The rhu'ad freed herself from Beth's arms, gently, her voice reserved again. “You had better calm yourself,” she said briefly, and handed Beth the scarf. “Tie this over your eyes. I'll trust you to do it securely."
* * * *
Sometimes Beth tried to remember in detail what happened after Cassiana removed the blindfold, and she found herself in a vast, vaulted room of unbelievable beauty. The opalescent dome admitted a filtered, frosty glimmer of pallid light. The walls, washed in some light pigment which both absorbed and reflected colors too vague to be identified, drifted with hazy shadows. Beth was oblivious to the emotional appeal of the place—she was too alien for that—but the place was unmistakably a temple, and Beth began to be afraid. She had heard about some of the extra-terrestrial religions, and she had always suspected that the rhu'ad filled some religious function. But the beauty of the place touched even her, and gradually she became conscious of a low vibration, almost sound, pervading the entire building.
Cassiana whispered, “That's a telepathic damper. It cuts out the external vibrations and allows the augmentation of others."
The vibration had a soothing effect. Beth sat quietly, waiting, and Cassiana was altogether silent, her eyes closed, her lips moving as if she prayed, but Beth realized afterward that she was simply conversing telepathically with some unseen person. Later, she arose and led Beth through a door which she carefully closed and fastened behind them.
This inner chamber was smaller, and was furnished only with a few immense machines—Beth assumed they were machines, for they were enclosed anonymously in metallic casings, and dials and controls and levers projected chastely from a covering of gray paint—and a few small couches, arranged in pairs. Here three rhu'ad were waiting—slight patrician women who ignored Beth entirely and only glanced at Cassiana.
Cassiana told Beth to lie down on one of the couches, and, leaving her there, went to the other rhu'ad. They stood, their hands laced together, for minutes. Beth, by now habituated to Cassiana's moods, could guess that her friend was disturbed, even defiant. The others seemed equally disturbed; they shook their heads and made gestures that looked angry, but finally Cassiana's fair face looked triumphant and she came back to Beth.
“They are going to let me do what I planned. No, lie still—” she instructed, and to Beth's surprise, Cassiana lay down on the other couch of the pair. This one was located immediately beneath one of the big machines; the control panel was located in such a way that Cassiana could reach up and manipulate the dials and levers. This she proceeded to do, assuring herself that all were within easy reach; then reached across and touched Beth's pulse lightly. She frowned.
“Too fast—you're excited, or frightened. Here, hold my hand for a minute.” Obediently Beth closed her hand around the one Cassiana extended. She forced back her questions, but Cassiana seemed to sense them. “Sssh. Don't talk. Bet'. Here, where the vibrations are dampered, I can control your involuntary reactions too.” And, after a few minutes, the Terran woman actually felt her heartbeat slowing to normal, and knew that her breathing was quiet and natural again.
Cassiana took her hand away, reached upward, and began to adjust a dial, her delicate fingers feeling for a careful calibration. “Just lie quietly,” she warned Beth, but Beth felt not the slightest desire to move. Warmth and well-being held her lapped in comfort. It was not a perceptible thing, but an intangible vibration, almost but not quite sensible to her nerves. For the first time in months, she was wholly free of discomfort.
Cassiana was fussing with the dials, touching one control, discarding another, playing the vibration now upward until it was almost visible, no downward until it disappeared into sound. Beth began to feet a little dizzy. Her senses seemed augmented, she was so wholly conscious of every nerve and muscle in her body that she could feel Cassiana's presence, a few feet away, through the nerves of her skin. The particular sensation identified Cassiana as completely as her voice. Beth even felt it—an odd little coldness—when one of the other rhu'ad approached the couch ... and when she moved away again.
I suppose, she thought, this is what it feels like to be telepathic. And Cassiana's thoughts seemed to penetrate her brain like so many tiny needles: Yes, almost like that. Actually, it's just the electrical vibration of your body being put into phase with mine. That's a kind of short-term telepathy. Each individual has his own personal wave-length. We're tuned in to each other now. We used to have to do this telepathically, and it was a horrible ordeal. Now we use the dampers, and it's easy.
