The Novice

by Ava Lohan

  He walked along the bridge until he reached a spot where the light from the water reflected on his hair. I tore my eyes away from him.

  “Who gave you the keys?”

  From his voice, I couldn’t tell if he was just curious or also annoyed. I heard a crash of thunder, and my heart forgot how to beat. It sped up, slowed down, and then sped up again.

  I concentrated on the gazebo lights. “They were in the door when I got here.”

  It was true. They were already there in the door, ready to be used. I didn’t see anything wrong with it. Before dinner, I’d even considered locking myself in and only leaving in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, when everyone else was sleeping or too busy to go wandering around. It was a pretty stupid plan, though, I thought, and impossible to carry out.

  Kegan didn’t say a word.

  I heard him leap off the diving board, and my heart threw itself in after him, sinking into the deep water.

  I knew what was about to happen: he was going to come for me. And he did. He swam toward me. Mere seconds later, he was on me. His warm breath gave me goosebumps. His chest on mine. His skin felt boiling hot compared to my own.

  “I told you you’d accept,” he whispered against my cheek.

  He brushed the hair from my face, removing the barrier between my eyes and his perfect face. I could feel his warmth all around me. He placed his hands on my arms and slid them down to my hips, stopping at my bikini bottoms. I had to remind myself to breathe. My nose brushed up against his neck. He smelled so good, even in the water. He was like an aphrodisiac. It was his skin. It was the scent of the sin he would make me commit. His long eyelashes were wet, his eyes fixated on me.

  “How long did you think about it?” His tone was low. Seductive.

  I blinked, not understanding.

  His fingers tickled my sides as he played with the strings on my bikini, making it impossible for me to concentrate on the question. I swallowed some air, imagining that soon he would take my breath away and I would be naked, protected only by the distorting ripples of the water that wouldn’t allow him to see my body clearly.

  Kegan wedged a leg between my thighs, making me shudder. He pulled me in closer until my hands rested on his chest. We stared at each other without saying a word. His skin was soft and warm under my fingers. The only sound I could hear was our breath and the echo of my heartbeat in my ears.

  It had been so long since someone had touched me, or even been so close. A wave of panic washed over me. My last time had been so long ago, I felt like a girl who was about to lose her virginity. Kegan began planting a trail of kisses along my back. Then my neck. I threw my head back to expose more of my body to him. I should’ve been trying to stop him. I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t even speak. I felt like I should say something, but what could I say? I should’ve yelled at him to stop, but I could never have said it with enough conviction. I didn’t want him to stop. No, I wanted him to keep going. I couldn’t understand how his mere presence could have this effect on me. I didn’t know if I could blame it on the art of seduction he had learned at Lust or if it was my own weakness. Of one thing I was certain: if it had been Finn, or any other guy in the water with me, my reaction would’ve been different. I would’ve gotten out of the pool and run away before he could catch up. With Kegan, I willingly fell into his trap.

  “How long did you think about the kiss we didn’t have?” He pressed his lips against my neck, just below my ear. They tickled me when he spoke.

  I understood the question and let out a groan in frustration. He wanted to know how much I had been tortured by that kiss he’d refused to give me in front of the convent, how long I’d let it play with my head, and God knows what else.

  “A while,” I admitted.

  He chuckled against my neck. “How long is a while?”

  I could’ve lied and told him it was only a few days, that it didn’t take me long to get him out of my head. Or I could’ve satisfied his ego and told him the truth.

  I slowly moved my hands from his chest to his swimsuit as he played with my bikini top. With an index finger, he began to caress the exposed side of my breast. Then his hand went underneath my top. He untied it in seconds and threw it behind me, over the side of the pool.

  I lost contact with reality. My heart was racing at the speed of light. I wanted to draw back in embarrassment, but I couldn’t. His body was warm. I needed to be closer to him. I pulled myself onto him as if we were sinking. His erection now pressed into my side as he rubbed his thumbs over my nipples, already rock hard. I couldn’t even blame the cold; it was June, hot and muggy. I had been in the water for a while. It was his doing; it was his presence that excited me, no matter what he did.

