“I don’t know where to take you,” Eric said. “Back to Ohio?”
She paused. Would Annie still be there? Or would she have come back to Hollybrook? How long had it taken Annie to inform her parents of her absence? What would they have advised Annie to do?
And just like that, she knew. Her dat would have asked Annie to stay in Ohio for a few days in hopes that Sarah would come back.
And he would have been right. For she was going back. She opened the door to the cabin—the place she’d thought would be her new home—and walked into the frigid air toward the car. Eric ran ahead of her, throwing her bag in the backseat and opening her door for her. With his hand on the handle, he paused, searching her face. She looked into his eyes and saw an overwhelming grief, but there was something else there, too.
Relief. Stark relief.
He was glad they were leaving. He was glad she was going back to her family. He wanted out. He leaned down until his warm breath fluttered over Sarah’s chilled face. And then he touched his lips to hers in a heartbreaking kiss.
“I’m so sorry, Sarah,” he whispered, and his voice caught so that he barely got the words out.
She sucked in air, and her heart constricted. “We tried.”
“Not hard enough,” he said, and his lips trembled. For a quick moment, she thought he would fall against her, but he stiffened. “We can go back inside.”
She searched his face for some indication that he meant it. Anything. A glimmer of hope. A pleading for affirmation. But there was nothing. He was shaking now, and he blinked hard.
“Nee. It wouldn’t work.”
He let out his breath in a long pointed sigh. “But what will you do?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
But she already had figured it out. She was going to obey her father’s wishes. And it was going to work. It would be all right. She slid into the passenger seat, and Eric shut her door. It closed with a finality that echoed through the car.
She leaned her head against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. Gott? She began to pray. She doubted God would listen, but it was habit—ingrained in her from her first breath as a wee boppli. Gott? Are you still there? I need help.
Eric was in the car now, turning the ignition. The motor roared to life, and he backed the car up. Within seconds, they were on the road heading east.
Eric reached over and grasped her hand. “You’ll be okay?”
She nodded. “Jah. I’ll be okay.”
And it was true. She would be okay. And perhaps, someday, better than okay. She glanced at Eric. And so would he. She pressed her hands against her stomach. And so would the baby.
And that was most important thing of all.
The End
Sarah’s Return
Annie’s Story #3
Chapter One
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31 (King James Version)
Annie Braus sat on her cousin’s rocker next to the front window. For two days, she’d hardly moved as she kept what could now be considered a vigil.
“She’s not coming back,” Isabel said. She stood to the side of the rocker with her hands on her hips. “Might as well accept it and get on with life.”
“She has to come back,” Annie murmured, tears welling in her eyes.
“Nee. She doesn’t. Given how she acted during her rumspringa, I’m shocked you’re still waiting for her.”
Annie pressed her lips together. The last thing she wanted to do was to argue with her cousin. After all, she was imposing on Isabel’s hospitality as it was. She was hardly in a position to be unpleasant.
Two tow-headed girls bounced into the room.
“Sarah back yet?” Phoebe asked, her blue eyes wide and hopeful.
Annie shook her head.
“Quit your asking,” Isabel said. “It’s not going to make Sarah appear any sooner.” Isabel gave Annie a meaningful look over her daughters’ heads.
Annie took a deep breath and stood. “Your mamm is right.” She injected a bright tone into her voice. “It’s time we get to the cleaning. Who wants to help me mop the floors?”
“I do!” Mary cried, jumping up and down. “Can I push the mop?”
Annie laughed and patted the child’s shoulder. “Of course, you can.”
Annie loved her cousin’s girls, all four of them. She braced herself against the pang of yearning in her heart. If only… She winced. It did no good to carry on about the fact that she and Amos hadn’t been blessed with children. No good at all. And she should know. She’d carried on plenty, which only served to fill her mouth and throat with a bitter taste. A woman who trusted in the Lord shouldn’t question His ways.
