A few minutes later, Maddy emerged with her blouse and slacks neatly folded. She put them in her car, and then joined the boys be-hind the shed. John greeted her with a whistle of appreciation, and the others also acknowledged how nicely her lime-green sweat pants matched John’s shirt and her sandals. She spun around to model her ensemble.
“I’m not sure why someone left their pants at church, but I’m taking advantage,” she announced. She finished twirling and looked down. “They seemed clean.” She looked up with a grin and a shrug, and walked into the shed.
“I’ll need a rake!” she called out to no one in particular.
John answered her call, following her into the small building. “Here’s the rake,” he began, reaching behind her.
“Here he is, indeed,” Maddy grinned back slyly.
John hovered over her, the temptation to behave in a rakish way fairly compelling, the lime-green pants aside. He listened for the sound of young feet having followed, but it remained quiet. He then pulled a startled Maddy into his arms and kissed her more completely than he had, as yet, done.
Maddy didn’t hesitate long before returning his greeting with equal fervor. She hadn’t been in his arms like that; it was unnerving and wonderful and very short-lived.
He pulled away, looking intently into her eyes. No one had joined them yet, and Maddy’s heart pounded as she looked up at him.
John backed up. “I’m sorry.”
Maddy could hardly articulate a response. She looked from John to the door, expecting company at any moment.
“They’re pretty intent on a rabbit hole they found behind the shed,” he explained. “That’s why I… I’m sorry, Maddy.”
“Why are you sorry?” She finally found her voice. “It was fun! Surprising, but definitely fun.”
John just shook his head.
“Were you happy that I wanted to rake?” Maddy reached up to touch his curls.
John smiled, but pulled her hand away. “I’m sorry. We can’t do this right now.”
Maddy looked up at him, putting her hands instead on her velour-clad hips. “Oh, you can kiss me like you’re… like we’re…” she hesitated. What was that kiss? “But I can’t even touch your hair? Who’s making the rules here?” She kept her voice low. Rabbit holes could only be interesting for so long.
“I don’t know,” John said, again backing away. Maddy looked hurt, but he didn’t trust himself to touch her.
“You didn’t mean it?” she asked. What kind of question is that?
“Oh, I meant it,” John assured her, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You waltzed out there in my shirt, and every bit of control I’ve been trying to exercise over the past few weeks just evaporated.” He looked at her helplessly. “I’d better go see what the boys are doing.”
Bewildered and a little steamed, Maddy watched him disappear through the door. With a sigh, she looked around the orderly shed. Pulling the rake off its hook, she marched out of the door and ran right into her contractor. Luckily, she didn’t smack him with the rake, accidentally or otherwise.
“Maddy, I’m sorry,” John said, holding her gently by the shoulders, but keeping a distance. “I shouldn’t have walked out on you.”
She agreed, but didn’t immediately respond. He dropped his hands. “Okay,” she answered. “I have work to do.”
She walked past him into the yard and began raking earnestly. Blake and Parker soon joined her, picking up the larger sticks and piling them near the campfire pit. John helped Otis clean up the parking lot, enlisting the help of other worshipers as they arrived.
Before long, a group of about a dozen people gathered, and restored the church to its pre-storm beauty. The church itself had sustained little damage. The work was largely cosmetic, combing through the gardens and sweeping up debris. A general air of celebration prevailed, as people shared their stories of making it through the storm, and especially as they found out that Rachel’s baby had been born.
The church grounds were in good shape by noon, and most of the group agreed to have lunch together at Theo’s, if the store was open. Maddy declined, claiming that her feet were hurting, and bid a quick farewell while John was busy. Blake and Parker waved her off, promising to take good care of Otis.
Once home, it didn’t take long to unload the unattractive legwear, and especially the sandals. She took off her bandages and washed out her cuts. Maddy hesitated, but only briefly, when it came to removing John’s shirt. She was pretty sure she was irritated with him, and she wasn’t going to get distracted by the smell and feel of his shirt against her skin.
She donned her own shorts and tank top, and threw his shirt in with a load of laundry. Before she could brood on her porch, however, she had to move the furniture back out from the kitchen, which only added to her sense of frustration. Finally sitting in her “happy place,” Maddy scowled as she ate her lunch in silence, Burt lying quietly at her feet.
After her meal, she took another limp around the property. She found that one of the windows in the shed had been broken, so she put up a make-shift covering until one of John’s crew could replace it. She picked up the branches in the yard and then decided to rest her feet. She wasn’t sure what one did to clean the beach, anyway. The storm had washed up quite a bit of interesting debris, but she figured she’d wait until the boys had a chance to look through the intriguing mess.
Some time later she pulled John’s shirt out of the dryer and folded it carefully. She looked at it a moment, and then pressed it to her face, her mind going back to his kiss. It was the kind of kiss she imagined might have happened in the midst of the thrill of the storm as they huddled by her fireplace. Instead, John had been very careful while they were alone together for hours. Then this morning, in the church shed, he kissed her with a fire that still took her breath away.
