by Lauren Dane
“I don’t want you to give up because it’s hard. It is hard. And I’m sorry you’re the one who has to bear the weight of this. But if you walk off, it weakens us.”
PJ threw her hands up, frustrated. “Then why wasn’t this presented to me weeks ago? Why didn’t anyone else bring it up? I’ve got to be the one to get punched in the face again because why? How does my leaving weaken you anyway? Shawn, has it not occurred to you that they don’t want me back? That my leaving is exactly what they wanted?” She couldn’t stop the crack in her voice and he softened his tone in response.
“What about our feelings? What about what Julie, Jay, and I think? We want you back.”
“I’m still your sister. I love you and Julie and Jay. I just referred someone to you for tires this week, as it happens. But sometimes you need to let go so you can truly be better. I respect myself. The people I work with respect me. That means everything. I’ll meet with you guys if you can actually make it happen, but it’s going to take a lot more than I originally thought it would to get me back there. I’m not sure at this point if there is anything that could bring me to Colman again.”
She couldn’t make her father see her for the amazing person she was. She couldn’t. But she could make every person who ever hired her know she was capable of really good work.
CHAPTER
Twenty
She came to the door looking so pretty he paused to just take a long look. This was his. It had long ceased to matter how she’d ended up in his life, only that she remained there.
He bent to kiss her.
“You look very handsome,” she said, smoothing a palm down his shirtfront.
“Ha. I’m nothing compared to you. Do you want to stop for a drink before we go to the restaurant?” Asa asked.
Worry flashed across PJ’s features. “Do you? I think it’ll be fine. My mom is excited to meet you in person. Julie likes you. Shawn will because he’s easy that way. Jay, well, who knows? But you’ve met him.”
“Darlin’, I’m fine. We’ll be all right. I just hate seeing you stressed. Are you worried? Do you want me to take the piercing out?”
The outrage and surprise on her features made him feel a lot better. “You’d better not! You’re who you are. A successful businessman. You own your own home. You take care of your mother and sisters. Plus that piercing is hot and as much a part of you as the color of your eyes.”
He grinned, bending to kiss her. She defended him so ardently, even when he knew she was stressed out about dealing with her family.
“So beautiful. How’d I get so lucky?”
“I honestly don’t know. You fought me so hard I was beginning to wonder if you’d ever come to your senses.”
Laughing, he pulled her close. “I’m not always the smartest person. My mom says I need to live up to my potential. But you kept at it and thank god I finally listened.”
“And now you get to eat dinner with my family. Lucky you. I’m going to warn you up front, my mother might use terms like ‘in-laws’ and ‘marriage.’ Just ignore her.”
He remembered that he’d never told her about Ellen. Shit shit shit. It’d been weeks since that night PJ and Ellen had met. First he’d been waiting for the perfect moment to bring it up, and then he’d forgotten about it entirely.
He thought about it long enough that she noticed, giving him a look that said he needed to spill.
“I need to tell you something.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her gaze. “That’s worrisome.”
Even at a time like this she could make him laugh with her attitude. Still, he made sure to show none of that on his face.
“You know Ellen?” He could charm his way back into PJ’s good graces. He just needed to get it out and tell her everything first.
“From the restaurant on fight night? Oh, are you going to tell me you and she had a thing sometime in the past? ’Cause duh.”
If only he could hang it on that. “I was married. She was married. I mean, we were married to each other.”
The amused smirk slid off her face. “You and Ellen were married and you’re just telling me right now? Weeks after I met her? Months after we started seeing one another?”
“It was a long time ago. Seven years. It only lasted six months.”
She shook her head, clearly upset. “That whole night! Everyone knew? Everyone but me.”
This wasn’t going the way he’d hoped. She wasn’t mad, she was hurt.
“It wasn’t like that. I was going to tell you that night but it was weird and then there was that whole thing with the douchebag at the bar. We got back to my house and then we had sex. A lot of it, so it’s not like I was going to bring it up. Then I forgot because it wasn’t important. That’s why we got divorced. Neither of us cared enough to stick it out.”
“Asa, this is not okay.”
“I didn’t purposely hide it from you.”
“Oh, but you did. You did, and you made that choice for me. Your sister, she started to talk about your father and I stopped her because I wanted you to share with me when you chose. I respected your right to do that. This, though?” PJ blew out a breath. “Why’d you get married to start with?”
“Stupidity. She thought she was pregnant, so I wanted to do the right thing. She didn’t really want to get married, but she wanted to do the right thing too, and then she wasn’t pregnant and it was awful. We were a bad fit from the start.” It had been a tubal pregnancy, so by the time Ellen had gone through that they just didn’t have any real foundation to build on and they’d broken it off.
“So bad she knows how you like your sushi and comes to dinner?”
“Are you jealous?” In hindsight, this line would have been better delivered with another tone. But he was so amused and flattered it showed right through, and she wasn’t nearly as amused by the sentiment as he was.
“This is the part where I’m not laughing or making jokes. Do you see this part? Do you know how the chapter ends?” PJ asked.
