by C. M. Marin
As my brothers disappear into the meeting room one by one, I don’t slow my pace down until I’ve opened Liam’s room.
Empty.
The bathroom is just as empty, so I turn around and make it back downstairs quickly. I come to a halt in front of Lilly, the first person I come across, as she’s meticulously cleaning up a coffee table.
“Where is she? Where’s Alex?”
She straightens up, looking at me as she answers, “Laundry room.”
“Laundry room? What the fuck is she doing in the laundry room?”
“Well, laundry, apparently,” she says, proving that I heard her well. “She said she’s okay, but she seemed off. She said she wanted to be alone, so I let her be for a while.”
I stride away, push through the kitchen door, cross the room and race down the stairs leading to the fucking laundry room.
“Alex?”
There’s no missing the way her body faintly startles, but she relaxes almost immediately. It must be because she knows that she doesn’t have anything to worry about when she’s safe, but I can’t help hoping that it’s also because the familiar sound of my voice put her at ease instantly.
“Yeah?”
“How are you doing, babe?”
“Good,” she answers her lie without blinking, going back to busying herself dumping clothes into the washing machine. “Do you have laundry you need done? I think I’m not going anywhere today after all.”
Or anytime soon, I want to add, but now isn’t the time.
As soon as I’m by her side, I take the shirt she’s about to stuff into the washing machine from her hands. I drop it back into the basket she just took it from.
“I don’t need you to do my laundry. I need you to talk to me,” I demand softly.
Her gaze comes up slowly, and once it’s settled on mine, I regret even more that we haven’t found those fuckers. I will make every drop of their blood shed in the most barbaric way. That’s what it does to me to see her beautiful blue eyes haunted, oozing a hopelessness that has fury pumping through my veins with a raging strength.
“The sound of gunfire…” She pauses shortly. “I’ve never had a problem with it until I got shot. Now it’s like every popping sound makes me cringe. But out there…” She closes her eyes only briefly, but it’s enough for a couple of quiet tears to find their way out of her eyes and down her face. “I didn’t even panic. I froze. It’s like I was waiting for the bullet to hit me, and I could already feel it enter just like it did at the bookstore.”
Vulnerability flows out of her, and she’s ultimately starting to cry. This is so unlike her that it nothing but fuels my rage to the point I have to battle against the roar begging to leave my chest.
Revenge will come. I just have to remember that and keep my fury bottled up for the time being. Those motherfuckers will go out with such pain that they’ll regret that their mothers once spread their legs to begin with. Yeah, revenge will come, but now isn’t the time to allow myself to get lost in what is to come.
Swallowing my anger through the furious lump in my throat, I draw my sobbing girl to me and hold her tight against me. She doesn’t fight me. She even nestles her head under my chin as she keeps crying. For the first handful of seconds, I don’t move, but when I feel her shoulders shake with her rather controlled sobs, I lift her. Her legs wind themselves around my waist, and even if her sobs slowly begin to wane, her face still feels damp against my neck when I make it to my room. Maybe I should have brought her to Liam’s bedroom, but instinct kicked in and I brought her here instead.
Her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck loosen their grasp when I lie us down on my bed without letting go of her. Without any kind of hesitation, she tucks herself against me, and I run my hand on her hair as I listen to her breathing. Some of my pent-up anger fades when I hear it calming down gradually until her sobs have fully stopped. Only then can I breathe a little easier myself. My heart still thumps in my chest, but I know that Alex’s closeness is the reason this time. She’s always had this paradoxical effect on me. She has the power of both calming me and awakening jolts of wild physical reactions in me. When I’m near her, my heartbeat picks up, my blood warms, and my skin burns, but at the same time, my head clears of every bad emotion as peace settles.
My eyes close on their own accord, guided by the sound of Alex’s evening breathing. She’s fallen asleep, but I don’t want to let her go just yet. I want to enjoy the feel of her body against mine just for a little while longer. But something tells me that it’ll be more than a little while and that I’m going to miss the meeting, because I can feel myself dozing off, too.
