by Emily Bowie
“Where is that beautiful girl of yours?”
I breathe in their excitement for the future and think of Haven, my beautiful girl, and I’m done. I can’t do this. I’m going to have a breakdown.
I can’t respond, knowing I’ll crack if I say anything. Instead, I turn around, jogging to my truck.
I keep getting the wind knocked out of me by the beat of my heart. Hitting the steering wheel does nothing to slow my heart and calm me down. The thumping increases like I’ve never felt before. Is this what love does? It hurts worse than any pain a bull can inflict. It fucks with my head more than any ride or adrenaline from being in that circle, knowing that bull would kill me if he has a chance.
I didn’t sign up for this. For once, I wanted to feel that fluffy shit Haven’s movies portrayed. I wanted to keep feeling that soft skin of hers and know she’s in my bed for me. I wanted that smile when I woke up, feeling her cuddle into me. But this, I never signed up for.
Pushing the gas, I speed out of the parking lot, heading right back to Oakport Beach. I know I’m looking for a fight. It’s the only way I can release these feelings that keep twisting their way into my soul. I stop in front of Timothy’s house, calling his name for every neighbor to hear. It only takes three hollers before he comes out.
“You have two options here,” I tell him flat out. “Leave town and never come back, or tell Haven the truth.”
He stands up taller. “I did. You set me up.”
Stepping close, my fists curl, and I can feel my fingers ready to crumble under the pressure I’m holding them at.
“We both know that’s bullshit.”
“Doesn’t matter what’s bullshit. All that matters is who Haven believes.” He gives me his pansy-ass smirk that I would love to punch off his face. But then I realize he’s right. I’m wasting my time here. All that matters is Haven.
Looking Timothy up and down, I realize for the first time that both he and Ashley are not worth the oxygen I use for dealing with them.
“You’re right, man.”
Getting back into my truck, I immediately dial Mr. Trickle. I hate going back on my word, but I gave Haven my heart way before I gave it to the rodeo. If he still wants me to train, he’ll just have to move here.
Twenty-Five
Danger
Standing in front of the church, my feet forget how to move. I’ve been in front of the big white doors for ten minutes, trying to convince myself to go in. The doors open, and Haven’s father stands in front of me. “How long do you plan to spend out here? I’d like to go home.”
He doesn’t leave me any chance to respond and turns around. One foot moves in front of the other till I take a seat in one of the middle pews.
“You break my little girl’s heart?” he asks me point-blank, his words squeezing my heart.
“I thought I was protecting her.” All I know is I need her back. Nothing is right until I have her. She’s mine. My hands shoot through my hair in frustration, realizing I royally screwed up.
“You tell her that?”
“I plan to, but I need your help with something first.”
He nods, taking a seat beside me. We both keep our heads forward looking out onto his front altar.
“You know, Danger, I actually like you a lot.”
My eyes go wide, and a sarcastic chuckle leaves me. “Isn’t lying a sin?”
“Hear me out. You have treated my little girl with care and respect her whole life. I have watched the two of you grow up together. I’ve had to watch you leave her each summer and fall for the rodeo, riding an animal that could break you in half. Haven’s biological dad lived for the rodeo.” My head jerks up, as I’m too stunned to say anything. “He was reckless with his life. He was known in most of the counties for being a daredevil inside and outside of the ring. I think that’s where Haven gets her impulsiveness from. I saw how the rodeo affected the woman I fell in love with. Each time I saw you, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the way Haven’s mom was hurt, and I put those feelings onto you. It was wrong and I’m sorry. I have been trying to work on it.”
His confession blows me away, making this chat I’m about to start with him a little easier.
Haven
Each summer, I put on a bible camp for one week. It’s a super small camp since I’m the only one who has continually run it. I have anywhere from eight to twelve kids of various ages. Sometimes, the older kids come and help, allowing me to run everything more smoothly.
Today, we’re at the beach having a sandcastle-building contest. I have the clipboards on how each castle will be judged, but in the end, they all get prizes.
