She wasn’t indifferent to him, he knew that.
But he could see fear too and that worried him.
How on earth was he going to change the fundamental dynamic of their relationship?
A relationship that had always been more like siblings.
The feelings, he now acknowledged, had always been there.
When she’d been a young woman, a girl, he’d persuaded himself that his physical response to her was inappropriate.
But she was a woman now.
His life was settled again.
He had a home that needed a wife and children.
And he could see Rosie quite clearly at the centre of his life.
But he had no idea how to start or what to do about it.
Perhaps he needed to start treating her as a normal woman?
Court her and take her out on dates? Bring her flowers?
He’d been good at that.
But would she accept him?
No point in wondering, much better to find out sooner rather than torturing himself like this.
Chapter Twenty Two
Rosie stared at Alexander as if he’d grown another head.
They were sitting at a table set for two on the balcony of his apartment. The head chef at The Hall had sent up her favourite meal, crispy beef with stir fried vegetables, but she couldn’t eat a mouthful since the man sitting opposite had finished his little speech.
‘So, what you’re saying is that you never mentioned to me how you felt about me because you weren’t in the right place in your head? It wasn’t the right time? Is that it?’
She was absolutely furious with him and he had the bloody cheek to sit there looking bewildered.
‘Yes. I’ve just said that haven’t I?’ Then his eyes went dark. ‘How would you feel if you found out the mother you loved and adored had an affair, got pregnant with another man’s child. A child you believed was your sister?’
‘Pretty shitty about the first part. But she is your sister.’
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
‘I know that. But it’s not just about all that.’
‘What is it about, then?’
‘When you were sixteen, damn it, you were too young. I was twenty-three and too old for you. You made me feel... itchy. And I didn’t like it.’ He scowled at her. ‘In many ways I still don’t like it.
‘But I have very strong feelings and I want to see where they lead.’
He did, did he?
She couldn’t seem to stop the pain.
He had feelings for her so why wasn’t she doing a happy dance?
‘So, I’m just for when times are good?’ Her eyes blazed into his. ‘What’ll happen when the bad times come again? Because they always do.’
‘Then we’ll see them through together.’
Rosie threw down her napkin.
‘Will we? How do I know that? How can I trust you? You’ve just admitted waiting years when we could have been together because it wasn’t ‘right’ for you.’
He blinked.
‘You’re twisting my words.’
‘Am I? Am I really? Well I’ve got news for you. You don’t get to decide when, where or how for me. You don’t get to make decisions on my life and how I’m going to live it.’
She leapt to her feet, hands fisted at her side.
God, she wanted to punch him!
‘I’ve resigned from Sweet Sensations. I leave at the end of the month and my plans are to spend time in Cyprus with my family before I move to New York.’
Rosie sat with a bump since her head was spinning.
And really looked at Alexander, the man she loved more than life itself, as if seeing him for the very first time.
For years she’d been waiting, wanting and needing.
She shook her head.
But there was something missing.
Something crucial.
And that something was love.
Oh, she could see how he thought he had feelings for her. But it wasn’t enough.
Imagine telling a woman he wanted her in the same tone as ‘pass the salt?’
Oh he’d got all hot and heavy when his system was ruled by the muscle between his legs, but that was a typical male reaction to a woman he was attracted to.
It meant nothing since she knew guys got hard just watching a pretty woman walk down the road.
She wanted more than that, much more.
She wanted that uncontrollable passion, that hunger, that overwhelming lust and a need that was like insanity.
And Rosie didn’t see any of that in those dark, intense eyes for her.
She knew, in that precise moment, she would settle for nothing less.
‘It won’t work.’
Damn it, it shattered her to be offered the one thing she’d wanted for so long.
Why now?
Why couldn’t this have happened years ago when she’d have leapt at the chance?
He sat there sipping his wine and didn’t even look surprised at her response.
What the hell was wrong with him?
What the hell was wrong with her?
‘Why?’ he wanted to know.
His eyes never left her face.
How the hell she kept her cool, she’d never know.
She kept her voice low and controlled.
‘We’re not equal.’
His vivid green eyes narrowed.
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘You’re a blue-blood.’
Alexander’s eyes never left hers.
‘My blood is as red as yours.’
‘You know what I mean.’
‘Are you or are you not attracted to me?’
Bastard.
She looked down, moved her food around her plate.
‘You know I am.’
‘But you don’t think you can let me make love to you?’
She shook her head.
How could a man who was truly attracted to a woman talk about it in such a matter-of-fact way?
Her love for him wasn’t like that.
It was a huge living, breathing entity that would eat her alive if she gave into it.
‘Actually, it’s not about me.’
By the look in his eye she could tell he was annoyed.
