by Ava Lohan
I stared at the road. I could see some houses in the distance. My body was dying to obey, but this wasn’t the right place. My rational side wasn’t going to fall for it. “Someone could see us.” The idea of having sex in an open convertible definitely wasn’t doing it for me.
“Nobody’s going to catch us, I have a sixth sense for these things.” Kegan leaned toward me, coming so close I could feel his breath on my lips. He smelled like smoke. He must have had a few drags while waiting for me outside the convent.
I was frozen in my seat, my mouth a hair away from his.
“Don’t you trust my sixth sense?”
“Not really.”
Kegan thought for a second. “Then I’ll try harder to convince you.” He pursed his lips into a mischievous smile that showcased his perfect teeth. “Ever since our first motorcycle ride, I’ve been imagining fucking you in one of my cars. I spent the whole time outside the convent fantasizing about it. That’s why I didn’t wear boxers today. I thought they’d only get in the way and ruin my plans. You do remember what I said about my plans, right?”
I remembered—how could I possibly forget?
I snorted and rolled my eyes.
He was back to his old arrogant self. The vulnerable boy in the shower was ancient history. “So take off those panties, Rose, or I’ll do it for you. These are your only two options. And don’t even think about starting the car and reversing it.”
“You’re so full of yourself. How much do you want to bet that a Google Maps car is going to drive by?”
“That makes it even more enticing,” he said with a grin.
I couldn’t help but smile. He was such an ass. I both hated and loved this part of him. A rush of excitement swept through my body, chasing away my fear of being caught. I needed to feel his lips on mine. I needed to touch him. I needed to feel him inside me. Again. Despite everything. “Okay, you win.”
To hell with the houses and cars, or anything else except the two of us. I took off his sunglasses and set them down on the dashboard next to mine. We had to see each other. To hell with the sun, too. He didn’t protest. I didn’t waste any time taking off my jeans and panties—possibly setting a new world record—as he unzipped his pants and revealed himself to me in all his glory. I held my breath. My body was ready. It was clear he was ready for me too. The previous night’s events didn’t cross my mind for a second. I jumped into the driver’s seat, hitting the horn with my elbow in the process.
“Shit!” I whispered, turning to see if the noise had attracted any attention.
Kegan laughed and pulled me into his lap. “I want you naked.”
I stopped for a second, thinking about the possibility of getting caught. Kegan sucked on my neck as he lifted my shirt. I raised my arms and he slipped my top over my head. I leaned my head back to give him better access to my throat.
“Almost there,” he said. Kegan pulled off my bra and smiled as he pressed his face into my chest. “There, now you’re perfect,” he said as he flung my last article of clothing onto the passenger seat. Then his smile faded.
Back in the shower, he’d been the one that was fully exposed while I was dressed. Now the tables had turned and I was the one completely naked. I wasn’t embarrassed—I loved the way he looked at me—but I wanted more.
I decided to take it slow and didn’t make the mistake of pouncing on him. This time, unlike the day at the beach, he wasn’t going to let me have control. Without taking his eyes off me, he started touching himself. It became harder and harder to keep my hands off him. My eyes feasted on the faces he made as he stroked himself. It was hard to be satisfied though, when every one of my atoms yearned for every one of his.
Kegan ran a thumb over the curve of my breast, then over my stomach, and then, finally, lower. He outlined every part of my body that he could easily reach. My stomach muscles tensed up, the butterflies reacting to every touch, to his eyes, to his presence.
“Are you, or are you not, my goddess?”
I nodded, unconvinced. I had to control my breathing. He kept teasing me with one hand and stroking himself with the other. I looked from his hand to his face and then back.
“Touch me,” he commanded. He didn’t have to say it twice.
I pressed my chest against him and took him in my hand, moving it up and down and squeezing until he made a hoarse sound and rested his head against the seat. He closed his eyes.
I took advantage of those few seconds of distraction to slowly lower myself onto him. The sun and the soft breeze on my back disappeared. I didn’t feel anything but him inside me. I groaned.
“Fuck,” he whispered, his eyes still closed.
