by Rock, J. K.
“That’s a—” I began, racking my brain for the name he had taught me last summer.
“Photouris pyralis,” Seth finished for me. He held out his glowing hand.
“A firefly,” I breathed, closing my fingers around the elusive insect the instant he laid it in my palm. I smiled in delight, watching my fingers shine then dim as the bug tiptoed across my flesh. From a biology enthusiast like Seth, this was a precious gift.
He turned toward me, familiar and somehow different. He smelled like the woods in spring and freshly mowed grass. It reminded me of other times I’d rested my head on his shoulder while we sat around the bonfires at night. His eyes searched mine before dropping in that shy way of his.
Confused, I fought the melting feeling inside me. He was a nice guy—warm-hearted. So the firefly didn’t necessarily mean anything. But the butterflies in my stomach told me that, despite my promise to Matt, I wanted it to. Seth had said he’d give me space. Did that mean he’d wait another month?
“Thank you.” A warm breeze blew off the water and tossed my hair in my eyes. “I’m glad we can still be—umm, friends.” For a moment I wished for the impossible, that we could be more.
“Is that all we are?” His fingers smoothed back the strands and lingered.
Just then, it felt like old times. A shiver danced up my spine. My brain was sending my heart so many mixed signals I felt like I’d short circuit. Or was it my heart messaging my brain? Either way. This sucked.
“I’m not sure—”
His mouth landed on mine.
Seth.
His lips were warm and gentle, familiar and foreign at the same time. My heart exploded. He still cared.
I had thought about him so often this year. I’d spoken his name out loud before I went to sleep, dreaming of this moment. I guess that’s what paralyzed me now. I was half-stuck in the past, back when it was okay to kiss Seth. But until I stopped being Matt’s girlfriend, this was dead wrong.
“Seth.” I broke away, my heart pounding, lips tingling. “We can’t. I told Matt I’d give our relationship a try. We’re going to give it another month.”
He dipped his head, then lifted large amber eyes to mine. “Didn’t you already have eight months together in Texas?” He shook his head. “Never mind. I knew you cared more than you admitted. I knew I shouldn’t have left to give you space. Should have stayed and forced the issue.”
“Then it wouldn’t have been you. It isn’t what the guy I fell for would have done.”
He closed his eyes for a moment and a shudder ran through him. “Nice guys finish last. I’m going to lose you.”
I rose on shaky legs and released the firefly. It blinked twice, then disappeared.
“Not necessarily. You were right when you said I cared about Matt. I do. As my oldest, closest friend, of course you’d know that. But I still have feelings for you too. I won’t ask you to wait…so for now, can we go back to being friends?” My heart recoiled from the blow I’d just delivered. How had I come so far from my plans for this summer?
Seth shook his head. “I’m sorry, Lauren. But seeing you with Matt the past couple days just about killed me.” He stood, his voice rumbling between us. “Maybe once I find someone else, we can go back to being friends.”
My eyes followed his to the curvy girl leaning in the doorway, the flashing lights behind her reflecting off her headband.
Ohmigod.
My heels sank in the sand and I felt like the rest of me was going down too. The finality of hearing him say he’d move on hurt me more than I had ever imagined. Pressure built in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“I’ve got to go.” I bit my lip, trying to stifle a sob.
I backed away and bumped into a picnic table.
“I probably shouldn’t say this.” Seth’s voice hovered a notch above a whisper. “But for what it’s worth, Lauren, I wish we could be together this summer. I’m sorry we didn’t work out.”
He was sorry? I thought I’d break in two right in front of him. But this was my decision. Mine. Somehow, knowing that didn’t make it any easier.
I stumbled back to the lodge, desperate to get away from him and everything I still felt. I would find Matt and tuck myself against him for the rest of the night. I’d hold his hand and dance with him. Be the best girlfriend in the world.
My eyes burned. I hadn’t cried much this year, burying my fears and worries to keep them hidden from a family in turmoil. But now, all the crap of the last twelve months threatened to spill over in a wailing sobfest if I didn’t get my head on straight. Fast.