Beth seemed to float somewhere, weightless, above her body. A rhu'ad had walked through the edge of the vibratory field; Beth felt the shock of their out-of phase bodies, as a painful electric jolt which gradually lessened as they adjusted into the vibration. Then she smelled a sharp-sweet smell, and with her augmented consciousness knew it was a smell of anesthetic—what were they going to do? In a spasm of panic she began to struggle; felt steady hands quieting her, heard strange voices—
Her body exploded in a million fragments of light. The room, the machines and the rhu'ad were gone. Beth was lying on a low, wide shelf, built into the wall of a barren cubicle. She felt sick and breathless, and tried to sit up, but pain shot through her body and she lay still, blinking back tears of agony. She lay gasping, feeling the weight of her child holding her like a vise of iron.
As details came back to her clearing sight, she made out a second shelf across the room. What she had at first taken for a heap of padding was the body of a woman—it was Cassiana—sprawled face downward in an attitude of complete exhaustion. As Beth looked, the rhu'ad turned over and opened her eyes; they looked immense and bloodshot in the whiteness of her face. She whispered hoarsely, “How—do you—feel?"
“A little sick—"
“So do I.” Cassiana struggled upright, got to her feet, and walked, with heavy deliberation, toward Beth. As she approached, Beth felt a sort of echo of the soothing vibration, and the pain slackened somewhat. Cassiana sat down on the edge of the shelf, and said quietly, “We are not out of danger. There is still to be—” she paused, seeking a word, and finally used the Galactic standard term, “still to be allergic reaction. We have to stay close together—in same kinetic field—days till the reaction is desensitized, and our body develop tolerance to the grafted—” she stopped and said sharply in Centaurian, “I have told you you must not ask me questions! You want your baby to live, don't you? Then just do as I say! I—I am sorry, Bet'—I do not mean to be angry, I do not feel very well either."
* * * *
Beth knew already that Cassiana never exaggerated, but even knowing this she had not expected the violence of the next few hours. After they reached the Archonate, the world seemed to dissolve around her in a burning fever, a nausea and pain that made her previous illness seem like comfort by comparison. Cassiana, deathly pale, her hands as hot as Beth's own, did not leave her for an instant. They seemed unable to remain apart for an instant. When they were very close together, Beth felt a brief echo of the miasmic vibration which had eased her in the room of the machines; but at best this was faint, and when Cassiana drew away from her, by even a few feet, a vague, all-over trembling began in every nerve of her body, and the spasms of sickness were aggravated unbearably. The critical distance seemed about twelve feet; at that distance, the pain was almost intolerable. For hours, Beth was too miserable to notice, but it finally dawned on her that Cassiana was actually sharing this same torture. She clung to Beth in a kind of dread. Had they been less ill, Beth thought, they might have found it funny. It was a little like having a Siamese twin. But it was not funny at all. It was a grim business, urgent as survival.
They slept that night on the narrow cots pushed close together. Half a dozen times in her fitful sleep Beth woke to find Cassiana's hand nestled into hers, or the rhu'ad girl's arm flung over her shoulder. Once, in a moment of intimacy, she asked, “Do all women suffer like this—here?"
Cassiana sat up, and pushed back her long pal
e hair. Her smile was wry and the drawn face, in the flicker of lurid lightning that leaped and danced through the shutters, looked bitter and almost old. “No, or I fear there would be few children. Although, I'm told, when Megaera was first colonized, it was pretty bad; More than half the—the normal women, died. But we found out that sometimes a normal woman could go through a pregnancy, if she was kept close to a rhu'ad constantly. I mean constantly. Almost from the minute of conception, she had to stay close to the rhu'ad who was helping her. It was confining for both of them. If they didn't like each other to start with—” suddenly softly, Cassiana chuckled. “You can imagine, the way you used to feel about me!"
“Oh, Cassiana, dear—” Beth begged.
Cassiana went on laughing. “When they didn't hate us, they worshiped us, and that was worse. But now—well, a woman will have a little discomfort—inconvenience—you saw Nethle. But you—if I had not taken you to the kail’ rhu'ad when I did, you would have died very soon. As it was I delayed almost too long, but I had to wait, because my child was not—"
“Cassiana,” Beth asked her in sudden understanding, “are you going to have a baby too?"