I start to hear chatter and laughter from my camp kids. They’re all whispering to each other while pointing. Drawing my eyes to where they’re pointing, I see Danger riding a horse pulling what looks like a wagon with hay on it.
“You planned a wagon ride!” one of the kids squeals, looking like this is the best day of his life. Some of the other kids start to get up, their castles forgotten.
I haven’t seen Danger in a week. As far as I knew, he left town. I haven’t heard one word from or about him. Not one text, nothing. When he didn’t show up to his house for two days, I moved everything back to my parents’ house, not wanting him to be out of his own home because of me.
I thought I’d hear something then, but nope. Not even the town has been talking about him, and everyone talks about him.
He has this big, bright smile on, and I’m pissed. He could’ve been in a ditch somewhere, and I would’ve had no idea. How dare he ghost me? We have been friends our whole lives, and not once has he dropped me like that.
“Miss Haven,” he greets me, giving googly eyes to the kids and making them laugh.
“Miss Haven?” I rear back. Is this what we’ve become?
I think I’m about to see red. I try to calm myself, not wanting to lose it on him in front of the kids, when I notice a few already climbing onto the back.
“No, no, we’re not going on that,” I tell them in my sweetest voice, trying to cover the disdain I’m feeling right now. More climb up, and I count seven of them on the wagon. I’m about to go behind to pull them all back by their collars. Well, not really, but they’d get the point they need to step off immediately.
“Now, now, Haven.” Danger’s voice has my head wiping back to him. He has on that cocky smirk, the one I have fallen for over my lifetime. It’s so confident, and his blue eyes are so intense as he looks down at me.
Huffing out, I look back to the wagon, trying to stay focused. My kids are all holding onto a square paper board with a letter. I’m sorry is spelled out between the kids.
“You’re sorry?” I ask in confusion, looking back at him. “For what? Moving and not telling me? For keeping secrets? What are you sorry for?” There is no way he’s getting off the hook this easily. That swagger of his will not work on me this time.
“For all of it.” He hops off his horse, handing the reins to one of my camp leaders helping me today.
“Well, it’s not like it matters now,” I sulk, hating that my voice cracks, showing him how upset I am.
“I never had anything to do with Timothy and Ashley. I swear. Yes, I didn’t kick her out, and yes, I told her to make sure Timothy had a good time. I meant to keep his drinks coming, nothing else. What you saw the other day was her trying to blackmail me. It took me till now to realize all I needed to do was trust in you by telling you the truth. I should have never been scared that you would doubt me. I felt so guilty about how hurt you were since I was the one who planned the party.”
I let out a silent exhale, my eyes closing briefly as I take in his side of the story. The tensions I have been holding in my shoulders begin to lighten. I wish Danger could have been open with me from the beginning. Glancing back up at him, I realize that Danger will always be my friend, even if I love him more than one.
“Thank you. I needed to hear that.” I pause. “Friends?”
I need u
s to get back to what we know. I don’t think I could survive if Danger wasn’t in my life. It’ll be hard seeing or hearing he’s moved on, but no matter what, I will always be happy that he found joy in his life.
“Hell no. I can’t go back to being friends with you.”
The pumping of my blood swooshes through my ears, my balance becoming less steady. I’m devastated, hurt, and ready to kill Derek Danger Jennings. I hope on my tombstone they write Murderer of a Cowboy. His two fingers pull my chin up to look at him. I keep trying to turn my head, feeling my eyes fill with big, fat tears.
“You know why we can’t be friends?” he asks softly, as if he cares for me. All it does is make a sob break though. He might as well hate me if we can’t be friends. “It’s because I love you, Haven Rose.”
“What?” I sniffle.
“I love you. I’m not moving. I could never leave you. I want to grow old with you. I need someone to push my walker when I get stuck halfway in the street.” A small, relieved giggle escapes me.
