With a snap, the thoughts that nearly had him climbing down broke off. Cold sweat rolled down the back of his neck. He’d come so close to listening. Pure insanity, yet it all seemed logical and reasonable. Kai rubbed his arms, shuddering. He was safe, for now at least. He checked the disc, still milky. He listened again, just the snarling of the darKounds below.
There was nothing for it. He had to go find Bree. Who knew what trouble she’d got herself into? Shutting his eyes against the dark, he plunged into the crevice, into the mountain.
~*~
Eva stuck her head out of Kai’s hospital room, “You coming?” They’d arrived at the hospital during visiting hours, and the corridors buzzed with people and flowers. For a moment, Eva considered coming back later when things had quietened down but there was no way she’d get TrissTessa back here again.
TrisTessa hung back, pale, crunching the edges of her teal shirt in sweaty palms. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“He needs you.”
“What if he’s not mine?”
“There’s a fifty percent chance of that.” Eva shrugged. “But what if he is?”
TrisTessa’s eyes widened until the whites shown all around the irises. “Exactly!”
Eva ran out of psychology. She sighed and took the older woman’s hand. “Just come.”
TrisTessa allowed Eva to pull her into Kai’s room. They crossed the floor slowly, TrisTessa’s face expressionless. Eva moved a chair closer for her and rounded the bed to sit down on the other side.
TrisTessa stood rooted, breathing. Only her eyes moved, seeming to hungrily take in a hundred tiny details as if to burn them into her barren memory. Kai shuddered in his sleep, moaned, and TrisTessa’s legs gave way beneath her. She felt for the chair Eva had brought and sank into it.
Eva used the moment to study them both. The resemblance was uncanny, particularly their noses. “He looks like you.”
TrisTessa nodded, a half-smile playing on her worried lips. “I think so, too. He needs a shave.” Her voice caught. “Oh…look.” Her fingers touched the skin on his temple. Her eyes filled with tears, “He’s my boy.”
Eva came around the bed. TrisTessa pointed at a silvery mark just outside the hairline.
“It looks like a treble clef. A birthmark?”
The smile left her face, she nodded. “It was there when he was born, but faded over those first few months.” Her fingers found the crumpled edge of her top, adding more creases. “What happened?”
“He was hit by a bus, just outside his home. Judging by how long he’s been in here and the letter, he was on his way to meet you.”
A tear slid down TrisTessa’s cheek. “I thought he’d changed his mind about meeting me. He had every right to do that after what I did to him.”
Curiosity burned in Eva. She pushed it aside. “He needs to find the will to live. Maybe you can help.”
Their eyes locked across Kai’s broken body.
TrisTessa shrugged, “What can I do? I know TV shows always show families speaking to loved ones in comas, but he won’t know my voice.”
“We can pray.” Eva took Kai’s hand in hers.
TrisTessa breathed deeply, hesitating. Finally, her hand shot out and took Kai’s.
Their heads dropped and their spirits engaged with Heaven.
11
The split in the rock was narrow enough for Kai to walk with his hands to the sides, touching both walls without having to stretch his arms. He reached overhead. The roof of rock above him was an arm’s length up. This rock felt rough, scratchy like bricks – not the marble-like smoothness of the first cave.
The darkness was absolute.
Kai shut his eyes tight, choosing not to think about what he wasn’t seeing in the dark. Opening his eyes wouldn’t help him to see, but shutting them tightly put him in control. He couldn’t see because he chose not to, not because the blackness was so thick he could swallow it and not be hungry. He kept going, putting one foot in front of the next. Tiny beads of sweat popped out on his forehead, his palms.
The walls widened suddenly, forcing Kai to choose left, right, or centre. Right seemed more logical. Using both his hands, he felt his way along. The monotony of it, together with the unending dark, lulled him. As he pushed on, his mind tumbled between Runt and Bree. He was not hero material, he had to get home. It would be better to leave them and worry about himself. Even as he thought this, his feet carried him closer to Bree.