  “Until I saw you again,” I uttered, my voice trembling. I opted for the truth.

  He analyzed my face, not saying a word. He slowly brought his mouth toward mine. The feel of his tongue on mine went straight to my head. He kissed me with a sense of urgency, as if our tongues dancing together wasn’t enough, as if he wanted to explore my whole mouth. A hand squeezed my breast. Kegan rubbed against me, making me feel how much he wanted me. That infinite kiss stifled my groaning. I relished every second of it. I had never been kissed—no, devoured—like this. It was amazing, yes, but I wanted more. He must’ve been reading my mind: he pushed my bikini bottom to the side and slipped his fingers into me. I bit his lower lip in surprise. It was his turn to moan against my mouth.

  “I want to hear you say my name.”

  I nodded and followed his orders, whispering it against his lips. After I satisfied his request, he took back control over my mouth while his fingers plunged deeper into me. I groaned with pleasure. I closed my eyes and moved with his hand. My arms wrapped tighter around his neck, trapping him. He just kept kissing me and added another finger. I started breathing faster. Kegan knew what he was doing with his hands. Just another minute, and I would climax. I wondered how many women he had explored with his fingers before me. Probably a lot. I decided I didn’t want to know.

  Then, suddenly, he stopped. He stopped kissing me. He ran his nose down my neck and inhaled deeply.

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  I gasped as my eyes shot open. He let go of me. Did I want him to stop? I felt so conflicted I couldn’t think of a valid reason to ask him to stop. There definitely was a reason, that I knew. But in that moment, overwhelmed with the pleasure he was causing—and would continue to cause—I simply forgot. I looked at him, my eyes clouded by lust. He was gorgeous. I’d never felt like this before. No one had ever made me feel this way. Not even Paul. But now, the fingers that had just been inside me were resting on his side. Kegan’s lips were swollen from our makeout session. They were irresistible.

  “No,” I murmured.

  In an instant, Kegan sprang back to life, like I had just woken him from a spell.

  “Nobody else will ever kiss your mouth,” he said, before tormenting my tongue like before. He tasted amazingly fresh, like a cold glass of water in the desert. “Or touch you.”

  “God,” I whispered as I felt his hands on my breasts.

  I felt like I was living in an erotic dream, as wonderful as it was wrong. I closed and opened my eyes thinking that Kegan would vanish and I would find myself somewhere else, lying in a bed all alone, the victim of a hellish fantasy. But he was still there. He was real. I could touch him. I was touching him. He was touching me. Kegan ran his tongue over my closed lips before he spoke again.

  “Rose,” he said, making me dizzy, “I can’t resist you.”

  Before he even finished his sentence, he slid my bikini bottoms down my legs, leaving them to disappear into the water. He then fumbled with his own swimsuit.

  “We have to get out of the water. I have to find my pants and get a condom. But that would take too much time, and I can’t wait,” he continued. “We could just do it now. I’ll pull out before I come. Is that okay?”

  How could I ever deny such
an amazing voice?

  He pushed against my hip bone, and I let out a low moan. I couldn’t go another minute without having him inside me.

  “Yes.” I nodded against his shoulder.

  “Okay,” he murmured, pushing me gently toward the side of the pool.

  He wrapped his hands around my hips and lifted me carefully. I wrapped my legs around his body. We were face to face, at the same height. I got lost in his eyes, even more beautiful as they reflected the colored lights and lascivious promises that he would soon fulfill.

  In a matter of seconds, I felt him inside of me. He held me tight and began thrusting. I moved with him, gripping his shoulders tight. His slow movements began to speed up. My core tightened, and I dug my nails into his skin. My legs trembled with his every decisive blow. My eyes rolled back, and I cried out in pleasure. All of a sudden, he stopped and pulled away. He looked at me. He seemed conflicted.

