John wasn’t surprised. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
“It’s okay,” Maddy replied. She could feel the tears surfacing, and didn’t want to make any more of a spectacle. “I’ll just say good-bye to Blake and Parker.” She picked up her purse, took a deep breath, and looked at John again. “This was fun tonight. Thank you for inviting me. I’m sorry; sometimes it just hits and I…” She expelled a breath and blinked. She wasn’t going to last much longer.
“Please don’t apologize,” John quietly interrupted her. He wanted to tell her that he understood – to comfort her somehow – but he knew that she needed her space. “We’re glad you came tonight. Maybe we can do this again?”
Maddy nodded with a small smile. John walked her through the house and helped to expedite the good-byes with his boys. They watched from the porch as she pulled out of the drive.
“I wish she could stay and play Uno,” Parker sighed.
John squeezed his shoulder. “We’ll have her over again.”
“With Burt, right?” Parker regained his enthusiasm. Blake seemed to perk up too.
“We’ll see, guys,” John answered. “Right now it’s time to get ready for bed.”
Once she was in her car and driving down the street, Maddy’s defenses gave way, and the tears flowed freely. They continued as she walked into her house and absently greeted Burt. She dropped her keys and purse on the floor, and leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes, unsuccessfully fighting the awful memories. Sliding down the wall, she sat on the floor, her arms wrapped around her knees, looking sadly up at her anxious dog. She finally dropped down and wept. Burt lay down next to her and sighed. Maddy wrapped her arms around his neck and cried some more. He kept his post patiently until her grief was spent, and then licked her face when it reappeared from the tangle of her hair.
nine
Otis stopped by after church the next morning. Tired as she was, Maddy was glad for the company, and led him to her porch.
“I’ve got a special delivery,” he said, pulling a bundle of napkins out of his pocket. He laid it on the table. “Hand-picked by Parker, and wrapped by Blake,” he said with satisfaction. “John wanted to send coffee, but I don’t have those fancy cup holders in my truck, and I didn’t think it would travel well in my pocket.” He tried to get a smile out of Maddy.
“Thanks, Otis,” she said. “Can you stay for lunch?”
“I don’t know,” she said as they finished their sandwiches. “It sounds easy, the way you talk about it, but it’s really… hard,” she finished, for lack of a better argument.
“Forgiveness came at quite a price. I figure God has the right to tell us how to do it.”
“I can’t argue with that,” Maddy said softly. She hadn’t forgotten everything she’d learned in Sunday School. “But what if you feel like part of your issue is with God? I mean,” she hesitated, struggling to express herself. “Sometimes I feel angry with Him for letting this whole thing happen.”
She knew she wasn’t alone. Many of her friends were disillusioned, and had abandoned any religious practices that they’d grown up with, and God along with them. Some of them, if they were honest, didn’t actually reject the concept of God, they were angry with Him.
“The trouble is,” Otis replied slowly, “people have this idea that God owes them something, as though creating them, redeeming them and promising them a perfect eternity weren’t enough.” He shook his head. “Jesus never said that life on this Earth would be easy. In fact, He assured us that it would be hard. Most of us have it so good that we can’t comprehend suffering, and when it happens, we’re shocked and angry with God.” He stopped and looked out over the water.
“Somehow we’ve come to believe in this image of God as a sort of genie figure who grants our wishes when we pray. That’s fine, as long as everything goes our way. But as soon as something goes wrong we get angry, because that doesn’t fit our image of how we think God should behave.
“People don’t take the time to get to know God the way He chose to reveal himself, and that’s through this,” Otis put his hand gently on his Bible. “The truth is all in here, and everything we need for sorting it out when life hurts.” Otis sighed. “I guess people don’t want to work that hard.”
Maddy knew she hadn’t been willing to work hard at it. It was much easier to assume that God was unfair, and reject or ignore Him altogether. Another thought occurred to her, and she looked at her friend, aware that he’d also experienced his share of pain.
“Otis, you don’t have to answer this, but when your wife…”
“Louisa,” he supplied.
“Yes, Louisa. When she died, when God took her from you,” she added, “weren’t you angry with Him?”
“I was devastated, without a doubt,” he conceded. “She got so sick, and I hated to see her suffer.” The tears slowly formed in his eyes. “But if you’re going to talk about God taking her from me, then you’ve got to follow it through and acknowledge that He also gave her to me. I didn’t deserve that, either,” Otis said quietly.
Maddy ached for him. “I’m sorry to bring up something so painful.”
“Believe it or not, it helps to talk about her,” Otis answered. He turned earnestly to Maddy. “I know that you feel like something was taken away from you. I don’t know what you went through with that boy in Seattle. What was his name?”
“Phil.”
“I don’t know what that Phil put you through, but it must have been pretty bad to make you feel like you looked this morning.”
Maddy nodded grimly. She was a wreck when Otis stopped by to pick her up for church. He hadn’t argued at all when she declined to go.
“But as long as we’re talking about God giving and taking, did it ever occur to you that God took you away from Phil, and for good reason?”
