The Novice

by Ava Lohan

  “A novice shouldn’t touch me like that, right?”

  My hand stopped on his chest as I thought back to his threat, and he grinned.

  “I see you’re happy that I wasn’t able to resist you.”

  I gritted my teeth until my cheeks hurt. I could have smacked him. I wanted revenge for the handcuff stunt, for leaving me hanging like that, for his nonstop provocations, for the fact that I wasn’t strong enough to push him away and ruin his plans. There was no way I could slap him. He would have stopped my hand in mid-air. I focused on his narrowed eyes and explored his skin with my fingertips.

  “Nothing makes me happy,” I replied convincingly.

  His hands ran down my dress until he reached the hem and made his way back up my sides.

  “Happiness doesn’t exist, Rose. Not for anyone. But pleasure does. And I’m about to show you how real it can be.”

  His piercing gave me an idea on how to get my revenge. “Then you’re going to like what I’m about to do to you.”

  I grinned as my hand caressed his chest, moving toward his nipple, where the little silver ring that he forbade me from licking glistened at me. Something told me that he would allow it, but today I had other plans in mind. I concentrated hard on the piercing, grabbed it between my thumb and index finger and suddenly yanked it downwards.

  He cried out in pain. “Jesus Christ! I didn’t expect that.” He grabbed me by the wrists and held them to my hips. His reaction made it crystal clear that he didn’t like it. His expression suggested dismay. He shook his head and recomposed himself. “No extra prize for the dress. And no more of your ideas.”

  His hoarse voice could have started a fire, as could the fingers firmly wrapped around my wrists. He prevented me from touching him and began kissing me with urgency. This time he tasted like cigarettes, leading me to understand that he'd been smoking while I’d begged him to come back. Maybe he’d been standing right outside the door of the Red Room, hearing my curses and cries for help as he took drag after drag. We were both kneeling on the bed. The heat from his fingers was about to melt my wrists. The rest of my body would follow. Without taking a hand off me, he pushed me back onto the mattress with his chest. His tongue danced with mine, and his body moved against me.

  “What are you doing to me?”

  He began kissing me again and then stopped.

  What was I doing to him? I had no idea. I only knew what he was doing to me. We were fire and wax, and I was melting. Another possessive kiss made me forget all my hatred for him. We stopped to catch our breath. He stared at me. He supported himself with one arm while the other still held my hand down.

  “I always hated kissing. I tried to convince myself to like it, but the thought of my saliva mixing with someone else’s always made me want to puke.” He drew his mouth closer to me, brushing his lips against mine. “Why isn’t it like that with you? Why is it that when I think of kissing you, I just get more excited?”

  I watched as the questions danced around in his puzzled eyes. “I bet you liked kissing that guy in the pool.”

  I followed the movements of his eyelashes, one blink after another. I resisted the urge to reach out and try to grab one. I could have taken it back to Saint Clare to remember all of this. A souvenir that I could keep safe in a box. The two most shameful weeks of my existence. I would never have another experience like this as long as I lived. The rest of my days would be full of prayer, charity work, and creative projects to pass the time; this is what would replace the sex and sin. I didn’t know if that gave me relief or not. I was like wax, completely melted into the sheet below me. My brain thought only of his fire, his heat, how wonderful it all was, and how dangerous. Kegan had burned more of my brain cells than smoking joints in the school bathroom with Lynn had.

  Kegan furrowed his brow and sat up. “Turn around,” he said. Without giving me a chance to move, he grabbed me by the waist and flipped me over on the bed. Before I could even blink I was lying on my stomach with my cheek on a pillow. “You’re so naive, Rose. You don’t understand anything. I’ve never been around someone like you.”

