“I told him it was about a seven-hour drive,” Becky said, and Maddy looked up in surprise. “Depending, of course, on the traffic … and the moose.”
Maddy managed a smile. “Thanks for that, at least.”
“Are you okay?” John asked quietly.
The sound of his voice was comforting and confusing at the same time. Phil… Just hearing his name made her feel sick. She drew a deep breath.
“I don’t know.” She stood and walked to the railing. “I guess something like this was bound to happen eventually. We didn’t really have much closure.” There was a decided edge to her tone.
“So…” Becky interrupted. “I guess I’ll head in…”
“Is there anything else I should know?” Maddy asked, the edge joined by a hint of fear.
“No.” Becky thought for a minute. “He sounded fine, friendly and everything.” She shrugged. “I told him you were on a date.”
Maddy stiffened slightly, but said nothing.
“Well,” said Becky, backing into the house, “I guess I’ll talk to you later. Good night, John.” She didn’t figure he’d be hanging around for long.
“Good night, Becky.”
A few minutes passed. “Maddy?”
She turned slowly to face him, all of the joy of their earlier conversation drained from her face.
“What can I do?” John asked.
She looked at him for a moment, completely unaware that this troubling news was no less so for him.
“There’s nothing you can do,” she replied. “I just have to figure out how to deal with this.”
“I’d like to help.”
Maddy managed a stiff laugh. “You want to talk to him?”
“I will.”
Maddy looked hard at John. “No, you won’t.”
He was taken back by the bite in her tone. “Maddy, I would never…”
“Everyone always thinks they have to step in for me and solve my problems. Phil did it too, and he became the biggest one of all.”
“I’m not Phil.”
“Then just let me take care of myself.”
Stung by her dismissal, John stood. “Maybe I should leave.”
“Maybe you should.”
The whole evening’s events and conversations flooded over her, and it was suddenly too much. Maddy panicked. Phil had thought he wanted to marry her, too, and that ended in unbelievable heartbreak. Where were her walls?
“This is just moving too fast, John.”
He took a step back. His own protective instinct kicked in, and he walked to the edge of the porch. “Are you going to be okay?”
Maddy didn’t really expect him to leave so abruptly, but managed to say, “I’m fine.” She was driving him away, but couldn’t seem to stop herself.
John started down the steps to the beach. He knew he should go; they were both hurting and needed some space.
“Maddy, if you can’t forgive him…” he paused.
“What, John? Is this some sort of threat?”
“Of course, not! I’m only saying…”
“That I have to do this your way.”
He looked at her and turned to leave. “Good night, Maddy.”
She watched him, feeling angry and confused and alone. John disappeared around the corner, and the tears began rolling down her face.
Maddy sat on the porch with her coffee the next morning, refusing to acknowledge the glory of the sunlight on the water in front of her. She brooded over the last twelve hours’ events and especially her handling of them. Why had she treated John so badly? Why did Phil have to reappear in her life? Why now?
John told me he loved me… She wanted to believe that it was possible. She sighed and thought about the moments following that particular exchange. Maybe it was a good thing Becky interrupted us, she thought with a wry smile. She shook herself; it was no good reliving that moment. Phil was trying to ruin her life again, and she had to decide what to do.
She could just tell him not to come. That seemed reasonable. Why would he bother driving all the way from Boston in the first place? Had his girlfriend left him? Did he get his heart broken, or was he lonely? Maybe he was just curious about what she’d done with her life.
It was unsettling to contemplate that he might still be interested in her. How would it feel to see him again? Maddy’s mind darted all around the possibilities, and none of them made her happy. Only when she let her mind return to John did she have any sense of calm, or contentment, or happiness… Maddy marveled at the effect that thinking of John had on her pulse, even after she’d started a fight with him.
“Hey,” Becky broke into Maddy’s reverie. Burt lifted his head when the door banged! and then dropped it back down with a sigh.
“Hi, Beck,” Maddy replied absently.
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I have no idea,” Maddy admitted. “I really don’t think I want to see him, again.”
“Aren’t you a little bit curious?”
“I guess I am, but not enough to ruin what I’ve started here.”
“Just tell him not to come.”
“I’ve thought about that.”
“What do you think he wants?”
“I can’t imagine.”
“I can. He wants to get back together. Why else would he drive all the way up here?”
Maddy didn’t have an answer.
“Are you going to tell him about John?”
Maddy looked up at her. “It depends on what he wants. I’m not going to hide anything.”
“What if they get into a fight?” Becky asked, her eyes sparkling.
“Stop it, Becky. That’s not going to happen.”
“Well, it could. Who do you think would win?”
“Becky!”
“Well, obviously, John’s bigger, taller, and with that big strong back,” she observed, a little too dreamily, as far as Maddy was concerned. “But then Phil always worked out all the time, and he really seems like the fiercer of the two.”
Maddy looked at her sister, hardly knowing how to articulate an answer. “Becky, you’re taking this way too far, and really, I don’t want you contemplating John’s… anything. Fantasize about Phil all you want, but leave John out of it.”
Becky had the decency to look a little ashamed. She sipped her coffee. “Shouldn’t we be in church?”
