by Rock, J. K.
“Me too,” I admitted.
He rolled us over so that I was on top. My hair hung down like a curtain, the dark strands blotting out the world.
His lips curved toward his eyes, making his whole face sparkle. He was gorgeous, I thought, slightly dazzled.
“I heard you broke up with Matt and thought maybe you wanted to give us another shot.” He heaved a long sigh. “I didn’t want to spend my last summer here without you.”
I closed my eyes, hating our camp’s rumor mill, but hating myself more for sending Seth mixed signals. My emotions for Matt and Seth had grown, but they were all mixed up. I needed distance to straighten those feelings out. Tonight proved that more than ever.
“Lauren?” Seth ran his fingertips across my cheek. “Say something.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, sitting up and sliding away. “I can’t.”
Seth’s brows came together.
“Can’t or won’t?”
I looked at the stars, wishing they held the answer.
“Both,” I admitted, taking deep breaths of the cool air and hoping I could get my head on straight. “I need to be on my own.” I crossed my arms over my thin camisole.
“Then why did you kiss me like that?”
“Because looking at the stars made me remember the past. Remember us. And I got distracted. But mostly because I’m a jerk.” I started to stand, but Seth tugged me back.
“Don’t say that. You’re mixed up.”
I pulled away. “It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t confuse you.”
“I’m not exactly innocent in all this myself.” Seth shook his head. “Besides, my head’s already screwed up. It’s so hard seeing you every day when I can’t hang out with you, talk to you…hold you.”
I knew exactly how he felt, but I had to stay strong.
“That’s how it has to be until…” I bit back the rest of my sentence, not wanting to give him false hope.
Seth’s shoulders slumped as he stood and began collapsing his telescope.
“Until what? What are you looking for, Lauren?”
“I wish I knew.”
“Me too.” He sighed and stepped down the ladder, telescope under his arm. With a last wave, he slipped into the darkness.
I flopped onto the roof, brushed away my tears, and stared up at the stars, no trace of any meteors visible. Had Seth and I burnt out just as fast?
Chapter Thirteen
I thought about that parting a lot over the next week. I thought about it now, when I was supposed to be getting psyched up for the volleyball playoffs. My cabin mates stretched and joked while we waited for the match before us to finish up. Since I had no interest in watching the younger kids battle it out on the court, my mind wandered back to that night with Seth under the stars. I hadn’t been avoiding him since then, exactly, but I also wasn’t going to rush back into a relationship with my camp boyfriend.
For one thing, Matt was still here and I respected him too much to jump into Seth’s arms after our break-up. Also, I missed Matt, even if my feelings for Seth were still strong. It wasn’t fair to date anyone while I was a mixed-up mess. I had to fix myself before I was girlfriend material.
Hannah certainly agreed with that assessment. She’d moved in on Matt so fast it was laughable. I swear she’d cut all her jean shorts another inch shorter in the last week to get him to notice her.
She flounced past now in her gym shorts and tank top, her purple tennis shoes matching the lettering on her shirt that spelled out Divas’ Den. None of the other cabins had team uniforms, but rumor had it that Brittany’s rich father had sprung for the group’s gear.
“Will you look at that?” Alex hissed in my ear between butterfly stretches. “Even their eye shadow matches.”
I pressed my knees to the floor with my elbows and noticed that all the Divas wore purple eye makeup.
“A little much for a volleyball game, but we did the same thing on my cheer team. Everything matched, from the lipstick to the hair ribbons to the charm necklace with a megaphone.” I’d loved that stash of goodies greeting me in my locker when I’d made the team. The megaphone even had my name on it, an expense financed by our booster club. “We wore gold eye shadow to match our red and gold uniforms.”
“Well la-dee-dah,” Alex laughed, decidedly unimpressed. “Would they kick you out if your skirt pleats weren’t straight?”
I don’t know why I ever discussed cheerleading with my friends at camp.
“All I’m saying is that it doesn’t make them awful people because they wanted to coordinate.”
I stood as the junior kids finished their game and the coaches waved us onto the court.