“Of course,” Cassiana said impatiently. “How could I help you if I wasn't?"
“You said, rhu'ad don't—"
“They don't usually, it's a waste of time,” said Cassiana unguardedly. “Married rhu'ad are not allowed to go through a pregnancy, for now, during all the six cycles of my pregnancy and two more while I recover, no woman in our family group can have a child"—suddenly her anger came back and closed down like a black cloud between their brief intimacy. “Why do you torment me with questions?” she flung furiously at Beth. “You know I mustn't answer them! Just let me alone, let me alone, let me alone!"
She threw up her arm over her eyes, turned on her side and lay without speaking, her back to Beth; but the other, sinking into a restless doze, heard through her light sleep the sound of stifled crying...
* * * *
Beth thought it was the next day—she had lost consciousness of time—when she started out of sleep with the vague, all-over pain that told her Cassiana was not close to her. Voices filtered through a closed door; Cassiana's voice, muted and protesting, and Wilidh's high childish treble.
“...but to suffer so, Cassiana, and for her! Why?"
“Perhaps because I was tired of being a freak!"
“Freak?” Wilidh cried, incredulous. “Is that what you call it?"
“Wilidh, you're only a child,” Cassiana's voice sounded inexpressibly tender. “If you were what I am, you would know just how much we hate it. Wilidh—since I was younger than you, I have had the burden of four families on my head. In all my life, am I not to do one thing, just one, because I myself wished for it? You have had children of your own. Can't you try to understand me?"
“You have Arii—” Wilidh muttered, sulky.
“She isn't mine—not as Lassa and the twins are yours. Do you know what it's like to carry a child—to watch it die—” Cassiana's voice broke. The voices sank, were indistinct—then there was a sudden sound like a slap, and Cassiana cried out furiously, “Wilidh, tell me what Nethle has done! I'm not asking you, I am ordering you to tell—"
Beth heard Wilidh stammering something—then there was a stifled scream, a wailing sound, and Cassiana, her face drained of color, pushed the door and came with groping steps to Beth's side. “Bet'—wake up!"
“I'm awake—what's happened, Cassiana?"
“Nethle—false friend, false sister—” Cassiana's voice railed her. Her mouth moved, but no words came. She looked ghastly, sick and worn, and she had to support herself with one hand against the frame of Beth's cot. “Listen—there are—Terrans here, looking for you. They are looking for you—days now—your husband could not lie well enough, and Nethle told—” she clutched at Beth's hand. “You cannot leave here now. We might both die—” she stopped, her face gone impassive. There was a knock on the door.
Beth lay quiet, her eyes burning, as the door swung wide. Cassiana, a stony, statue-still figure of offended tradition, stared coldly at the two intruders who crossed the threshold. In six hundred years no man had penetrated these apartments. The Terrans stood ill at ease, knowing they violated every tradition, law, custom of the planet.
“Matt!” Beth whispered, not believing.
In two strides he was beside her, but she drew away from his arms. “Matt, you promised!” she said unsteadily.
“Honey, honey—” Matt moaned. “What have they done to you here?” He looked down, tormented, at her thinner cheeks, and touched her forehead with disbelieving dismay. “Good God, Dr. Bonner, she's burning with fever!” He straightened and whirled on the other. “Let's get her out of here, and talk afterward. She belongs in a hospital!"
The doctor thrust the protesting Cassiana unceremoniously aside. “I'll deal with you later, young woman,” he said between his teeth. He bent professionally over Beth; after a moment he turned on Cassiana again. “If this girl dies,” he said slowly, “I will hold you personally responsible for denying her competent medical attention. I happen to know she hasn't been near any practitioner on the planet. If she dies, I will haul you into court if I have to take it to Galactic Center on Rigel!"
Beth pushed Matt's hand away. “Please—” she begged. “You don't realize—Cassiana's been good to me, she's tried to—she sat up, clutching her night robe—one of Nethle's a little too small for her—about her bare shoulders. “If it hadn't been for her—"
“Then why all this secrecy?” the doctor asked curtly. He thrust a message capsule into Cassiana's hands. “Here. This will settle it.” Like a sleepwalker, Cassiana opened it, drew out the slip of flexible plastic, stared, shrugged and tossed it to Beth. Incredulous, Beth Ferguson read the legal words. Under the nominal law of the Terran Empire, they could be enforced. But this—to the wife of the Chief Archon of Megaera—she opened her mouth in silent indignation.