Seth wasn’t trying to hurt me. He was being honest. Dealing with the fact that I’d picked another guy over him. I should be relieved, but instead I felt sick. Tucking my hair behind one ear with trembling fingers, I sidled past a couple of boys playing a card game near the back door. Inside the lodge, I scanned the crowd for Matt until my friends came toward me. Circling me.
Scowling at me.
“Finally,” Trinity huffed. “I thought you were never coming back in.”
“What’s the matter?” I asked, scared that Trinity had seen Seth kiss me. “It wasn’t my fault,” I blurted, ready to defend my actions since Seth had kissed me, not the other way around.
I stopped myself from saying anymore when I realized they all looked a little funny. Piper’s eyes were red and swollen. Siobhan’s neck was red. Alex’s shoulders were splotchy and broken out. It was like they’d all caught some kind of weird rash while I’d been outside.
“Thanks for the perfume, Lauren.” Piper’s throat sounded scratchy as she pointed to the place where Siobhan had carefully applied the Divas’ Den signature fragrance. “And the case of hives.”
On the other side of the room, I noticed Hannah laughing so hard she had to hold herself up using her friend’s shoulder. Her cabin mate ducked her grin behind a napkin. I didn’t see Kayla, but I decided I’d strangle all six of the Divas’ Den girls in their sleep for this.
What had made me think they’d changed?
“I didn’t do this—” I started, but Siobhan stepped closer to me, madder than I’d ever seen her.
“What. The. Hell?” Her hands fisted at her sides.
“I didn’t—” I tried again.
“Tell it to your friend, Hannah.” Jackie dropped a protective arm around Siobhan’s shoulders while she nodded toward the laughing audience across the room.
I noticed Jackie didn’t have any rashy skin, but then again, I couldn’t picture her trying out a new scent.
What the hell had the Diva girls put in that fragrance?
Fuming, I went to confront them while my cabin mates stormed away toward the door.
“Wow.” A familiar voice said in my ear, stopping me. “You look hot.”
I turned to look up at Matt and got distracted. His blue dress shirt turned his green eyes a shade darker. He was handsome, and he’d travelled a thousand miles to be with me this summer. As much as my heart broke for what Seth and I had just lost, Matt deserved this chance. Maybe we both did. He had a little crowd of admirers a few steps behind him, reminding me that, if I didn’t want to be with him, there were plenty of girls who would give their right arm for the chance.
“Thank you,” I said lamely.
“Dance with me,” Matt urged while I gathered my scattered emotions.
“Okay,” I whispered, hoping his arms would steady my world right now. I wasn’t ready for a confrontation with the Diva girls. Not right now.
Tucking my head into the crook of his neck, I let the music take me away. My friends were upset and didn’t seem to even trust me. Seth couldn’t move on fast enough.
Except for this moment with Matt, the dance was an epic fail. He hummed a tune I didn’t recognize, a melody that relaxed me until I could draw an easy breath again.
If I could just get through this week, my dad would be here for next Saturday’s Parents’ Weekend. It’d always been our time together in the summer, away from my si
ster and mother. I couldn’t wait to have his attention. Finally. I half-wished I could ask him to take me home, but as soon as I thought it I rejected the idea.
I needed to stay and figure out who I belonged with—Matt or Seth. Instead of letting life guide me, I had to dig deeper and decide that for myself.
Chapter Eight
Zoo-zoo-zeeee called a blue-colored bird on a branch outside my window. I groaned, wrapped my pillow around my head taco-style, and burrowed further under the covers. Today was the start of Parents’ Weekend, something I normally looked forward to since it meant a hike or raft ride along the Nantahala River Gorge with Dad. Except this year, he’d bailed.
Zoo-zoo-zeeee. I pulled my comforter over my pillow-encased head and tried to ignore the knot forming in my stomach. In a couple of hours, my mother and Kellianne would descend on me for their first weekend visit in eight years. And I was pretty sure it had more to do with needing input on wedding problems than whitewater rafting down Patton’s Run.
By staying in during free periods this week to avoid Seth, I’d had time to make Kellianne’s seating chart. I’d also written her place cards and the bridal shower thank-you notes. Though the one to Aunt Flo had been a bit of a challenge. Possibly some of my frustrations at the world and Kellianne in particular had leaked through.
