by Robin Banks
By the time we’re approaching our next planet, I’m really looking forward to it. Tom doesn’t get it.
“Tom, just think about it. We’ve never been here before.”
“Here and everywhere else except two planets in the entire universe. Or have you forgotten?”
“But come on, we’ll get to check it out. Nicky said that we’re going to be near bubbles all the way through. Five sites. Short stays, but we get to check out five bubbles!”
“Yeah, alright, I got that. I don’t get why it’s such a big deal all of a sudden.”
“It always was. I just kinda forgot. I wonder what the markets are going to be like.”
“I wonder what the laws against theft are going to be like. 75 a week doesn’t get you very far.”
“Can’t be worse than on Anteia. Well, they could be, but I’d rather not think about that.”
“I wonder if they’re Fed-regulated. I love me some Fed guards.”
“Just because ours were useless it doesn’t mean that they all are.”
“A man can hope. I could do with some decent clothes. So could you. You look like shit at the best of times. You need all the help you can get.”
“Thank you?”
“Don’t mention it.
“I want to buy a sound system.”
That stumps him for a few seconds. “You what?”
“I want to be able to play music in my bunk. It’s not that weird.”
“No, man. For once, you’ve had a genuinely good idea. If we could play music in the bunks, you know what that’d mean?”
“Since you think it’s a good idea, I'm going to make a wild guess. Girls.”
“Of course girls!”
“Do you ever think of anything else?”
“When I’m really hungry. Or taking a shit.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a classy guy?”
“Now that you mention it, no.”
“Can’t imagine why.”
“So you’re really gonna do it? Get a sound system?”
“If I can afford one, yes.”
“Of course you can. You’ve not been spending anywhere near all your wages.”
“Ain’t touching my savings.”
“Why not?”
“’cause I’m not.”
“What the hell kind of answer is that?”
“The only one you’re gonna get.”
“Fucking hell, man. Every time I start to think that maybe you’re not an asshole after all, you prove me wrong.”
“You’ll just say I’m being ridiculous and you won’t change my mind or yours. So just drop it, ok?”
“Like hell. Why is this such a big deal?”
“It’s not.”
“Then fucking tell me about it.”
“I’ve looked it up, ok? How much it costs to buy air on a planet. And it’s not cheap, not for non-residents.”
“So what?”
“So if I get stranded somewhere or if anything goes to shit, I don’t wanna get spaced. Three days, I reckon. Three days’ breathing space. Literally. In three days I can sort myself out somehow. Or leave.”
“Ok, so you put that aside, and that’s good. But you’ve been working five weeks now and spending hardly nothing and there’s no way in hell that three days’ air costs that much.”
“So?”
“So you’re lying to me. Or hiding something. Which amounts to the same, and is shitty. Fucking out with it.”
“No.”
“Be an asshole, then.” He’s genuinely pissed off now, and so am I. I’m pissed off enough that I blurt it all out.
“It’s not three days, is it? It’s six.”
“You just said three fucking days!”
“Three days, two people. Makes six days.”
“What?”
“There’s two of us, asshole.”
“What? You’ve been saving credit for my air?”
“Of course I fucking have! You haven’t. Someone’s got to.”
“I haven’t asked you to.”
“What the hell does that matter? If we get stranded, it’s not like I’m going to watch you get spaced, am I?” I realize that I’m screaming when Nicky turns up at our door.
“Something problem?”
“Nah. I’m sorry. I just got annoyed at him.”
“Ok. Maybe you kill him quietly? Nearly time for sleep.”
“Sorry.”
“You boys ok? Sure?”
“Yeah, we are.”
Nicky’s looking at Tom, who’s not said a damn thing. I kick his ankle to snap him out of it. “Yeah. Sure. Sorry.”
Nicky clears off. Tom keeps staring at the empty doorway until I kick him again.
“What?”
“I should ask you that. Why are you staring into space?”
“You’ve been saving credit to buy my air.”
“Our air. I ain’t going without. Hopefully we’ll never need it. And I want to have savings, anyway. Sounds like a good idea. Maybe one day I’ll buy a farm or something.”
“Yeah, but you’ve been saving for my air. For me.”
“What else could I do? Really? How could I not?” He just stares at me now. I liked it better when he was staring into space. “For fuck’s sake, Tom, cut it out. It’s not that big a deal.”
“I didn’t do it for you.”
“You didn’t do it for yourself, either. It’s not that you’re a bad friend, it’s just that you’re a giant shithead. You can only think six inches in front of you. That’s why you need someone like me to do the thinking for you.”
“Someone boring and paranoid?”
“Yeah. Precisely.”
“And it’s more like twelve.”
“See? No wonder you can’t save. Your math is shit.”
The way Tom’s looking at me is making me feel really weird. He’s not looked at me like that since we were kids, since the first time we got roomed together, when he got brought in after getting stomped pretty bad and I made sure that he didn’t get stomped worse while he was getting better. I guess it’s good sometimes to get a reminder that we’re in it together, whatever ‘it’ is. Even when we’re both shitheads about a bunch of stuff. At least we’re shitheads about different stuff.