His next step was onto nothingness. He overbalanced and fell, sliding down a tunnel that angled away beneath him. It quickly became a narrow slide and he picked up speed, friction toasting his rear, burning down the back of his thighs. His feet hit the bottom, pitching him forward into a wall of rock that stopped him. Running water sounded all around. It just didn’t get better than this. It took a few moments to realize that he felt no wetness.
Kai eased himself onto his rear, taking stock of his battered body. The space was small enough that he had his legs drawn up to his chest, back curved to fit. Forcing deep breaths, his fingers explored the rock, trying to get some idea of what he’d landed in. The floor of the tiny cave curved beneath him. He was in a bubble inside solid rock, not much bigger than he was.
His heart thundered in his ears, pumping blood and adrenalin through him at rocket speed. The chute he’d slid down angled off above him. Climbing back out proved impossible; the walls were too smooth for his fingers to grip. Mind running like a hamster in a wheel, he sank into a small ball, pulled tightly into himself, and tried not to touch the walls.
All of this was supposedly not real, yet the skin down his legs burned fiery, fingertips wept liquid, and try as he might, the tight circle of rock around him simply refused to dissolve at his command. If he was dying, it wouldn’t be in this putrid uniform. Elbows scraping rock, he awkwardly unlaced the heavy boots and pulled his feet free. They rolled in under him, cluttering the small space even more, pushing his back up against the rock.
God, help me.
He shrugged out of the leather, feeling every inch the shy St. Gregory’s hostel kid who would change under his blanket to avoid being mocked for his countable ribs and pale skin. He bunched the uniform up beneath him, his back firm against the roof of the crawlspace. Zee had said to find Tau. She’d also told him to flee the darkness. He was meant to find the backpack and map, rescue Runt, and keep Bree safe. What a sick, sad joke. All he’d managed was to get himself stuck.
Keep breathing. Don’t panic. God, help me.
Something snapped. Rejecting the onslaught of images, the adrenalin, the fear, Kai’s brain stamped its foot, and threw up a blank screen. A white sheet of nothingness. A blissful respite.
Wait. A. Moment.
Words began forming. Letters chasing through white in liquid-gold fire, sparkling with LifeLight. An overwhelming urge began building in his belly, yet it did not come from him. He clamped his jaw shut, puzzling over the source.
Sing.
I’m losing my mind.
Sing the Words.
This was bound to happen. My mind has snapped. Too much weirdness.
Don’t think, just feel My Life in you. If you agree, sing!
He scanned the first sentence. The letters looked nothing like he’d seen before, yet as his eyes ran across each curve, he knew what they said. If you agree…
“Never belonging, you seek to find…”
As Kai whispered out the words, river-noise grew louder, swelling as a stream in flood.
“Someone.”
The rock beneath him began to quiver. More words appeared, blazing brighter with each syllable he sang.
“I Am.”
Liquid joy coursed through his cramped body.
“I Am your Light. I Am your Life. I Am yours and you are Mine.”
As the words slipped from his lips, vibrations shuddered through the rock all around him. He put out his hands to steady himself. The rock in front of him shattered at his touch, splintering, shooting shards
. Kai buried his face against his knees. What a strange way to die.
The shaking stopped, and he felt a cool mist on the back of his hands. Squeezing his eyes shut, his fingers probed beneath him. No cracks. Maybe he wouldn’t be plunging to a grisly end just yet. Peeping through one eye, he found two thirds of the rock surrounding him had fallen away. In its place, a curtain of red liquid ran freely, the source of the water sound he’d been hearing all along. Each drop seemed alight, alive, filling the hole which had trapped it with a shimmering wash of red light.
What now?
Come to Me.
The words bounced and echoed around him, light and free. His heart ached. Glancing down, the jeans and T-shirt were gone, and he was hollow again. All that was left inside his transparent shell, brooding dark, swirling emptiness—a black hole. To take such blackness into the light would do one thing, and one thing alone. Destroy him.
Yet that didn’t seem so bad.
But who would want him?