“Riiight.” Alex gave an exaggerated nod as she walked onto the court with me. “And it’s totally normal to choose a team based on how well they wear a miniskirt. Just saying.”
Instead of thinking about how I was on the outs with Alex or that I had no one to hold hands with at the bonfire tonight, I focused on my competition. Peering over Siobhan’s head to check out our opponents, Madison looked half-asleep and Brittany flirted with Eli who watched from the stands. Their team as a whole didn’t look like much competition. But from experience, I knew that Hannah could whip these girls into a frenzy during the heat of battle. Never underestimate the motivating force of a mean girl threat. Once, Hannah had told Brittany that Trinity stole her poster of Edward Cullen even though the whole camp knew it was Hannah, fed up with the vampire fetish. Brittany believed it and won the final point for Divas’ Den with a serve that nearly took Trinity’s head off.
“Are you ready to win, girlfriends?” Emily asked as she set up our water bottles on one side of the court. Her T-shirt had been modified with a green magic marker so that it said “Munchies #1” over the logo. “If we beat the Divas we move on to play for the championship, and you look like champions to me!”
Jackie pumped her fist, and Siobhan nodded. Emily might tread on our privacy and say ridiculously inappropriate things sometimes, but she meant well. After she’d gotten us onto that island for the overnight trip in first place, Jackie seemed to have forgiven her for all the times she’d chased her around with a makeup brush.
We put our hands in for a team cheer and Jackie gave us a pep talk, reminding us of all the times the Divas had screwed us over the years—throwing our clothes in the lake, spreading rumors that weren’t true, pranking us with itching powder. Once she had everyone fired up, the whistle blew and the Divas served. It was a weak effort and we scored the first point. But after that, things got tougher. Every point got harder to win. The stands filled with spectators. All the Warriors’ Warden guys came, including Matt. They must have their next match on the indoor court.
“Go girls!” A deep voice barked from the stands. I looked up. A muscle-shirt-clad Rob stood beside his charges, hands cupped to his mouth. He turned to the boys in his cabin. “They play harder than you fellows, and they’re just a bunch of females.”
Emily practically choked Gollum by grabbing his whistle and blowing it hard. We froze.
“Time out! I want this—this—Neanderthal ejected from the game.” Emily marched over to Rob. His dimples deepened at her advance.
“On what charge?” Rob’s azure eyes swept over the girls, all of us sighing when his gorgeous gaze touched us. Jackie propped up Piper before she hit the ground.
“For your information, their gender has no bearing on how well they play. Your put-downs are a distraction and so are…” she waved her hands around him, “you. Put some clothes on, for God’s sake.”
Rob pointed at Emily’s cherry-red booty shorts with the words “Go For It” scrawled in green marker across the back. “And what the hell is that?”
“Encouragement,” Emily shot back. “Something you’ll never get. So beat it.”
Rob shrugged and grinned.
“My lady’s wish is my command.” He waved to his crew and sauntered away. “Stop checking me out, Emily,” he called over his shoulder.
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Emily’s cheeks flamed. “That was to make sure you were really gone,” she yelled.
“But I’ll be back.” His eyes gleaming at our flustered counselor. “Depend on it.”
Gollum blew his whistle. “Enough. Let the game resume.”
We took our positions. When Hannah waved at Matt between serves, I fought the urge to dive under the net and gouge her eyes out. Was that how Matt felt when he saw me talking to Seth?
Distracted, I nearly missed an oncoming ball at the end of the first game. I got my arms under it late and sent it backward instead of over the net, but Piper was right behind me and hit it in the right direction, scoring another point for us.
“Get with the program, Lauren!” Emily called, even though we had won the game.
O-kay. I wasn’t sure why the volleyball contest had started feeling like a life or death situation. In theory, I knew we always wanted to beat the Diva girls. But did we need to confer on strategy between every point? The matches were a best of three series, with games played back to back. We only played up to 15 in our camp rules.
The Divas won the next round, in spite of Madison making mistakes every time she touched the ball. For a moment, I remembered her sneaking off the night Matt and I hung out at Highbrooke Falls. Was she overtired from another late-night escapade?
