It’s been a week since the kiss. For the last three days, I’ve been in the dog house with everyone. I fight to not let the pain of being outted of our group from showing when I enter the prep trailer for the late morning’s taping. I shouldn’t be pitying myself when I’m the one that did wrong, but I do. I had gotten to look forward to the laughter, the jokes, and the teasing that went on in our tiny group made up of Chana, Ryann, Yosef, and Richey whenever he wasn’t trying not to cross the line not being on the clock. I had created a weird kind of work relationship with Johnny that he fought against every day. I wanted him to stop with the teasing. I figured out that he liked the press associating he and I as a couple, which pissed me off….and what led me to do what I did.
“Hi guys,” I mumble.
I’m not surprised to only get head nods. With a sigh, I head over to the station Ryann has set up to do my hair and makeup. At least, he has to talk to me, but it’s not the same warm way I’m used to.
“Hi, Ryann.”
“Um.”
That’s all I get.
“Look, don’t try to scalp me today, alright?” I grumble as I plop into the styling chair.
“Whatever,” he whispers under his breath.
Jumping to my feet, I’ve had enough of this shit.
“Hey,” I shout across the space to Chana and the others. “I’m sorry…really, really sorry, okay. I shouldn’t have done that to Johnny.”
“You think?” hisses Chana.
She’s ready to kick my ass over her brother, which she should be. I hold on to the arm of the chair as she charges over to stand in front of me.
“He’s been up your ass, running after you from day one, helped you get here, and you pull some shit like that on him,” she snaps.
I cut my eyes in Ryann’s direction to see if he’s got my back. Of course, his ass doesn’t.
“Listen, I said I was sorry. It was just a prank,” I swear.
“You know what shit like that can do to a man’s career,” Yosef chimes in.
Frustrated, I roll my eyes and stump my foot. “All he had to do was say something; make a post, give a sound clip…anything to say he and I aren’t dating.”
“That’s so fucking dumb, Tia. You walk around here like you don’t like my brother when you know, we all know that you like it. You need to stop the act, girl, but no, you try to get back at him by hinting off that he’s gay,” shrieks Chana.
“Give some room,” suggests Richey as he pulls Chana back out of my face.
“No, this hoe needs to know. I was rooting for you. I thought we were friends,” she spits.
“I am your friend, Chana. I mean-“
“Nah, if he’s beefing, I’m beefing, too,” she snarls.
Wring her arm free, she marches out of the trailer. The three men stare at me.
“All jokes aside, what the hell were you thinking when you changed up the production of the challenge? My boy walked in to be blind sighted by what you did,” remarks Yosef.
I plop back down in the chair. Chana didn’t hit me with her fists, but I feel beaten up by her words. It only adds to the guilt of finding out what Johnny took upon himself to help Brittany. Hindsight is 20/20. Here I am always calling him immature then I go and prove that I’m the bratty bitch he says I am.
At first, whenever I thought back to the taping of three days ago, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Johnny’s reaction when the door to the location of a room in a warehouse swung open, and he saw the work I had done was priceless. The challenge was to design a room that revealed a secret about Johnny. After brainstorming, with Chana and Yosef, we agreed on decorating our space in trains and rats. Come to find out, Johnny’s scared of both. However, I had other plans. The laugh they thought they would capture on camera of him walking into the room of horrors become a reaction of shock and barely contained anger. Not trains, but leather, wigs, fake asses, and sequins dresses. Not rats, but a huge stage to perform. Needless to say, the producers and director ate that shit up. Could it be that Johnny is living a hidden life? Could he be gay or even bi?
Funny how he claimed he never comments on what is thought or said about him, yet his ass was in spin mode in a hurry. I stood by to watch the side, one on one interviews the show does.
“What was that all about, Mr. Thickee?”
I was amazed at how he could hide his anger to be able to respond.