Despite herself, she glanced back one more time through the front window. Never once had she thought Sarah would actually run away. Annie knew her sister hated Dat’s plan for her. And granted, it was a wild one. When he’d announced it, both Sarah and Annie had stared wide-eyed. He’d asked—no, ordered, more like—them both to go and stay in Ohio at Cousin Isabel’s until Sarah’s child was born. And then Annie was to claim the babe as hers, and they’d return to Hollybrook with no one the wiser.
Annie ran her fingers along her forehead, tucking a few loose curls back under her kapp. After Dat’s pronouncement, Sarah had thrown a fit, saying she wanted the baby. She’d insisted that her boyfriend would want it, too. Plus, she predicted that everyone in Hollybrook would know the truth anyway.
None of that mattered now. Sarah was gone. Annie took Mary’s hand and together they walked into the wash room located next to the side entrance of the house. Annie grabbed a bucket and filled it with soapy water at the wash-up sink. Then she carried it into the kitchen. Mary dragged the mop as she trailed behind Annie, all the while chattering non-stop about two squirrels she had seen the day before. They’d chased each other up the maple tree just like it was summer, even though snow was bound to come any minute.
Annie laughed and helped her douse and then squeeze out the mop to begin their work. She watched the little girl’s intense look of concentration as she painted wide swaths of water over the kitchen floor.
“Ach, Mary, watch out now. You’re going to splash the bottoms of the cabinets. They don’t need a bath, little one.”
Mary stopped mopping and giggled. “A bath! The cabinets?” She giggled again. “Mamm,” she called through the kitchen door. “I’m giving the cabinets a bath!”
Annie shook her head with amusement. How delightful it was to have children’s voices ringing through a house. How delightful and normal. She blew out her breath. Normal for everyone but Amos and me, she thought. Forcing her thoughts away, she turned back to Mary.
“Get going, now. We have plenty more to do today.”
Mary tightened her grip on the mop and pushed it across the floor, trundling behind it. She was too little to do a good job, but that was how all Amish girls learned. By doing. And by starting young.
Isabel came to the doorway. “Why, Mary, you’re doing a right fine job.”
“Thank you, Mama.” Mary continued with renewed vigor.
“We’ll mop the bathrooms after this,” Annie said. “Then I can help with the baking if you’d like.”
Isabel nodded. “That’d be nice.”
“I’m sorry,” Annie told her cousin. “About everything.”
Isabel shook her head and stepped closer. “It’s not your fault Sarah ran off. Not your fault at all.”
Annie shrugged. “Still. She’s my sister.”
“And my cousin, don’t forget,” Isabel said. She touched Annie’s arm. “I’m sorry Uncle Levi’s plan didn’t work out.”
Annie shrugged again. A familiar dullness settled in her heart. It was always this way after she held out dreams of a child. How many times had she hoped she was carrying a babe, only to find out days later that she wasn’t? Sh
e had stopped keeping count. And then came Dat’s plan. And even though it wasn’t the same thing as having her own, she thought she would finally be given a child.
But no. It never happened. And she knew just how it would progress. First, the pain and longing, then the hope, and finally the leaden resignation. Sometimes there was anger tossed in, but Annie had gotten quite good at staving it off. An angry Amish woman wouldn’t do. It simply wouldn’t do at all.
There was a shriek from the front room, and both Annie and Isabel gave a start and hustled through the dining room. Phoebe was jumping up and down, hanging onto the window sill and looking outside.
“Mama!” she yelled. “She’s back!”
Annie’s heart flew to her throat, and she peered through the window. Her eyes widened in stark disbelief. Sarah was climbing out of Eric’s car, and she was wearing her Amish clothing. Her thin face was white, and she looked ready to fall, but she pulled her bag from the backseat and stood facing the house.
Annie ran to the door and threw it open. She dashed down the steps, her arms open wide.
“Sarah!” she cried, surprised she even had a voice. “You’re back! Oh, you’re back!”