‘I don’t understand. Unless you’re afraid? Is that it, Rosie? Are you scared of me?’ His eyes narrowed into icy slits as another thought hit him. ‘Wait a minute. Is it that you feel somehow beneath me? What you are, what you have, is somehow less? Something to be looked down upon?’
He stood, rounded the table and pulled her to her feet.
This was so typical of the way Alexander picked things apart.
She knew he wouldn’t give up now until he’d got to the bottom of her feelings.
Her heart was beating like a trapped bird’s, in rapid bumpy jerks.
She could only stare up into his furious face.
He shook her.
‘What the hell are you thinking?’
She made a vain attempt to stem the flow of his anger.
‘That’s not what I said ...’
His fingers dug into the soft skin of her wrists.
‘You should be ashamed of yourself.’
Her breath was hitching in her throat.
‘You’re hurting me.’
He released her, stepped back as if she’d burned him. But Rosie knew she needed to make it clear not only to him but to herself.
‘All I’m trying to say is that we’re different. Where we come from and what we want.’
He paced to the door and back.
‘Okay, what do you want?’
Rosie opened her mouth, and closed it on the discovery that she didn’t have an answer.
How had the conversation turned so deep, so fast? But she did her level best to tell him nothing but the truth.
‘I’ve always wanted to travel. To Rome, New York, even Zanzibar.’
Now his bro
w creased.
‘Bronte said you stayed for us. After the accident, you stayed.’
‘Well, I was hardly going to waltz off to Paris or New York when she needed me, when her entire world ended. What kind of a friend would that make me?’
‘A very special one.’
‘Yeah? You’ve changed your tune. It wasn’t so long a go you were saying I was a bad influence on Bronte.’
Now his lips twitched.
‘You were a bad influence. I’ve cursed you plenty of times over the years. God, you were a wild child.’
The way he said it, with a deep affection and sincerity made her sit back, really look at him.
‘Did you never want to leave?’
‘You mean The Hall?’
She nodded.
‘I’m rooted here. Bronte’s the same. To leave here would have broken her heart. Nico understands that. So they have The Dower House and their place at Lake Como. It works for them.’
And there it was, right there, the conflict and incompatibility that would never be overcome.
‘I’m not rooted here and I’ve come to a decision to move on with my life. And I still need time to think about that. I respect your feelings, Alexander, but I don’t believe you are capable of giving me what I need.’
White now, he flinched as if she’d slapped him.
‘So, you’re not even going to give me a chance?’ His voice was soft and low. ‘I didn’t mean to lose my temper.’
Rosie couldn’t stop herself.
The look of total devastation in his eyes made her lay her hand on his arm.
‘Let’s just forget it and remain friends.’
He held her hand, brought it to his mouth.
‘My heart to you is given: oh, do give yours to me; we’ll lock them up together, and throw away the key.’
Tears stung her eyes.
The man was quoting Frederick Saunders, after she’d told him she wanted to be friends?
Unbelievable.
‘That’s not playing fair, Alexander.’ Her voice was shaky.
‘We’re not sixteen, Rosie. We’re adults. I knew the moment we kissed. How did it feel for you?’
Just like coming home she wanted to say.
Instead she said,
‘Too tempting.’
He stepped into her, took her in his arms, cruised his lips along her jaw and smiled.
‘That’s a good start. We both need to change the way we think about each other.’
That mouth was a lesson in sheer temptation as it kissed the hectic pulse under her ear, his teeth nibbling her soft lobe. Her entire body was shivering with awareness, aching with desire.
His fingers tucked her hair behind her ear, the touch possessive as he stroked a gentle finger down her cheek.
Then his mouth captured hers and it was nothing like the last time.
There was nothing tentative or gentle.
His mouth was hot and hard, a scorching brand that told her how much he wanted her. That she belonged to him.
The room was spinning.
All sorts of wanton thoughts whirled in her mind.
It almost killed her, but Rosie tore her mouth from his.
‘Stop!’
But Alexander took her hand and pressed it to his swollen erection.
His voice shook with a frustration that made her wince.
‘You see this? Feel this? You are killing me and trust me, we are going to do something about it.’
‘How is it my fault that you’re...’ She thrust him away and stepped back. ‘I don’t want to do this with you.’
The look in those dark eyes told her she’d hurt him, badly.
A skinny worm of sweat trickled down her back.
He simply looked at her for an unremitting moment.
Then his jaw clenched.
Those eyes narrowed into icy slits.
Oh, bugger.
‘Okay. You don’t want a relationship but you want a fuck buddy, right? I’ll be your fuck buddy.’
What?
‘Excuse me?’
Sincere shock made her voice too high.
Now he sat in a chair, stretched out his long legs and just grinned up at her.
‘Me. You. Us. Together. Like rabbits. Whenever and wherever we want it.’
The room tilted and she sank into a chair.
She couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. This was crazy.
‘What about Bronte and Nico?’
He shrugged.