This anger was different. He knew it to his toes. “I was lightening the mood. It was a failure. I apologize.”
Her look told him how little she was moved by his declaration. “How would you feel if the tables were turned? If we were at dinner with my friends and then we chitchatted with some guy for hours and then weeks later I was all, ‘Oh hey, that guy is my ex-husband. No big!’ ”
“I did not say it like that!”
“You didn’t say it at all!” PJ said in a quiet voice so sharp it sliced to the bone.
He sucked in a breath. “Okay. I’m sorry. You’re right. It was stupid not to tell you way before now. But it was something I did, something really dumb, and it happened a long time ago. What this is”—he waved a hand between them—“is not even in the same universe. I was married to her and she never knew me the way you know me. I didn’t think about her the way I think about you. I won’t say it meant nothing, because that would be shitty to her. And she’s not a bad person. We didn’t split because of anything horrible. Which makes me sad because it feels like a bigger failure that I never loved her and married her anyway.”
She glared at him, stepping away to pace a bit.
Finally she turned back. “We need to leave for dinner. Being late will only mean lots of drama and upset.”
“Are we okay?”
“Enough to go to dinner. Hopefully later we will be. Being lied to is a problem for me. I don’t like it and I won’t tolerate it. When people lie to me they’re telling me I’m not worth the truth. If there’s something else this big you need to disclose it right now. No kids, right? Other wives?”
He chanced getting close enough to hug her. “No kids. No other wives. She does really like you, though. Which weirds me out because she doesn’t really like anyone. But you’re irresistible, so I won’t even say anything about you sleeping with Craig, and he’s been at several events you and I have been to since we started dating.”
Wow, that was a
mistake to have said out loud.
She stepped back. “How is it you don’t know when to stop speaking, Asa? That sentence should have ended with me being irresistible. So explain to me how you won’t say anything about me sleeping with Craig? Craig Salazar?”
Uh-oh.
“Naturally I’m assuming that stopped when you and I started in seriously.”
She blinked at him, so utterly incredulous he felt like kicking his toe in the dirt and hanging his head.
Finally she spoke. “I never slept with Craig. We’ve made out on several occasions. Usually when one or the other of us breaks up and the other is free. Kissing. That’s it. No canes and floggers. No orgasms. His dick hasn’t even been in my hand, much less in my mouth or body. He’s my friend. He cares about me, but he is stone cold in love with someone else. Only she doesn’t feel the same.”
He started to speak and she put a hand up to stay him.
“Furthermore, if I had fucked him inside out in the middle of the street every third Tuesday, it still wouldn’t matter. I don’t care that you slept with other women. I knew you weren’t a virgin when I came along. I don’t want to hear about who you had sex with. It doesn’t matter because you’re with me now. This is about the fact that you had been married and you never shared that with me. Don’t muddy the waters with this Craig stuff.”
He paused, really thinking about what she’d said and realizing the huge missteps he’d taken. “I don’t know how to do this right. I’m feeling my way along. I should have told you earlier on and most definitely that night you met her. I really am going to have to buy out the entire Godiva store to make up for my fuckups today, huh? Maybe some paint or a trip to Vancouver for the weekend where I’ll keep you pleasured until you forgive me. Yes, the latter. I vote for that.”
She sighed and tiptoed up to kiss him. “Caramels. Try Fran’s. I like that better than Godiva, though if you go that way, nuts and chews, please.” She opened her door and gave him a look over her shoulder. “And yes to Vancouver.”
Hot damn. Weekend-in-a-luxury-hotel sex was something he’d been wanting with PJ for some time.
He put a hand at her elbow as they went down the steps. He hefted her overnight bag, not caring that it was heavy. Just pleased it meant she’d be in his bed that night.
After he finished an epic grovel. He knew that was necessary too. He’d hurt her trust in him. That was a problem he needed to fix.
He hit the remote and popped the trunk and PJ came to a stop. “One of those few other cars?”
He put her bag in the trunk of the BMW 7 Series crouched at the curb. “It is indeed.” He loved the car. Smooth and powerful, he loved to road trip in it. He bet PJ was really fun on a road trip.
It also was safe, and if he couldn’t surround her in all that steel of Motor City’s glory days like the Caddy, he’d happily surround her in the finest German engineering.
Plus, it was an impressive fucking car. He knew enough about PJ to understand that the kind of guy she brought home to her family before didn’t have a pierced cock. They’d be suspicious of him from go. So he’d keep in his piercing in his nose, but he wore nice clothes, drove an awesome car, and he cared about PJ.
If that didn’t matter to them, they didn’t care about PJ very much. So he hoped they’d all get along for her sake if for no other reason.
He followed her directions and then settled back into the seat and drove, just enjoying the time with her.
“This car is so quiet. It’s like you can’t tell an engine is running but for that purr beneath your feet.”
“After driving the Caddy it’s an adjustment, but she’s so smooth, it’s like really good scotch. And way easier to fit into a parking spot at a restaurant.”
