“Jesse, come back! Let me explain.” She stood at the door. He couldn’t bear to look at her another second.
Marti couldn’t believe who she saw standing in the doorway of her room. Donna smiled tentatively, waiting for an invitation.
“My goodness, come in. You’re out of the house,” Marti said with a smile.
Donna nodded, sitting primly on the chair next to Marti. “I’m ready, I think. It feels good to be out. And now I know I’m safe. The town is murmuring about your getting kidnapped and everything. It must have been terrifying.”
“Not as much as childbirth,” Marti kidded, not wanting to talk about the experience at Carl’s house.
“I saw the baby. He’s beautiful. Jesse must be so proud.”
“He is. Eli looks a lot like him.”
Marti was telling Donna about her daily routine at the hospital when she felt a presence at the door. Not Jesse. Helen stood there, looking even more hesitant than Donna. Her eyes were red and puffy.
Marti turned to Donna, but she was already on her feet, obviously taking note of the expressions on the other two women’s faces. “I don’t want to hog all your time, and my dad’s waiting out in the hall for me. Call me when you get out, and we’ll have lunch. At a restaurant,” she added triumphantly.
“Thank you for coming,” Marti said as Donna retreated.
Helen shut the door behind Donna and took a seat. Marti had never seen Helen less than composed, and even under the circumstances, it left her feeling unsteady.
“Marti, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I’m sorry that Carl…” She faltered, then continued. “Jesse came to see me a while ago. He didn’t give me a chance to explain anything to him. You—you’re a captive audience, so to speak. I don’t know if I’ll be able to explain it all to my son or whether he’ll even care to hear it, but for some reason, I feel I should explain it to you, because I feel as if I’ve let you down.”
Marti swallowed tears that were fighting to escape. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“I do. Remember when we talked about fidelity and making mistakes. I told you about the time after Billy was born and Bernie was racing all the time. Carl became a friend during those lonely months, and that’s all I wanted: a friend. But I made a mistake and let things get too far one night. We had sex, and that’s all it was. Once.
“After that, I told him we couldn’t be friends or anything else. I confessed to Bernie, and that wasn’t easy. But I didn’t deserve easy, and he didn’t deserve to be lied to. It was hard, so hard to tell him, and he hated me for a week. But he forgave me and started spending more time at home. Carl kept pestering me, watching me. But I never saw him alone again, and I thought he let that die a long time ago.”
Helen waited for some kind of reaction. Marti wasn’t sure how she felt. She who had made mistakes and hadn’t confessed them or learned from them. But there was something she had to know.
“Is Carl Jesse’s father?”
Helen’s eyes widened. “God, no. It was close to the time he and I, well, you know. I was worried. So the doctor conspired with me and told Carl there was some concern about some disease going around. He took Carl’s blood, and we ran the tests against Jesse’s. There was no way they’re related.” Her expression lit with worry. “He thinks Carl’s his father?”
Marti relayed the moments when Jesse rescued her from hell. As her words poured out, she felt a deep relief. And forgiveness.
Helen stood, wringing her hands. “I’ve got to talk to Jesse, but right now he won’t listen to me. It’s a horrible feeling to know your son hates you.”
“I don’t think he hates you. He’s just hurt and confused.”
Helen looked at Marti. “I did let you down, didn’t I?”
“I don’t know why, but I feel almost as hurt as Jesse probably does. You gave me such faith in myself not to make the same mistakes I’d made before. If someone like you can fall, how can I expect to stay on the path?”
Helen’s eyes glistened with tears. “Because you’re better than I am. No, don’t look so skeptical. I didn’t think it could happen to me. I was this perfect wife. You don’t have those delusions. You’re walking in with eyes wide open, ready to protect what means the most to you. Your past doesn’t disadvantage you. You already know what to look for and what you can lose, because you already lost it once.
“Now you have a second chance to grab at love and happiness. Maybe you both can learn from my mistake. He needs you, Marti. And if you’ll admit it, you need him.”