  “More,” I pleaded.

  He nodded.

  He entered me once again, twice, three times. I moaned so loudly that he smothered my mouth with his kisses. I didn’t want him to ever stop. I wanted this moment to last forever. Then, he pulled out, his panting synchronized with mine. My hands still gripped his shoulders tight. I loosened my hold and touched his hair, allowing myself to be lulled by our breathing. His hands moved from my sides and I released him from between my legs.

  His eyes glimmered with urgency. He took my hand and led it down, under the water. To touch the part of him that had just given me more pleasure than I could’ve ever thought possible. I touched him. He closed his eyes. His perfect teeth sunk into his lower lip. My hand began to move at a decisive rhythm. I loved watching his face as I stroked him. Kegan looked up toward the sky. I liked that my touch made him moan. I kept going until he came and collapsed onto my body.

  It was all perfect. He was perfect. I caressed his face.

  “Why do you want to take your vows?”

  The question was like a blow to the chest, knocking the air from my lungs. My hand froze against his cheek. I turned away in shock and stared at the water behind him. My vows. The convent. My promise to God. I didn’t think of those things once while he was kissing me. Not once did they come to mind when he was inside me. It didn’t even register to ask God to forgive me, or to try to resist. It was as if Kegan had erased the last two years of my life when he jumped into the pool. I felt like I’d just woken up from a coma, and my memory had suddenly come back. I felt dirty. The pleasure I’d felt now left a bitter taste in my mouth. I pushed him off me. I needed to get away from this corner of paradise that we had dirtied together. I didn’t even stop to get my swimsuit from the water. I climbed the steps. I didn’t care if Kegan watched.

  “Oh God, what have I done?” I whispered to myself over and over again, running my hands through my hair. I didn’t care if he heard me. I was naked and in shock; any sense of modesty after what we’d just done would’ve been out of place.

  I went to pick up my clothes and threw them on. He swam toward me. Resting his elbows on the edge of the pool, he observed me, eyebrows raised.

  “It’s a little too late to repent now, don’t you think, Sister?” His voice was tinged with mockery and irritation.

  Was he happy now that he got what he wanted? Now that he’d given me an extremely valid reason to go to church and confess my sins to God? I hated him.

  I buttoned up my jeans. “What just happened will never happen again,” I said with conviction. Turning on my heels, I left him there. Echoes of his mocking laugh followed me as I walked away, getting under my skin.

  Chapter Six

  It was just before dawn when I decided to leave my room to go look for some junk food in the kitchen. After a few wrong turns, I finally found the right place. I headed straight for the cabinets in search of something to eat. This is what I always used to do when I had a problem that seemed too big to confront, before I moved to the convent. I just stuffed my face. Chips, chocolate, and any other thing that would do me more harm than good in the long run. Lust was empty. The only sounds I could hear were my fingers in search of something to take my mind off things.

  Finally, a bag of salt and vinegar chips. I grabbed it and closed the cupboard to lean against it. I could see cars from the window. Luxury cars, sports cars. All belonging to clients who preferred paying five times more to leaving any earlier. The vinegar stung my tongue. Usually, I liked the feeling, but today I couldn’t taste anything. I chewed, indifferent to the strange flavor that I was tasting for the first time in quite a while.

  “Have a good night?”

  I swallowed half a chip and turned. Lexi stood in the kitchen, watching me from the other side of the table. I hadn’t even heard her come in. Her hair was a mess, her lipstick smeared. She wore a black robe that revealed a long leg. It was quite likely she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. It wasn’t hard to figure out that she hadn’t spent the night on her own.

  “Not really,” I grumbled.

  “I hate junk food,” she commented.

  I shoved another chip into my mouth in defiance.

  “You shouldn’t even be here. This kitchen is for employees only.”

  I left the bag of chips on the table and went to look for a glass of water, with her eyes following my every move.

  “There’s no sign on the door.”