  I could feel his breath on my neck. From the tone of his voice, I couldn’t tell if that was a compliment or not. I’ve never been around someone like you. It wasn’t hard to figure out what he meant: I was just a girl, and he was used to women. We were only three years apart in age but I knew nothing about the world. Kegan, on the other hand… who knew how many places he’d been and how many things he’d done, even outside of Lust’s walls, thanks to all his money. I’d felt pain—real pain—and I’d closed myself up in a convent, but this hadn’t made me a woman. In some ways, the accident forced me to grow up, but inside, I was still an 18-year-old who’d just graduated from high school. It only took a kiss to turn my face scarlet red. Just the sight of Kegan made my heart race. After only a few days of sex, my brain was filled with unreciprocated feelings and dreams. I didn’t feel naive; I felt ridiculous. I wasn’t like the women and clients Kegan was used to. He’d said it himself. And most likely, he didn’t appreciate my inexperience. Who’d go crazy for a girl like me when he could have a sex bomb like Tereza? I thought about the other women sauntering around Lust. In addition to being smoking hot, I bet some of them were nice, too. What a lethal combination.

  “Nobody forced you to bring someone like me here,” I said, spitting his words back at him.

  Kegan burst into laughter. I decided it was best to shut up. I narrowed my eyes and dug my nails into the pillow beneath my head.

  “That day in the pool, I knew you were watching me. I was just trying to freak you out.”

  I tried to turn around but Kegan held me down on the bed with a hand on my back.

  “I didn’t like kissing him.”

  I would have killed to have seen the expression on his face as he said those words. This revelation made me feel like a little girl on Christmas Day. He didn’t like kissing the guy in the pool, but he liked kissing me. A smile spread across my face, but it didn’t last long. Within seconds, Kegan grabbed me by the hair to kiss me again. He looked me in the eyes, daring me to reciprocate his passion. It was like he was testing me. His tongue plunged into my mouth. For someone who didn’t like kissing, he did it pretty well. But he wasn’t kissing me—no, Kegan Anderson was fucking me, dominating me. He took complete control over my mouth, my body, my head. My tongue moved according to his wishes. My heart exploded in my chest. The kiss was possession, it was sex. And it was making me come. I was completely liquefied, wax melted over the bed. As if he were reading my mind, he tore himself away from me, tugging on my hair and making me moan. I closed my eyes. His breath warmed my cheek.

  “You’re my little pet, and I want you on all fours.”

  As annoying as it was, the command stimulated a part of me that had been repressed for two years. I followed his orders. He unzipped my dress and threw it across the room. His fingers unhooked my bra at the speed of light, it too flying from the bed. I looked at the headboard and its metal bars as he looked at my naked body. Even the roots of my hair could feel his eyes on me. My heart burst through my chest, on a mission to Mars, never to return. Kegan grabbed me by the hips and my heart burst into flames, lost in space.

  “Locking this ass up in a convent is such a waste.”

  My face went pale as his scandalous comment knocked the wind out of me. I never could have imagined hearing such a thing and actually liking it. His words surprised me less than my reaction. In my place, Sara would have been so offended; there’s no way she would have appreciated it like I did, practically drunk on his words. I blinked my eyes to calm down as Kegan’s hands held me firmly from behind.

  “Jesus…”

  He said it. I thought it.

  “Jesus could never appreciate this ass as much as I do,” he continued, saying the Lord’s name again for reasons so different from my own. “For example, he couldn’t smack it.”

  He spanked me. I shook. The burning feeling lasted only a few seconds
.

  “He couldn’t touch it,” he said, caressing me with his fingers. “Or worship it. And that’s exactly what I intend to do.”

  I swallowed air. My pulse quickened.

  “Open your legs and bend over.”

  I did as I was told. Kegan moaned in satisfaction.

  “Your ass, Rose, was made to be admired. Even your back drives me crazy. I won’t let you leave this house until I’ve come on every part of your body and have licked every inch of your skin. Now, I think you should hold on to the headboard—I’m about to lose all control.”

  He didn’t give me time to follow his advice. My head had disconnected from my body some time ago and I couldn’t convince my hands to reach up and grab onto the iron bars. Despite my best efforts, they just stayed there on the mattress as Kegan tightened his grip on my hips and pulled me toward him. His fingers on my skin were the only thing that mattered—that is, until they were substituted with something else. He slid all the way into me with a single movement. I screamed as he pushed deeper and deeper, my face contracted in reaction to the pain. He continued invading my body. I could feel nothing but him. There was Kegan and nothing more; everything else had disappeared.