I swear I hear the kids yell to marry him, and I can’t help but think how easy it must look in a child’s eye. Lifting my head, I look at the wagon to see another set of letters. Marry me? is in bold black letters.
Looking back at Danger, he is on his knees in front of me.
“Haven, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”
Falling to my knees, more tears come, but this time they are happy ones. “Yes!” I scream before hitting him on the shoulder. “Don’t ever scare me like that again!”
The sound of corks popping brings my attention to our family and friends walking toward us.
“I know how important your family is, so I asked them to be a part of this by being here when I asked you.” He brings out a ring from his pocket, and my hands tremble as he takes my left hand, placing it on my ring finger.
“I should have brought it out as soon as I went down on one knee, but my thoughts and excitement got too jumbled for me to remember this part,” he whispers sheepishly.
“Congratulations!” My parents come walking up to us.
My dad and Danger shake hands, and my dad hugs him. I never thought I would see this a day in my life.
Looking around, I see his parents. Danger, holding my hand, takes me toward them and hugs his mother then bends down, giving his father one. What I don’t see is Frankie. I’m sure Danger would have told her; it doesn’t make sense that she isn’t here. This is as big as if she were getting married. We’re her best friend and brother. I know she has dreamed of this day as much as her own wedding.
Danger’s cousin and best friend, Crash, comes up to us. “I need to run, guys, but I wanted to say congratulations.”
“I thought you said you were trying to work less? You have a woman you need to keep happy now,” Danger says, nodding toward Crash’s girlfriend Piper. She smiles at me as she wraps her arms around Crash.
“I don’t want to take the celebration from you guys.” He lowers his voice so only Haven and I can hear. “Frankie just called, and she needs my services to help her get here.”
“Her truck break down again?” I ask, knowing she’s been having engine problems. Crash nods, and Piper starts leading him away. Something isn’t sitting right; it feels like he’s lying. But why would he cover for Frankie? I don’t have much time to really think past Crash’s words as more of our friends come up and congratulate us.
Twenty-Six
Danger
“I need your help.” I’ve been gearing up to have everything I need to start training, but I need someone to guinea pig it on.
Haven looks up from the bridal magazine she’s reading. “With what?”
“I want to run through a day of training and see how you gauge everything.”
“You want me to try being a bull rider?” Her face looks like this is her worst nightmare.
“What are you talking about? You’re a champ. You ride the biggest bull daily,” I flirt.
Her eyes go wide and look around to make sure no one is in earshot. “Derek Danger,” she scolds, but she has a smile. My girl loves it when I talk dirty to her.
“It’ll just be like riding a bicycle. Once you learn, your body never forgets.”
“If I do this for you, I need you to do something for me,” she insists.
“Your command is my pleasure.” I wiggle my eyebrows, hoping she’s getting my dual meaning.
She brings out her hand to shake on it. Grabbing it, I bring her in before moving my lips down to hers. Her hands fist my shirt, trying to get our bodies even closer. I love how responsive she is. My hand slips behind her back, loving the feeling of her soft skin against my calloused fingertips. It’s a shame we’re out in the open. Pulling back, we’re both breathless.
“Now, where is this bull I’ll be riding?” She tosses my innuendo back at me. I have to shift in my pants, my hardening dick making it difficult to move.
Walking into my parents’ barn, I have everything set up, including a workout regimen the twins will have to keep on to stay in shape. It requires a lot of stamina to stay on for eight seconds.
“Why is this all set up here?” She’s looking around; it’s far nicer than what I ever had to practice on.
“The boys are being billeted with my parents till they get their place built and the rest of the family moves.”
Coming behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist, placing a kiss to her collarbone. When I called Mr. Trickle, letting him know I wouldn’t be able to move, he was insistent on coming to terms that we both could agree to. It just happened to work out that he’s expanding one of his businesses here and would have to spend most of his time here for the next year or so. He made it seem like moving his family here wouldn’t be that big of a deal. He even said he liked the idea of being able to keep tabs on his boys better if they were living in the same state.
