by Kailin Gow
“This is delicious,” I said, enjoying the lightness of the croissant and the tangy sweet and salty flavors of the smoked ham and rich cheese. I took another bite, as Mrs. Anderson placed a napkin on the table.
“Good morning, Mrs. Anderson,” Collins said, sliding into the seat next to me, dressed in a navy suit and a royal blue silk textured tie. He was dashingly handsome, and reminded me of the first time I met him, at school.
“You look nice,” I said, smiling at him, and feeling a strange pride that I was the girl he wanted a relationship with.
“And you’re not dressed yet,” Collins said. “You don’t have much time or you’ll be late.” I rolled my eyes at him, he was so bossy. “Miss Sullivan…” Oh, is it Miss Sullivan again? “Eat up and go get dressed. I believe Mrs. Anderson’ s already set your clothes up in the closet.”
“Closet? Yours?” I asked.
“Sam,” Collins said. “We’re not going to share a bedroom. You’ll be sleeping in the guest room.”
I must have looked disappointed because he reached over and touched my hand. “As much as I would like to have you in my room with me all the time, I expect you would want your own space, too. Now eat up and get dressed.” He got up after gulping down his breakfast and draining his glass of orange juice. “I’ll meet you back here when you’re dressed and ready to go,” he said, heading off to another part of the house.
I quickly gulped down the rest of my sandwich, left the fruit, and drank half of my glass of orange juice. Then I got up from my seat and had Mrs. Anderson lead me to the guest room. My breath caught in my throat as I glanced at the unobstructed view of the ocean’s blue waves crashing against the cliffs.
“Your clothes are in the closet,” Mrs. Anderson said. “I hope you don’t mind me going through your suitcase to set up your clothes.”
“Not at all,” I said.
“You’re very young,” Mrs. Anderson said. “I know Mr. McGregor is very taken by you. When you left on Sunday the first time you visited, he was very upset. He may seem strong and confident on the outside, Miss Sullivan, but he’s vulnerable, especially when it comes to women. He has to set up walls, barriers against them, even imaginary ones. I hope you will be patient with him…he’s a good man and deserves a lot of love. He’s only 24, but he’s already been through more than anyone cared to.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I do care for him, and I want to know everything about him.”
Mrs. Anderson smiled. “I was his godmother’s best friend until she died recently. She was his rock. And he took her death rather hard. He doesn’t have many people he can trust, Miss Sullivan. But when he does, he’s fiercely protective.” Mrs. Anderson looked at her watch. “I believe you have to get dressed before he marches in here to dress you himself.” She smiled and left the room.
When I entered the closet, after wresting myself from that breathtaking view, I felt as though I had stepped into a high-end boutique store. There were dresses, shoes, handbags, and coats neatly hung up in the closet. My own measly clothes were hanging on one side of the closet. I quickly chose jeans, a royal blue chiffon blouse, and a black jacket. I got ready in less than ten minutes and headed out to meet Collins in the living room.
He was on the phone when I saw him. “Yes, George, that’s great news. He’ll be out earlier than I expected. I’ll come by this afternoon to sign some paperwork. I’ll see you later.”
I walked over to him and surprised him by hugging him and kissing him on the lips. “That’s for letting me stay here this morning.”
“I want you to stay here,” he said, softly. “More than you know.”
Chapter 15
Friday
I drove to school in my Honda Civic, even after Collins put up a fight about wanting to drive me to school.
“I’ll need it to go to the Teen Center right after school,” I finally said.
He didn’t argue then, instead, he encouraged it, saying he thought what I did there was incredibly important.
I spent the majority of my class drifting through school, daydreaming about Collins. He made me feel incredible, beautiful, and wanted. It was the right kind of therapy I needed right after hearing how my father didn’t want me.
“Samantha?” I heard a woman’s voice as I walked down the hallway to my next class.
I turned around to see Dr. Green walking towards me. “How is Sawyer House going?” she asked without any preamble.