Chapter 15
Alexia
As though my mind knows that it’s lunch time, therefore I shouldn’t be sleeping because taking naps isn’t something I’ve ever done, my eyes pop open and my body tenses as soon as consciousness hits me.
The feel of a loss also instantly squeezes my stomach into painful knots. I’m feeling emotional, and it’s ridiculous. I shouldn’t be missing Jayce’s presence this much, but I do. And it’s even more ridiculous because he’s probably not very far away. He’s probably just gone downstairs at some point. But after feeling the warmth of his strong arms again, after sensing the steady beat of his heart against my ear, being deprived of it all is even more unbearable than having gone through life away from him for months on end.
Which is precisely why the eagerness to move back to my apartment was so close to choking me before Liam finally relented after he fought me tooth and nail. Suffocating disappointment to be walking away from a place where Jayce’s presence is so palpable was there, too, stubbornly trying to lure me to change my mind, but the reasonable, guarded side of me knew that leaving the club was the best decision I could make. With Jayce around at all times, I couldn’t think. And thinking clearly has become an absolute need since I spent the night with him almost two weeks ago. But now there’s no doubt that Liam won’t even blink before chaining me to my bed―well, his bed―if I even dare mention my place in some random conversation.
It’s not like I’m sure myself about living alone anyway. If I weren’t about to start my new job, I’d most likely even be regretting coming back to Twican to begin with. At this point, my job is all that I can think of to keep me going. Every other aspect of my life is pure chaos. Hell, looking around me is enough for me to feel defeat stinging harshly. Once again, I’m lying in Jayce’s bed as though I haven’t promised myself to stay strong and accept the fact that he and I aren’t meant to be together after all. And the worst part is… I like it. I love it. I love his masculine scent wafting in the air and soaking his sheets. Even worse, I wish he were still lying here, his body imprisoning mine with his hardness and warmth.
Berating my confused mind with a loud groan, breaking the silence in the room, I beg it to shut down before I feel the need to lose myself in sleep again. I’m not tired―if you put aside the emotionally drained issue―but I don’t need a mirror to let me know my eyes are puffy and red.
I drag myself out of bed, but I don’t bother stopping by the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. It’s not like doing that has ever done anything for anyone’s ugly face anyway. My dad once told me my mom thought that when you look like shit, you just have to accept it until Mother Nature takes action. I think she was right about that. Besides, if my growling stomach is of any indication, I’m hungry.
But on my way to the kitchen, any thoughts of greasy food ready to comfort my deplorable mental state vanish the moment Ben’s voice saying my name compels me to freeze on the stairs as I was about to reach the bottom.
“I’m with Blane on this one,” he says. “We can’t rule out the possibility of Alex being the one targeted.”
“Anything is possible,” Cody seems to agree immediately.
Before anyone else can give their opinion on Blane’s suggestion, I rush down the last few steps. “You think they tried to kill me? I mean, purposefully?”
<
br /> All the guys except for Nate are sitting at a table in the middle of the room as I walk toward them.
“Alex, this is club―”
“Don’t say it.” I toss the darkest glare I can find in me his way, knowing full well the last word that was about to leave his mouth. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to hear club business in the past ten years. “If those bastards want me dead for God knows what reason, it’s my business before it’s anyone else’s.”
None of the guys step in as Liam sighs, raking a hand through his hair. Oddly, not even Jayce has something to say despite his jaw being locked hard while he visibly fights anything he’d like to get out. Then again, he hasn’t confronted me on anything since our night together. Not even my decision to move back to my place. Sure, he told me he didn’t think it was a good idea to stay there alone, but he did a rather good job of containing the irritation I could almost see burning in him when I refused to change my mind. All in all, he’s been trying not to piss me off.