That forced us to game three and frustrated everyone on my team. Trinity bit her lip while Emily tried to give her pointers on the side of the court. Siobhan rehearsed her serve even though she didn’t have a ball, her arms going through the motions.
As we got ready, I wondered if there’d always been this level of animosity between our cabins or if there was a new edge to the rivalry this year. While I waited for the next serve, my feet in a ready position, my gaze roamed the crowd again. Still no Seth. But Matt sat next to his friends on the top row of the bleachers. Out of nowhere, Matt looked up as if he sensed me watching him. For a moment, it felt like that first day that I’d cheered at his football practice, because he caught my eye and winked. In all of our months together, it was the first time he’d cheered for me.
Butterflies tickled my insides. What was up with that? Flustered, I barely got my hands under the ball again when a volley came my way. I made the play, but Jackie glared at me.
“Come on, Lauren, we need you.”
Crap. I must have imagined that wink anyway, right? The next few points were evenly distributed—Divas, Munchies, Divas, Munchies.
On the opposite side of the net, Hannah shouted reminders to Rachel that Piper had stolen her lean-to on the island during the overnight canoe trip. She antagonized Brittany about the stolen Edward Cullen poster for the third year running, and amazingly I saw Brittany’s eyes narrow at us yet again.
In other words, the match turned ugly in the last few minutes as the score tied up at 14. We rotated spots and I ended up on the front row, right across the net from Kayla. She looked as exasperated as I felt, her ponytail slipping sideways and an uncharacteristic shine on her forehead. Her cheeks were a shade of red that didn’t come from the latest high-end blush.
“Good luck, Kayla,” I stage-whispered to her through the mesh webbing.
She grinned while Rachel called out last-minute instructions to their team. “You too,” Kayla called back.
“No fraternizing with the enemy,” Emily trilled from the side of the court. “Get ready, girlfriends!”
It bugged me that everyone else thought of the Divas as the Evil Empire. I guess it had been bothering me ever since the canoe trip when we’d all been scared together and holding hands. Well, except for Hannah, but there’s one in every crowd. But seriously, Kayla was a nice person and I didn’t understand why we couldn’t approach the match with a sense of sportsmanship.
In the bleachers, some of the boys from the Warriors’ Warden started a chant for the Divas, rooting them on. But it was our turn to serve and our point to win. Plus, Jackie was doing the serving and she was our ace.
Focus.
I knew this game meant the world to the girls in my cabin, so I watched that damn ball volley back and forth so many times I had a headache. I even made a diving set for Piper, who pummeled it into their court and nearly won it for us. But Rachel made a terrific save, getting the ball back into play.
Then Seth walked into the athletic complex. With Breyanna. His hand was on the small of her back as he guided her up the bleachers to a space too small for just friends to sit in. The let-down was crushing.
“Lauren!”
Six people called my name at once, all my teammates and Emily shouting at me. Startled, I looked up in time to see the ball coming toward me too late. I stepped back before it smashed me in the face.
Losing the point for my team. Giving the win to the Divas on a silver platter.
On the other side of the net, squeals and cheers broke out as Kayla and her friends ran to the center of their court for a group hug. My teammates stood frozen in their places for a long moment, as stunned as me that I’d just lost us the game.
Oh. Crap. Guilt sucked me under like a riptide current.
“I’m sorry,” I offered lamely, knowing it was inadequate.
What was the matter with me? They’d told me to pay attention but I hadn’t. I deserved their wrath.
I expected them to yell at me. Berate me. Wail and gnash teeth. I didn’t expect them to storm off the court in a cold, tense fury. But that’s exactly what they did. They were too mad for words.
“Wow. What’s their problem?” A lone voice came from behind me while the next set of players took the court.
I turned and spotted Brittany as she straightened from where she’d been sorting through a big, floral gym bag. She hauled the straps over her shoulder, her lavender track jacket embroidered with silver scrolling letters that spelled out Divas along one shoulder.