“Ha. And yet you do it. You parallel park in a car that’s half a block long. It’s your superpower. Well”—her voice changed, going low—“you have a few other superpowers, but that’s one you can do in public.”
He wanted to ask if she was all right, but it was clear she was a little tense and he figured asking would only make it worse. He let her lead with how much she wanted to talk.
She seemed in good enough humor and hopefully in a forgiving mood as they parked, and he sent out a prayer that her family wouldn’t upset her. And that he’d be a good guy and not make anything worse.
It was a warm night with a light breeze; the sun wouldn’t go down until after nine, but it was one of those Seattle summer nights when it was twilight for hours.
He put an arm around her, pulling her close as they walked across the street together and headed into the restaurant.
Once inside, they were led to a table where her entire family waited. She and Asa weren’t late. She’d gotten them there fifteen minutes early, even with the thing she and Asa had had at her place.
She should have known they would have been there twenty minutes early just to make her feel bad even when she hadn’t done anything wrong.
Julie grinned up at them, standing and heading over to hug her and smile at Asa. She held them in place, speaking quietly. “You’re early. Shawn and I bet Jay fifty bucks. He said you’d be ten minutes early. I said fifteen, so I win. Shawn said twenty.”
“How early were you?”
“I got here three minutes ago. Shawn and Jay only just put napkins on their laps when you two walked in, so don’t let them make you think they were here yesterday at dawn or something.”
PJ cringed inwardly. This weird family stuff must seem so strange to Asa. It was pretty embarrassing when she thought about how it must look from the outside. Then again, he’d totally kept an entire marriage from her and she was still annoyed.
Just because she was mad didn’t mean she wanted her family to make him feel bad. She hooked her hand at his arm and they went the rest of the way to the table, where her brothers stood and, after a poke from their mother, her father did as well.
Asa sent out so much charm PJ had to school her features. She gripped his arm a little tighter to keep from stroking his beard or kissing his neck. The man was lethal.
His hair had been drawn away from his face, exposing all that feral, masculine beauty. He wore a dark shirt with a tie that brought out the amber in his brown eyes. He was dressed appropriately for a meet-the-parents dinner. He cleaned up really well, while still being himself.
She introduced him to the siblings he hadn’t met yet before they turned to her parents. “This is my mother, Lenore Colman, and my father, Howard Colman. Mom, Dad, this is Asa Barrons.”
There was handshaking, though her father was cooler than usual; whether it was about Asa or the situation already existing with PJ leaving the company, she didn’t know. And cared about less as each day passed.
“I think we should get a few bottles of wine for the table,” Julie said as their server came over with bread once they’d all sat.
“I’ll have a scotch and soda,” her father said before Julie had finished her order.
PJ was sorry she hadn’t taken Asa up on his offer to get a drink before they showed up because before they were finished with appetizers her father had consumed his fourth scotch.
As it was, she kept herself to one glass of wine because she didn’t know what he might do. Which was disturbing as well as annoying and embarrassing.
Asa, though, kept it together. He asked Lenore about what she did, her hobbies and activities.
“We keep telling her she should run a party planning business.” PJ smiled at her mother. “When you’re invited over to Lenore’s for a meal you always say yes, because it’s going to be really good and she gives presents.”
Julie laughed, putting her head on their mother’s shoulder. “She does. When PJ and I had dinner with her recently she gave us each a silver frame with a picture of our grandmother in it.”
“I was just asking PJ about that photograph a few days ago.”
Of course, he’d been in her bed at the time and saw it on her dresser, but no one needed to hear that detail.
Her mother blushed as they kept talking about what everyone had been up to.
Finally, the most exasperated Lenore had ever been in public toward their father, she said, “Howard, you’re awfully quiet tonight. I was just telling Penelope how much we’ve been admiring her work. From the pictures and articles Shawn sent over last week, remember?”
Her father grunted but said nothing. Asa’s body language radiated anger though he kept a civil tongue and continued to talk with her siblings.
“Penelope tells me you’re gifted with machines.” Lenore shifted, her body language seemingly relaxed, though they all watched Howard somewhat warily as he ordered another drink.
“Excuse me a moment.” Jay got up, dropping his napkin on his seat before walking off.
PJ never found it hard to talk about Asa’s work. He never bragged on himself, so she had no problem doing it with her family. “He’s pretty amazing. Sometimes these cars come in and they’re a total mess. Half the original parts are totally destroyed because it was stored in a barn for sixty years or whatever. And then he shapes the metal and their shop machines new parts and when they’re done it’s totally art.”
Asa squeezed her hand and she blushed. “Sorry, she asked you, I know. I got a little excited to brag on you.”
He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. “It’s nice to be bragged on.” He turned to Lenore and they talked about restoration, and then transmissions when Shawn jumped in and Jay returned.
It wasn’t too long after they’d finished eating when Asa excused himself along with Shawn and Jay.
“You know they’re all going outside to look at Asa’s BMW, right?” PJ said to Julie.