I started moving up and down in his lap as our breathing became more sporadic. I kept going until he opened his eyes, lifted his back off the seat, and leaned forward, plunging deeper into me. I let out a scream. Kegan stifled his moans as I pulled his hair. I was just about to start going again when Kegan grabbed me by the waist and stopped me. I gasped.
“I said touch me, not fuck me!” He had taken over again, ready to make me go crazy. He was motionless inside my body, and from his tone, it seemed he was intent on making me suffer for a long time. He stayed still. Damn him.
“Oh God.” I was about to pray aloud in hopes that he would change his mind.
He nibbled on my nipples with his teeth, throwing me into a fit of desire.
I couldn’t move—he had to do it. “Please, Kegan, please,” I urged him. My grip on his hair was nearly as strong as his on my hips. I kept begging and begging him until he silenced me with a kiss. The warmth and intensity of his tongue on mine just made everything worse. “Please,” I pleaded, now short of breath, as he pulled out of me.
“I am your god, Rose. I’m a sex god. And a sex god has needs. Do you think you can be my goddess, and satisfy them all?”
My body couldn’t take it anymore. “Yes,” I snarled.
“You sound angry. I want to hear you say you adore me.” Kegan was making fun of me.
I couldn’t help but swear.
“Yes or no?”
“Go to hell.”
He let go of my hips, letting me fall onto his lap, and pushed me onto the steering wheel.
I cried out with pleasure.
“No?” He pulled himself back, making me feel empty. “Or yes?” He pushed into me hard, forcing my back onto the horn.
“Yes!” I screamed out at the top of my lungs. I wanted him so badly, I couldn’t care less if someone heard. My rational side had lost. “Yes,” I repeated, looking him in the eyes. “I am.”
“Well then,” he said, grabbing my butt and pulling me onto him as he leaned back. “Show me what my goddess can do.”
I silently thanked the Lord and rested my hands on his shoulders as I got to work. My movements became more difficult to control. Kegan writhed underneath me. I grinded in his lap as we took turns letting out increasingly intense screams.
“You like it like that?” I asked, short of breath. “Is this what you want from your goddess?”
I lifted myself up and fell back into his lap for what seemed like the millionth time. I had no doubt he was enjoying it. I didn’t need a verbal confirmation—his body was telling me everything I needed to know. I may not have been able to show him all I was capable of on the beach, but I was making up for it now.
His eyes clouded. I wanted to see him explode underneath me. He touched my breasts. My hips. Everything. My hands didn’t move from his shoulders. He was just about to answer me when I shoved my tongue into his mouth. I was in control now. I slowed down and held his face in my hands. Kegan moaned into my mouth. I stopped kissing him just long enough to tease him again.
“I am your goddess. And your goddess is fucking you.” I’d never said anything like that before. I had no idea what kind of effect it would have on Kegan.
His breaths came quickly, as did mine. He stopped for a second to look at me. Then, as if I had just thrown fuel on the fire, he grabbed me by
the hair and pulled my head back. “Fuck yeah, you are,” he said against my neck. “And now you’re going to fuck me even harder.”
I tried to catch my breath and not let the sound of his voice push me over the edge.
His breath tickled my neck. “And you’re going to pray to God that your screaming doesn’t catch someone’s attention.” He took charge. His movements became faster. Stronger. He lifted me up just to drop me down. I screamed. “Do you like it like that?” he challenged me, just as I had before.
But I couldn’t even think straight, let alone answer him. Even a simple “yes” was impossible to get out.
“Lemme hear how much you like it.”
I was screaming so loud that Kegan had to cover my mouth. My muffled screams were now at the same decibel as the sounds he was stifling, making me go even crazier. My mind was completely gone; I had long lost all control over my body. I tried to tell him I was about to come, but his hand over my mouth prevented me from speaking. I tried anyway.
“What?” he replied. More devastating blows. Kegan bit his lip and smiled. “Did you say you’re about to come?” Another thrust, so potent that I seriously prayed to God. “Come, Rose, come,” he said, sliding his hand off my mouth.
