra wouldn’t have a man over so late. That would be out of character to her.
“I work with her dad,” I added, hoping it would make more sense to her.
“Sierra,” she called down the hall. “You have a visitor.”
Sierra came out into the hall, wearing a pink tracksuit. Her eyes widened when she saw me.
“Oh,” she said, her eyes darting from Felicity and back to me. “I forgot you were picking me up,” she said, thinking on the spot. “I’ll see you later, Felicity. I’m going to watch a movie at my parents’ house tonight.”
“Have fun, weirdo,” she said, walking back toward her room.
“I can’t believe you came,” she whispered as she shut the front door. “Where are we going?”
“Let’s go for a drive,” I said. “You’re scaring me with all that talk about going to your father about this.”
“I didn’t know what else to say,” she said, getting into my car. She had a horrified expression on her face.
I tried to soften my tone. “Do you really think that your father is a kind and generous man?”
She looked at me and then back at the ground. “He is to me, at least. But, I have suspected that he’s only that way with me. Am I right?”
I sighed and nodded, looking straight ahead at the road.
“What do you know?” she asked hesitantly.
“I’m afraid to tell you. First of all, I don’t know if you’ll believe me. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t want to believe any of it. Secondly, if you do believe it, you will never see that man the same way ever again. Can you handle it?”
She was silent.
“I think you know more that you let on. Am I right?”
She nodded.
“Do you want me to tell you what I know?”
“Yes,” she said so softly I could hardly hear her.
“I’m going to tell you about my personal relationship with your father. You see, my dad worked for yours for many years. In fact, he still gets called in to do the odd job every now and again.”
“I already knew that, though. You told me the other week.”
“Yes, but I didn’t give you the specifics. The reason you’ve never heard of my dad is because he’s not in your dad’s inner circle. In fact, your dad has been treating my dad like absolute shit for about as long as I’ve been alive.”
“How do you know that?” I could hear the doubt settling in already.
“Years ago, before you were born, my father had a short fling with your mother. In fact, it was only a little more than a friendship. But, your dad found out and promised to make my dad’s life hell. He succeeded, too. He paid him little for tough jobs, and when he tried to leave, he was threatened. Then my mom and I entered the picture and our lives were threatened too. But, my dad was never a smart man and just took it. He had a good enough life away from his work that it made it all worthwhile. He had my mom and he had my siblings and me. Everything else was a little more bearable with a good family.”
I looked over at her. She was looking pale.
“My dad’s happiness in life finally caught up with him five years ago. Apparently, your old man had finally had enough. He just couldn’t knock my dad down for good. So, he set him up and got him arrested for money laundering. My dad was probably involved in some regard, but not fully to blame.”
“My dad put your dad in jail?” she gasped.
I shook my head. “No. I knew that if my dad went away for too long, it would destroy our family. I went to the police station, confessed to the crime, and served five years for something I had nothing to do with.”
“You went to prison?”
“I just got out. In fact, we met on my first day out. You were my sweet taste of freedom that I had longed for, for too long.”
“Why would he do that?” she asked, her eyes shiny with tears. “You did nothing wrong.”
“That’s just how it goes when you get sucked into one of these businesses, Sierra. I’m sure you’ve noticed how rough things can get. Have you ever noticed that your dad has a bad temper?”
I watched her face change with the realization of all the signs she overlooked over the years. As much as I pitied my family for what they’d been through, I felt terrible for her.
“Do you think he’s done this to other people?” she asked, looking for a sliver of hope that her father wasn’t a complete monster.
“I’m afraid he’s done much worse. If he didn’t do it himself, he’s ordered the beatings and murders of people who didn’t listen to him or pay their debts to him. Unfortunately, this happens all the time. But, he’s so powerful and rich, that he never gets pinned for it.”
By now, tears were falling freely down her cheeks. I placed my free hand on her thigh.
“I’m sorry you’re just hearing this now,” I said gently. “You don’t deserve this.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you,” she sniffled. “I knew that what my father did wasn’t always illegal, but I hate to think of him hurting anyone. You’ve seen how good he is to me.”
“I know,” I
replied. “He loves you. It just so happens that you’re the only person in the world he’s good to.”
“And my mom,” she added with a sniff.
I bit my lip. Now wasn’t a good time to tell her what I saw the last time I was at her house, but there was never a good time to talk about those kinds of things.
“Sierra?” I said cautiously.
“Oh, God,” she moaned. “What else do you know?”
I slid my hand from her thigh to her hand, interlacing my fingers with hers.
“I was at your house a few days ago. I had a meeting with your dad. When I walked in, your mom was on the floor. She looked terrible like she had been in a fight. There was a massive bruise forming on her face and your dad didn’t seem worried. When I left, I heard him yelling at her.”
“Shit,” she said, “She’s been drinking again. She must have fallen. I think she needs to see a therapist.”
“No, Sierra,” I interrupted. “You’re not hearing me. The mark on her face was left by a fist.”
“How do you know?”
I sighed. “I’ve been in a lot of fights. I know exactly what that looks like. I’m almost positive your dad hit her.”
“He wouldn’t do that!” she exclaimed, shaking my hand from hers. “He would never hurt her. He loves her.”
“Sierra,” I said, placing my hand back on the wheel, “do you think there’s a chance that the idea of your father that you keep in your head is better than the one everyone else sees?”
At this, she broke down sobbing. Finally, she was able to see past the filter of the loving father and realize who he really was. It was heartbreaking to watch it all happen. It felt terrible to be the one to tell her in the first place.
I pulled into a vacant parking lot, turned off the car, and held her in my arms until she caught her breath and the tears slowed. I rested my cheek against the top of her head, promising myself that I would do whatever it took to make her happy again.
Just like with my own situation, Sierra D’Angelo didn’t deserve to suffer for the sins of her father. She had too much going for her to get sucked into a life that only ended in destruction and misery. And I was going to get her out of it.
Deadly Ink: A Dark Mafia Romance (Omerta Series Book 3) Page 9