Working with Alya while she sedates the animals ready for our landing gives me a chance to take my first good look at her since we left Anteia. She’s been keeping herself mostly to herself, which I didn’t think much of. Now that I’ve got her in front of me I don’t like what I see. She’s getting on with work as normal, confident and competent and never tiring, but there’s something at the bottom of her eyes that looks an awful lot like desperation. She’s very withdrawn, too. She hardly says a thing that isn’t work-related, and when she does it comes out oddly flat. I never really realized it, but she used to have a spark inside of her. Now it’s gone. Nicky’s really quiet too. The way he behaves around her, you’d think she was ill and struggling to get better. Maybe she is. I could try and guess how she feels right now, but I’m scared that I might figure it out and get stuck like that, get stuck feeling that kind of loss… And just as I’m thinking that, Tom catches me with a slap on the back of the head.
I turn to glare at him because, for fuck’s sake, this isn’t the time to mess about, but he just looks at me with one eyebrow raised and whispers “Come on, that was deserved.”
I can’t really disagree with him, godsdamn him.
Semele
Year 2377
Terran Standard
1.
Despite Alya’s mood, the landing is smooth and the build-up work even smoother. It goes so well, in fact, that by the time we’ve finished I’m in no mood to stay put. I’m on a new planet, with a new bubble to explore, and a few free hours. I’m gonna get out there and see what it’s like.
“Tom. Fuck sleep. I’m going into town.”
“You what?”
“You wanna come?”
“Whatever happened to rest
ing whenever you can and all that shit?”
“Nothing. I’ve rested plenty. I’m rested. Now I’m going to check the place out. You wanna come or what?”
He looks at me with his big brown eyes all wide and full of wonder. “It’s never half measures with you, is it? Last week I had to drag you to get you to leave your bunk.”
“Yeah, well, so you got your wish. You coming or what? I’m going with or without you.”
“I can’t let you go on your own, can I? We have no idea what this place is like.”
“If it was dangerous Nicky or Alya would have told us. So?”
“Alright. But if you’re tired this evening don’t moan at me.”
We leave the site while the boys are still busy building up the big top. It makes me feel like a bit of an asshole, particularly as they can see us leave, but staying here wouldn’t make their work any easier and we’ll be working after they’re finished.
It takes me no time at all to realize that this bubble is not only cool, but it’s precisely what I was looking for. There are about a million used tech shops. I rush from one to the next, drooling over sound systems while Tom checks out screens. Sometimes I wonder at whether he doesn’t understand numbers or chooses to ignore their meaning.
“Luke, my man, what if you got one of these instead? We could play threedees in your bunk. Definitely get girls that way.”
“Sure. Except that with what I’m getting, minus food, minus my savings…”
“You’re still gonna save?”
“Hell yeah. So minus all that, it would take ten weeks for me to get enough to buy that. We’re here for six days.”
“You could ask Alya to front you.”
“Why the hell would she do that? It’s not as if I can’t live without a screen. I wouldn’t ask her anyway. And I’m not really sure I want to own something that expensive. Like, ever.”
“What? Why?”
“It’d just be extra worry. What if it breaks or someone steals it? Plus all I wanna do is listen to music. I get enough threedees on ship.”
“Man, I don’t get you.”
“Nothing’s stopping you saving up for a screen.”
“That’s not gonna happen.”
“There you go. You blow your credit your way, I blow it mine.”
We spend so much time out there that we have to rush back. We’re on time, though, and I feel so damn good I gotta work hard and fast just to stop myself exploding. Tom can’t keep up with me. He doesn’t even try, really, but I don’t care.
Alya going past us does a double take, then goes up to Tom and whispers “The hell is up with the kid? Has he taken something he shouldn’t have?”
“I wish. He just gets like that sometimes. With a bit of luck it’ll pass before I have to clobber him with a shovel.”
“As long as you’ve got him in hand. We can always crate him up if not.”
I stop what I’m doing to tell them what’s what. “You two think you’re funny?”
Alya blinks at me. “I wasn’t joking.”
Tom shrugs. “Neither was I.”
I ignore them. Assholes. “Alya? If I wanted to pick a sound system, could you give me a hand?”
“If you what?”
Tom leans on his shovel with a smug expression. “That’s what I said.”
“I want to get a sound system. What’s so weird about that?”
Alya blinks a few times. “Nothing, I guess. It’s just that your brain never seems to travel in straight lines. And I thought that maybe you’d prioritize stuff you actually need. Like clothes that fit you.”
Tom’s expression gets even smugger. “Hey, I said that too!”
“I’ve got clothes. I’m wearing some right now.”
“Sure,” nods Alya, “but you’re two inches taller and broader than when you got here, and they didn’t really fit you back then. They look like you stole them from your baby brother.”
Tom starts guffawing.
“Clothes are boring. All you can do is wear them. If I get a sound system I can listen to music. Any music I like, any time I want.”
“Well, you’d still have to get the music, but yeah, I get it.”
