by S. M. Shade
I have no intention of bending over for him, but I have a sudden urge to fuck him. I want him under me, begging me not to stop. I know he’s close when I feel him grow even thicker beneath my tongue and I pull back, peeking up at him while my finger strokes his hole. “You want me to fuck you?”
His eyes widen and he leaps from the bed. “Hell yes. Give me a sec.” He darts to the bathroom and returns with rubbers and lube.
“Just had those handy, huh?”
“A guy can hope.” The bed rocks as he scrambles up it, tossing the condoms and lube on the pillow.
“Just so you know, you’re coming off a little eager.” I chuckle as I crawl up his body and settle on top of him.
“I may have pictured this,” he confesses, leaning up to plunge his tongue in my mouth. It’s amazing how much I love to kiss him. In the past, I could pretty much take or leave kissing. It was just a means to an end, a step to be taken to lead to my dick in a woman’s mouth or buried inside her. But it’s different with him.
There are a few awkward seconds when I lube up my fingers. He’s right. I’ve done this with a couple of women, but I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m used to being confident when it comes to sex. I know what to do to make a woman come until she’s hoarse from screaming, but now I feel like a fumbling teenager.
“How much lube do we need?”
His grin is wicked as he answers, “A buttload.”
“Real funny.”
A groan rumbles his chest when I work first one, then another finger into him. “Am I hurting you?”
“No, don’t stop.” I follow his gasped and panted directions, stretching him out and preparing him for me.
“Roll over,” I murmur when he’s ready.
“Just start slow,” he instructs, getting on all fours.
I barely have the head inside him before he’s pushing back against me, taking me in completely. “Fuck, Alex. You feel good.” The words tumble out of my mouth. It’s different, hot and so damn tight it almost hurts. Slow measured strokes elicit a low moan, and he slams back unexpectedly.
“Harder.”
My fingers dig into his hips as I give him what he wants, slamming into him harder and faster. His hand works his cock while I fuck him like I’ll never have another chance. “Fuck yes, like that,” he grunts seconds before his fingers clench the sheet and he comes hard. My orgasm is only seconds behind.
Without pulling out of him, I lean to kiss his neck, and run my lips down his spine. “You okay?”
“Mmm…yeah…good,” he murmurs.
“Speechless and fuck drunk…I like it,” I reply with a chuckle, smacking him on the ass before pulling out and disposing of the condom.
When I return from the bathroom, he’s sprawled across the bed, snoring. And I thought I could pass out fast. I toss the comforter over him and wander back out onto the balcony. The storm has passed and the air is clean and fresh. Stars glow overhead. It feels surreal. So much has happened in the last few months I have trouble keeping my thoughts straight. Apparently, I can’t keep myself straight either.
I never expected to feel this way for a man. I sure as hell never thought I’d fuck a guy…and like it. Maybe that’s what has my stomach so tight. I liked it more than I expected. I’m not gay. It isn’t who I am. Maybe I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore. Maybe I’ve never known, really. I’m just Ian, a man women can’t resist. A man with no family and no idea where I come from. A man who just fucked another man.
I contemplate another glass of whiskey, but I’m sure that won’t exactly clear my head or ease the confusion I feel. Sleep, that’s what I need. I’ll try to sort through my shit tomorrow.
Alex is lying on his side, still snoring when I climb in bed beside him, but a small smile lights on his lips when I wrap my arm around his stomach. One thing I’m not confused about is that I care about him. All the other bullshit aside, I really care for him and I’m not going to let that go.
A murmur of voices wakes me the next morning. Sunlight pours into the room and the scent of soap and steam drifts from the bathroom. Alex must’ve just had a shower. Damn, how late did I sleep?
He appears pushing a silver dining cart. “About time you woke up. I ordered room service.” His blond hair is damp and the curls cling to his neck. It makes me think of fisting those curls while he sucked me the night before. He’s wearing cargo shorts and a white t-shirt stretches across his chest, barely concealing his lean muscled torso. I briefly consider stripping all those clothes off of him, but we have stuff to do today.
“Some of us didn’t instantly pass out after coming,” I taunt, scooting to the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, that’s going to happen.” He removes the covers to reveal platters of eggs, fruit, and pancakes. And bacon. A ton of bacon. “Do you still want to visit your grandmother today?”
“Yeah,” I reply, deciding on the spot. “She might know who my father is, at least.”
* * * *
My grandmother’s name is Rose Paulson and she seems glad to hear from me when I phone, inviting us to come to her home.
“It’ll be okay,” Alex reassures me when I hesitate outside the door of her modest little house.
Before I can respond, a thin silver haired lady opens the door. She looks at least eighty years old, but her arms are strong as she pulls me into them without any hesitation. “Those eyes,” she says, her voice brittle. “You have your mama’s eyes, so brown they look black.” Stepping back, she releases me and wipes her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve thought about this day for a long time. Wondered what happened to you.” She steps back and holds open a battered screen door. “Please, come in, come in.”