“We think it’s possible that you’re being targeted to get to Liam,” Cody speaks after a short moment. “But it’s only a guess, sweetheart. Your being involved in two shootings could as well have been nothing more than a coincidence.”
“They could also target you to get to Jayce,” Brent adds.
That sounds doubtful considering Jayce and I aren’t together anymore, and we haven’t been for a long while.
I keep my opinion to myself and say instead, “Why no other family members, then? It doesn’t make sense.”
“That’s why we’re talking about it, Alex. We just don’t know,” Liam sighs again, and I look at him more closely. The blueish bags under his eyes pinch at my heart. He looks thoroughly exhausted. “And until we figure this shit out, there’s no going back to your apartment, and no going to work either,” he goes on, and my concern about him fades just a little with the decision he seems the have made already.
“No.” My statement equals the firmness of his own. “I am not quitting my job before I’ve even started it. I am not going to live as a recluse indefinitely, and I am certainly not going to live my life based on this.”
“You can find another job later,” he counters.
His delusion is almost funny. Almost.
“No, Liam. Actually, I can’t. It’s Twican. Do you think you can just give a call and get a nursing job like you’d book a freaking dinner reservation? Well, you can’t. I got lucky they had a couple of nurses retiring this year. And believe me, there are dozens of graduated nurses that are waiting around the corner, ready to slide into my scrubs before I’ve even slid out of them.”
“No doubt I can go there and get one more MILF to retire anytime,” Ben states flatly, but his usual mischievous smile stares right back at me when I look at him.
Not able to keep a smile from pulling at my lips, I’m in the middle of rolling my eyes when Jayce steps in, “What about writing? You could write. You always said it was the dream to write for a living.”
His voice is tentative, but my reaction to his stupidities isn’t less harsh. First, because he should know damn well that it’s not that easy, and second, because hell, how could he even know that I haven’t stopped writing? It’s not like he’s asked me anything about my life since I came back. Maybe Camryn told him about Colleen having a look at my manuscript, though.
“It was, when I was a teenager,” I stress the last word. “And even if I’m lucky enough to get to that point someday, it won’t be anytime soon.”
“But you could work on it full time at least and―”
“Stop it.” My command leaves me as a growl. I’m the one getting exhausted now. “Both of you, just stop it. I haven’t gone through four years of endless work and spent Dad’s money for nothing. I’m going to put my degree to use and earn my own money now. End of the discussion.”
Neither of them argues. Weird. Well, Jayce is still in his no-pissing-Alex-off mode, so his silence isn’t so weird, but my brother’s definitely is. And when he does speak, it’s not as bad as I would have expected.
“You won’t got to the hospital on your own and won’t leave it on your own either,” my brother states.
His tone is firm, not leaving any room for any argument. I’m fairly sure I won’t get a better offer than this one.
“Okay,” I simply agree.
When silence lingers a little too long around the table, Brent stands up. “I’ll go check on Fiona and see if lunch is about to be ready. I’m starving.”
As he walks away, Jayce mumbles something about needing a drink, and the rest of the guys follow their movements and scatter, except for Ben.
“So, love,” he starts as soon as I’ve taken a seat on Jayce’s abandoned chair. “When are you gonna put our boy out of his misery?”
A shrug precedes my answer. “He didn’t need my help to put himself in it, so I’m sure he can figure out a way to get out of it all by himself, too.”
“Does it mean you’re not against the idea of taking the dumbass back?”
The way he tries too hard for his question to sound casual makes me thinks he’s probing for information. Accusation gushes from my narrowed eyes. “Did he ask you to play twenty questions with me?”
You’d think I offended him deeply by how he places a hand on his imaginary wounded heart.
“Just checking on two friends, that’s all, love,” he says, not directly refuting my allegation.
Since I’m not convinced he isn’t on a job here, I fire back my own question with the sweetest voice I can pull off. “What about you and Colleen?”