Matt said quietly, “Get dressed, Betty. I'm taking you to the hospital. No—” he checked her protest, “don't say a word. You aren't capable of making decisions for yourself. If Cassiana meant you any good, there wouldn't be all this business of hiding you."
Cassiana caught Beth's free hand tight. She looked desperate—trapped. “Leave her with me for three days,” she made a final appeal. “She'll die if you take her away now!"
Dr. Bonner said tersely, “If you can give me a full explanation of that statement, I'll consider it. I'm a medical man. I think I'm a reasonable man.” Cassiana only shook her head silently. Beth blinked hard, almost crying, “Cassiana! Can't you tell them—"
“Leave her with me for three days—and I'll try to get permission to tell you—” Cassiana begged helplessly.
Before her despairing eyes, Matt lowered his own. “Look, Doc, we could be making a big mistake—"
“We're only delaying,” the doctor said tersely. “Come on, Mrs. Ferguson, get dressed. We're taking you to Medical HQ. If we find that this—this delay hasn't really hurt you any—” he turned and glared at Cassiana, “then maybe we'll do some apologizing. But unless you can explain—"
Cassiana said bitterly, “I am sorry, Bet'. If I were to tell now, without permission, I would not live till sunset. And neither would anyone who heard what I said."
“Are you threatening us?” Matt asked ominously.
“Not at all. Only stating a fact.” Cassiana's eyes held cold contempt.
Beth was sobbing helplessly. Dr. Bonner rasped, “Pull yourself together! You'll go, or be carried. You're a sick girl, Mrs. Ferguson, and you'll do as you're told."
Cassiana said softly, “Leave her alone with me for just a few minutes, at least, while I get her dressed—"
Matt started to leave the room, but the doctor put a hand on his shoulder. “Stay with your wife. Or I will."
“Never mind,” said Beth wearily, and began to get out of bed. Cassiana hovered near her, not speaking, her face sick with despair, while the Earth-woman mana
ged to dress herself after a fashion. But as Beth, still protesting helplessly, leaned on Matt, Cassiana suddenly found her voice.
“You will do justice to remember,” she said, very low, “that I have warn’ you. When there come thing which you do not understand, remember. Bet'—” she looked up imploringly, then without warning she broke down and collapsed, a limp rag, on the tumbled bed. The servant women, spitting Centaurian curses, hastened to her. Beth struggled to free Mart's hands, but the two men carried her from the room.
It was like dying. It was like being physically pulled into pieces. Beth clawed and fought, knowing in some subconscious, instinctive way that she was fighting for her life, feeling strength drain out of her, second by second. The world dissolved in red fog, and she slumped down fainting in her husband's arms.
* * * *
Time and delirium passed over her head. The white sterile smells of the Medical HQ surrounded her, and the screens around her bed bounded her sight except when Matt or a puzzled doctor bent over her. She was drugged, but through the sedatives there was pain and a fearful sickness and she cried and begged Matt incoherently, “Cassiana—I had to be near her, can't you understand—” and Matt only patted her hand and whispered gentle words. She dived down deep into delirium again, feeling her body burning, while faces, familiar and strange, multiplied around her, and once she heard Matt shouting in a voice that cracked like a boy's, “Damn it, she's worse than she was when we found her, do something, can't any of you do anything?"
Beth knew she was dying, and the idea seemed pleasant. Then quite suddenly, she came up to the surface of her fogged dreams to see the pallid stern face of a rhu'ad above her.
Beth's eyes and brain cleared simultaneously. The room was otherwise empty. Pinkish sunlight and a cool, pungent breeze filled the white spaces, and the rhu'ad's face was colorless and alien but full of reserved friendliness. Not only the room but the whole building seemed oddly silent; no distant voices, no hurrying footsteps, nothing but the distant hum of skycabs outside the windows, and the faint rustle of the ventilators. Beth felt a sort of drowsy, lazy comfort. She smiled, and said without surprise, “Cassiana sent you."
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