“I really enjoy it, Dr. Green.”
“I got a call from Gail, and she’s practically raving about you. You made quite an impression on her. She’s recommending you for a scholarship they help sponsor.”
“No way,” I said, my mouth opened to scream.
Dr. Green smiled and said, “It’s supposed to be a surprise, but I wanted you to know in case you have second thoughts about volunteering there.”
“No, no second thoughts,” I said. “I love it there!”
“Good,” Dr. Green said, “Looks like they just got a generous donation from a benefactor, so they can continue operations for a good long time.” Dr. Green shuffled some papers in her hands, and said, “I have to run, but let me know how it turns out.”
I rolled my eyes as I thought about what Dr. Green meant. Sawyer House received a major donation, and now I’m also getting a scholarship from Sawyer House. My phone began ringing to Taylor Swift. “Hi,” I said.
“Hello Beautiful,” he said breathlessly and warm. “You were the most beguiling creature I’ve ever kissed several times this morning.” He paused. “I wish it could be every morning, though.”
“I’m still debating on that,” I said. “Collins, I feel like a princess with you, and I love that you treat me so well.”
“I want to take care of you,” Collins said. “You deserve to be treated with love and respect, baby, no matter who wanted or didn’t want you when you were born.”
My heart melted as I listened to his words. “Collins, you didn’t have to give Sawyer House a generous donation because I’m there,” I said.
“Oh you think it’s because you’re there?” Collins teased.
“Yes,” I shot back. “You would do such a thing, Collins, because you are so kind-hearted.”
“What made you think I donated a large sum of hard-earned cash to an organization like Sawyer House?”
“Because you can, Collins, and because you care.”
“Sam, this may sound like a shock to you, but I did not make a generous donation to Sawyer House because you work there.”
“Alright I believe you,” I said. If not Collins, then who could it be?
****
After school, I rushed over to Sawyer House. Gail was just leaving for the day as I walked in. “Derek’s baked another plate of chocolate chip cookies for you, Sam,” she said. “Lucky girl!”
“Lucky because Derek baked the cookies or because I get to eat those cookies?” I joked.
“Both,” Gail said. “They’re both special. Derek’s like a son to me,” she said, her eyes glistening. I knew Gail had lost her son Sawyer ten years ago, but it would still be painful.
”You’ve done wonders for Sawyer House,” I said. “Dr. Green told me you’ll have many more years to operate.”
“Thanks to a mysterious benefactor,” she said, “who donated generously.”
“They didn’t leave their name?” I asked, a little aggravated.
“No, they wanted to remain anonymous .”
“Maybe it’s one of the callers,” I suggested.
Gail laughed. “That would be wonderful …now go out there and charm them enough to make more donations like this one. I have to run, but next time you come in, let’s have a meeting. I want to see how everything is with you.”
“Sure, Gail,” I said while she walked away to the parking lot.
I headed for the break room to grab a bottle of water and found Derek, talking to a pretty red head I haven’t seen before. She looked like a college student with her UC Irvin
e sweatshirt and comfortable plaid shorts and sneakers. Her red hair was tied back into a ponytail, and her blue eyes were glued to Derek’s, while she nodded and smiled at everything Derek said.
As soon as I walked in, Derek turned his head from the girl and came over to me. “Hey Sam,” he said putting his hand on my shoulder to lead me over to the girl. “This is Megan Newman. She’s in one of my Psych classes, and another peer counselor.”
“Hi,” she said cheerfully, “Derek’s told me a lot about you.”
I looked over at him, while he grinned back at me. “All good I hope,” I laughed.
“Derek? He’s a good guy,” Megan said. “He wouldn’t bad-mouth anyone even if his life depended on it.”
“So you’ve known each other for a while?” I asked.
Derek let go of my shoulder and said, “We dated the first semester of freshmen year. Now we’re just friends.”