She enveloped Sarah in her arms and felt her sister tremble. Over Sarah’s shoulder, she saw Eric get out of the car. His face looked abashed, and he gave a weak half-smile to Annie. She nodded at him and gave him a solemn look of gratitude. She had no idea what had happened, or where the two of them had been. All she knew was Sarah was back.
Sarah was back!
Isabel’s three oldest girls jostled down the steps and threw their arms around Sarah.
“Girls!” scolded Isabel. “Give the girl some breathing room.”
Annie gently began to lead Sarah up the steps, but Sarah pulled away.
“Just a minute,” she said and gave Annie her bag. Then she walked back and around the car to where Eric stood.
Isabel herded her girls inside. Annie knew her cousin feared they would witness physical affection between Sarah and that boy. That boy who’d gotten Sarah into trouble.
Annie knew she should give them privacy, too, but she couldn’t move. She couldn’t risk the possibility of Sarah climbing back into the car and speeding away, maybe this time for good. So she stood and waited, watching her sister even though it was a massive invasion of privacy.
She saw Sarah whisper something in Eric’s ear. And then Eric’s arms came around Sarah and the look of desperation on his face pierced Annie’s heart as she watched. Sarah held on tight and the two of them both shook with sobs. Annie could barely stand to watch. Her heart squeezed painfully as if it was her standing there, saying good-bye.
Finally, Sarah pulled away and stumbled back around the car to Annie. She was weeping freely, her nose red and her lips trembling. She looked back once more and raised her hand in a feeble wave.
“Good bye,” she choked out.
Eric wiped his eyes and got back into his car. With a roar, he was gone.
Annie dropped the bag and held Sarah, easing her up the stairs and into the house.
“Isabel, would you kindly fetch Sarah’s bag?” she asked as she took Sarah straight up the stairs and to her bedroom.
Annie sat in the straight-back chair pulled up next to Sarah’s bed. It had been three hours since Sarah had come back, and she had slept nearly every minute of those three hours. Annie refused to budge from her side.
Isabel came in to check on them, bringing Annie some tea. Being careful not to wake Sarah, Annie asked Isabel to phone the Ebersols in Hollybrook with the news that Sarah had returned. The Ebersols would inform her parents. Isabel agreed, and not ten minutes later, Annie saw her and her four children all bundled up and headed down the road toward the phone shanty. Within an hour, she saw them return, the deed apparently done. She was glad. Now Mamm and Dat could rest easy, knowing Sarah had come back.
The room was quiet. Annie sat patiently, gratefully, watching her sister and listening to the muffled sounds of the family below. She heard the girls playing and laughing, and she heard the baby cry. She reckoned she wouldn’t be helping Isabel with the baking that day after all.
In the early afternoon, Sarah stirred. Annie jumped from the chair and leaned over her. Sarah opened her eyes and blinked rapidly as if trying to focus. Her forehead creased into a frown.
“Oh,” she said. “I’m here.”
“You’re here. Are you hungry, Sarah? I can get you something right quick.”
Sarah wriggled into a sitting position. “Jah. I’m hungry.”
“Give me a few minutes,” Annie said with a smile. She hurried from the room and headed downstairs to the kitchen.
“She awake?” Isabel asked, looking up from the stove where she was stirring a big pot of potato soup.
“Jah, and she’s hungry.”
“Here, take some soup up to her.” Isabel dropped the wooden spoon against the side of the pot and grabbed a bowl from the cupboard. She took a ladle from the drawer and scooped the soup into the bowl.
“Ach, it smells so good,” Annie said.
“I’m sure you’re hungry, too,” Isabel said, grabbing a second bowl. “You can take these up on a tray, and the two of you can eat together.”
Annie gave her cousin a grateful glance. “You’re being wonderful, you know.”
Isabel shrugged. “I was a bit hard on her when she first came. I’ve been feeling guilty.”
Annie took the tray and stood for a moment. “I think a lot of us were hard on her in the beginning.”
Isabel’s brow rose. “It’s to be expected, I guess.”