  “I’m in, I’m all in,” he let out in a muffled groan. “And it feels amazing.”

  I pushed against him.

  “Please,” I whispered. I needed to feel him move.

  Kegan pulled back. I bit my tongue to stop myself from begging him again.

  “You should see your ass from my perspective. And my cock inside you. You should see it.”

  I didn’t care about my butt, how much it excited him, or anything else he wanted to show me. If he were to stay immobile for much longer I would burst out crying. He couldn’t just leave me hanging again.

  “Please,” I repeated, this time a bit louder.

  So much for biting my tongue. I had never prayed to anyone but God. Kegan had reduced me to this, not once, but twice now.

  “Please, Kegan, fuck me.”

  I found the strength to say what I needed without crying. I didn’t care about anything anymore, not even about what Sara would do in my place. I didn’t care about what Mother Superior would think if she knew I was enjoying sex so much. I didn’t even care about what I would say to Father Abel when I went to confess about these two weeks with Kegan. My vows? Irrelevant. My veil, my prayers… anything that wasn’t Kegan’s body or Kegan’s voice had no place in my mind. Kegan Anderson had done away with any certainties I had been grasping onto over the past few years. Please Kegan, fuck me. I said it. I thought it.

  It was as if I'd said a magic word.

  He tightened his grip on my hips and thrusted hard, leaving me with no choice but to scream again. I buried my face in the pillow to stifle my moans, but it was all in vain as he continued to move. Back and forth. Deeper with every thrust. I screamed every time he sank into me. His every movement sent me straight to Hell. Sex like this couldn’t possibly exist in Heaven. No, this must be Hell. And it was incredible. With my hands intertwined in the sheets, I clenched my fists. The more I groaned, the more his rocking consumed me. I didn’t want to stop the cries escaping my lips. Nor did he want to stop his wild pace. He pushed back inside, then out again. His relentless motions became all my mind knew. The moment was incredibly perfect. I had never been so close to perfection in my whole life. Kegan didn’t slow for a second. It was as if he were punishing me, as if he were marking me with his brutal thrusts, or tattooing his name under my skin, in my veins, where he would continue to flow until I died. I didn’t want anyone else inside me ever again. I could never imagine anyone else inside me. I was his.

  I had just given up Christ to become his. Completely.

  He fucked my body. He fucked my head. He fucked my soul.

  The orgasm overwhelmed me but Kegan was relentless. I kept moving with him. I came again. And again. I stopped counting. It was as if he were possessed, as if he would never stop. I envied his self-control. I panted, groaned. I couldn’t do anything else. Maybe I was dead and this was Hell’s circle of lust, where I could have orgasms until infinity. Everything was clouded. I was only aware of the points where our bodies touched. He leaned over me slightly. He was like a generator that gave me a charge with even the slightest touch. As he moved his hand from my side to touch my clitoris, I lost all ability to reason. Kegan erased all other thoughts as he continued thrusting. I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Do you remember your name?”

  My eyes popped open. Completely disoriented, I responded with a groan. My name? I didn’t understand. Any rational thought had gone the way of Atlantis, lost forever in the sea of sensations that only he could give me. A conversation flashed in my mind: Kegan said that if I answered his questions, he would fuck me until I forgot my name. I didn’t give him an answer, but he did it anyway. An eternity seemed to have passed between his declaration of intentions and the fulfillment of his promise.

  “Kegan.” I said his name instead of mine, as my brain knew no other.

  He laughed, pulled himself out, and exploded onto me, letting out a deep groan.

  I was a pile of mush in his hands. He let go and I fell into the mattress.

  “Stay like that.”

  I didn’t respond, not that I could have moved anyway. Only a tow truck could’ve pulled away the wreck that I had become.

  “I’ll be back in a second.” His voice seemed different, ringing sweeter in my ears than ever before. He ran a hand through his hair before getting up. This gesture, too, seemed to be a complete 180 from the rough way he had just handled my body.