I’m getting so excited just thinking about it that I can’t stand still.
“Kid, simmer down. Yes, I can help. Next time Jameson’s offsite for lunch. Tomorrow, with a bit of luck. If you can wait that long.”
“Of course I can.” I’m not sure I can, actually. I’m trying not to bounce, because I know how that would look, but it’s hard.
Alya stops looking worried and smiles the first decent smile I’ve seen from her since Anteia. “Ok. I can line you up some music, too. Lend it to you, I mean. Gods know I’ve got more than enough. I’m surprised you two haven’t already taken matters in your own hands. Literally.”
Tom crosses his arms over his chest and is about to act all offended, but she cuts off his lecture with a wave of her hand. “Save it. I’m glad you haven’t done anything risky, is all. I’m sure it’s tempting.”
I’m buzzing too much for my filters to be fully operational, I guess, because a question comes up in my head and out of my mouth before I can think about it. “You keep mentioning that. Why?”
“I wouldn’t like you to fuck up, is all.”
“Why?”
“Either I don’t want the trouble of picking and training two new grooms, or I’ve gotten to like you two. Or both.”
“I mean, you seem to be sure we’ll be tempted, and I don’t think it’s just because you think we’re scumbags without morals.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“Say what?”
“That you’re not scumbags. And I’m sure your morals are perfectly adequate to your background. But no, that’s not why.” She takes a deep breath. “You and your fucking questions. Ok, so I have a pretty good idea of the kind of skills and habits that are useful where you came from, ok? I’ve seen your records. And I know it’s hard to change mental settings when you change your life. You’ve got a lifetime of accumulated skills and knowledge, you’re surrounded by all the possibilities you are used to looking for, and suddenly you’re not supposed to take them because the costs have changed. You’re supposed to forget half of what you know, to ignore the obvious, to let opportunities slip. It’s hard. Only gets harder, by the way. Give yourself enough time, move away enough from the person you were, and people will start looking at you differently. It’s already happening. You don’t look like street teenage hoodlums. You look like circus teenage hoodlums. You’re getting that look they’ve all got around here. You turn everything around you into your background. Some places that’s gonna help you, some places it isn’t. Although for you any change is an improvement, really.”
“Do you get paid extra for being a bitch?” snarls Tom.
“No, and I wasn’t. I was being truthful.”
“You can be truthful and a bitch.”
“True. But what I meant was that you used to look like the people you were. Competent at staying alive in dangerous places. Infinitely more interested in survival than in rules. Hard, pragmatic, desperate, and skilled; that’s a dangerous combination. Anyone with half a brain would have been wary of you. Now you’re starting to look like two young men who work hard and play hard, too busy having a buzz to look for shit. Still perfectly able to handle shit, mind you, but with less of an inclination to go looking for it.”
I’m just standing there with my mouth open. I don’t know what I was expecting her to say, but it wasn’t this. Tom recovers before me.
“And you say this based on what? How we push wheelbarrows around?”
Alya looks embarrassed. “I can just tell, ok?”
“Lady, you want to get yourself psi-tested one of these days.”
“Nah. Nothing to do with that.”
“What is it, then?”
“It’s easy to see something you’ve seen before, is all.”
“Seen before where?”
“
All around you. In the mirror. Doesn’t matter. Point is… Oh, I don’t even know anymore. Point is that I’d like you not to fuck up. Not because I think you’re fuck-ups; because I actually give a damn. Even when you irritate my very last nerve, which is most of the time.” She turns to me. “You happy now? You and your damn questions. And no, I’m not angry at you and yes, I will help you get a sound system. Now I’m gonna go before I have to strangle the both of you.” She marches out of the stables.
Tom leans on his shovel and whistles. “Luke, my man, I did not see that coming.”
“Did you hear what she said?”
“I could hardly miss it, could I?”
“She’s gonna help me get a sound system tomorrow.” My face hurts from smiling now, and I give up trying to stand still.
“That’s it. I give up on you. You’re not going to be thinking straight until this passes. The worst thing is that you like this, now, is actually an improvement on how you’ve been lately.”
“Tom?”
“Yes?”
“I’m getting a sound system!”
I get up already buzzing and spend the rest of the morning racing around. I have to keep moving or I will blow up. That’s not really a problem, as I’ve got plenty of work to do, except that I’m so wired that Tom threatens to wrap a shovel around my head unless I calm the fuck down. Kolya is much nicer. He suggests sedation. I’m too happy to care, until Alya blows into the stables and bursts my bubble.
“Kid, no can do. Not today, probably not this week. I have to go offsite in the morning and won’t be back for lunch. By the time I come back you’re going to be in the middle of shows.”
I’m trying not to look disappointed, but it’s hard. “So when?”
“I have no idea. Sorry.”
“But you were going at lunch. During your time off.”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t really work like that for me around here. Or anyone else much. The only reason it works like that for you is that Kolya and I wouldn’t have it otherwise. We stand fast between you and a world of shit. And do you thank us? No, you don’t. Look, kid, I am sorry. I will have a look while I’m out. Get a few ideas.”