You weren’t a coward that day, now, were you? You took the situation in hand. You took action.He felt a surge of power and confidence.
Except she didn’t die.
The other voice, the snide, cruel one.
No, somehow she survived. But she wouldn’t be alive for much longer if she and Jesse didn’t drop their investigation. They were getting too damned close.
“The last time you wanted to talk to me like this, you told me Marti was pregnant. What’s bugging you, sweetheart?”
Jesse looked up at Desiree from where he was sprawled out on the ground with his head on her thighs. He’d taken the morning off to clear his head of the thoughts making him pretty much useless all morning. He wished he could toss his aggravations into the Chattaloo River, flowing only five feet from them, but he couldn’t. Desiree owed him a few hours of listening time, he figured. He was cashing in.
“Marti’s driving me crazy. She keeps throwing things at me to keep the distance between us. Last night, it was the fact that I stole a car when I was nineteen. Paul kindly supplied the information without telling her all the details.”
“Wait a minute. She wants to put distance between you and her? Is this the same girl who followed you around with goo-goo eyes a few months ago?”
“No. She’s completely different since the attack.” True enough. No need to tell anyone else the bizarre truth. “She’s leaving for California after the baby’s born.”
“Leaving? She’s the one who got pregnant!”
“With a little help from me, if you’ll remember.”
“Yes, but she manipulated you into making love with her that night and lied about being on the pill.”
“No matter. I was the idiot who gave in.”
Desiree shook her head. “So she’s dumping you with the baby?”
“It’s still my baby, no matter how it came to be mine. What else can I do?”
She smoothed some hair off his forehead. “You, Jesse, could do nothing else. You’re just built that way.” Her voice became soft, nostalgic. “Why couldn’t we have made it? We were so good together.”
He laughed. “We would have driven each other mad.”
She laughed. “Probably.” The humor wilted. “Are you afraid, Jesse?” she asked softly.
He shrugged; that question wasn’t easy to answer. “Most of the time I’m fine with it. There are those times, though where it scares the hell out of me.”
“You won’t have any trouble finding a woman to help.”
“I don’t want a wife. Women are nothing but trouble.”
“I beg your pardon.”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
“There are plenty of women who would be glad to help you out, babysitting and stuff like that. Heck, I’d even do that, and I don’t do kids.”
“Yeah, but I want….” the words dropped away.
“Marti?” Desiree supplied.
“No. I don’t know.”
It seemed strange that he was the confused one, and Desiree was playing counselor. For so long, it was the other way around. She’d sneak away from her abusive husband, and they’d sit by the river, with her head on his lap, her tears dampening his jeans. The turnabout bothered him.
“You said she’s different. How?”
“Well, she used to be quiet, clingy, afraid to speak up, or do anything on her own. Now she’s feisty, hates living here, listens to dance music. Heck, she even threw out all her old clothes, bought new stuff, and dyed her hair blond.”
“And how do you feel about her now?”
“Fascinated,” his mouth blurted out without checking with his mind first. “I mean, because she’s so different. She laughs different, smiles different. She’s started redecorating the house, and she’s sweet the way she beams with pride. One time I caught her dancing in her room, swaying to the beat with her eyes closed.”
Desiree studied him, but he couldn’t identify the expression on her face.
“What?” he asked.
“Your eyes sparkle when you talk about her. I think you’re in love with her.”
He sat up. “I’m not in love with her.” Yeah, way to sound defensive. He softened his tone. “I’m fascinated with her. Heck, she’s carrying my baby; I should feel something. Sometimes it’s just plain irritation.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I’m telling you, you’re in love with her, Jesse James West.”
Desiree’s observation sent him atilt. What was she seeing that made her think such an impossible thing?
He put a skeptical expression on his face and settled back on her thighs again. “Even if I felt that way, it wouldn’t matter. She’s leaving for California soon.”
She flicked him on the nose. “Well, get her to stay.”
He grabbed her hand. “I can’t. I promised I wouldn’t talk her into staying after the baby’s born. I can’t go back on a promise, you know that.”
She leaned over him, a devilish glint in her eyes. “I didn’t say anything about talking.”
Marti pulled up beside Jesse’s truck and barely made it into the bathroom in time. She didn’t know why her stomach was rebelling in the middle of the day, but every smell in the diner seemed magnified…and gross. For Caty’s sake, she held out until Priscilla arrived.
After her retching session, she cleaned up and wandered through the house looking for Jesse. She didn’t know why she’d been so hard on him about that convict thing.
You’re looking for reasons to push him away. Admit it, you’re happy to find a flaw in the perfect guy.
She had sure fired him up. All she wanted to do was lie down, but first she wanted to let him know she was home. Maybe he’d see her wan expression and put his anger aside. He’d hardly even looked at her that morning.
After searching through the house, she walked outside. A rustle in the bushes stopped her cold. At first she didn’t see anything, then the leaves started quaking. Two light brown paws inched forward under the hedges, and Bumpus’s nose peered out and rested on them. His tail thumped against the side of the house.
