“Paxton, I want…I want…” to touch you, to pleasure you, too.
“Yes, baby? What do you want?” He slid his hand over her zipper. “This?”
She nodded when that wasn’t what she wanted. Well, she wanted that, too. What was he doing to her? Making her mindlessly lost in lust. Wantonly wild. She involuntarily arched into his palm as he cupped her. She was throbbing. Begging.
He slid farther down, tracing his finger beneath the edge of her panties. She twitched with the nearness of his touch.
“Want more?” he asked.
She nodded, unable to speak.
He unbuttoned her shorts, unzipped them. “I want you to take them off.”
She cracked her eye open at the order. Then it hit her. He didn’t want anything to remind her of how she’d lost her power all those years ago. He was amazing. Incredible. She pushed them and her panties down, using her legs to kick out of them.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
He reclined next to her, his head propped up on his hand. “Don’t thank me yet, darlin’.”
“You are so bad. I’m so bad.”
He trailed his hand over her breasts, her stomach, to nestle in her hair. “There ain’t nothin’ wrong with being bad.” His fingers slid between her legs, and she actually gasped. “Spread for me, baby.”
She hesitated, not wanting to study too closely the mix of feelings at opening, at trusting so completely and so intimately. He stroked her stomach and let her work up to it. He was studying her, making sure she was all right.
She knew in that moment that she was in love with him. With his patience and compassion and tenderness. She spread her legs and was rewarded with his smile…and then with his fingers finding her. Touching, and stroking, all in the same slow, lazy way that he kissed. She sucked in another breath as sensation bombarded her. She had never felt so alive down there. And wet, judging by the way his fingers dipped into her opening and then slid easily over her folds.
He circled and softly flicked back and forth. Then he changed it up, and she felt two or three fingers dabbing at different places and speeds. She found herself opening for him even more. Her legs trembled, her stomach quivered. Odd exhalation sounds escaped her throat, and the sensations started to build too much. He backed away from her nub but stroked her just close enough to keep the crescendo going. Tiny strokes, featherlight. She realized that she was pulling his hair, twisting her fingers.
More, more, more, she wanted to say.
He was everywhere down there, and then he returned to the most sensitive part. The one that ached for his touch. Suddenly she was overwhelmed, rocked by an orgasm. It swept through her insides and coaxed a mewling sound from her mouth. She shuddered, arching and swimming in pleasure. It took a few minutes to come back to herself. She turned to find Pax watching her with a smile. Though her face was already flushed, she felt it grow even hotter.
The moment she caught her breath, she punched his arm. “Were you watching me the whole time?”
“Nah, just at the end. And it was a beautiful sight indeed.”
She wanted to punch him again, but how could she, really? He drew lines with his fingers across her stomach, over her breasts.
“Take off your pants.” She said it in the same way he’d ordered her, gently but firmly.
He arched an eyebrow. “Yes, ma’am.”
He rolled off the bed to his feet and stripped naked. And…oh my God, he is friggin’ gorgeous. And very aroused. The sight of him, his cock straining skyward, the creamy skin of his pelvis, the muscles of his thighs, all sent shivers through her.
He lifted his hands to the sides. “What next, my lady?”
She rolled onto her side. “I want to take a picture of you, but I think that would be porn.”
There was a twinkle in his eye. “I’m game if you are.”
“My dad flipped through the pictures on my camera the other day. I got enough grief over the ones I’d taken of you.”
He came closer, bracing his hands on the bed and leaning toward her. “Did you take secret naked pictures of me?”
“No!” She pushed at his shoulder, but she didn’t want to push him away. So she left her hand on him. “I sneaked one of your backside when you were walking away that first time we were on the beach together.”
He leaned closer and kissed her. “Mmm, you are a bad girl.”
“And I’m about to get a little badder.” And braver. She reached out with her other hand and circled his cock. “Your turn.” She loved his quick intake of breath. She tightened her fingers on him, marveling at how the blood coursing through his veins could make him so very hard. “I want you on the bed.”