“Everyone thinks I’m an idiot for getting distracted by a boy,” I grumbled.
“Well, your timing was perfect for us.” She said as we left the volleyball court. “The next team we play for the title is easier to beat than you guys.”
“I may never be forgiven.” I dodged a junior camper running past me with a butterfly net, a pair of hand-made paper wings attached to her back.
“Well, it would have been nice of you if you did let us win because Hannah was going to have a total bitchfest if we lost this one.” She pointed wordlessly toward a butterfly on a tree branch, and another circling camper with a net squealed in delight.
Apparently the little kids were having their insect collection day.
“Cool!” I watched the tow-headed girl carefully scoop up the prize catch. “I think it’s a Red Admiral,” I told her. “Don’t lose it.”
The kid was already tearing away with her treasure. I was remembering how much more fun it was to go on a bug hunt than play high-stakes volleyball.
“So will your friends forgive you?” Brittany’s wide blue eyes blinked up at me as we walked.
“I don’t know.” I had the feeling I was running out of chances with my camp friends and I wasn’t sure how to fix it. Instead of discovering who I was or what I wanted, I’d only managed to alienate everyone else so far. Way to go, Lauren. If I had my pom-poms I’d give myself a big L-O-SE-R cheer.
“Well, if you can’t convince them you didn’t rig the game, you can always hang out with us.” Brittany ducked under a low branch on the way back to the girls’ cabins. “At least when Hannah isn’t around.”
I laughed. “Thanks. And to set the record straight, I swear no one from my cabin took the Edward Cullen poster.”
“Really?” She looked skeptical.
“Honest.” I lowered my voice as we neared the cabins. “I heard that Hannah was tired of vampires.”
She was quiet as we stopped on the path right behind Divas’ Den.
“I might be over vampires too.” She’d lowered her voice so much that this was obviously a big-time secret. “Which wouldn’t be a big deal, except I’m totally crushing on we
rewolves now.” She gave a shrug that sent her ponytail swinging. “I know your friend Trinity has a cool wolf totem, in fact. Maybe I’ll ask her if I can see it sometime. See you at dinner, Lauren.”
I stared after her, trying to make sense of that conversation. It had been really cool except for the werewolf part. Was she joking?
But I was willing to overlook it for the sake of a friend. They were way too hard to come by, and Brittany had been nice when no one else would even talk to me. Maybe I needed to look at the rest of camp as a chance to get to know other people better, especially myself.
Chapter Fourteen
“Get going, girls!” Emily shouted from our cabin porch. We vied for a spot at the mirror, needing a last look at makeup and hair before heading to the bonfire.
“Yeah, hurry! I’ve still got to finish my economics homework when we get back,” Siobhan added from outside.
“You should have let me help you,” I called out the window.
Siobhan squinted at me through the glare of the porch light. “I couldn’t risk you dropping the ball.” She and Emily laughed. “Besides, if your calculations are as slow as your reflexes, I would be up till midnight.”
Now Emily was howling. Great. That was, like, what? The hundredth joke about the volleyball blooper heard round the world?
I glanced up at the nearly full Kindness Cup. Emily had made them drop in chips for every shot and save I had made…but it hadn’t really helped. Their joking around still hurt.
I tuned it out as I slumped back on Siobhan’s bunk and buried my face in my hands while the rest of the girls in my cabin finished getting ready for the bonfire. What a crappy day. Week. Month, even… My summer of peace had turned into a cold war that felt chillier by the second. I knew my friends cared about me or they wouldn’t tell me how they really felt. Or remind me where my loyalties should lie.
But still. We weren’t in junior high any more. What had I done except act like a human being around the Divas’ Den girls? Date a guy who wasn’t Seth?
“All here?” I heard Emily call outside.
“Yes,” the group chorused even though I wasn’t with them. Used to our group doing everything together, Emily led them away without a head count. Their excited chatter grew fainter as they walked to the bonfire. Instead of racing outside, I stayed put. We all needed space tonight, although it hurt to admit that our tight-knit crew felt close to unraveling.