This concept bewildered Maddy. The way her relationship had ended, it felt an awful lot like she was the one who came up empty-handed.
“Again, I don’t know the fellow,” Otis pressed, “but knowing what you know about him now, can’t you at least acknowledge that maybe God did you a favor by taking him out of your life? Maybe it didn’t happen in a very nice way, I don’t know, but did you ever think that God allowed that, so when you finally healed up inside you would never second-guess whether that boy, that Phil, was really the right man for you?”
Maddy sat quietly, her mind spinning in a new direction. “You’re probably right,” she said.
Otis nodded, not sure what else to say. He hadn’t expected to challenge her like that, and he certainly hadn’t expected to be ‘probably right’ so soon.
Maddy continued to be pensive, so he got up and stretched his back. “I’d better go home and take my nap,” he declared. “Preaching makes me awfully tired.”
Maddy smiled a little and stood up with him. “I’ll give some thought to what you said,” she promised.
“You do that,” Otis replied, squeezing her hand. He started down the steps and then turned. “You taking a day of rest?”
“Actually, I was thinking of doing some Spackling.”
Otis waved her off with a grin and made his way home. Maddy went inside and got out her tools. She might as well put her body to work while her mind reeled.
John arrived at Maddy’s house a few minutes early Monday morning. He’d missed her the day before, and had a restless night thinking about her. By the time he walked up to her porch to start work, he felt like he’d already put in a full day.
He was about to knock when he noticed a suitcase just inside the door. His mind raced with the possibilities: She’s going back to Seattle, she’s going to her parents’, she’s leaving for a week, for a month, forever… He stopped to get his head together before going in. Whatever her suitcase was doing there, there was a reasonable explanation.
He heard footsteps, and Maddy appeared at the door.
“Hey,” she said.
“Come on in.”
“Morning,” John replied. She looked a little tired, but he thought she looked good.
“You look awful,” she observed.
“Thanks, Maddy.”
She grinned. “You just look so tired. Let me get you some coffee.”
“I think I need some.” John followed her toward the kitchen. “You look nice. Going somewhere?”
Maddy stopped and turned, but in his weary state John ran right into her with a fair amount of force. He grabbed her waist with one hand and the doorframe with the other, effectively keeping them both from falling to the floor.
The threat having clearly passed, they remained very still and very close for several interesting moments.
Maddy finally broke the spell. “Sorry about that. I don’t think I drew blood.” She patted his shoulders where she’d grabbed him.
“No, it was my fault,” he insisted, slowly releasing his grip on her. “I didn’t sleep much last night, so my reflexes are a little slow.”
“Well, you kept us both from hitting the floor.” She was still smoothing his shirt. It was smooth from his collar, all the way across his shoulders. A considerable distance, Maddy decided.
While John appreciated her concern, the effect of her smoothing was anything but calming. He gently took her hands. “I’m sorry, Maddy, but if you comfort me anymore, I’m going to forget why I’m here and start behaving… unprofessionally. I’m going to walk way over there and pour myself some coffee, okay?”
With that he squeezed her hands, and then gently dropped them and walked past her into the kitchen. Maddy leaned against the counter and watched him pour his coffee. Good thing I’m getting out of town.
John sat down and smiled at her over his mug. “Too frank?” he asked with an impish grin.
“Frank, or not, it was probably smart,” Maddy breathed, walking over to get her own mug. She stood on the other side of the counter. “So, why didn’t you sleep? Are you okay?” She’d slept like a baby, which she really needed after the awful night before.
“A lot on my mind, I guess,” John answered. “So, you going out of town?”
“Yeah, I thought it might be a good idea,” Maddy began.
Here we go, he thought, steeling himself.
“I’m heading up the coast to do some antique shopping.”
That’s it? “For how long?”
“Oh, I don’t know, most of the day, probably. I packed a bag in case I get involved and decide to spend the night along the way.”
That’s it? “What will you do if you find something big?”
“I thought of that,” Maddy replied smugly. “Otis is lending me his truck. He’ll use my car if he needs it.”
“Right.” It made sense. She needed to start decorating the house, and antiquing along the coast of Maine was the way to do it.
“Otis and I had a really good talk yesterday. Well, he talked and I listened,” Maddy qualified. “He gave me a lot to think about, and I figured it would be good to drive for a while and think and process, and shop,” she added with a smile.
John nodded and yawned.
“Am I boring you?”
He stretched his arms, grinning. “I think you should stay home.”
Maddy sipped her coffee. “You’re funny when you’re tired.” She walked over to get her keys and purse, but John caught her hand as she passed. She stopped and looked at their joined hands and then at him.
John stood up. “Be careful, okay?”
“Be careful, yourself,” Maddy replied. “Are you sure you’re going to be safe working with tools?”
John dropped her hand. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just make Frank do all the hard stuff.”
“Well, you’d better get some sleep,” she said, backing out to the porch to get Burt’s leash. “Burt, come!” she called over her shoulder.
She let her dog into the kitchen as John refilled his coffee. “I’m going to take him over to Otis’ house. You’ll be sure to lock up when you leave tonight? I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“Of course,” John said, following her through the house.