“I think… I could be true to someone like Jesse, but it doesn’t matter. I already told him, I can’t be a runner up in his life. And I can’t ask him to give up racing.”
Helen touched Marti’s hand, a soft smile on her face. “Whatever you decide, please don’t leave until you say goodbye. You’re like a daughter to me.”
Marti’s tears now flowed freely down her cheeks. “Thank you for explaining when you didn’t have to.”
Helen hugged her, then headed toward the bassinet. “Have to see the grandbaby,” she whispered to the sleeping infant. “Eli Bernard West.” She looked up toward the ceiling. “Do you see your grandson, my love? They named him after you. I wish you were here to hold him. And me.”
The evening breeze was humid and warm, but Marti wrapped Jesse’s robe around her as she walked down to the tiny lake in the hospital courtyard. His cologne drifted from the terry cloth. The ducks were sleeping, tucked away in their hiding places, the lake deserted. She sat down on one of the concrete benches that surrounded the lake. Lights glistened on the water that shimmered as tiny fish moved beneath the surface.
“The nurse said I might find you out here.”
Jesse’s voice washed over her like the breeze itself, comforting and familiar. She turned to find him standing in the shadows where the pathway started to circle around the lake. He was wearing a black T-shirt and jeans, and his hands were jammed into his front pockets. His hair wafted in the breeze, but she couldn’t see his eyes clearly from where he stood in the shadows.
“I needed to get away,” she said. “To think. I’m getting out of here tomorrow.”
“I know.”
He walked closer. She looked up at him, trying to keep her heart from hammering inside her. What she wanted to do was stand up and press herself against him, hoping his arms would encircle her and comfort her as she knew they could. But he was already lost to her, removed in a way she couldn’t define. He crouched down in front of her so that his face was even with hers.
“Are you all right?” she asked in almost a whisper.
He leaned forward then, putting his arms around her waist, and buried his face against her stomach. She leaned forward, resting her cheek on his head, rubbing his back.
“Carl isn’t your father,” she said.
He didn’t move for a few minutes, and she wondered if he’d heard her. Then he faced her again.
“I know. I talked to Ma a little while ago.”
She reached out and placed her palm against his cheek, and he put his own hand on top of hers. He was her Jesse again, warm and real.
Her Jesse.
“Did you work things out with her then?”
“Yes.” He looked away for a second, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry I got so mad in front of you.”
She smiled faintly. “Well, I kept telling you to show your anger.”
“Yeah, you did. But you had the reason for my anger mixed up when Mark came down for that visit.”
“I did?”
“Uh hm.” He took both her hands in his. “I was mad at you, not at life’s unfairness.”
“Me?”
“More at myself, really. I was mad because I’d fallen so completely in love with you that even racing didn’t seem that important anymore. That scared me, because I’d already come so close to losing my dream.” He reached up and touched her cheek. “But I almost lost you, and that put everything into prop
er perspective.”
Her chin was trembling when he took her hands and pulled her to her feet. She said, “I figured you were going to marry Abbie. I remember you saying something about her visit answering some question for you.”
He smiled. “When I started falling in love with you, I kept denying it. I told myself I just wanted to have you stay because I wanted someone to help with the baby. When Abbie offered me that, I realized I wanted you to stay for a lot more than just raising our son. Still, it drove me crazy. And so did you.”
Her heart was in her throat. “Jesse, will you tell me again what your pa said about how you’d know if you truly loved someone?”
“Sorta a clenched gut, drop down to your knees, and die for her feeling, and you ain’t in love ‘til you feel it.” He said the words slowly, and his fingers tightened around hers.
Her stomach clenched inside at the intensity of his gaze. She nodded, a smile across her lips. “Yeah, that about sums it up. Your pa was a smart man.”
Jesse took her face in his hands. “Marti, I know I asked you to stay for the wrong reasons before. But now I want you to stay for the most important reason, the only one: I love you. This time I’m not asking you to stay, I’m telling you that you are staying. I’m not letting you go to California or Oklahoma or anywhere else. You are home, doll. Right here, forever. And you’re not going to be second to anything.”