“The room is a reflection of how artiest in this industry have to hide you they are out of fear of not being accepted for their talent of their sexual orientation doesn’t line up with what the public or fans think they should be. I know many, many artists, actors, and athletes that are hiding the people they are in love with and their truth out of fear or the shame of coming cleaning.”
“But this challenge was to be a reflection of your personal fears,” the person standing behind the cameraman reminds him.
“And that is a personal fear. I fear for my friends’ stability. I fear for their way of life. I fear for their happiness because no one wants to be kept a secret. How can you say you love a person, but don’t want to be seen with them? Even if the person says they understand, my friends still carry the guilt of being undercover. Trans people are losing their lives over this silly shit. So, yeah, it is a major fear for me. I wanted to use my platform to shed light on this issue and to give a nod to my friends that are struggling,” he explained.
That challenge was our team’s first win, which is another reason why I feel so low. Not to mention that what Johnny said was a slap in the face to me concerning Ryann and his struggles. His words brought tears to Ryann’s eyes, who has had to deal with the threats and physical attacks.
I can’t stay in the trailer another second. I have to make things right. Hell, I shouldn’t have let things stew for this long. It took me a moment to track him down, but I was finally successful. I grind my teeth to see Chana standing next to Johnny, no doubt bitching me out.
“Um, can we talk?”
My world tips when he turns to tower over me with his cold blue-green eyes. I’m not ready to be this close to him. I know now that all I’ve done was to hurt and push him away in hopes he would give up his desire to make good on his promises of breaking me down.
“Not without me,” grunts Chana.
“I’m here to apologies, Johnny. I was wrong for what I’ve done. It was childish, and you’ve done nothing but be honest and helpful to me. I own you so much…and you, too Chana. I betrayed you. I don’t have friends, well other than Ryann. I really get excited coming here, seeing all ya’ll. I hope that you can-“
Let’s talk,” interjects Johnny, cutting me off.
He doesn’t wait for his sister to sign off, nor do I.
“I’m kinda hungry.”
He pauses to stare at me.
“My treat,” I offer as I point to a Chinese restaurant across the street.
“If I get the shits after eating here, it’s your fault,” he mumbles as he opens the door for me to walk in first.
I kinda low-key agree with him. The district we’re filming in isn’t that high class. While the other teams lucked up to get locations better than ours, the challenge of decorating a failing business to boost foot track landed us with a rundown children thrift store. If the smell didn’t give cause not to spend your money, the crappy lighting and items thrown everywhere would do it.
“Drinks?”
Johnny frowns in thought as he eyes the sticky menu the older woman has handed us.
“Anything in bottle or can…not beer,” I added quickly.
Not happy, he tosses the menu aside. Leaning back in the booth, he places his sexy tattooed hands on the table.
“I am really sorry about doing that to you.”
“So, why did you do it?”
I take my time laying my menu down on the table as I chew my bottom lip. I debate lying. It would make it all so much easier, but I own him…so…
“I wanted to make you so upset that you would stop
running after me,” I admit.
“Ah,” he sighs. “And maybe I would put something out saying you aren’t an item.”
“Well, that isn’t a lie,” I say, quickly.
He taps the table while he watches me.
“You’re that scared that you’ll lose your focus letting me in, that you would put that much energy into plotting against me. Damn, you really don’t like me.”
“No.” The word comes out a bit too loud. I glance around the empty restaurant. “No, it’s not that I don’t like you. It’s just,” pausing I shake my head. “You really expect me to believe that you want to rock with me? Of all the women you could pick from, you want me and my ten years older, in debt, with a ninth-grade daughter…and my past,” I say in a whisper.
“Tia, we all have a past. Shit, I spent a few years in jail, after selling dope, beating guys up in the streets, stealing cars, growing up below the property line, with a Ma that was the project’s hoe. Not that I want to compare dick sizes here, but I think I got you beat on the fucked up past.”
I drop my gaze.
“And as for the age, you wanted to park your ass on that spot. I came in, knowing you were older. Don’t look it, but I never cared about it. In all truth, that turned me on since my biggest love was an older woman.”