From the look on Megan’s face, it didn’t seem like it, I almost said. Boy, wouldn’t that be complicated to work at the same place now?
Megan nodded, “Yes, good friends. Derek’s helped me see a lot of things about myself that I wouldn’t have known were there.” She glanced over at the round black clock hanging on the wall and got up. “My shift,” she said. “I should volunteer more, because I love doing this. I love the rush this gives me, you know…but with Sorority and college work, I can only do this twice a month,” she said to me. “You’re lucky you and Derek get to do this a lot more.” She extended a hand and shook mine, saying, “Sam, it was nice to meet you. Derek’s quite impressed by you, and I can see why.” She gave me a once over and walked away.
I turned around to look at Derek, my eyebrows raised. “What did she mean by that?” I asked.
Derek had the decency to blush. “I told her about you, that’s all,” he said. “I mentioned you were very pretty and it can be a distraction for me…”
“Derek!” I said. “That’s not what I’m here for…”
Derek put out his hands, palms up, as in a hold on motion. “No, that’s not what I was saying. I told her you have the knack for this, and that you’re smart and mature, but so darn beautiful, it can be a distraction from everything else.”
I blushed. “Derek, I don’t know what to say to that, it’s sweet but at the same time, ah disturbing,” I laughed. “Now tell me why is a girl you once dated working here on again and off again? I’d find that more of a distraction for you than anything else.”
“Oh, Megan, she genuinely loves doing this,” he said.
“But she still has feelings for you, right? I can see she still likes you,” I said smiling.
Derek took my hand in his and said, “You’re more of a distraction for me than anything else, Sam. I can’t believe you’re not taken, that you don’t have a boyfriend. Something’s holding you back, and it’s intriguing me like heck.”
I pulled my hand gently out of his and said, “No, this isn’t about me, Derek. Don’t try to change the topic. Megan likes you and you’re both working here. I don’t mind, but if you’re going to flirt with me, just don’t do it in front of Megan, okay.”
“Sam,” Derek said, looking hurt. “Megan and I are just friends and that’s all it’s going to be. She’s with someone else now.” Derek looked down and up again. I couldn’t tell if he was in pain or amused. He was smiling. “She’s now with Jenny, her roommate,” Derek said.
I nodded. “Oh, okay, now I know what she meant.” I had to laugh.
Derek put his arm around me then. “I meant everything I said, though, you are a distraction.” He looked at me intently then, as though he wanted to say something, but I walked out from under his arm.
“Derek,” I said, “I think you’re great, but…”
“I know, Sam,” Derek said before I can continue. “I won’t push it. You’re dealing with something, and you’ll tell me if you want to or when you’re ready.” He smiled weakly. “For now, I’ll be happy to be a friend who brings you chocolate chip cookies just to see you smile.”
“Oh, Derek,” I said putting my arms around his neck and hugging him. “You’re so sweet,” I kissed his cheeks chastely, just as Megan walked in.
Derek had placed his arms around my waist, and he looked down at me with adoring eyes.
“Uh, just coming through to get myself some Red Bull,” she said. She shot Derek a look that was either annoyance or relief. “Carry on, lovebirds,” she said, after grabbing a can. She turned to me then and smiled. “Glad to see Derek with someone with some class,” she snorted.
I pulled away from him immediately and walked to the door. “Derek, I don’t know what you told her about us, but I think she’s got the wrong message.”
Derek looked hurt then. “Sam, I’m sorry if that looked like something else to her, but in a sense, I’m glad she does think we’re together.”
“Why?” I asked.
“I don’t want her to feel guilty, not anymore.” Derek said quietly. “When she found out she loved Jenny, instead of me, she broke my heart. She was so confused, and I was so confused. We went through a lot together because of it.” Derek looked earnestly at me. “Megan and I are good friends, but I know she feels guilty about what happened in our freshman year. Sometimes I think she’s here to try to make it up to me, so I’m hoping she could let go of that guilt.”