I think it went something like this:
Dear Aunt Flo, Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift of a fertility basket. I’ll be sure to wear the fertility tracking bracelet every day. Andrew was especially pleased with the oak bark virility supplements. We are excited to use the economy-sized package of pregnancy tests. See you at the wedding and don’t forget the Tarot cards! Love, Kellianne.
I have to admit, it felt good to lick that one closed. Score one for the wedding slave. And it served Kellianne right. She should have written her own thank-you cards—something I would have pointed out if I hadn’t been so committed to keeping the peace in the Carlson house.
Matt did his best to cheer me up and was more attentive than ever. He’d gone with me to Movies Under the Stars Night, which sounded romantic but was really just a grainy old film projected on the side of the Rec Room. The cool thing was that he’d agreed to sneak out and watch the stars for real. We’d held hands on the beach and I’d taught him how to locate the Big and Little Dippers and some of my favorite constellations. Without other kids trying to get his attention, he’d focused totally on me. After a while, he could identify each sky pattern and knew its story. Even better, I impressed him without landing a tumbling move or wearing lip gloss.
Since my bunkmates had grown more distant, it’d been easy to use my wedding to-do list as an excuse to stay back when they left to hang out with the Wander Inn guys. I didn’t want to see Seth and his new girlfriend any more than I had to. I’d spotted them together around camp, but couldn’t tell if they were just friends or more than that. Trinity, however, had complained about how fast Seth seemed to be moving on. Her real issue with Seth, I guessed, was that he couldn’t be with her. She’d burned up a lot of journal pages after returning from a visit to his cabin during free time.
“Wake up, home girls!” Emily shouted. I inched down my blanket and peered at her. With her side ponytail, pink tights and a blue sleeveless shirt tied at the waist, she could have stepped out of a vintage Olivia Newton-John video—an impression she cemented by holding an old-fashioned boom box over her head that blared the ‘80s song “Let’s Get Physical.”
She set down what amounted to the worst alarm clock in history and pranced around to the beat, swatting at us as she passed our bunks. “Time to clean up Munchies’ Manor before the ‘rents get here and start ragging on us, right?”
Arrrgh. I threw back the covers and shivered as the early morning air wafted through our screened front door and slid along my bare arms and legs. Siobhan hopped down from her bunk, her eyes darting away from mine. Trinity muttered something about her horoscope warning her to stay in bed today while Jackie threw a pillow at the boom box and missed.
“We’re supposed to be cleaning up this mess, not adding to it, Jackie,” Emily teased, spreading her arms wide and doing a few waist-bends and squats before jogging over to Alex and pulling her out of bed. Alex stumbled a few paces and walked right into my bunk ladder.
I reached out a hand to steady her. “Are you okay?”
She jerked away and began piling wet towels to hang outside. All right, then. It looked like the silent treatment would still continue after the skin rash prank. Maybe Kellianne and Mom’s visit wouldn’t be so bad after all. At least they still talked to me.
I slid down my ladder and felt something crunch underfoot.
“My dream catcher!” Trinity wailed. Four pairs of accusing eyes flew to me.
“Nice,” Alex mocked, the screen door bouncing closed behind her as she returned from the porch. “It’s okay, Trinity. Maybe it’s time to get some new dreams instead of chasing after Lauren’s.”
Pain stabbed in my gut and brought tears to my eyes. Is that what they considered Seth? Old dreams? Thankfully, I was already bent over, scooping up the pieces of birch wood and feathers. At least they couldn’t see how much the comment hurt.
“I didn’t mean to break it,” I muttered.
“Like you didn’t mean to play your little prank on us?” Piper scratched a lingering red patch from the rash. Alex and Siobhan nodded, narrowing their eyes at me.
“Ummm. Hello,” Emily interjected. “I think Lauren’s apologized enough for the perfume. It wasn’t even hers. So let’s move on and get this cabin cleaned up. Who’s up for Madonna?”