He stretched out on his back.
She skimmed her hand over his chest, his stomach. “I want to touch you. All of you. I want to give you what you gave me. It’s just that, well, remember that I’m not good at this. Don’t judge.” She pointed at him. “And don’t laugh!”
“I’m just smilin’. ’Cause you’re so dang cute when you’re nervous. Here, let me show you.” He took her hand and wrapped it around his cock. “A grip like this is good. Firm, but not squeezing. Guys are easy. Stroke us with a nice, even pace, and we’re good to go. Literally. But, really, anything feels good. And, to be fair, you can watch me come, too.”
“So kind of you.” She gave him a smirk. “It doesn’t embarrass you?”
“It shouldn’t embarrass you. It’s all good.”
And it was. She reveled in how he felt, soft and velvety at the tip, and the drop of ejaculate that made him slick beneath her thumb. She loved the way his body responded, how his jaw tightened and his eyes rolled closed. How his fingers twitched as they lay flat on the sheets and his chest rose and fell as his breathing grew more staccato. And how she could visually take in her fill of him.
She did indeed watch him come. The tendons in his neck stood out, his body arched, and he let out a groan as his hand came up to cover himself. His eyes were hazy when they opened a minute later, and he gave her a delicious smile. “See? All good.”
“Mmm, very good.”
A short time later, they curled into each other’s bodies, naked and warm. He leisurely stroked her hip as they drifted into sleep.
She wasn’t sure if she was dreaming when she heard him murmur, “How do I keep you here?”
And she wasn’t sure she actually voiced her response: “How do I stay?”
Chapter 12
Pax woke very early in the morning, immediately sensing Gemma’s absence. He sat up and searched the shadows of the room. Listened. Had she gone downstairs for a drink? Run screaming into the night? Had a flashback to the rape? He pulled on his pants and started to hunt her down.
He took comfort in the fact that Harley was gone, too. He was with Gemma. Sounds led Pax to the living room, where she, dressed in a long T-shirt, was wiping down the lamp on the end table. Harley was draped on the sofa, watching her, eyebrows bobbing. He lifted his head when he caught sight of Pax entering the room. Gemma was so intent on cleaning that she didn’t notice him. Her mouth pursed in concentration, her eyebrows furrowed. She wasn’t thinking about cleaning that lamp, that much he knew.
“You all right?” he asked, once again making her start. “Sorry. You were so into that lamp I couldn’t subtly snag your attention.”
She finished dusting the lamp and stalked over to the one at the other end of the sofa, attacking it with the cloth. “I’m fine. Just couldn’t sleep.”
He moved closer, noticing the gleam on the coffee table’s glass surface. “Did I do something?”
“No¸ it’s me. It’s all me.” She shifted her attention to him. “I woke up, and you were wrapped around me, and it felt—”
“You had a flashback? To that night?” How had he missed her leaving the bed? If only he’d caught her at that moment. “You should have woken me up. I didn’t even realize I’d done that. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before.”
“It had nothing to do with that n
ight. It felt wonderful, incredible. Right.”
Relief swamped him, quickly followed by confusion. “Then why are you cleaning like a madwoman?”
She dropped the cloth. “What’s between us, it’s not just us trying to recapture an old, hormone-raging memory, is it?”
“No.”
“Or trying to fix a mistake?”
“Nope.”
“It’s real. Like a fate thing.”
“I think so. But I’m having trouble seeing why all that’s upsetting you.” Because it felt true to him. And good.
“Paxton, you can’t give up your family for me. I’m not worth it.”
“Yes, you are. Look, even Harley agrees. He’s a great judge of character, by the way.”
She gave him a half smile. “He just likes me ’cause I let him out to go potty.”
“No, that dog liked you from minute one. He even took your side when I wasn’t being nice to you. And you didn’t like him.”