  She didn’t respond. I was sure she was judging my pajamas. To her, I must’ve looked like a disgusting high schooler in my gray cotton top and bottoms with white sheep.

  “Did he see you dressed like this?”

  I smirked and gulped down some water.

  “No,” I said, slamming the glass down on the counter as I turned to face her. “What makes you so sure we spent the night together?” I challenged her, crossing my arms across my chest. Her presumption, her attitude, the way she talked to me—it all irritated me. Even the day before, when she told me about Kegan, she acted like she knew him perfectly. Like she knew I’d be out of the way within a few hours. Maybe she was right. Maybe I wanted her to be right. Or maybe not. I shook my head, lost in my thoughts.

  She let out a laugh. I shot her a dirty look, causing her to laugh even harder.

  I pursed my lips, resisting the temptation to throw something at her.

  “This is how it always goes,” she said in her annoying tone. “Kegan brings someone here, and then, at eight in the morning, he sends them on their way. If he’s hiring a new member of the entertainment staff, he tries them out first, and then the next day, they get hired. Have you applied for a job here?”

  I froze, reflecting on her words. I was just about to say no when she continued.

  “Most certainly not,” she said, answering her own question. She lit a cigarette. “You’re a nun. He’s never done anything like this before.” She took a drag and squinted, focusing on my figure.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I needed to know.

  She shrugged. “He’s never gone to a convent to recruit a woman. Or—perhaps, I should say—a girl.”

  I didn’t respond. She thought she’d offended me, but her words didn’t have any effect. I had already offended myself enough on my own. I had thrown my dignity out the window the first chance I got. And the worst thing is that I would’ve done it all over again. I just couldn’t get him out of my head. His soft lips, his hands on my skin, the way he felt inside me. My excitement only grew. But if this woman was right, nothing would ever happen between us again. I would never feel the touch of his lips or hands.

  For Kegan Anderson, I was just a notch on his belt. The novice from his grandfather’s convent. Just the latest in his ever-growing collection. I, on the other hand—excluding Paul and that idiot from the club—had only slept with him. I had kissed lots of guys, sure, and had even touched a few. But only with him did I go any further. And only with Paul had I even been sober; when I was at the club, I’d been too drunk to say no. An experience I was definitely not proud of. Like an idiot, I'd lost my virginity
in the parking lot of my town’s biggest club. I’d gotten drunk to piss off my parents, like I always did, but that time, I was really out of control. It didn’t take much convincing to get me to leave my friends and get in that car.

  Malcolm Hitt, an asshole in his junior year of high school. We’d had a few classes together, but I’d never paid him much attention. Once we were back in school, his friends made dirty comments about me and joked behind my back.

  I didn’t want him to know he was my first, that I had just let some random guy do me in his car. I didn’t even know him. He was practically a stranger; it would have made me look like some sex-thirsty virgin. I didn’t really want to do it with him. I didn’t even like him. It was definitely the alcohol, but I didn’t want anyone to know. So, I lied. I lied to my friends, telling them I had slept with a ton of guys. I thought it made me sound interesting, more experienced than them. To make Malcolm look like just another one of my conquests, I responded to his friends’ vulgar comments with even worse things. I thought I was so clever. That is, until the word got out and my reputation was ruined. Even Jenna had been ashamed of me. So I had gotten my revenge, sleeping with her boyfriend, who I thought I had been in love with.

  Now it was Kegan’s turn. He had given me the most amazing and intense sexual experience of my life. He had been with half the world, and I’d had sex with him without using any protection. What if he gave me some kind of sexually transmitted disease? I clutched the countertop. It would be divine punishment for betraying my vows.

  That blond bitch Lexi just smiled.

  “Don’t make that face. If you stay with us, you can always just pay him.”

  My face went purple. “I bet you have,” I said mockingly.

  “Sure,” she admitted, flicking a cigarette into the ashtray. “More than once. There’s nothing wrong with paying for good sex. You just have to have a little self-control and not give him back your whole paycheck like some girls do around here.”