That got everyone going, though not without plenty of grumbling. Piper even threatened a sit-in protest until she noticed there wasn’t a clear spot on the floor to sit. Reconciled to our fate, we put the first item back in its place…Emily’s radio.
I studied Trinity out of the corner of my eye as I swept the sand from under our bunks. Her fair skin had turned pink at Alex’s comment about Seth. A part of me wanted to tell her off for lusting after my guy.
Only he wasn’t my guy. But the fact that Girl Code meant Trinity couldn’t do whatever she wrote about in her journal didn’t make me feel better. Seth was available now. I’d worked hard to avoid him this week, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t thought about him. Did he really want to be with someone else? Or was he just trying to make me see that I’d made a mistake by not being with him?
Thirty minutes later, the floor was visible, our bunks made, snacks tucked out of sight. Glad to be done, I grabbed my toiletries basket and headed for the bathroom.
“Not so fast, Lauren.” Emily blocked my way. She held a big medieval-style goblet over her head, pink glitter covering its pewter sides. “It’s time for a little something I like to call Kindness. Something Munchies’ Manor seems to have forgotten.”
Siobhan plopped on her bed and sighed. “Emily. No disrespect, but if I don’t get my calculus homework done before my parents get here, they’ll drag me home.”
“I can help,” I spoke up. Science and math had always been my thing and I’d taken the advanced class with juniors this year. Siobhan gave me a tight-lipped smile as she slid over on her bunk and put the textbook between us.
Emily dropped a poker chip in the cup as she rested it on the bureau I shared with Trinity and Alex.
“That’s one kind deed.” Emily’s gums showed in a toothy smile. “Every time someone does something kind, we drop in a chip, and when it’s full we’ll do something special—like go into town for a real dinner, my treat.”
Everyone smiled at that. We were Munchies’ Manor again.
Emily crossed her thin arms and tapped her foot. “So who’s got something else they can share from this week? Something about Lauren, perhaps?”
I looked up from one of the four-step problems I was checking. Dead silence descended on the cabin.
“Come on, Alex,” Emily wheedled. “We all know Lauren kept Mr. Woodrow from catching you and Vijay the other nig
ht.”
I remembered Gollum’s bobbing flashlight and the smooching couple directly in his path. I’d raced out of the cabin, cut through some bushes, and stumbled into him. When I told him I was lost, he’d pulled out a pocket Breathalyzer, then escorted me the four hundred yards back to our front porch.
Alex dragged her feet as she picked up a poker chip and dropped it with a ping in the cup. Her eyes met mine, softer than they’d been all week. “I didn’t know Lauren did that on purpose.”
Emily pursed her fuchsia lips. “After eight years, I think Lauren knows her way around, don’t you? Though I’d have thought, Alex, that you’d know the safest make-out spot. Highbrooke Falls. Right, Lauren?”
I flushed. Emily was like a CIA agent.
“Lauren used recycled paper to write her sister’s thank-you notes.” Piper marched over to the Kindness Cup, dropped in a chip, and smiled at me for the first time all week. “The rainforest thanks you.”
Not that Kellianne would have…but I’d picked out the cards in the nearby town of Waynesville with Piper in mind, knowing she’d kill me if I used anything else.
I smiled back and continued working on Siobhan’s homework. I’d done three problems to her five. The left side of Siobhan’s mouth curled. It was her game face. My pencil flew. Game on.
Jackie clomped over to the cup. “Lauren hasn’t missed a volleyball practice yet. Unlike some people.” She glared at a squirming Alex, who popped in a piece of gum and began chomping. We all knew where her free and not-so-free time was going.
Jackie’s closed hand appeared before me. “Your serve has come a long way, Lauren.” She gave me a quick fist bump. I blinked back tears, amazed Emily’s crazy idea was working.
“Anyone else?” Emily called, then put her hand over her mouth and coughed, “Trinity.”
Trinity dropped the pieces of her dream catcher in the cup, then sat beside me. I looked up from Siobhan’s last calc problem and met her glistening eyes. “Thanks for being cool about me liking Seth. We’ll never go out, but…” Her eyes shone with hope—wanting me to say, “No problem. Go for him.”