She gazed warmly at the dog. “You were right; he grew on me.”
He touched her chin, drawing her attention back to him. “Why do you feel you’re not worth it?”
“They’re your family, Paxton. No matter their faults. If we continue, you’ll lose them. And Janey. Especially Janey. You’ll be scorned by your people. Branded a traitor, just as your brother said. I’m sure the rest of your family, except for Janey, are calling you the same. The people in town, the ones you’ve known all your life, will be whispering. Or outright saying something. I can’t live with being part of that. I went through something similar when I returned to New York and felt totally cut off from my friends. So I’m telling you, run now, while you can.”
He had to stifle a laugh even as he wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her. Right before he kissed her. “You want to stop this?” He gestured between them.
She met his gaze squarely. “Yes.”
“You want me to leave? To give up on us.”
“Yes. Before it gets any more complicated.”
“All right, if that’s what you want.”
Disappointment flashed in her eyes, even as she nodded jerkily. Just as I suspected. He started to turn away but pulled her into his arms instead. She’d stiffened momentarily, but now she relaxed into the way their bodies melded together. He thought she let out a soft sigh, but he wasn’t sure.
“Why?” she asked quietly after a few moments.
“Because you are worth it, Gemma. Besides, I can’t go back to convincing myself that Blake’s in the right. Even if we never saw each other again.”
She seemed to absorb that for a few seconds. “You’re not rotten.”
He leaned back. “Oookay. That’s not what I expected you to say. Is that supposed to be some kind of…compliment?”
“You said Janey was the only one of your family who wasn’t rotten, but you’re wrong.”
“I’m glad you think that.”
“I know it. I don’t care if you did steal a cop car when you were twelve.”
“Do you remember everything I tell you?”
“Just the juicy bits.”
He rubbed his knuckles against her cheek. “I appreciate you looking out for my best interests. But can you let me decide if you’re worth it?”
“I’m not even sure I’m going to be good at this relationship thing. What if you screw up your family situation and realize I’m not what you want? It’s a big risk, one I don’t think you should take.” She was searching his eyes. “You’re a good-looking guy.”
He grinned and dipped his chin. “Now, that’s the kind of compliment I’m talking about.”
She nudged his shoulder. “You’re gorgeous, smart, have a great personality. I’m sure you can have any woman you set your sights on. Why would you want to be with me, knowing it’s going to cause you a lot of trouble?”
“Because I think I’m in love with you.”
Her mouth opened and worked silently, and her eyes widened. “Wh-hat?” She waved her hand. “No, don’t say it again.” He was about to say it, again and again, but she surprised him. “I think I’m in love with you, too. But—”
“No buts. Can we just sit with that for a second? ’Cause I’ve never said that before. Or heard it.”
She breathed out, long and slow, her gaze locked to his. “Me, either.”
He wrapped his arms around her and let her first words settle in. Like a setting sun when he was out on his boat fishing. Like running the beach with Harley. “I can be stubborn, but I’m not going to push you, Gemma. If you need space, tell me to leave, and I will.”
She tilted her head. “I already did.”
“And mean it. ’Cause you didn’t. You want to know how I could tell? When you thought I was leaving, I saw your disappointment in your slumped shoulders. You thought I was giving up, and a part of you felt sad.”
“See, I’m schizophrenic. Another good reason to walk away.”
He cradled the back of her head with his hand and pressed his forehead to hers. “I don’t want to walk away from you.”
She kissed him, as though she could swallow those words. Her mouth hungrily moved over his, her tongue sliding against his. When she backed away, her expression wasn’t exactly blissful. “But—”
“Stop with the buts already.”
“We have to talk about the ‘but.’ What you said as we were falling asleep…what I said, about me staying. It can’t happen, you know. We’re walking down this path that’s going to split at some point. You’ll have to go one way, I’ll have to go the other. There’s no way in hell I could live here. Not with people still thinking I’m a lying whore. Not with the likelihood of running into Blake or your father. I can’t do it. And you can’t move to New York City. You have your speedway. Your sister. Friends. You have a life here.”