“You’re not thinking of giving up racing, I hope.”
“No, but I realized I don’t need to succeed at racing to be successful. Being successful, making it, means having what’s most important to me.” He pulled her closer. “That would be you. And Eli.”
“Is that a proposal?”
“You can take it any way you want, as long as you take it. And me.”
Epilogue
Eli hobbled unsteadily down the beach, intrigued by every shell and bit of seaweed. Marti and Jesse walked hand in hand behind him. She relished the feel of his fingers intertwined with hers as much as the warm splash of the waves around her ankles.
She took a deep breath. “Caterina seemed so dull to me a century ago. Well, it seems like a century. Now I see the wonder of it.” She looked at Jesse. “And the romance.”
He swept her up into his arms and twirled her around, kissing her all the while. “As long as you don’t see the romance while you’re thinking about the rich, blond guy.”
“Jamie? You’ve got nothing to worry about, darling.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Hm, I don’t know. I’ll probably never be able to buy an island.”
She hugged him. “Yeah, but you can give me a ride in your fancy new racecar, and I get on television because they like to do those family interviews in the pits.”
He touched her chin. “My two good luck charms cheering me on.”
Eli’s squeal of laughter made them turn. A baby girl, about Eli’s age, ran toward them with her hands poised for a hug. Eli, not knowing what else to do, sat on the spot.
“Kayla, what are you doing, sweetie?”
Marti looked up at the couple walking from a path that led from the jungle. Her heart stopped momentarily, and she felt dizzy. Jamie and Hallie both grinned when they saw that their little girl had found a friend. Three Shetland sheepdogs followed behind, interested only in chasing each other. Marti clutched at Jesse’s arm to steady herself.
“Hi, welcome to Caterina,” Jamie said, casually offering a hand. “I’m the owner, and this is my wife, Hallie. This is our daughter, Kayla. We own this little place.”
Jesse stiffened but shook Jamie’s hand heartily. “I’m Jesse, and this is my wife, Marti.” He planted a kiss on her temple. “I think Eli’s found a girlfriend, huh, doll?” He pointed to the toddlers, probably drawing their attention away so she could gain her composure.
She had never seen Jamie so happy before. Seeing her old body was stranger yet, but she felt no ties to it anymore. The woman in it obviously took good care of it. Marti had never seen it looking so fit. Jesse noticed, too, and she nudged him.
“How do you like it here so far?” Jamie asked in his owner’s voice.
“It’s absolutely excellent!” Marti replied, and the look on his face revealed that he still remembered her old expression. Hallie’s old expression. “What’s wrong?”
Jamie put his smile back on. “Oh, nothing. I knew someone who used to say that all the time. Just like that, same inflection and everything.” He shook his head, as if to throw off the memory. “Where are you two from?”
“Florida,” Jesse answered, watching her carefully. Suspiciously. She could read his thoughts in his narrowed eyes: What are you up to?
Marti turned to Jamie. “I’m from California, originally. Oceanview.”
Again, Jamie’s expression looked haunted for a moment. Marti found herself wanting to tell him who she was. She could apologize for what she’d put him through, explain her messed-up-ness. What would his new wife think? Had she told him about her true identity? Hallie seemed just as interested in the ‘coincidences’ as Jamie.
“Well, maybe we’ll see you later on,” Jamie said, taking Hallie’s hand. “Tonight’s Jamaican Night at BooNooNoos. Great food, limbo, that sort of thing. My wife’s one of the best limbo-ers around, and she’ll be glad to show you a thing or two.” He paused, giving her an interesting smile. “In fact, you’re welcome to sit with us for dinner. It sounds like we have a few things in common.”
“We’ll do that.” Marti pulled her gaze away from his speculation and glanced around. “Things have changed a lot since the last time I was here.”
Jamie’s eyebrows drew together. “You’ve been here before? I don’t remember seeing you here before.”