Her living room is small, but clean and comfortable. A tray with three glasses and a pitcher of iced tea wait on the coffee table. “Please, sit. You must have a million questions. I sure do.” As we take a seat on the couch, my eyes are drawn to a large photo hanging on the wall. A smiling girl holds a newborn baby with a shock of black hair, joy shining from her familiar eyes.
“Is that?” My voice fails me as I gesture toward the photo I know must be my mother.
“Yes, honey. That’s your mom, my Lola.” She removes the photo from the wall and hands it to me. “That was taken the day she brought you home from the hospital. She was so proud.”
My fingers trace her face through the glass. “She looks so young.”
“She was fifteen when she had you.”
Christ, only fifteen. “And my father?”
With a sigh, she sits across from us. “He was the same age.”
“I don’t know anything about him.”
“His name is Peter Myers. I don’t know where you can find him. He and Lola ran away from here the day she turned eighteen. I begged her not to take you, but he had her convinced. His uncle had a job for him, he said, in Indiana, and they could start their own lives there.”
Tears fill her eyes and Alex hands her a tissue from the box beside him. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to upset you.”
“Naw, naw, you should know what happened. Your mom, she loved you more than anything, and Peter convinced her you would have a better life if they left. Things seemed to be okay for a few months, at least she said everything was fine when she’d call me each week. I was in the hospital undergoing heart surgery when I stopped hearing from her. I knew something was wrong. She wouldn’t just stop calling, especially when I was sick.”
“I was in the hospital for six weeks and when I came home, I called the police. She was over eighteen and since she wasn’t even living near me, I couldn’t report her as a missing person. The officer promised to try to locate her and two days later I got the worst news of my life.”
She wipes her eyes again and so do I. I notice Alex’s eyes are red rimmed as well. “She died in a car accident. Hit by a drunk driver on her way to the grocery store. Thank god you weren’t in the car, but they couldn’t tell me where you were.”
Gazing out the wi
ndow, she shakes her head. “I imagine he panicked, your father. He was still a kid himself, but I’ll still never forgive him. He could’ve brought you back. I’d have raised you and he knew it, instead he left you at a fire station.”
Her soft hands grasp mine. “I tried to get you back. I swear I did, but with my failing health and little money, they wouldn’t even consider it. You were already in the system. They told me you would be adopted by a family. You had just turned four years old.” Her pale eyes meet mine. “Do you remember anything? Your mother or father? This place?”
I hate to kill the hope in her eyes, but I don’t want to lie. “No, my memory starts with a foster family.”
“That’s a shame.” A small smile tilts her lips. “Look at you, though. So handsome. You always were a beautiful little boy. Do you have a good life? Are you happy? Married? Children?”
Her eager questions make me chuckle. “Not married and no children yet, but yes, I’m happy. I work for a major accounting firm where I make an obscene amount of money. I have good friends.” I glance at Alex, and she smiles at him.
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
Scooting forward to sit on the edge of the couch, I ask, “Do you know why my father’s name isn’t on the birth certificate?”
Rose laughs. “That was your obstinate mother’s fault. She and Peter were fighting when the time came to fill out the paperwork and she left him off. I guess they never corrected it.”
Alex chuckles. “Well, we see where your stubbornness comes from.”
Rose excuses herself and leaves the room, returning with another photo. This one shows my mother sitting beside a thin blond boy. His arm is around her and they’re beaming at the camera with no idea of the grim future awaiting them. “I thought you might like to have this. It was taken a few days after they found out she was pregnant with you.”
“Thank you,” I murmur. “Do you have any other children?”
“No, Lola was my only.”
“Do I have any other family?”
Regret paints her face. “I’m afraid not. Peter was an only child and his parents passed a few years ago. I had a sister who died last year. I’m it, I’m afraid.”
I get to my feet and hug her. “You’re plenty. I’m so glad to meet you. I’m sorry I don’t remember.”
Her thin arms squeeze me tight. “Don’t be sorry, just stay for lunch and keep in touch. It’s such a relief to know you’re doing well.”
“I’ll call until you’re sick of me,” I promise. We spend the next few hours getting to know one another. She is the sweetest woman imaginable, exactly how I pictured a grandmother. She laughs when I mention that she could always move close to me and let me watch over her. Apparently, you don’t spend your life in a place like Hawaii and uproot to a city where the temperature drops below freezing.
I alternate between feeling like I could burst from happiness and cry from the despair of missing out on knowing her for all these years. Before we leave, I promise again to keep in touch and visit as often as I can.
Alex drives us back to the hotel because there’s no way I can concentrate. Family. Maybe it’s only one person, but I have something I’ve never had. Family.
The last few days of the trip are a blur of sun, sand and sex. Way too soon, we’re seated in first class and on our way home.
Alex smiles at me and squeezes my hand. “You look a lot better. All healthy and tan.”
“Don’t pretend I wasn’t always gorgeous.”
“Eh, you’re okay…definitely above average.”
“Please,” I scoff. “You’ve been drooling over me since we met.”
“And you’re hard every time I look at you. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you watching my ass.”
“You have no proof of that.” He grins when I rest my hand on his thigh.