“I know. But still.”
“People have asked me how long you two are staying. When I tell them it could be months, they wonder why. Most don’t outright ask, but I see the questions on their faces.”
“I know they’re wondering.”
“And then when Sarah turned up missing, and we were a bit frantic, it made the speculations worse.”
“We can’t keep her hidden away forever,” Annie said. “They’re going to know.”
“And then Hollybrook will know.”
Annie sighed. “Sarah predicted that. I don’t think Dat and Mamm thought it all the way through.”
“At least, she won’t be there while she … well, while she’s big.”
Phoebe came to the doorway of the kitchen. “Mama, should we clean up now?”
Isabel gave a start and then smiled at her daughter. “Jah. The food will be on the table in a minute.”
Phoebe looked at the tray Annie was carrying. “Where you going?”
“Upstairs,” Annie said.
“Sarah up there?”
“She is, and she’s hungry.”
Phoebe followed Annie to the staircase. “Is she sick or somethin’?”
“She’s a bit tired, is all.” Annie started up the steps. “I’ll be down later. Would you like to play a game with me then?”
Phoebe’s face broke into a wide smile. “Jah! I want to.”
“All right, then,” Annie said. “Go on now and clean up your toys.”
Phoebe skipped to the front room. “Annie’s gonna play with us after supper!”
Annie heard the sisters’ excited chatter as she continued up the stairs. When she pushed Sarah’s door open with her hip, she saw that Sarah was upright, leaning against the headboard.
“Hot soup,” Annie announced. “How does that sound?”
“Fine. Thank you.”
Annie set the tray on the dresser and carried a bowl and spoon to Sarah. Then she took up the other bowl and spoon and sat on the edge of the bed. The two sisters ate in companionable silence until Sarah giggled.
“What’s so funny?”
“Wouldn’t Mamm have a fit if she saw us eating in bed?” Sarah bit her lips over another fit of giggles.
Annie laughed with her. “That she would!”
They laughed a moment longer, and then both fell silent. Sarah was finished with her soup, and she held h
er empty bowl with both hands on her lap as if soaking up its fading warmth. Annie scooted a bit closer.
“Where were you, Sarah?”
Sarah squeezed her eyes tight, and her face screwed up. Within seconds, she was crying. Annie drew in her breath and reached out to grab Sarah’s arm.
“Ach, I’m sorry, Sarah. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Sarah set her bowl on the quilt and wiped at her eyes. The tears continued to fall and Annie’s heart ached to see the pain on Sarah’s face.
“I thought we could be a family,” she finally choked out.
“You and Eric?”
“And the baby.”
Annie’s chest constricted, but she forced herself to remain calm. She’d come to think of Sarah’s baby as her own. Hers and Amos’s. Hearing Sarah speak of it possessively again sent ripples of dread through her. Have I allowed myself to hope too much again? And is that what this has turned into? False hope?
Annie shuddered and renewed her focus on Sarah. “So, where did you go?”
Sarah began to cry with renewed vigor, and this time the sobs were wrenching. In alarm, Annie set her bowl on the bed beside Sarah’s and took her in her arms. Sarah’s thin body jerked with her tears, and Annie held on tighter and tighter. Her tears mingled with Sarah’s.
“We got … we got … ach, Annie!”
“What? You got what?” Annie’s alarm grew.
Sarah pressed her face on Annie’s shoulder and cried as if she would never recover. Panic coursed through Annie. Sarah was out of control, and she was going to make herself sick.
She patted Sarah’s head and then ran her hand over her back, trying to comfort her. “There, there, Sarah. Just breathe. Everything’s going to be fine. Just breathe.”
Sarah clung to her as if she was in danger of collapse, and indeed, Annie thought she was.
“Sarah, please calm down now.” Annie sent up an urgent silent prayer, asking God for help. Sarah had always been so tough, so resilient, so spirited. This girl, weeping in her arms, was none of those things. What has happened to her?
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