The Road Without You

by H. M. Sholander

  I never intended to fall for a girl with red lips, who had the strength to stand up for herself when her ex wanted to beat her down. But that’s what happened. I fell for the girl who made my life brighter when I wanted to push her away. I would have been missing the most important person in my life if I’d never met Raegan Winters.

  She glances up at me, her eyes brimming with tears.

  “You can say something now,” I whisper.

  Her eyes crinkle at the corners as she smiles. “I love it.” She unclasps the chain and hooks it around her neck. She lifts her hair from under the necklace and lets it fall to her shoulders.

  Her fingers linger over the stamped metal, and I trail my thumb across her jaw until my hand cups the back of her neck.

  “Red,” I whisper, my breath floating across her lips.

  I mold my mouth to hers, unable to keep away from her any longer. Her fingers dig into my waist as she clings to my shirt. Her soft lips move with mine as I tug her hair, tilting her head back.

  I groan as my tongue slips in her mouth, meeting hers. I explore every inch of her mouth, savoring everything about her.

  She pushes me backward until my back hits a wall. She presses her body against mine, and my hand runs down her back. When I reach her ass, I pull her closer, moving my hips against her.

  Her hand latches on to my neck, yanking at the hair on the back of my head, as she frees her mouth from mine. Her lips move down my neck, and my head falls back, hitting the wall as she sucks and kisses my skin.

  My hands roam up her sides, feeling every curve of her body, as I memorize every part of her—the way she feels, the way she smells.

  I never want to let her go. I want every part of her ingrained in my soul, so even when we’re apart, I’ll be able to feel her.

  Her mouth disappears from me, and I look down on her, only to see her crystal-blue eyes hooded and mouth swollen. She’s stunning…more beautiful than a sunset.

  She pushes my jacket from my shoulders, and I take a step forward, letting it drop to the ground. She reaches for the bottom of my shirt, her hands disappearing underneath, and I grasp her hips, trying to keep myself upright as she explores my abdomen.

  God, her hands feel so good against my skin, so right.

  I yank the shirt over my head, throwing it somewhere in the room.

  I pick her up off the ground as I kiss her, and her legs wrap around my waist. I walk to her bed and drop both of us to the mattress.

  I hover over her, my thumb tracing her bottom lip, as my eyes flick to the necklace around her neck. She runs her fingertips over it, and my gaze flicks back up to her face, wanting her to know she owns me whether or not she wants to. She has every piece of me even though I fought so hard not to give her anything.

  “Red,” I say, my eyes skating over her face. The words I want to say are lodged in my throat, sitting at the base of my neck, and then they finally break through. “I love you.”

  Her mouth opens as she exhales, causing her to sink further into the mattress. She searches my eyes, and I know she can see the love I have for her burning through because anyone would be a fool to miss the way I look at her like she’s the sun.

  She presses her hand to my heart that’s thundering in my chest, beating so fast I’d be surprised if it didn’t give out. “I love you, too.”

  I sweep my hand across her face until I seal my lips to hers. I kiss her as she clutches my shoulders, her legs still wrapped around my waist.

  I never thought I would fall in love, but I guess I just needed to find the right person.

  I graze my fingers across the soft skin of her midsection, goose bumps coating her arms. She sits up, taking me with her, and rips her shirt over her head. My eyes rake over her creamy skin—from her breasts down to her stomach.

  She reaches behind her and unclasps her bra, letting it slip away from her chest.

  I suck in a breath. “God, you’re perfect.”

  She tugs my head toward her, kissing me like her life depends on it, demanding and taking, and I let her.

  We discard the rest of our clothes, and I run my hand down her bare body, not missing an inch. I cherish every part of her, wanting her to feel how much I love her.

  She whimpers in my arms, “Jax.”

  The sound is sweet and needy at the same time, pushing me over the edge. I need her, and the way she’s squirming under me, I can tell she needs me, too.

  I quickly move off the bed, searching for my pants. I find them next to her underwear and rip my wallet out of my pocket, taking out the condom I have hidden there.

  I turn back to Raegan, and she’s propped up on her elbows, watching each of my movements. I tear open the wrapper and roll the condom on, moving back to the bed, crawling over her.

  She scratches my back as I settle between her legs. I drop my forehead to hers, and we watch each other as I enter her, inch by inch. Eventually, her eyes close when I push all the way in, her body arching as she lets out a satisfied moan.

  My lips collide with hers at the same time I move inside her. Her nails dig harder into my back, and I hope she leaves a mark, branding me.

  Each sound she makes brings me closer to the edge, but I hold off, enjoying the feeling of being inside her. Her arms fall back, gripping the sheets above her head as she screams my name.

  I drop my head to her neck, breathing her in, as I nip at her skin, and when I feel her pulse around me, I pound against her faster until I find my release, not far behind her.

  The only sound in the room is our rapid breathing, each of us trying to catch our breath, as I roll over and hold her to my chest.

  “That was…” She trails off, her breaths heavy and cascading across my damp skin.