I exploded.
Kegan held me by the hips and kept going until he too lost control and arched his back underneath me. He moaned so loudly that I had to use my last ounce of strength to cover his mouth with my hand. I collapsed on top of him. We could breathe again. I still had two fingers over his lips. I regained control over my body.
“Now do you understand how right this is?” I whispered, resting my head on his chest.
Kegan didn’t answer—he could only gasp for breath.
I ran my fingers through his sweat-drenched hair and nuzzled against his neck, taking in his scent. “It was never wrong.”
He neither confirmed nor denied what I was saying. I saw something I didn’t like in his eyes. He still thought that us being together was wrong. Kegan looked over my shoulder.
“Say it,” I said. I was just about to grab his face and make him look at me when he finally opened his mouth to speak.
“Someone’s coming.”
Not exactly what I’d wanted to hear. I didn’t move an inch.
Kegan pushed me off him. “Get dressed, hurry.”
I turned and saw a car. My brain set all the gears in motion. We were on a side street that led to a cluster of houses. I was on top of him. Completely naked. In a convertible.
“Shit.”
Kegan threw me into the passenger seat. We raced to put our clothes on as the car approached.
“Hurry up, Rose—there are two cars. The driver of the first can see your boobs.”
“Shut up!” I hissed as I bent over to pick up my bra.
“I’m all dressed. I’m leaving on the count of three.” He reached for his glasses on the dashboard.
“Not fair! I have more things to put on.”
He shrugged. “One.”
My fingers shook with agitation. I decided to forget about my bra and panties and threw my shirt over my head. It clung to my sweaty body.
“Two.”
With my heart beating in my ears, I pulled my jeans up, struggling as they stuck to my legs. Kegan reversed the car and we sped away. He didn’t make it to three.
A few seconds later we were back on the main road with the two cars behind us. Kegan laughed as he focused on the road. It was a genuine, infectious laugh that soon had me doubled over, making me forget that he owed me an answer. I hadn’t laughed like that in years. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I still could. And I’d thought the surprises were over after he’d asked me to live with him, but I was wrong. As soon as we got back to Lust he gave me the key to the fifth floor and left me to run some errands. I took the elevator up to his apartment. Our apartment. The idea thrilled me. I wanted to explore every room he had ever set foot in, but first I had to take a shower, in his bathroom, using his shower gel. His. His. His. I couldn’t believe that everything I was touching was his. And maybe, from now on, it was mine too. I was his now. The two weeks had come and gone, but I was still here. I found it hard to believe—it felt like a dream. I wrapped myself in Kegan’s bathrobe and looked in the mirror. It was hard for me to grasp that Kegan was all mine and that nobody could come between us.
I dried my hair and wandered around the apartment. Kegan was still out. There was the room with the aquarium that I had seen the night before, a bedroom, a gym, an open-plan kitchen and living room, a huge sun deck complete with a Jacuzzi, and then—drawing me in more than anything else—was a room locked by an access code.
I stared at the lock and frowned. Maybe it was a back-up safe? “One, two, three, four,” I murmured as I punched in the hypothetical code. Nothing. “Four, three, two, one?” Wrong. I shook with curiosity.
“Did you have a look around the place?”
I startled. “Uh… yeah!”
“Do you like it?” Kegan’s voice came closer.
“Yes,” I answered, turning to face him. “What’s in there?” I asked, pointing to the door. If this was going to be my home, I had the right to know everything about it.
Kegan was now standing next to me. “You know, I’ve never had sex in my apartment.”
He readied his hands to untie the knot of my bathrobe. But I wasn’t in the mood to be seduced by him, not right then. I pushed Kegan’s hands away and took a step closer to the door, staring at the numbers above the handle.
“What’s behind this door?”
“Personal things.”
Too vague.
He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me in. “I want to have sex in my own apartment. Right. Now.” He wrapped his arms around me tight. “I want to hear you scream again.” The idea was tempting, but I wasn’t going to fall for it… or for his voice. I had the feeling he was trying to distract me, making me even more curious. “I told you, I’m a very demanding god, and I want you now.” He started planting a trail of kisses down my neck. His hands slipped under the robe. His fingers were ready for me. I turned around in his arms before I could get distracted. First the door, then sex. I needed to respect this order.