“Rise and shine!” Haven opens our bedroom window curtains, the sun shining bright.
“Why are you waking me up so early?” I love Sundays. I get to sleep in, then her parents make us a huge lunch. It’s awesome.
“Remember that favor you owe me?” There is a twinkle in her eyes that tells me I’m about to regret my promise to her.
“I need a Sunday school helper.”
“Get Frankie.” I roll over, trying to put the pillow over my head.
“Oh no.” She takes the pillow then the blanket from my body. “You’re helping me.”
I grumble a little more for effect, hoping she may reward my good behavior later.
“Anyway, we have a meeting with my dad after for our marriage course.”
I forgot about that. I think her dad just likes seeing me sweat a little. Not that I blame the guy. I would do the same thing in his position. Can’t help but respect him even more. Both of Haven’s parents would do anything for her.
“Give me some sugar.” I pucker my lips, needing a kiss from her. I can’t get enough of my girl. It’s like I’m my twenty-one-year-old self again, always trying to squeeze a little bit of action in.
“One more month till you become Mrs. Derek Danger Jennings.”
“I cannot wait. I love you.”
“Love you more.” I give her another kiss before walking toward the shower, getting the last word in but hoping she’ll follow me.
I still can’t believe it took us this many years to get to this point. I wish I could have pulled my head out of my ass sooner to realize what I was missing out on all these years. Haven has always been the girl for me, and that will never change.
The end!
Please keeping reading for the first chapter of Wild Hearts coming 2021.
Wild Hearts
Wild Hearts
Frankie—19 years old
What should be a deep inferno of love and lust that runs through me is more like a smothered fire whose smoke is slowly suffocating me little by little. The only so-called wildfire that runs through my veins is an outrage. Not even the two beers I had could help
me from feeling my frustrations. Anger twists inside of me coiling around the smoldering burn and I no longer recognize my life. Tears try to invade my hazel irises, but I’m able to keep my shield in place. This is what my life has become. I’ve started to pretend to be someone else. I’ve lost who I am, and it hurts more knowing what I need to do to get it back.
I can feel my phone buzz in my back pocket, and because I’m a glutton for punishment I stop pushing my broken down bike to check the caller ID. The name My Man vibrates in my hands and I can feel the battle of tears being wielded against me as I try to stay in control. I have everything under lockdown, even my voice as I place my phone back in my pocket. If I answer now I may say things that I regret. For a split second, I consider that might be a good thing, but I know better. This is cold feet. I love Clayton. My family loves him. Everything he has done is for me, for us. That feeling of shame eats at me as I see myself as selfish.
Holding onto my bike’s handlebars I glance around feeling like I did something wrong when I know for a fact I never did. The sun beats down on my back, my hairline wet with perspiration. I should have taken a road pop with me to help with the intense heat of the day. Slipping the elastic from around my wrist I shove my light brown hair into a high ponytail while my glistening engagement ring gets stuck in my hair making me redo my attempt. This time I twist my engagement ring on my hand so it keeps from being stuck in my long hair, as I twist my fingers around the gathered up hair. The heat diminishes slightly on my back and neck after being swept up. With each step, I scuff the dirt around my feet, as I mutter to myself.
My anger has beat out my self-pity as I go over mine and Clayton’s last fight. Who does Clayton think he is? “We can start trying for babies on our wedding night,” The thought itself scares the hell out of me. I don’t want to be responsible for another human being, not right now. I feel too young at the age of nineteen. Not Clayton. He has everything figured out including my life. With who his father is, he’s already landed his dream job, he has his girl, and now it’s time to complete the circle. Us marring and making babies, his words. “Let’s keep it to immediate family only,” he says about our guest list. This is my wedding, if I want the whole town there, I’ll have the whole town. For the record, I only asked for three friends and not the whole town. “Frankie, you’re not sixteen anymore maybe it’s time to let go of the purple hair.” I caved on that one and each time I look in the mirror I hardly recognize myself. I like having different colors; it allows me to express myself.