She took in the water and palm trees. “Feels like forever.” She scooped Eli up in her arms, then spared an arm to link with Jesse’s. “It was a time in my life where I made a lot of mistakes. Hurt people. Coming back is part of some healing I intend to do, so I can put my past behind me. Because life is all about second chances.” She gave them both a knowing smile. “We’ll see you at dinner, Jamie. Hallie.”
She turned and walked away from them, Jesse at her side. Her lips twisted in a huge grin.
“You are bad,” Jesse said, though he was smiling, too.
“No, I’m good. I meant every word I said. The past is gone forever. I’m so glad they found their second chance, too. I lost the island, but I got the West. And the West is a lot better.” She pinched his cheek. “Besides, Jamie isn’t my type.”
THE END
Here’s a sneak peek for Woke Up Dead, another Soul Change novel!
Jennie Carmichael rolled her wheelchair through the doorway of Sam’s Private Eye and over to her desk by the window. Sam Magee’s low, rumbly voice coming from his office was as familiar and welcoming as the scent of aged wood, the heat of the furnace, or coffee…which, she noticed, was absent this morning.
Darn, he’d forgotten to pick some up again. The coffeepot looked cold and impotent in the corner. The mug she’d bought him for Christmas sat next to the empty pot, the hound dog face waiting patiently to be filled.
Speaking of hound dogs, she heard a jingling sound and turned to greet Romeo, the reason she’d picked that particular mug for Sam. Romeo’s tail arced gracefully, and his dripping chocolate-brown layers of skin flopped this way and that as he ambled over for his rub. She always rubbed her cheek against the top of his head. He had the softest fur, but she really loved the way his eyes rolled in ecstasy.
Romeo’s presence meant that Sam planned to be in the office for most of the day, and Jennie felt like rolling her eyes at that thought, too.
She shrugged out of her coat and then her sweater, hanging both on two low hooks Sam had put in just for her. She pulled the knit cap off her head, feeling several strands of her light brown hair crackling with static. Outside, snowflakes covered the city of Chicago, making her dread leaving and dealing with the snow.
She organized the papers on her desk as Romeo settled
onto his dark green pillow with a contented sigh. She put copies to be made in one pile, reports to be transcribed in another. After firing up the computer, she put the tiny tape into the transcribing machine. She might have hated transcribing, but Sam was a good speaker and he had a voice she could listen to for hours.
“Sam’s Private Eye,” she answered cheerfully when the phone rang.
She put the call on hold and wheeled across the wood floor to the doorway nearby. Sam looked as if he’d been poured into that high-back chair. He had the old leather chair he’d picked up at an auction tilted all the way back, and his sock-clad feet were perched on the desk as he dictated another report.
That huge desk would have made most men look like elves, but not Sam. Not that he was a big guy in a burly sense; his strong shoulders tapered to a lean waist. He just had…presence. His ash-blond hair was brushed back in waves, highlighting his broad forehead and blue eyes. Here, the aroma of leather and the citrus cologne he wore almost made up for the lack of coffee.
“Upon further surveillance, the subject twice stood and—” He clicked the little recorder off. “Morning, kiddo.”
“Morning, bossman,” she said, using the nickname that had started out as a joke. “There’s a Petula on the line for you.” Petula of the long legs and blond hair and fake eyelashes. Like most of the women Jennie had seen Sam date. “She says it’s, er, personal.”
“Tell her I’m out of the country on a case,” he said, then flashed her a mischievous smile that stretched his trimmed mustache. “A dangerous mission spying on Mexican drug lords in Africa trying to sell their wares to Swiss tourists. If I don’t get nailed by the drug lords or the Swiss tourists, there’re always the cannibals. They like white meat, I hear.”
“Mm-hm,” Jennie said with a nod, trying not to look so very pleased. “That didn’t last very long.”
“That woman’s intelligence bled out with her hair color years ago.”
Stranger in the Mirror [Shades of Heaven] (Soul Change Novel) Page 29