“How do you want to play this when we get home, Ian? If you need some time before letting people know we’re together, I’ll understand. This has all happened pretty quickly.”
“I don’t plan on making any grand announcements or anything, but I’m not hiding. I’m not ashamed.” Alex and I spent our last evening on the beach, watching the sunset and discussing our relationship. We agreed to be monogamous, but Alex is concerned about my ability to give up women. So am I, to be honest. We compromised, and I promised to let him know if I wanted to sleep with a woman. He’d either watch or join in.
“Ev is pretty perceptive. I think she may already suspect.”
“Probably because I told her I had feelings for you.”
His eyes widen in shock. “When?”
“Before the infection put me in the hospital.”
“What did she say?”
“Told me you’re an asshole and to stay as far away from you as possible.”
Shifting in his seat, he shoves my shoulder. “Liar.”
My gaze settles on his golden brown eyes. “She said she could tell I was falling for you.”
“Are you? Falling for me?” he murmurs.
I slide my hand across the soft skin on his nape and into his curls. “I’ve already tripped, stumbled, and fell ass over forehead.”
“Such a romantic,” Alex says with a smirk before pressing his lips to mine. “So, you aren’t totally going to freak out if I admit I love you?”
Pretending to think it over, I gaze up “I guess you’ll just have to risk it and see.”
His mouth is on mine again and damn if the slip of his tongue against mine doesn’t instantly get me hard again. His eyes bore into mine when he pulls away and says, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I don’t know,” he taunts. “That doesn’t sound very convincing.”
All right, he’s asking for it. I reach over and unbuckle his seatbelt and then my own. He looks confused when I pull him to his feet and grab his jaw. “I love you, you giant pain in my ass!” His hands grab my hips as I kiss the hell out of him, the hoots and laughter of the other passengers echoing around us. “Convinced yet?” I ask, enjoying how red his face has grown.
“Asshole,” he grumbles good naturedly, diving back into his seat.
It’s cold and rainy when we land at Indianapolis International Airport, and the cab driver smells like a wet dog. I just want to turn around and go back to paradise. At the same time, I’m ready to go back to work, to get things back to normal.
Chapter Six
Alex
Kyle is home with us for a three day weekend and Ian has taken the opportunity to give him another driving lesson, so I’m home alone for the first time in a long time. We’ve only been back in Indy for a few days, but things are starting to get back to normal. Ian went back to work yesterday, and I spent a few hours helping Mason work on the shelter. It’s really coming along. We’ll be moving in furniture before spring.
I’m lounging on the couch, debating whether I want to go the gym when Ev walks through the door. As Ian’s longtime best friend, she’s the only one who can get away with not knocking. “Hey, Ev, Ian’s not home,” I tell her.
“I know. I want to talk to you while he’s gone.”
Shit. Things have been tense between us since she found out I kept Ian’s cancer from her. I understand why she’s pissed, but I really didn’t have much choice. “Okay,” I reply warily.
“Relax, I’m done yelling at you. I don’t like that you kept something so important from me, but I understand why.” She grabs a soda from the fridge and sits across from me. “I just want to make sure he’s okay now. I haven’t seen much of him.” The corner of her mouth quirks up. “But I have a feeling you have.”
Shaking my head, I can’t help but smile at her. “What has he told you?”
“Very little! That’s why I’m here.”
“We’re together,” I admit. Ian said he didn’t want to hide our relationship.
Suddenly, I have a lap full of squealing female. “I knew it! This is fantastic! He said he had feelings for you but I didn’t know if h
e’d be brave enough to act on them.”
I hug her, laughing at her exuberance. “I take it you approve.”
“Of course I do. You’re such a sweet guy, and if Ian blows this I’ll strangle him in his sleep.” She hugs me before climbing off my lap, then shoots me a hesitant look. “Be patient with him.”
“I intend to. I realize this is a first for him.”
“It’s a lot of firsts for him, I imagine. I’ve never seen him last more than a week with a woman. I’ve seen firsthand how he is and when things start to feel a little too real to him, he’ll panic and do something stupid.”
The couch squeaks as I lean forward. “What are you getting at, Ev?”
“I’m just asking you to be patient and not to give up on him if he pushes you away. You’re good for him. I’ve never seen him act the way he does with you. The way he looks at you…” She smiles and gets to her feet. “I want that for both of you.”
“If he tries to run, I promise I won’t let him get away with it. He’s stubborn, but I can be a persistent asshole myself if I really want something. No worries, Ev, he’s stuck with me.”
“Good.” Her soda can clangs when she tosses it in the trash can. “That isn’t the only reason I came by. Mason wants you to come by the gym tonight if you’re free. Something about an upcoming tournament.”
“I’m not really interested in competing right now. I only did the last one because it was for charity.”
“They’re holding this one to raise money for people injured by drunk drivers.”
Damn it. I run my hand through my hair. “I’ll come by and see what’s up.”
“And I want you, Ian, and Kyle to come to dinner tomorrow night.”
I wrap my arm around her as I walk her to the door. “Anything else, your majesty?”