  “Perfect,” I finish.

  “Yeah,” she whispers.

  I place a kiss on her head before I slip off the bed walking to her bathroom. I discard the condom and rinse off my hands.

  I turn around, heading back to the girl I love. I get in bed with a naked Raegan, draping the covers over us, and hold her against me.

  “I love you, Red,” I say against her hair as her body relaxes against mine, her breathing evening out.

  I hold her until sleep pulls me under, knowing I’m exactly where I belong.

  Jax

  I drop on the couch, sitting between Sam and Raegan. It’s weird that this was once where both of my parents lived, but now everything belongs to Dad.

  The lights on the Christmas tree twinkle as the sound of whatever movie Sam is watching plays through the living room.

  This is the first Christmas in years there has been a tree in this house. Most of the ornaments are on the bottom half of the tree since Sam insisted she be the one to decorate it. That didn’t stop me from sneaking some on the top though. Otherwise, the tree would look even sillier than it does.

  But it doesn’t matter what the tree looks like or what we eat today because the only thing we’ll remember is we were together.

  Raegan leans her head on my shoulder, and Sam snuggles into my side. I’m more than lucky to have both of them in my life. I kiss the top of each of their heads, holding them closer.

  The doorbell rings, interrupting what is sure to be my favorite memory of the day.

  Sam jumps off the couch. “I got it; I got it!” She runs around the couch and to the front door.

  “Don’t open the door, Sam,” Dad says, coming up behind her with a mixing bowl in his hand.

  “But,” she complains, stomping her foot on the ground.

  “Wait for me, and then you can open the door.”

  She places her small hand on the knob and watches over her shoulder, waiting for Dad to be standing behind her.

  I let my head fall back on the couch and close my eyes.

  “It’s gonna be okay,” Raegan whispers as she sits up on the couch.

  I turn my head toward her. “Yeah.” I don’t mean it, but I can tell it makes her feel better from the smile on her face.

  S
am opens the door, the cold air from outside invading the warm house. “Mommy!”

  Mom leans over and picks Sam up, hugging her to her chest. “Merry Christmas, Sam.”

  Mom walks through the door with Sam in her arms, and Dad closes it behind them.

  Raegan stands from the couch, and I follow suit, knowing I need to welcome my mom.

  This is the first time Mom has seen me and Sam since Dad helped her move out of the house. He told me she’s taking medication, and she’s doing a lot better.

  I’m hesitant to embrace her, needing to see the change in her. I might understand her disorder now, but it doesn’t erase everything that happened. I can’t forget her actions as much as I’d like to.

  “Hi, I’m Raegan,” she says to my mom as she holds out her hand for Mom to shake.

  “Nice to meet you.” She takes Raegan’s hand, her face lighting up in a way I haven’t seen since I was in middle school. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Jax’s dad.”

  I narrow my eyes at him, but all he does is smile.

  Mom places Sam on her feet and takes off her jacket, laying it on the back of the couch.

  I stand behind Raegan without saying a word to Mom. I know everyone can feel the tension radiating off me from the way their shoulders tense.

  “Mommy, come play with me.” Sam tugs on her pants.

  Mom runs a hand through Sam’s hair. “In a minute. I need to talk to your brother alone, okay?”

  “Okay.” She whips around and grabs Raegan’s hand. “Will you play with me, Rae?”

  “Of course, let’s go. They’re boring anyway.”

  Sam giggles as she pulls Raegan behind her up to her room.

  Dad walks past me and whispers, “Be nice.”

  I roll my eyes at him, crossing my arms, as he whistles back to the kitchen.

  Mom fiddles with her hands and avoids meeting my eyes, like she’s disappointed with herself. She seems different than the last time I saw her. She’s more put together, her hair fixed and eyes clear. She’s not the deranged woman she once was.

  She finally looks at me, her eyes watering “I’m sorry, Jax. I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”

  I exhale, my chest falling. She didn’t just hurt me, she caused pain to her whole family, the people who love her. And I know her illness is to blame for what happened, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t leave a scar on each one of us.

  “I’m getting better,” she informs me. “I thought I was only hurting myself, but now that I’m taking my medication every day, I can see that I did more damage than I thought.” A tear slips from her eye, and she wipes it away. “I caused a lot of pain for your dad, Sam, and you.”

  My eyes scan her from head to toe. This woman is someone I haven’t met before. She’s somewhere in between the Mom I used to know and the one who threw stuff out the window. And I feel sorry for her because it’s like she has to start over, and I know that can’t be easy. Navigating life is hard enough without people scrutinizing your every move. I just hope she can keep moving forward.

  She holds herself taller. “I can’t say anything besides I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again.” She takes a step closer to me. “I know I have to earn your trust back, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to show you I can be the mom I was when you were Sam’s age.”

  I drop my arms, letting them fall to my sides as I let my brain process what she said. Her eyes plead with me, and my chest aches for her. I can’t forget overnight, but I can do something else. I can allow us to start healing from the past and fully walk out of the dark tunnel and into the light.