‘It’s none of their business, is it?’
‘We live in a small town. People talk.’
‘Do I look as if I give a rat’s ass about what people will say? You’re leaving so I don’t know what your problem is.’
Her belly squeezed.
‘Just sex?’
Those eyes stared dead into hers and the look in them for her made her shiver.
‘Of course. No strings.’ Then he added in a silky voice, ‘Seems to be your modus operandi. Was that the deal you had with dear Simon? That was the deal with Josh wasn’t it?’
If she hadn’t been sitting down, her legs would have given way.
Josh told him?
The feeling of utter betrayal floored her.
She’d trusted Josh.
God, what else had he said?
No wonder Alexander was coming on to her all hot and heavy.
Panic dried her throat as a wave of vulnerability, of her bleeding heart being exposed, washed over her.
And all the while those cat’s eyes never left hers.
She had to know and her voice was no more than a whisper,
‘We talked about it. What else did Josh say?’
Those amazing eyes went sharp.
‘He said we should be locked in a room together for a week and talk.’
Heady relief flooded her system so fast it made her dizzy.
Josh hadn’t let her down.
He hadn’t told Alexander she loved him.
‘I can’t do it.’
Now his lips thinned as his eyes narrowed fractionally.
‘I’m not good enough for you?’
Rosie closed her eyes and remembered the dreams, the years of ‘if only,’ the wanting, the wishing, the needy desire.
She opened her eyes and found him watching her like a hawk.
Could she do it?
‘Just sex?’ She repeated the question.
And had the distinct impression of Alexander biting the inside of his cheek.
‘Mostly. There might be a couple of things besides sex I’d need from you.’
Rosie blinked.
‘Things?’
‘Yeah. I’ve functions coming up. Dinners, cocktail parties, events. I need a partner. And the wonderful thing about going with you is that you don’t expect anything. It’s a win, win situation for me.’
The pain of the truth went marrow deep, but actually hearing it took her breath.
‘You don’t want me, you need one of your bimbos. Blonde, anorexic and brain dead.’
He smiled in a way that made her teeth ache.
‘True. But they’d want to talk about their feelings and want romance and crap like that. We’ve know each other for years. I’d no idea you were the type who didn’t do hearts and flowers. Who’d have thought it? Anyway,’ he continued. ‘You’re not my type, in theory.’
She couldn’t speak.
‘In theory?’
‘Yeah. But there’s no reason not to explore our unexpected attraction is there?’
She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to think.
Wasn’t this what she’d wanted?
But the man was blowing hot and cold.
One minute he wanted a relationship and now he was happy to be a friend with benefits?
Her head was reeling and a horrible ache had begun to nag behind her left eye.
Alexander stood, yawned and stretched.
His eyes met hers and for some reason the look in them made her want
to cry a river.
‘We can’t do anything until you’re better. You’re looking a little pale.’
He leaned down, placed a hand on each arm of her chair, effectively blocking her in as he stared deep into her eyes.
She leaned back, couldn’t look away.
His voice went low and deep.
‘You need plenty of rest. I haven’t forgotten you don’t like boring vanilla sex.’ Those eyes dropped to her breasts before rising to focus on her mouth. ‘I have...needs... and plans for that mouth.’ His eyes met hers. ‘Big plans.’
She could only sit and stare as he left, until she heard the click of his bedroom door close.
Oh. My. God.
Chapter Twenty Three
Three whole days later she was back home and Alexander Ludlow hadn’t laid a finger on Rosemary Margaret Gordon.
Oh he’d been Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Considerate and Mr. Caring.
An unfortunate by product of her short stay in the lion’s den was her heightened state of awareness and arousal, which was making her jumpy and edgy and very cranky.
And there was nothing worse than waiting for the other shoe to fall.
Nothing worse than having her belly jump every time the phone rang or the doorbell chimed or waiting for the sound of a car drawing up in the gravel driveway of her home.
He was playing her.
This behaviour was typical of him, controlling, domineering and determined to get his own way.
Knowing him he probably thought he had her just where he wanted her.
Well, he was so wrong about that.
She had a life, a busy life.
A life that didn’t need or require the presence of one gorgeous, sexy, male.
And she was feeling much better and enjoying the wonderful freedom of her own space.
Today the photographer had arrived with a model to take pictures for the Sweet Sensations winter brochure.
Rosie didn’t have much to do since Lucy’d prepped the cakes, the flowers and wine yesterday.
‘I’m so sorry, Rosie.’
Eve, photographer extraordinaire, dropped her cell on the table and ploughed both hands through cropped hair the colour of polished silver.
‘The male model can’t make it. He’s broken his ankle.’
But everything was set-up.
The lighting technician/make-up artist and Francesca, a stunning young blonde model with the perfect teeth, perfect tan and perfect hair the colour of clear honey all stared at Eve in dismay.
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