Maddy was glad and convicted to hear the plural pronoun. “Yeah, we should. I didn’t feel up for it today.”
They were still on the porch, making lists and arguing about artwork, when Otis came up the steps from the beach.
“Mind if I join you, ladies?”
Maddy normally enjoyed Otis’ company, but she wasn’t in the mood to be berated for missing church. To be fair, Otis wasn’t much of a berater, but he was a bit of a confronter; an “exhorter,” he called himself. Whatever it was, Maddy wasn’t interested in being on the receiving end of it.
“Come on up, Otis. How are you?”
“Just fine, thank you. Hello, Miss Becky.”
“Hi, Otis.” Becky looked at him warily and went back to filing her nails.
“We missed you in church today.”
It took less than a minute to cut to the chase. Maddy and Becky exchanged glances, and then Becky looked back down and left her sister to explain.
As Maddy drew breath to do so, Becky suddenly blurted out, “I told her we were missing church!”
Otis and Maddy looked at Becky. She immediately dropped the self-righteous act and gave her nails her full attention.
Maddy turned back to Otis. “I know, Otis. How was it?” Better to admit defeat; it might diffuse the admonition.
“Oh, it was fine; little John was there.”
Maddy looked up in surprise. Since when did anyone call him, “Little John”?
“Rachel and Pastor were so proud. He’s getting baptized next week,” Otis finished.
“That’s nice,” Maddy answered, feeling a
little silly. “I wish I could have seen him.”
“Oh, he’ll be around,” Otis answered with a smile.
“Can I get you some lemonade?”
“That would be nice,” he answered, settling into a chair.
“I’ll get it,” Becky offered. She set off on her good deed, effectively removing herself from the ensuing discipline.
“Thank you,” Otis called after her. He sat back and looked out over the ocean. “This is so beautiful.”
“Yes, it is,” Maddy agreed. The sunlight sparkled and shimmered on the water, and there were numerous boaters out enjoying the day. I bet they didn’t go to church, either, Maddy thought defensively.
“You know, I used to have the silliest idea that I would miss all of this when I got to Heaven,” Otis mused. Becky joined them again, and set the glasses on the table.
“As though the good Lord isn’t able to make Heaven just as beautiful as this fine Earth, especially this particular part of it,” he added, taking a sip of lemonade. “I guess I always pictured Heaven as lots of clouds with angels and harps…” he paused and chuckled. “I’m not much of a musician, and I was afraid it might be a little boring.” His eyes twinkled as he looked at them.
This assessment of Heaven found a fair amount of support between his listeners. Although Maddy’s simplistic and unsatisfying version of Heaven was undergoing reevaluation, Becky had no problem relating to Otis. She had a hard time picturing Heaven as a fun place.
“Then one day, it just hit me while I was sitting and looking over the water.”
He paused again, and both girls were rapt, waiting to hear what exactly had hit him.
“How could I suppose that Heaven would be any less grand than Earth? How could it be any less beautiful, awe-inspiring, engaging or exciting?” he smiled. “I was much younger then.”
Both girls smiled in response and waited for him to continue. Otis was content to simply contemplate these things as he sipped his drink
Maddy finally broke the silence. “Otis, you’re not… there’s nothing…”
Otis looked at her with a puzzled expression, which immediately gave way to a smile. “Oh no, my dear,” he chuckled. “I’m not planning on researching my theories any time soon.”
Maddy breathed a sigh of relief.
“I just always think of Heaven when I look out over this particular bit of God’s creation,” he explained. He took another drink and then pushed his chair back. “That’s it for me, today. I’d better go take my nap. Thank you for the lemonade.”
“You’re welcome, Otis. Enjoy your day of rest,” Maddy said.
“You, too, my dear. I hope you do, too.” He waved over his shoulder as he walked across the beach to his home.
An hour later, Maddy and her sister were remeasuring the windows in the bedrooms and taking notes for window dressings. Becky was struggling with the measuring tape, fearful that it might snap back on her fingers again, as it had done repeatedly over the past half hour.
“I keep telling you, there’s a lock,” Maddy said. She set her pad and pen down and walked over to where her sister was trying to latch the end of the tape to the top of the window frame.
“Thank you, little Miss Tool Belt,” Becky answered dryly, allowing Maddy to take over the task of measuring.
Maddy couldn’t help but smile a little as she fearlessly pulled out the metal tape and noted the measurements. She had learned a thing or two over the summer.
“Impressive,” Becky monotoned. “So, what happened with you and John last night?” She was tired of waiting for Maddy to bring up the subject.
“It wasn’t good,” Maddy answered. “John thinks I just need to forgive Phil; I don’t think it’s that easy.”
Becky sat on the bed and watched her sister work, this time saying nothing in response.
“When he left we were both upset. I don’t even know how it ended that way.” Maddy shook her head in frustration.
“You guys looked pretty cozy when I came out.”
Maddy blushed and smiled in spite of her confusion. “Yeah, we had actually been having a really good talk.”
Becky laughed. “That’s not what I saw.”