Maddy put another load in the dryer. John seemed mortified that he’d kissed her like that, and really seemed to regret it. She went to her room and sat down at her computer. She knew she’d fallen fast for John. She’d been pretty reckless for someone determined to protect herself.
Once again, she resolved to rein things in a bit. It was time to insist on a few bans of her own.
The website was shaping up nicely, and Maddy looked forward to plugging in the details of the rooms, once she got them decorated. When she disciplined her mind, she found that she had plenty to keep her occupied and challenged.
After wrapping up her computer work, she gave Burt a short walk and made a salad. She took her furniture list to the porch while she ate, and evaluated what was left to buy. She considered the mattresses she had yet to purchase. It would probably be worth driving up to Augusta to some sort of outlet store.
“Maddy?”
She jumped at the sound of John’s voice. He walked up the steps, and Maddy’s newly focused and disciplined heart began to race.
“Hey, John,” she said, cool and casual.
“Mind if I join you?”
“Of course not. Sit down.”
John pulled out a chair. “What are you working on?”
“My furniture list.”
“I see.”
“I need to get those mattresses.”
“There are some decent stores in Augusta.”
“That’s what I figured. I’ll probably go this week sometime.”
“I’m going up on Tuesday, and my business shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours. If you want to come with me, I could show you some places that might give you a good deal.”
That’s all I need, Maddy thought, mattress shopping with John. “Sure,” she found herself saying. “I’d appreciate the help.”
Burt was fairly insistent on John’s attention, and he allowed his focus to remain on the wolfhound. Maddy seemed a little withdrawn as she looked at her list on the table. She appeared deep in thought, serious and focused. She was also still wearing his shirt.
�
��The yard looks good; you must have worked hard around here today,” he observed.
“Yeah, I got the big pieces picked up. Oh,” she looked up. “There’s a window in the shed that’s broken. I covered it, but it’s going to need a more permanent fix.”
“I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
The dryer buzzer sounded and Maddy said, “Oh, I washed your shirt. Oh!” she looked down. She forgot that she’d slipped it back on.
She looked up, ready to scowl in response to whatever John was doing. He simply leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed, one hand casually stroking his chin and covering his mouth which had an unmistakable grin. His eyes were crinkling on the sides. She loved that part of his smile, usually. Right now she didn’t like it so much.
She began to take the shirt off, which effectively changed John’s smug little smile. That much was satisfying, she thought as she pulled it over her head, revealing her tank top underneath.
“I was just trying to remember to give it back to you,” she muttered.
John had regained his smile as she handed him the newly folded shirt. “So, did you know I was coming, or were you were going to wear it until tomorrow morning?”
Maddy gave him a sour look. “No. Maybe. Where are the boys?”
“They went to a movie with the neighbors,” John answered. “I thought I’d come over and see what you were up to.”
“You might have called first.”
“I probably should have,” John acknowledged. “But neither of my phones work, and I really didn’t want to give you the opportunity to say no.”
Maddy smiled a little. Deep down, she was happy that he was sitting on her porch. “Can I get you something to drink?”
John followed her into the kitchen, and Maddy poured lemonade. They sat down at the counter and sipped their drinks, uncertain how to begin to sort out the strangeness of the morning.
“Maddy,” John began.
“If you apologize again for kissing me, I’ll…”
John sat back. “You’ll what?”
“I don’t know,” Maddy blew some hair out of her eyes. “What were you going to say?”
“I was going to ask why you didn’t come to lunch with us.”
Maddy played with her glass, watching the ice cubes swirl around. “I guess I was still upset with you.”
“Okay.” John waited for more.
“It’s just that you were irrational, and it scared me.”
John grimaced. It was a fair observation. “I know. It scared me, too.”
Maddy looked up at him. “But which part do you think was irrational? Kissing me or shutting me out afterward?”
Ouch. “Both, I think.”
“If you think kissing me was irrational…”
“Maddy, I don’t regret kissing you.” He looked at her earnestly. “It just scared me; the lack of control I felt. If I can’t control myself in the church shed, with my boys around the corner, then what will I do when I’m alone with you?”
Maddy looked around. Like right now? There was a part of her that really wanted to find out. Another part of her had the good sense to acknowledge his struggle.
“Well, we decided that we’re in this together, both ‘doing our part,’ so to speak,” she said.
John nodded. “And you did your part to stop my rather sudden advances this morning?”
She inhaled, stopped. What could she say?
“Nothing was going to happen in the church shed,” she finally answered. Was it?
John grinned. “No thanks to you.”
“You have to trust yourself more.”
“I’ll try.”
“And me, too.”
“I will.”
“And if we make a mistake or cross a line, we have to work it out together,” she said with feeling. “Nobody leaves the shed.”
“I won’t walk away again.”
“Thank you,” she said, looking away. I really need to be able to trust you, John.