I traced the outline of his lower lip with two fingertips. “Personal things?” I mocked. “Like what? A corpse? Billions of dollars? Or something secret?” The smile growing across my face died almost immediately.
Kegan’s face had turned stone white.
I had only been joking, but he looked at me like I’d just said something awful. He pulled away from me. He was no longer in the mood. My heart beat furiously in my chest. What was it that had changed his demeanor so fast?
“Personal things.” This time he said it with a cold tone. “Nothing that should interest you.”
I could tell he was lying. He was trying to pretend he didn’t care, but I could see the panic in his eyes. Kegan was lying to me. If it was a question of privacy—things he didn’t want housekeeping to see—I could understand. But I wasn’t a staff member.
“You can go anywhere you’d like, Rose. You can use any unoccupied room downstairs. You can go to the pool, the library, the gym. Go for a run in the gardens or relax on the sun deck, but don’t ever go in that room.” He tried to compose himself and flashed me a tense smile. “Wait here.”
He sounded more relaxed, but I couldn’t calm down. I looked absentmindedly around the living room. I couldn’t stop thinking about his reaction. I wondered what had triggered it. “I have something for you.” Kegan was back, but I was still lost in my thoughts. “I would have never let you leave without a place to go,” he said, handing me a note.
I immediately lost all interest in the locked door. The note said “Jenna Thompson.” I was flooded by conflicting emotions. The paper shook in my hands. Joy, fear, excitement, amazement. Jenna lived in Manhattan! I read it over and over again, but the address didn’t change: it was a flower shop in SoHo. Broome Street. Jenna worked in a flower shop?
“It can’t be.”
I couldn’t believe it. She’d had her entire life planned out since she was ten years old. As long as I’d known her, she had never changed her mind about it, not once. After high school she was going to go to Yale to study medicine. And she didn’t give a damn if that meant leaving home and Paul. It was her dream and nothing was going to stand in her way. Now she was here in New York.
“Are you sure?”
“I have my informants.”
I needed to sit down. I walked over to the couch and plopped onto the soft cushions. I read the note over and over again, still caught in an emotional tornado.
“You should go visit her.”
I wanted to. I wanted to know what she was doing here. To see if we could rebuild our friendship. But I was afraid. Afraid she would just chase me off or hurl insults at me like that night on the beach. Jenna would never welcome me with open arms. She would never answer my calls. If I were to show up at that address, she’d only look at me with disdain, even if years had passed since I’d slept with her boyfriend. How could she have forgotten? I sure hadn’t. “I’m not ready,” I said.
“You will be.” Kegan seemed sure.
I was anything but.
Chapter Twenty
I was inside Kegan’s secret room.
I'd gotten lucky: I’d woken up in the middle of the night to get something to eat and had seen the door cracked open. My curiosity had gotten the best of me. Kegan wasn’t there. Convinced I was sleeping, he hadn’t bothered closing the door.
Barefoot, I walked between the closed boxes and random objects, careful not to step on anything. My heart was beating to the rhythm of my footsteps. It was exhilarating. The room continued down a hallway, but instead of turning the corner, I stopped in front of a series of pictures hanging from clothespins inside a frame. Kegan as a child with his parents. There wasn’t a single picture of him as a teenager or as an adult. He was smiling in every single one of them. He seemed like such a happy kid. I stared at the pictures for a while before taking one off the wall to get a better look. But the clothespin slipped out of my hand and landed on the floor. I stepped back to pick it up but accidentally stepped on a toy car and screamed in pain, kicking it away for good measure. It hit a box of toys. There was no safe in the room. No corpses either. It was like a Toys’R’Us in there, filled to the ceiling with games, toy boxes, pictures, and so many closed boxes that I’d never have time to explore them all. I decided to turn the corner to see what else the room concealed. I took two steps forward.