“You!” she said, then cracked a tiny smile. He almost looked cute snuggled in amongst the bushes. Almost.
As soon as she headed toward the river, she could hear the dog disengage from the bushes and follow her. She had to admit she felt safer knowing he was back there.
Seeing Jesse and Desiree felt like walking into a block of ice. His head was on her thighs, and she was resting against a tree. They seemed in deep discussion when Desiree reached down and flicked Jesse’s nose. Even worse, he held onto her hand.
An uncomfortable tightness in her chest made it hard to breathe. The man could at least wait for her to leave before reigniting old flames. Or maybe the flame had never gone out. She stalked back to the house.
Why are you so mad? her inner voice asked her.
Because… because he’s my husband! He should behave while he’s married to me. When I’m out of here and starting my life in California, he can do whatever he pleases.
But it’s more than that, the voice taunted. Isn’t it?
No, it’s not! He’s not my type. What would I do with a man like that? Break his heart, that’s what.
She slammed the door behind her, slipped the “Phantom of the Opera” CD in the stereo, and headed to her bedroom. The soprano’s voice filled the air. She stripped off her uniform, slipped her long T-shirt over her head, and pulled out her Hairlady. She turned it on and started running the rotating blades over her legs.
“Ouch, ouch, ouch!”
Hallie had never shaved her long legs. She had always waxed them to avoid stubble. The former Marti had shaved, but it wasn’t too late to get rid of the short, stubby hairs. After a few minutes, the music volume lowered.
“Marti?”
She jumped at Jesse’s voice suddenly in her room, but didn’t take her eyes off the buzzing plastic machine. “I’m fine. Go back to whatever you were doing.”
She could see him advance clo
ser. “What are you doing home so early?”
“I didn’t feel well so I came home. Ouch.”
“And what you’re doing is making you feel better? What are you doing?” he asked over the racket.
She finally turned it off. “I’m shaving my legs, in a matter of speaking. These wheel thingies spin, grab the hairs, and pull them out. Then the hairs don’t grow back stubbly and stiff.” She started the machine again.
Jesse shivered. “So, is it making you feel better?”
“Yes.” Because seeing the two of them together like that hurt worse than getting her leg hairs pulled out.
“What are you listening to out there? It sounded like people screaming.”
“It’s opera. I was the only one who liked it in my previous life, too.”
He knelt by the bed and took the machine out of her hand, turning it off. “Why are you upset?”
How could she tell him what she didn’t want to admit herself? After all, it was crazy to be jealous.
She still didn’t meet his eyes, even though he was looking right at her. “I’m just tired of feeling nauseated all the time. Now I’m getting sick in the afternoons.”
“Is that what’s really bothering you?”
She finally met his gaze, though she couldn’t keep the harshness from her voice. “What else would it be?”
“I don’t know. The nausea will be over soon, and so will the fatigue. Hang in there, doll.”
His smile zapped her anger, and she sagged down on the bed. “I’ll try.”
“Good. Listen, I’ve got to take Desiree home. Then I’ll be back if you need anything.”
So he wasn’t going to hide her presence. “Desiree’s here?” she asked in a voice that desperately tried not to sound jealous. Because she wasn’t.
“Yeah. She came over so I could bend her ear. My head was too clogged to even work on cars. Want me to pick up anything while I’m gone?” She shook her head, and he patted the bed. “Okay, be back in a few.”
Minutes later, she heard their voices outside, and she walked to the front window. Desiree threw the Frisbee to Bumpus, who caught it and brought it back to her. She opened her door and held the disk up like Jesse had, giving the signal that sent the dog jumping into the truck. So, she didn’t mind riding with a dog. Well, good. All three of them could live happily together when she was gone. Meanwhile, she had made a fool out of herself in front of Jesse again and only hoped he didn’t think it was because she’d known Desiree was there.
Failure. The word loomed in her mind, pushing itself forward with every ounce of self-pity that dropped onto her heart. With Marti’s past, Jesse was better off with Desiree. Much better off.
As true as that was, why did it hurt so much?
CHAPTER 11
It seemed to Marti that Jesse had been awfully quiet in the last week and a half since she’d come home to find him and Desiree cozied up by the river. Marti settled on the bench swing with a sigh, wondering if she would have found Desiree’s Jeep parked outside the garage had she driven by. Wondering if he was really working on his stock-car on a Sunday morning. He told her he had to get it ready for the point races and something about a transmission.
As soon as he left, she’d gone to work on the living room curtains, pulling down the old ones and installing crisp linen and blue ones. She hoped he’d like the new look; she needed a victory to counteract her string of recent failures.
She tried to ignore the bumpy, jumpy feeling in her heart when Jesse’s truck barreled down the driveway. When she stood, she pulled her top down to cover her growing tummy.
He jumped down from the truck. “Hey. Hope I didn’t wake you this morning.”
“Nope. I was already up.”
He walked by her and into the house. She wondered if by leaving the front door open he was inviting her to follow. He paused in front of the curtains, she was sure of it. Then he returned with an icy beer and a small carton of orange juice for her, a towel draped over his shoulder.