“You don’t know what you’re asking. I’m not like you.” I am abandoned. Not loved. Not loveable. Cursed with Affinity. Broken, irreparably broken. When you see—
I know you. Come!
~*~
Eva’s fingers burned on the hot cups. She reversed into the swing door and bumped it open with her backside. She slid in quick and moved out of the way so it could spring shut without bumping her and making her spill.
TrisTessa sat where she’d been when Eva left to find cocoa, but she’d reached out for Kai’s hand and clung to it as if she were drowning. Her face was wet with tears.
Eva put a cup down next to TrisTessa and took a sip from her own.
“That display in the gallery, it’s about him, isn’t it?”
TrisTessa sighed, “I’d wondered whether I should put that up. I hoped it would help him find me.”
“Why did you give him up?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She glared at Eva as if she hadn’t bathed all year. She turned back to Kai, muttering under her breath, shutting Eva out.
“I’m sorry, I assumed—”
“You assumed wrong. His father took him when he was just six months old and left. Kai was not even crawling yet. I spent every cent trying to find him, trying to get him back. I posted on every website I could find, created hundreds of profiles, never knowing if he’d even go looking.”
“Did you try the police?”
“Oh, yes. I can only think his father got to them first. Let’s just say he was a very influential man. They wouldn’t help me.” Her gaze never left Kai’s face all the time she spoke.
Eva felt the sharp prick of tears and fished a crumpled tissue out her pocket. She smoothed it on the bed before wrapping it around her nose, blowing hard.
TrisTessa kept on speaking, oblivious to the noise, “He made contact with me a month ago. I don’t know how he found me. We sent a few short emails to each other. It was weird—not knowing if he was the one. I imagine he felt the same. It was all so tentative, awkward. Email felt wrong, so I wrote him a letter, on paper with ink—asking if he’d meet me.”
Eva sat stuck to the chair, pinned by this woman’s pain.
TrisTessa kept her gaze on Kai. “I sat at the coffee shop all day. Just in case.” She sniffed and rubbed her nose. “I didn’t blame him for not coming.” She squeezed his hand as if it would heal him, wash away the years of being apart. There were fresh tears in her eyes when she looked up. “I never imagined this.”
~*~
It was more than claustrophobia that drove Kai—more than the need to get out of this too-small place. Whoever was speaking to him, knew him.
In fact, this unknown person actually seemed to like him.
This struck Kai as odd, yet it warmed him in a way he hadn’t felt for as long as he could remember. One thought overshadowed everything else—he wanted to know the owner of the voice. Not a mere wave, and ‘ah, that’s who you are’ knowing. That wouldn’t do. He wanted the knowing that came with being known through and through, of being understood. The kind of knowing that only came with belonging.
From deep in the rock, Bree screamed. The sound was muffled, as if she were the pea under the hundred mattresses below the princess.
Kai filled his lungs, though they apparently weren’t there in reality, shut his eyes tight, and crawled towards the liquid curtain. A tingling shock passed through his body as the top of his head broke the surface. As he touched the liquid, Bree’s scream cut off.
The liquid was neither cold, nor hot, nor lukewarm. It was…alive. It covered his head, his skin. The scent of it was familiar, metallic, yet nothing he could place. He felt a vibration of energy pass through him as he pushed forward. Images flew at him…a storm of LightSucker’s zooming towards him, but dodging and landing on someone else.
A tight circle of DarKounds, stalking closer on acid-padded feet, left smoking paw prints in the stone.
He cringed in fear, but they passed by as if he weren’t there and followed another scent. Hooded accusers, faces contorted, sticking hot-poker fingers into every burning guilt, then the whoosh of being lifted out. No longer there to be prodded or mocked. Invisible to every enemy. Taunts filled his ears, no longer aimed at him, but another.
Then a roar, as if out of the deepest belly of the earth.
IT IS FINISHED.
Crystal silence drifted like a feather fell.