He picked up one of her hands. “Maybe this would be a good time to tell me what happened in Seattle.”
She looked at him, aggravated with herself for the inevitable tears that were now too big to keep from spilling over onto her cheeks. John wiped them gently with his calloused thumb.
She gave him a small smile. “The whole story?”
“As much as you feel like telling me.”
Maddy took a deep breath. “I met Phil at work. He’d been at the firm a couple of years when I started, and he kind of took me under his wing. We would kid around about starting our own business, becoming our own bosses and all of that. We eventually came up with a plan, and with some help we launched our own consulting firm. Since it was mostly service-oriented, the initial investment was minimal.
“Well, it really took off.” She stopped and thought for a minute, a smile tugging at her lips. There were some good memories in with the bad. “Anyway, we spent a lot of time together, all of us, but especially Phil and me. It just seemed natural that we thought we belonged together.” The smile left her face as she looked past John and out of the window.
“Of course, it was exciting for a while. I did love him, or at least the idea of him,” she acknowledged, “but I guess he wasn’t really invested. I know he was frustrated that I,” Maddy paused, trying to recall the phrase, “that I chose ‘to proceed very carefully in our relationship.’ ” She smiled a little at John. “Phil felt strongly that we were moving too slowly. It was a constant battle. I wish I could tell you that I held out for more lofty reasons, but the truth is, I didn’t like him controlling me.” She sighed. “So there’s another confession for you. I don’t seem to be a terribly committed person, do I?”
John took her hand, again. “You’re honest, and that’s what matters to me. And I think you’re more committed than you give yourself credit for.”
Maddy took another deep breath. “Anyway, we got engaged, started planning a big wedding. It was exciting, like I said, but I was never completely at peace with it all. I kept thinking that we’d be happy once the business got established, once we were married, once we had children. I knew I was supposed to be happy… and I really did think I was in love.” Maddy stopped again.
Then she recalled the details of her break-up with Phil, such as it was, and John listened quietly, holding her hand. The tears rolled quietly down Maddy’s cheeks as she spoke. When she was done, John wiped them away again.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
She gave a little smile in return. “It doesn’t hurt so much anymore,” she acknowledged. “It just makes me mad.”
John nodded; he definitely understood. “Have you seen him since then?” he asked, resting his hands on hers.
“No,” Maddy answered, distracted by how her hands seemed to disappear under John’s. “A couple weeks later, he left a box with a few of my things – pictures, that kind of thing – on my desk, with a note.” She shrugged.
John’s observations about Phil’s character probably wouldn’t help Maddy at the moment. “How long ago was that?”
“It happened in December, so it’s been a year and a half. It took me a year to figure out that I needed to move on with my life. Of course, that time was also spent helping with the transition at work.” Maddy pulled her hands out from under John’s, and ran her fingers along his knuckles, inadvertently tracing the occasional scars that marked them. “I started looking for property the following Christmas, and then found myself checking this place out in February.” She looked around the room, her smile returning. “I really can’t believe I’m here.”
“Thanks for trusting me, for telling me all of this.”
“Thanks for listening.”
John’s face grew serious. “I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but I can’t help but be happy that it brought you here.”
Maddy smiled softly. “Me, too.”
They were both quiet, lost in thought, a
nd then Maddy asked, “So, do you want to tell me about…” she hesitated.
“Jennifer.” Their conversation had obviously stirred some memories. “She left a little over two years ago.” He stopped to consider this. “In one sense, the time seems to have flown by, but it also seems like a long time since she was in our lives.” He looked beyond Maddy at nothing in particular. “Time is a funny thing.”
“How long were you married?”
“Six years.”
Six years. It was strange to think of John having a significant past with someone else. “Where did you meet?”
“We met in college, and ended up going to grad school together.” John replied. “We got married after we got our masters’, and she began her doctorate study that summer. I started teaching here in Clairmont the following fall. Our lives seemed to go in separate directions, almost from the start.”
“What was she studying?”
“History. It was really her passion.” He shifted in his chair. “Apparently she never wanted to have kids, and when she got pregnant with Blake,” he stopped, and his look became grim, “that was my first clue that I really didn’t know her.”
Maddy listened quietly, stroking John’s hand.
“I was a little overwhelmed, but excited about being a father. She just said she wasn’t ready. It was an awful time for both of us.” John rubbed his eyes. “We both panicked. She was afraid of having a child and giving up her career. I was afraid that she’d have an abortion.” John looked at Maddy. “That’s when I got reacquainted with God and really started to pray.
“We got through that, and we were okay for a while once Blake was born. I started my business when he was a year old, and things got a little crazy because we were both so busy.” He stopped, lost in thought. “I feel like I missed out on the first years of Blake’s life, and I know Jen did. When Parker came along, she just kind of snapped. She felt trapped by motherhood and only saw me as someone trying to hold her back. By then, my business was up and running, and I took more time with the boys. Frank was great.” John smiled for the first time in his narrative. “He just took over and let me take care of my kids.”
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