Embarrassment washes over his face on the spot, and I’m as surprised as I am proud. I don’t think I have ever seen Ben blushing. I keep my laugh locked up as I enjoy his eyes getting as large as saucers. I’m being sort of mean, I’m aware, but he’ll get over it. He’s lucky there isn’t an audience to witness his flustered state.
No one has confronted him about what’s going on between him and Colleen. Well, the guys couldn’t care less about anyone’s relationships, but Camryn, Fiona and I are pretty certain that Ben and Colleen have been sleeping together every time Colleen visits her―which is every holiday, and every other weekend lately. Besides, Ben spends much more time on the phone than he ever has when Colleen is in New York.
“W…what? Why do you say that?”
Shrugging a shoulder again, I answer him with the same sweet smile and fake innocent tone, “Just checking on two friends.”
Clearing his throat and rubbing a nervous hand through his dirty blond hair, he almost jumps from his chair as he grumbles, “I’m hungry, too.”
Then he’s gone, and the smile I’ve been holding back spreads across my face despite the shitty morning I’ve had.
“What did you say to him to get the poor guy all flustered and running?”
Camryn drops her purse on the table and sits on the chair Ben just vacated. She must have been out with Nate when I came down. At least, that explains why he wasn’t with the guys.
“Let’s just say that from now on, he’ll think twice before siding with his buddy when it comes to our relationship. He knows I can be as interested in his own whatever-it-is with Colleen.”
She leans on the table, grinning and lowering her voice to be sure no one hears her. “She finally said something last night on the phone. She does sleep with him, but apparently, he’s no more than a very good lay, because she knows better than to fall for a bad boy again. She seems to think that Ben is only having fun with her, too. But what if she’s wrong? Maybe his romantic side has been awoken, and he can’t help playing Cupid with you now?”
I laugh. “I assure you that I’ll fully enjoy my spot in the front row the day I witness that happening.”
My laugh dies quickly when I have to stifle a yawn. See why I think naps are pointless? I’m even more tired than before.
“How are you doing?” Cam asks me, her expression turning grim and compassionate at the same time. “Nate told me about
what happened this morning.”
“I had a bit of a meltdown, to be honest. But I feel fine now, except for the fact that I won’t get my privacy back anytime soon. Liam won’t take his eyes off of me if he can help it, and neither will Jayce. And I get it, really. It’s frustrating as hell, but I do get it. I don’t exactly want to be shot at again either, if I’m being honest,” I joke―because at least I’m now in a place where I can joke about this all mess. “It’s just that I also want my life back. It feels like I don’t have one these days.”
Regret for leaving Dallas, where I could come and go as I pleased, grazes the forefront of my mind once again, but this time it only lasts until I remember how I wasn’t much happier there. I was free, yes. Happy? Not so much. It’s been a long time since I was.
“It won’t last forever,” she assures me. “Nate is edgy as hell every time we set foot out of here, and to be honest, too, I’d like to go back home with him. I like being at the club, but I’d also like to have more privacy with him. I’m aware he’s only trying to keep me safe, but sometimes I’m very close to turning into a whiny kid about it.”
At least I feel less like an ungrateful bitch knowing Cam shares my frustration.
“Protecting their family is what they’ve always done,” I agree. “And I love them all for it, but… I don’t know. I think it’s just that I haven’t been very happy lately,” I confess my earlier thought. “I’m eager to start working, because feeling trapped in here doesn’t improve my mood. I tend to be bitchy these days. Mostly toward Jayce,” I smile sadly.
She nods thoughtfully before she speaks. “I know that what’s going on between you and Jayce isn’t my business, and my opinion may be biased because I want to see him happy, but I think he’s changed since last summer. I can’t say anything about before that, obviously, but what I know is that he’s no longer the same moody, closed-off guy I first met. I know that it doesn’t magically erase what he’s done, but do you think it could be enough for you to start moving forward some day? I’m not talking about getting back together, but maybe moving forward to a place where you can forgive him?”