Instantly, the ache of living that he’d carried for so long simply lifted off him. Contentment dripped through his body like warm butter on fresh bread to a starving soul. Once more aware of the liquid flowing over him, soaking into his pores, he kept moving. All the way through. He kept his eyes shut, basking in the delicious feeling of sunlight on his skin. No, that wasn’t it—sunlight inside his skin.
He felt his way forward. The heavy pounding of the stream became the splatter of droplets, then stopped completely. Kai could feel space around himself, and by the breeze that raised goose bumps on his arms, he knew he was no longer trapped in the rock. Around him on every side was so much light, he couldn’t look just yet. Pitching forward, he rolled onto his back, limbs flung wide, and gasped down great mouthfuls of air. He swung his arms and legs and made angels in non-existent snow. He lifted his hand over his closed eyes, but no shadow rested upon his eyelids. Odd, in such a bright place.
Kai risked a peep and sat up with a gasp. He was still see-through, but the darkness that had filled him was gone. In its place, LifeLight danced through him. He clutched his belly; a giggle of delight rippled through him.
“So what’s the story with you and shoes?”
It was the same voice that had coaxed Kai through the liquid, as rich as the colours of autumn, as familiar as his own face in a mirror.
Kai was still patting himself in disbelief, chuckling. At the word shoe, he looked up. The owner of the voice was ordinary in every way. He sat on a boulder, a stone’s throw away, eyeing Kai with a sparkle in his eyes. His shaggy brown hair seemed to have a mind of its own, and he pushed it back absently. He wore a baggy white shirt and denims with the sleeves and pants rolled up. His skin was tanned and his feet were as bare as Kai’s.
Kai frowned, “Where are your shoes?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
As much as he tried, Kai couldn’t resist looking down. In an instant he was clothed once more in skin, covered by a white shirt and denims—a mirror image of the man on the rock. Even down to the bare feet. Still bare. Kai sighed.
The man grinned as if he couldn’t help himself.
Kai changed the subject. “Who are you? What is this place?”
“Kai, listen to me. We don’t have much time. Bree needs you.”
“How do you know about Bree?” He looked around, trying to make sense of where he was. There were no walls here, just brightness so dazzling he couldn’t see past the edges of it. It was like being caught between a dozen spotlights, the kind of blindness that lends one enough confidence to sing in fro
nt of a million strangers.
“I know… as much as I need to.”
“Well that’s just vague. Who are you?”
“Look me in the eye and tell me who you think I am.”
Kai shuffled closer, feeling awkward. Their gazes locked and Kai felt a jolt of recognition through his body. The man was a stranger, completely ordinary, yet in his eyes swirled galaxies, the birth of the sun and earth, laughter, liquid honey, warmth, love. There was no mistaking Eternity in His eyes.
“You’re Him, aren’t you? The one Zee told me to find. Tau.”
The man laughed, and the sound danced through Kai, wrapping him in a blanket of complete acceptance.
“Some call me that, yes. You see well, my friend. It’s part of why I called you here.”
“You called me? Must be someone else you’re thinking of. I didn’t hear anything.”
“Not all things said are to be heard with ears, Kai.”
“You speak in riddles.”
“Perhaps. Come here, there’s something I want to show you.” He turned his back to Kai, breathed in deeply and blew out. The air from his lungs swirled through mist Kai hadn’t even noticed was there. It blew back to reveal a stone wall the colour of a warm, setting sun. An arched window was built into the stone. It was low enough to climb through, but it stretched up high, taller than Kai. A faint breeze blew through the opening.
The man hooked a leg over, swung the other through, and patted the open space next to him. “Come sit.”
Kai hung back. There were blue skies on the other side of that window. And most likely a drop that would kill if he slipped off by accident.
“You won’t die.”
The man grinned as though he’d been listening in on every thought crossing Kai’s mind. Had he said it out loud?
The stone was smooth and cold beneath him, and his feet swung free. He stretched a toe, hoping to feel solid earth, but there was none. His feet hung suspended in the sky. Kai thought his fingers might leave dents in the rock.
“You ready?”
When Kai kept his eyes on the comfortable and happy man next to him, the tension in his muscles eased. Kai nodded.
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