His revelation was like a bomb exploding between us. I open my mouth to speak, only for the woman to pick this time to return with our can Cokes.
“Are you re-“
“No, we’re not ready,” I reply in a rush. “Yes, we’ll call you when we are,” I finish with a wave of my hand. Leaned up on the table, my eyes wide, I press him to go on.
“I’m taking you into my circle of trust with this,” he warns.
“I promise, Johnny.”
He leans up, too. “So, after I got out, Yosef’s Ma got me from around all that legal shit. She knew I went down for everyone, and I guess it was her way of paying me back. I went to live with her sister, Yosef’s aunt in Canada.”
“She the one you worked in construction for because she flipped houses,” I add.
“Right…and she’s the one I started fucking around with, too…when her husband wasn’t around.”
There goes my ability to keep my mouth closes as it hands agape in shock.
“Oh my God,” I whisper. “I think I might have seen her. Yeah, she came to visit them once. Is she on the short side, thin, kinda soft speaking, dark with curly hair?”
Johnny nods with a smirk.
I cover my mouth with my hand, but my muffled, “No,” can still be heard.
“I was in love with that woman,” he admits.
“So, ya’ll under one roof. Her husband never figured it out?” I ask, amazed.
“Honestly, I think he knew, but I think they had an open marriage. He had his side piece, and her’s lived in the house. They didn’t have any kids, so it was all consenting adults. I never disrespected him.”
I can’t believe it. I can’t also stop seeing Johnny in a new light either. I mean, the man is getting ass left and right. Yet, knowing that he’s had an affair with an older woman that I’m aware of is an eye-opener for me.
“How long did it go on?”
“For years. We started up five months after I moved in. I still flow back even after I came back to the States and was making a name for myself in the industry.”
Now, that right there doesn’t sit too well with me. Is he still hooking up with this old bird? Hell, why am I getting in my feelings? It’s his dick, right?
“You two still-“
“No, I was getting too crazy over her, and I knew it. I needed to break it off. We both knew it was time.”
I search his body language for any hint of lingering longing for the woman. I can’t find any.
“If you wouldn’t have shut me down, I might have told you that age to me isn’t a number. Twenty- two to forty…maybe forty-three depending on the woman is my limit.”
Another bomb. Damn, he just keeps on dropping them on me.
“So, you’ve dated older than me?”
He chuckles. “Yes, Tia, I have. There’s a level of calmness that comes with an older woman. Not to say that I haven’t fucked up and gotten with some insane, older ones, but overall the older women come with wisdom, confidence, without a desire to always have to be in the streets to be seen, and they love to fuck. Perfect,” he smiles.
His gaze moves slowly over me as if he’s trying to see if I’ll fit in that category of, perfect.
It is perfect, Tia. He just described you.
I shake the voice off in my mind. I lick my lips.
Damn! Don’t do that. Shit, he probably thinks I’m flirting. Wait, am I flirting? Do I want to flirt? Yes, yes I do!
I’m driving myself crazy.
“How is Brit doing?”
I blink. It takes me a second to understand what he asked.
“Good, really good. She said everything seemed to change for her one day. She’s giving credit to the picture we took, but I know it’s not that.”
Johnny’s face remains expressionless. Reaching over the table, I touch his hands. His eyes drop to take in my dark brown hand on his tanned, inked ones.
“One of her teachers let slip what you did. She actually told me to thank you because those girls needed to be put in their place.”
“I didn’t want your baby to start hurting herself due to being bullied.”
What did he just say? I wonder.
His thumb caressing the back of my hand is wreaking havoc on my pussy. I stick with a safe response.
“Thank you.”
He chuckles, lifting his eyes to look at me.
“I got a confession to make. I’m the one that leaked your address to the reporters.”
I smirk. “You create the problem to be the hero of the day.”