“Maybe I was thinking that if you were brave enough to come back for your dad, you’d be brave enough to stay.” For me.
“I’m not that brave.”
“I understand. It’s a lot to ask, too much to ask. I didn’t mean to make you feel unbrave. Which I don’t think is even a word, but I don’t like ‘wimp’ on you.”
Her fingers curled at the back of his neck. “What do we do, Pax?”
He didn’t know the ultimate answer to that question, and he was too thrown off by their admission to consider their options. “We go back to bed. It’s still early, and it’s Sunday. The construction crew won’t be here until ten.”
She nodded, and he twined his fingers with hers and led her back to the bedroom.
“I want to get up early and bring some pastries back for the guys,” she said. “I did promise them at least a Continental breakfast.”
“Joe Mama’s opens at six; they’re the best pastry place around.”
She pulled off her shirt and climbed into bed. She looked so lovely, beckoning him to join her. “Get naked and wrap yourself around me again,” she whispered.
“An order I simply can’t resist.”
—
Gemma didn’t really go back to sleep. She dozed, swinging between elation over what she and Pax had confessed, the amazing feeling of being in his arms, and fears of falling so hard that leaving would be impossibly painful. Mostly, she looked at Pax, who was sound asleep, and marveled at him. Not only how gorgeous he was but who he was. How someone like him could have come out of such a dysfunctional family. And she marveled at how close they’d become in such a short time.
She’d tasted what that fairy-tale romance was supposed to be. But, as with Cinderella, a horrid stepmother threatened to tear them apart.
Harley, who was lying at the foot of the bed, lifted his head. She gave him the stay sign she’d seen Pax use. She started to slip out of bed, but Pax’s hand snaked out and looped around her wrist.
He cracked open one eye. “Sneaking away again?”
She knew her smile must look contrite. “It’s time to run out for coffee and pastries and get the breakfast area ready.”
He
sat up and rubbed the sleep from his face. “I’ll go so you can set the table for them.”
She smiled in relief at not potentially having to face down anyone she knew. Emily had already made going to the hospital something to dread. “That would be great. That’ll give me time to pretty up the dining room.”
“You like playing host.”
“Yeah, I guess I do.” Her business mind whirled: romantic packages at the B&B, including a photography session. And family getaways. Small weddings. Her own enterprise, independent of her mother’s restrictions.
But that means staying. And staying is…She met Pax’s gaze, and her heart flipped.
“Whatcha thinking?” he asked.
“I remember helping my dad when I first moved down here in high school. How at first I thought it was such drudgery, but I came to enjoy it. And Dad and I got closer, too.”
So she’d fibbed. She truly was—what had he said?—unbrave.
He leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on her lips, then shoved out of bed. Even the sight of his naked body stirred her.
“Now what are you thinking?” he asked. “I bet it’s something good.”
She tossed a pillow at him. “None of your business!”
“Ah, I bet it is my business, though.” He winked and headed out of the bedroom.
She heard his footsteps going down the stairs, followed by Harley’s. Damn! What was she going to do about him? Dare she let herself truly fall for him? And then leave? Unthinkable.
She quickly went through her morning routine, then headed downstairs. Just as she’d suspected, dust covered the dining room. She wiped down every surface, then went out to the small garden to cut some flowers. She laid out a fresh tablecloth and arranged the flowers, tied with a ribbon, in the center. After setting out mugs and spoons and various forms of sweeteners, she heard Pax’s truck return.
There went her heartbeat again, doing a little jig. Why couldn’t she have felt this way about one of the guys she’d dated? Or someone else in New York, far removed from here? With a sigh, she started brewing a pot of coffee. Mia was right; Fate was a tricky bitch.
“I smell coffee,” Trey said as he and Gary wandered into the dining room.
Falling Hard Page 18