Maddy continued to measure. “Well, we talked… beforehand.”
“However it ended, I’m sure you guys are going to be okay.”
“I hope so. I just need to get through this thing with Phil, and I don’t want anyone telling me how to do it. John almost made it sound like…”
“Like what?” Becky prodded.
“I don’t know, not really like a threat, but sort of. It’s hard to explain. It really upset me.”
“I have a hard time imagining John threatening you,” Becky said, kind of wanting to slap Maddy.
“I know,” Maddy said, frustrated. “It wasn’t really like that. It just seemed like if I didn’t do it his way, then, I don’t know, things wouldn’t be the same between us.”
“That doesn’t sound like John, either.”
“I know!” Who made Becky John’s defense attorney? “Never mind John for a minute. This is about Phil. I honestly don’t care about him and I really don’t even want to see him. But forgive him? Just say it’s okay what he did? He doesn’t deserve that.”
“Well,” Becky considered this for a moment. “If you ask me, this is really about John.”
Maddy looked back at her sister. “What?”
“You said you don’t care about Phil, so it’s really not about him. You do care about John, and he just wants to help you deal with it. Why don’t you let him? Why get so defensive?”
Maddy stared at Becky, who was hardly a master at the relationship game, and dropped down on the bed.
“You’re right.”
It was Becky’s turn to look surprised. “I am?”
“Yeah. Crazy, huh?” Maddy grinned.
“You’d better go talk to him.” Becky figured she’d better push her advice while Maddy was taking it.
“I’m not sure he’ll want to talk to me.”
“Just call him and go over there. You can fix this.”
Maddy looked at Becky. “You really think so?”
“Absolutely.”
“I really pushed him away.”
“Well, pull him back in,” Becky answered. “Quit whining and call him.”
Maddy scowled and left the room.
By the time she reached John’s house, Maddy’s stomach was in knots. Was it only twenty-four hours ago that she was preparing for her date, happily nervous? This was an entirely different kind of anxiety. She pulled into John’s drive and searched the yard for any of the Fordham boys. No one came running to greet her.
She parked and slowly got out of her car. Looking down at her outfit, she wondered again if she’d overdone it. Her shorts were casual, but the sleeveless blouse was… well, it certainly wasn’t one of her work shirts. Becky insisted that it set off her tan nicely, and that John needed to be reminded that Maddy was his girl. If Becky had had her way, Maddy would have shown up in the black dress again. She wasn’t into taking chances.
Maddy was glad that she’d foregone the formal wear when she finally saw John approaching from across the street. He was in sneakers, low-riding athletic shorts and a sweat-stained T-shirt. He’d obviously been doing yard work and he never looked so good. Coming within a few feet of Maddy, he stood with his hands on his hips.
“Blake said you called.”
No kiss? Not even on the cheek? “I hope you don’t mind my stopping by.”
“It’s fine.” He eyed her clothing. “You look nice.”
“Thanks,” Maddy said, shading her eyes as she looked up at him. “Where are the boys?”
“Back in the fort. They’re with some friends.”
“I see.”
“Can I get you a drink or something?”
Oh, he’s being cool. “You look like you could use one. I’ll join you.”
John nodded and
started toward the house.
“Thanks again, John!”
Maddy heard a woman’s voice from behind them, and turned to identify the source. A very attractive woman was waving from her porch across the street, and John waved back.
“No problem! See you later,” he called out, opening the door for Maddy. She couldn’t help but look up at him, wondering what he’d done for his neighbor. John met her gaze, but offered no explanation as he led the way into the house. Maddy found this exchange extremely unsatisfying and scowled as she followed John’s broad shoulders into the kitchen.
He poured her some lemonade and grabbed a beer for himself. “I’m sorry, did you want a beer? I assumed you’d prefer lemonade.”
Something about his polite but distant demeanor irritated her. She picked up the glass of lemonade. “This is fine, thanks.”
“Let’s head out back. I need to check on the boys.”
Maddy took a deep breath and walked out to the deck. Blake saw her almost immediately, and ran over to greet her. Parker followed a few minutes later, bringing one of his friends with him.
“Hi, Miss Maddy! This is Brandon.”
“Hi, Parker. Hi, Brandon. It’s nice to meet you.”
Brandon smiled shyly, and Parker asked, “Why weren’t you in church today?”
“I didn’t feel… up for going.”
“Oh. I saved you a donut. It’s inside on my dresser.”
Maddy smiled and touched his cheek. “Thank you, Parker.”
He grinned. “Miss Maddy is my dad’s girlfriend,” he giggled to his buddy as they walked away. He leaned over and whispered something and they both laughed.
Maddy turned to John.
“Have a seat,” he said.
She sat down and folded her hands on the table.
John sat back in his chair. “So, what’s up?”
Maddy exhaled quietly. “I’m sorry, John. I’m sorry for pushing you away last night. You were just trying to help me.” She looked up at him. His expression softened a little, but not much.
“You were upset.”
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t right to take it out on you.”
John nodded and sipped his beer.
“I said I had to do this alone,” Maddy said softly, “but I’m beginning to think that I can’t do it without you.”
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