“So seeing you happy with another girl will help her move on?” I asked.
“Not that I’m asking you to be that girl, but yes, it’ll help her move on and stop feeling so guilty about me.”
“Oh, Derek,” I cried, “You’re more complicated than the Callers, you know that?”
“Is it possible for Megan to see us flirting, at least?” Derek asked. “I know I sound like a desperate nut saying this, but she kind of needs closure. This guilt is eating into her relationship with Jenny.”
I shook my head and crossed my arms. “Derek, if I didn’t think I know you, I’d say you did this on purpose.”
“Honestly, I didn’t,” he said wide-eyed. “Just when she’s here. Please.”
“No,” I muttered. “I won’t do it.”
“It’s for Megan please.”
“This is a bad idea…”
“Only this once,” Derek said, giving me his best lovable pathetic but cute look.
“Alright, it doesn’t mean we are, though.”
“No,” he said, “It doesn’t.”
“Well, I’m going to work. I’m hoping to leave earlier today,” I smiled, thinking of Collins, and his plans of taking me out to dinner.
Derek’s eyes flashed before he said, “What time were you planning on leaving?”
“6 o’ clock,” I checked the break room clock. “It’s 4 so I don’t have much time.”
“I’ll sit in with you,” Derek said moving towards me to put his hand on my shoulders. We walked past Megan, and he slipped his hand around my waist, pulling me close to him. I rolled my eyes as he grinned down at me, making our way to our desks.
There was a green light flashing when I sat down, putting on my headset and pressing the call button.
“Hi, you’ve reached Sawyer House, what do you want to talk about today?”
“I’m calling because a group of my friends are pressuring me to go along with something I don’t want to do,” a girl’s voice said.
“If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, what would happen?” I asked.
“They would call me a loser and stop being my friends.”
“Do you want to be friends with people who want to pressure you into something you don’t want, or do you want friends who are supportive of things you do want?” I asked.
“I didn’t think of it that way,” the Caller said.
“Mind if I ask how old are you?” I asked. Derek looked over at me, with his eyebrows raised. It was a personal question of the Caller, and the Center’s policy was to try to avoid personal questions if necessary.
“I’m fifteen,” the girl said.
“So you’re old enough to think for yourself. In other words, you’re not a baby anymore and don’t need hand-holding,” I said.
“I’m not a baby,” the girl said, sounding offended.
“What is it that your friends want you to do, and if you don’t go along with it, what would happen?”
There was silence at the other end of the phone, and I looked over at Derek, who was watching me, his eyes glued to my lips.
Megan walked by then, and suddenly Derek was standing behind my chair, his arms leaned down to hold me while his lips bent to nuzzle my neck, his breath warm against my skin. He kissed my neck and then the top of my collarbones, while the Caller began talking. “They want me to smoke marijuana with them.”
“And if you don’t?” I asked.
“They will stop being my friends.”
I glanced over to my right and could see out the corner of my eyes, the outline of Megan standing there, watching Derek and I. Oh my goodness. I was mad. Mad at Derek for doing what he was doing, and mad at me for going along with it just because I couldn’t say no to helping people. What was I thinking?
Lola was grinning widely, while Serious Susan was shaking her head.
Worse, was that Derek’s kissing my neck and shoulders was beginning to feel really good.
I concentrated on the Caller and what she was saying. “Look, it may seem like they’re all the friends you have, but if you get pressured into doing something you don’t want, you will only end up hating what you’ve done and feeling bad about yourself. That’s worse than having so-called friends who don’t want you as a friend just because you didn’t do what they wanted you to.”
“I’ve been friends with them since we were ten,” she said.
“That is difficult to break friendships like that, but they’re not considering what you want, if they’re willing to drop you like that, too,” I said.
“How old are you?” she asked me suddenly.
“I’m eighteen,” I said. “I went through high school facing the same thing you did, but I grew up being different, and I didn’t care what other people thought of me,” I said.