“I like the curtains. Please tell me you did that this morning. I’d hate to think they’ve been up all week and I just now noticed.”
She smiled. “No, that’s what I started doing as soon as you left.”
“Mom’s been telling everyone what a great job you did with her living room and bedroom. You might have something with this budget redecorating.”
“Nah.” She saw no teasing in his eyes. “You think so?”
“Sure. You could do anything you set your mind to, Marti.”
Everything that didn’t involve other human beings, she thought. Especially their hearts.
“Come on down to the river with me,” he said, stepping off the front porch.
She hesitated. Was he going to tell her that Desiree was moving in? The thought made her feel panicky, and her hand involuntarily went to her stomach. When he paused and looked back, she hurried to catch up.
Once they reached the river, she sat down on the grass. “I can’t believe it’s so warm. It’s January! I—what are you doing?”
Jesse peeled off his shirt, then started unsnapping his jeans. “I’m going for a swim to cool off. Come on in.”
She didn’t like the glint in his green eyes. Well, part of her did, because it tickled right down to her tummy. She shifted her gaze to the brown water. “I’m not getting into that nasty, muddy water.”
He shrugged his bare, broad shoulders. “Suit yourself.”
She watched his muscles flex as he kicked off his jeans. When he looked at her and grinned, she covered her eyes.
“How can you prance around in your underwear like that?”
“I’m not ‘prancing.’ Besides, there’s no one around for a mile.”
How prude, Marti. Criticizing him for being in his underwear, around his wife no less.
He grabbed onto the rope that hung from a branch and swung into the water, letting a call trail after him. “Yeah--eee!” She shook her head, but found herself smiling as he curled into a cannonball and sent a spray of shimmering water everywhere.
At first she didn’t see anything but the ripples he caused. Just when anxiety started creeping in, his head popped out of the water. He flung his hair out of his eyes, sending a spray behind him.
“Whooee, it’s nice in here.”
She ignored the trickle of sweat dripping down the side of her face. “Good for you.”
“Could be good for you, too.”
“What if there are sharks in there?”
His laugh was more like a bark. “There aren’t sharks in fresh water rivers.”
Marti walked to the edge of the bank, hoping she could sit and dip her toes in the water. The bank was too steep.
“What about alligators?”
“Never seen one yet. Not around this part, anyway. I’ve seen them farther down.”
He reminded her of a kid, diving down, holding his breath for an awfully long time, springing up with a gasp. He was younger than Jamie at the same age, mentally anyway. Jamie was too serious at times. Someone like Jesse could generate some childlike fun. But you’re leaving, so don’t get attached to him.
She found a large leaf and fanned herself with it. The water glistened on Jesse’s tan skin.
“Is it deep?” she asked.
“In places. It’s shallow right here. See, I’m standing.”
Marti frowned. She used to be taller. The top of her head would have reached his nose. Now it only reached his shoulders, she thought, remembering their dance together.
“Are you coming in?” he asked. “You know you want to.”
“Don’t tell me what I know. Or what I want.”
He raised his arms in surrender. “You’re too good for swimming in a dirty ole’ river, right? You’re used to those aqua oceans you see in ads for the Virgin Islands.”
“I am not.”
“I’ll bet your ex-husband carried you in.”
She pursed her lips. “No, he didn’t. And he’s not my ex-husband. I’m still ma
rried to him.”
“No, you’re not. You’re married to me. I have the certificate to prove it.”
She stood and turned away.
“Why don’t you just give up that high and mighty attitude and come in the water?”
“I don’t have a bathing suit with me.”
“Neither did I.”
No, indeed. The water did look good. So did Jesse, which made going in more dangerous, alligators be damned. She stripped off her top and shorts, leaving only her bra and underwear. She frowned at the tiny pooch that was her stomach. He was looking at that same stomach with a soft smile. Sitting on the bank and leaning her legs in, she was able to touch the water. The initial feel was cold but refreshing. She advanced farther.
“Oh, no you don’t. You gotta come in the Southern way.” Jesse nodded toward the rope.
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
“I never kid about anything as serious as this.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Then I won’t come in.”
“Suit yourself. I think you’re afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Plunging in. Maybe being in the water with me.”
“Why would I be afraid of being in the water with you?”
He shrugged, a mischievous light in his eyes. “Maybe you don’t trust yourself around me.”
She made an exasperated noise. “You’re impossible.”
“Am I?”
She looked at him with his head cocked, waiting for an answer. “Yes. No. Sometimes.”
She dropped her arms to her side and stalked to the rope. Trying to remember how he had done it, she grabbed high on the rough rope, jumped up, and let the swing take her over the water. With a small yelp, she let go and plunged into the brown water. She was sure he had looked more graceful. When she came up for air, he was standing next to her.
“That wasn’t so bad, now was it?”
She glared at him. “Don’t intimidate me into doing things, Jesse.”
He smiled. “It worked, didn’t it?”
She started to head toward the bank, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. “Come on, it’s not a big deal. Don’t you feel great now?”
Stranger in the Mirror [Shades of Heaven] (Soul Change Novel) Page 15