  An idiotic smile crept across my face. I felt like I did when I used to drink in the club, when my mind would play tricks on me and make me see the world from a better point of view. That had been a time when alcohol didn’t make me think of Paul making out with Jenna right in front of me, when it helped me pay them no attention and encouraged me to kiss random guys, pretending they were Paul. The feeling I was experiencing now was so similar. Could you get drunk on sex? Maybe. Definitely. This must be why Kegan had lost his beastly side and had started acting like a human being, or something close to that. His voice was gentle. He almost showed affection. A sex hangover was making me see things that weren’t real. I burst out laughing.

  Hot water splashed on my skin. I startled and stopped laughing. I was too shocked to continue. But this time it wasn’t my imagination playing tricks on me. The wet towel was real. I could feel it running down my body, from my back to my butt.

  “What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly.

  “Isn’t it obvious? I’m cleaning you up.”

  His tone betrayed a sense of amusement; I could only imagine the smile that accompanied it. That smug and irresistible grin that had stolen my heart the day I first met him. I loved and hated that smile at the same time. Kegan was doing something he’d never done before, at least not with me. The damp towel felt good. It tickled my skin. Was he taking care of me? I would have never guessed something like this was possible, not even with a sex hangover, but it was all real.

  “You know what I like most about a woman?”

  He caressed my thigh and kissed my head. His bare skin on mine. He nibbled my shoulder. Small tingles of excitement coursed through my body. My heart was pounding, reminding me that I had just barely survived a string of orgasms and the first real sex marathon of my life. Part of me was destroyed by what had just happened—the other half wanted me to ask him to start all over again. I shivered as Kegan blew on my skin. He touched my hips and ran his fingers down my wet back.

  “Rose?”

  He pinched my butt, I took it as a hint.

  “Her ass,” I guessed, turning violet.

  He laughed at me. I could have died. I blushed even more and tried to hide my head underneath the pillow, but Kegan just pulled it off of me.

  “Her back,” he said, exploring mine with his fingertips. “And yours is perfect.”

  I frowned as he continued
tracing invisible lines on my body with a finger. “All backs are the same. They’re not like hands, hair, or faces. You can’t recognize a person by their back. What do you mean you like backs?”

  “They’re not all the same.” He stopped touching me. I heard him inhale deeply. “The back is underrated. Nobody has ever tried to seduce me with their back. My clients and employees never take it into consideration. They always show off other parts.” He lay down next to me. “Nobody uses it as a weapon, at least not here. Maybe that’s what makes it special. To me, I mean.”

  The way he looked at me turned my heart into a butterfly. A butterfly that would only live for a few hours, destined to have its wings plucked off by Kegan’s diabolical hands. My heart would never survive what was happening between us. Whatever it was, I was certain it would end horribly. But I didn’t want to think about it, not now. I just wanted to let the butterfly flutter happily in my chest. For the first time in a long time, I was close to being happy.

  Kegan caressed my hair, brushing it from my face. I could see the butterfly’s wings; they were all the colors of the rainbow.

  “So, I’m here because of my perfect back?”

  He lunged for me, almost touching my lips with his. “No.”

  I could still smell the cigarettes on his breath.

  “Your habit didn’t allow me to get a good look at your back in the church. But you’ll be happy to know that it has met all of my expectations.” He was just about to smile, but changed his mind. “Why do you want to take your vows?”

  I snorted. I was tired of this obsession and almost ready to give in. “Why do you care so much? Is this why I’m here? Because I didn’t answer you the day we met in the church?”

  He stood up in a flash. His mouth was no longer in reach of mine. He was no longer on the bed next to me. “No.”

  I admired his butt as he walked away, disappearing from my sight. I rolled over and covered myself with the sheet. Kegan was next to the nightstand, pulling a cigarette out from the pack. He lit the end, igniting me in the process. Was there anything more lethal to my hormones than Kegan standing there naked, smoking? I didn’t think there could be, but I was wrong. I gulped. Even more deadly was Kegan standing there naked, smoking, and watching me.