“Kinda,” he laughs. “I did it because I like being connected to you. I was hoping you would have gotten used to the idea, too.”
“Shit, no wonder you have so many number one hits. You got a way with using words to tie a person up,” I huff.
“Fuck, I wanna tie you up; on your knees, or with you on your back, ankles attached to the sides of the bed, spread wide to take all my length,” he whispers.
“I don’t need my insides re-adjusted.”
How the hell did we get on this topic?
“I know I’m a big dick motherfucker. That’s why I’ll take my time getting you ready,” he says, pausing to flick his tongue at me. “My spit mixed with your cum will make it really easy to stretch your pussy, and it will feel good when I feed inch by inch into your tight hole.”
I freeze in shock. I know I didn’t just-
“Yes Tia, you just moaned, and it won’t be the last.”
Suddenly, I remember something important.
“All this verbal fucking is nice, but I don’t want any trouble.” When he looks confused, “With your homeboy.”
I attempt to remove my hand; however, Johnny’s not having it.
“Rafael is a nasty, two-faced, I think racist, which is funny when he’s always acting black, grudging holding son of a bitch that’s been in my pockets and living in my limelight from the day I met him at the Synagogue in Canada.”
“You’re Jewish?”
“Yeah, Chana and me. Richey is a straight-up Italian Catholic. After Yosef mended fences with his Dad, he took after his white side and dedicated himself to the faith.”
I nod. We’re getting off track though.
“Well, Rafael thinks I’m the one that broke up your bromance.”
“I bet, but he knows he’s full of shit. I’ve been trying to cut that cord for a long, long time. Anyway, he’s not stupid, either. I’ll let him talk shit. He can say I’m the one that’s pussy whipped, and I switched out to save face in front of those fuckers he’s trying to impress. I don’t care,” he shrugs.
I tilt my head. I must have lost my mind with my pride because what I say next is totally showing the hoe I
hide inside.
“I guess what you’re saying is I can’t use him as an excuse for not giving you a piece.”
Suddenly, Johnny’s eyes darken. It’s a sight that I want to make happen more and more. The fact that I’m the cause of it makes me horny ass hell.
“I think I wanna be one of those ‘perfect’ women on your list.”
Johnny inhales, slowly as he hides his eyes under hooded lids.
“Nah Tia, you won’t make the list.”
Is he turning me down after I’m finally-
He continues, “You’re on a list all your own, sweetheart. In fact, I know it’s a mistake doing this, but I want it…you so goddamn bad,” he admits, hotly.
Neither one of us needs to read the text messages chiming on our cells. It’s time to get to taping. Digging in my pocket, I toss a five-dollar bill on the table. He does the same to add a fifty-dollar bill to the table. I stand to my feet with him slipping out the booth to tower over me. I give into the urge I’ve been fighting for weeks. I roll up on my toes to touch my mouth to his. This time, I’m not holding back. I give him a glimpse of the little freak I can be. Sucking on his tongue, nibbling his bottom lip, I let him take over the kiss, but not the experiences. My hand moves between our bodies to grab his dick.
“I can’t believe this is all you,” I breathed into his mouth. “I need a private viewing.”
“Is that so,” he smiles as he pulls me closer by my hips.
“Um,” I moan. “You might have to take your time fucking me, but I’m going to suck all of this,” I say, tightening my hold to let him know what I mean.
“Jesus, Tia. I’m gonna choke the shit out of you.”
“You can try, but I’m a deepthroater, baby…gagging only makes me wetter.”
Johnny’s eyebrow arches. “Are you wet now?”
Shifting my stance, I open my leg. I don’t have to say a word. He lowers his mouth along with his hand to maneuver under my skirt. My lacey panties are covered with the evidence of my arousal. All he had to do was touch the front of the material. He didn’t have to go lower and slide his finger under the side to touch the juices on my waxed pussy lips, but I’m happy that he did. He takes his time coating my clit with the moisture before he penetrates me up to his knuckle.
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