  This is going to be one of those moments I remember for the rest of my life. I’ll recall the day I chose to forgive my mom and know I made the right decision.

  I take a step toward her and wrap my arms around her. She’s stiff for a beat before she throws her arms around me, her body shaking.

  “I forgive you, Mom.”

  She cries louder, the sound echoing in the living room, and I hold her, letting her know I mean the words I said.

  Dad peeks his head out of the kitchen, giving me a nod, the side of his mouth tipped up, before he disappears.

  She pulls away from me, her cheeks full and red as her eyes glisten. “Thank you. I love you.”

  I smile weakly at her. I don’t say it back, but not because I hate her. I just can’t give her everything at once. Forgiving her was a big step. The rest will come with time.

  She walks away from me and to the bathroom, shutting herself inside.

  My chest is lighter as I climb the stairs. I no longer harbor a weight on my shoulders because I feel like life is going to be better for Sam. It’s going to be better for all four of us.

  I walk into Sam’s room and plop on the bed next to Raegan.

  I laugh under my breath when I see Sam sleeping in her lap with the television playing a Christmas movie.

  “You knocked her out?” I throw an arm around Raegan’s shoulders.

  “She passed out as soon as her head hit my lap. I think she’s had too much excitement today.”

  “We haven’t even gotten to the presents.” I run a hand down Sam’s back as she drools on Raegan’s leg like she’s a dog.

  “How did it go?” Raegan worries her bottom lip as she waits for me to answer.

  “Great. It’s better now that I’m here,” I whisper as she frees her lip.

  “Why is that?” Her mouth tugs up in a smile.

  “Because I’m with you and Sam.” I kiss her temple. “Everything is perfect. I have you, we aced our English paper, I made an A in chemistry, and my parents seem happy again.” I move my hand to side of her neck, focusing her attention on me. “And it’s all because I have you.”

  Her crystal-blue eyes smile as her red lips stretch across her face. “I love you.”

  “And I love you, Red.” I seal my mouth to hers, kissing her slowly.

  Raegan didn’t solve all my problems, but when she came into my life, she made each day easier. She reminded me what it was to have a life outside of all the issues I was battling at home.

  I couldn’t be more thankful for the girl next to me because she made my life whole when it was falling apart.

  THE END

  FOLLOW H.M. SHOLANDER ON HER BLOG, FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, TWITTER, & PINTEREST.

  www.hmsholander.com

  Facebook

  Instagram

  Twitter

  Pinterest

  Omg, I can’t believe this book is out in the world, and you read it. I am beyond thankful for each reader who picks up one of my books and devours the story. So to all the readers, THANK YOU for reading my words. It means the world to me!

  Heather, I don’t know what I would have done without you. You helped breathe life into this story again when all I wanted to do was hurl it against the wall. You inspire me to write better and keep going. Your words pushed me through when I wanted to give up. I couldn’t have finished Jax and Raegan’s story without you. I honestly could go on for days about how much I love you and appreciate everything you have done for me, but I won’t because you would probably get tired of me. Just know you mean the world to me, and thank you for helping me send this story into the world. I ♥ you.

  Letitia, thank you for dealing with all my changes with the cover. I felt like such a pest, but you nailed this cover and turned it into something beautiful. Thank you so much!

  Chelsea, you edited this book almost a year ago, and it has taken me that long to make drastic changes. You made me see that the story needed so much more. And I took your advice, making this story something completely different. I don’t think you’ll even recognize it.

  Jovana, thank you for always fitting me in your schedule. You helped turn my words and story into magic. Thank you for putting the final touches on this story and making it beautiful. ♥

  Kelsey, thank you for providing me with gorgeous pictures for the cover. You have such an amazing talent, and I can’t wait to see what
you do in the future.

  Jacob and Kayla, you guys are awesome. Your pictures embody the feel of this story. Thank you!

  To my husband, thanks for putting up with me each time I lock myself away in the office. Though, I’m not a fan of you sneaking up on me and scaring the crap out of me when I’m working.

  To my madre, you are my own personal cheerleader. Thank you for encouraging me every day.

  My cats played a role in this story, too. They are the ones who gave me the idea to include Stella and Walker. My cats are my fur babies, and I wanted to write something different that showed the love people have for their pets. So hold your fur baby closer and give them a kiss.

  Again, thank you for reading this story. Thank you, a thousand times over.

  OTHER BOOKS BY H.M. SHOLANDER

  The Truth About Falling

  THE EDGE SERIES

  Escaping the Edge (Edge 1)

  Finding the Light (Edge 2)

  H.M. Sholander has been an author since 2016. She has an amazing supportive husband and two lazy cats that she loves more than anything. She loves reading, writing, and traveling. She wants to see the world and explore new things.

  She encourages everyone to pursue their dreams. Your dreams are the only thing that can make you happy. Take a leap and pursue anything that makes your heart sore.