Maddy picked up her suitcase and walked down the steps to the drive, Burt trotting happily beside her. John watched as she climbed up into Otis’ dusty truck in her sundress. She put her suitcase inside, and Burt tried to follow, which resulted in an entertaining little scuffle between them. John grinned at her efforts to manhandle Burt, who was obviously intent on accompanying her. She got out of the truck and tried to drag her dog over to Otis’ house.
“Do you need a hand?” John called out, walking down the steps.
She looked up in exasperation. “I should have just left him at home,” she said. “Now he knows I’m going somewhere, and he’s being impossible.”
“He’s going to miss you,” John commiserated, taking the leash from her. Burt stopped straining and sat quietly.
Maddy looked from one to the other of them, finally meeting John’s sympathetic gaze. “Oh, quit feeling sorry for him; he’ll sense your weakness.” She scratched Burt’s ears and then asked, “Do you mind taking him back over to the house for me?”
“No problem,” he answered. “I’ll deliver him to Otis when I leave this afternoon.” They walked back around the truck together.
“You might consider jeans the next time you borrow this vehicle,” John suggested, holding the door for her as she climbed behind the wheel.
She smiled and rolled her eyes. “See you later,” she called, and backed out of the drive.
Maddy glanced at her map as she drove through town. Confirming her route up the coast, she settled in for the drive. Otis’ radio came in sporadically at best, so she gave up trying to tune in a station. She settled for the sound of the seagulls as Clairmont disappeared behind her.
In the first little town she encountered, she found one antique shop on the main street. The store carried more craft-type decor than antiques, so after looking around briefly, Maddy headed to the next town. Thirty miles on the map took almost an hour on the winding back roads, which often paralleled the rocky ocean coast. Maddy marveled that this scenic area was now her home.
She pulled into the next town and found three antique shops. In the first store, furniture of all shapes and sizes filled the multi-roomed shop, some of it arranged into little sitting areas but most of it just crammed haphazardly wherever it would fit. Smaller chests sat on top of larger ones, and old dishes and odds and ends filled the shelves, countertops and cupboards. Some pieces were obviously very old and in varying degrees of disrepair. Many had potential, but a few just needed to be hauled to the dump. Still, Maddy felt like she had entered a world of long ago, and she took her time wandering the aisles. This was the kind of place she had imagined when she set out in the morning.
She had taken measurements of the bedrooms, and had a general idea of the furniture she wanted. Nothing significant in the first store caught her attention, but she did pick up a beveled mirror, a pitcher and bowl, some candlesticks, and a beautiful old quilt rack. The owner wrapped each item carefully, and a teenage boy brought them out to the truck. Maddy thanked the young man as he finished loading, offering him a tip, which he refused with a shy grin.
She drove around the corner to the next store, and there she found a headboard that she really liked. It was expensive, so she tried a bit of haggling, which she found didn’t come very naturally to her. The clerk wasn’t ready to give much on the price, and Maddy returned to her shopping, contemplating another approach. She was delighted to find a sleigh bed in the back of the store, and decided to make an offer on the two together. This went over much better with the surprised clerk, and Maddy left the store very satisfied. Two of her rooms were underway.
She found the last store on her way out of town. It was a light-brown aluminum building, and she pulled hesitantly into the parking lot, which was almost empty. The sign on a free-standing marquis out front advertised an “antiq e inven ory blo out ale.
”
Inside, Maddy observed that most of the inventory had already been blown out, and the leftovers were composed of an alarming amount of worn wicker. She circled the store, trying not to look as dismayed as she felt, and then left again, deciding she’d had enough antique shopping for one day.
Just after the supper hour, Maddy pulled into a quaint little B&B and parked near a freshly painted red barn. Parking, she reminded herself. She had plenty of room, but she would need to mark the area better for her guests. She’d have to ask John what he thought about paving the lot. Getting out of her car, she admired the lovely gardens surrounding the house. Someone around there definitely had a green thumb.
Maddy walked up onto the front porch, taking in all of the details as she knocked on the door. She liked the large planters that held a variety of flowers. A number of hanging baskets also adorned the front of the house, and Maddy admired the purple flowers that hung from them.
A woman in her sixties, Maddy guessed, came to the door.
“You must be Miss Jacobs,” she said warmly. “Please, come in. I’m Carolyn Evans,” the innkeeper extended her hand. “I’m glad you found us.”
“Your directions were very good,” Maddy assured her. “Thank you for having me on such short notice.”
“You never know from one day to the next what kind of availability you’ll have,” Mrs. Evans informed her. “We just had three couples leave this morning.”
“Your house is lovely,” Maddy said, taking in the decor and the unique aura of the entranceway. It was more ornate than she liked, but it certainly made a statement. One that many people appreciated, judging by the thick and well-used guest book on the table. She’d have to remember that detail, too.
“Thank you so much, dear,” her hostess answered. She took Maddy’s suitcase and set it by the stairs. “I’ll have David take that upstairs to your room later. Why don’t we go into the parlor and have tea?”
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