“I’ve changed, Crank, I’m not the same person. I don’t look the same. The scars. You just starting to look at me without guilt or pity, but once you see them…”
“Stop it, Cath. Your scars mean you survived that’s it. It means you made it through. I get that, now. They don’t mean a damn thing other than that, and babe, I’ve seen them.”
“No, that’s where you’re wrong. They mean I’m half a woman who can’t have babies. They mean that those fuckers won even if just a little. They mean…”
“They mean nothing. You want a kid, we can adopt one. You don’t want to adopt, we will get a surrogate. I’ve been reading up on this; you’re still making eggs, and they can harvest them or some shit. I might be a sixty-year-old dad to a teenager, but Cathy if that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do. Those fuckers haven’t won shit. If I could go into that prison and kill those sons of bitches, I would. They haven’t won, only if you let them. Only if we lose what we have.”
Cathy was furious, Crank was saying all the right things, doing all the right things, but she wasn’t the same person. She would never be the same person, and the only thing she could think to do was run. Her last thought as she bolted through the door, maybe she hadn’t changed as much as she thought she had.
Chapter 20
Crank got up to go after Cathy, but Kayla stopped him. They needed to talk this out, but she was running, hiding again.
“Crank, let her be for a minute, I promise you, she won’t go far. She’s in overload. She hadn’t prepared herself for that conversation. It needed to be said, but she was waiting until she felt stronger. Sadie went after her, I promise you, she’ll be fine. Please have a seat, I think there are some things the two of us need to discuss to help Cathy and to help you.
“What do you want to talk about Doc?” Crank reluctantly took his seat back on the couch. He felt uncomfortable, but he would do this for Cathy.
“Well, first, I think it’s essential for you to know you’re doing an excellent job with her. You’re allowing her to deal with what’s happened in her own way, regardless of how hard it’s been on you.” Crank didn’t say anything because the truth was he knew all of this had been way harder on Cathy. She was the strong one.
“What I would like to know, Crank, is how you’re dealing with all of this. I know from my sessions with Cathy you feel you’re to blame for what happened.”
“Listen, Doc, any man worth his balls would have felt or feel the same way I do. I should’ve protected her, that’s my job. There were things that happened that night, hell, that week, I should have paid attention to, but didn’t. When I started to feel funny after drinking the champagne, I should have realized it wasn’t normal. I should have made calls, hell, there are a thousand things I should have done, but didn’t. I can’t change it, and I accept that. I also accept that those fuckers are the ones I need to put the lion’s share of the blame on, but I am who I am.”
“I can see that. I saw it all those years ago, too, Crank. You’re a good man, even if you wear biker leather and have more tattoos than I have pictures in my house. But what I want to know is what changed, what made you stop pulling away from her? That seems to be the biggest issue Cathy has, and I can see you’ll always hold yourself responsible.”
“Yeah,” Crank laughed, “that isn’t going to change, but damn, you want to know what did it for me? Cathy. That simple. The letters she sent me about how she was feeling and what she was going through. The resolve that she couldn’t be around me, but wanted me involved. It all made me look at things from another angle. I also had a good friend beat the shit out of me and tell me to get my head out of my ass.”
“Ah, biker therapy 101.”
“Yeah, you could say my answer to therapy is a bottle of Jack and a good fight, rinse and repeat until you can deal. All this talking shit isn’t for me if you get what I’m saying. It’s also making sure the scum who did this to her pay the price.”
“I can see that about you,” Kayla laughed, “and I understand. I also saw two men were arrested in her rape case. That helped, but she’s still worried about testifying against them. I’m assuming the RBMC has struck again?”
Crank knew she wasn’t only talking about Cathy’s attackers because the RBMC had made sure the men who had taken Kayla were taken care of, most of who never made it behind bars, but were resting in hell where they belonged. He had no idea how much she knew or didn’t, and he wasn’t going to elaborate.
“I don’t think it will come to that, a trial at least. I think things will take care of themselves, over time.”
“Are you talking about a plea deal? If so, that could be an even bigger problem for Cathy.”
“Doc, listen, I’m not going to get into it, but I don’t think either of those guys is going to see the light of day anytime soon or ever if you get my drift.”
“Crank I can’t and won’t comment on that because I could lose my license, but I will say I wouldn’t shed a single tear if either one of those things happened. But that does bring me to something else; how committed are you to helping Cathy through this?”
“What? How can you even ask me that? I’m sitting here, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you’re here, and from what I’m seeing, you’re saying and doing all the right things. When she was triggered, you talked her down. Just a few minutes ago, you called her on her bullshit. I think you know Cathy very well. What I want to know is this a short-term fix or do you plan on keeping up with it? Cathy’s recovery won’t happen overnight. She’s at a crossroads; she wants her past, which is very much all about you, but she doesn’t want it in the same way. She’s changing, can you accept that?”
“Not only can I accept that I’m all for it. She’s growing, what kind of person would I be if I tried to stop that? No, don’t answer that, I already know the answer, and it’s a piece of shit. I might not get into all this psychobabble bullshit, but as long as it’s working for her, I’ll stand beside her.”
“That’s all anyone can ask.”
Crank heard the door creak, and when he looked up, Cathy was standing there, eyes swollen and red, tears still running down her face. He didn’t even think about it, just got up and opened his arms. Cathy came right to him. He watched Kayla get up and leave the room.
Cathy was still crying hard, but between the sobs she kept repeating one thing, over and over again, I’m sorry. Crank pushed her back a little and cupped her face with his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumb.
“No more sorries, babe, there have been enough. But, babe, you need to stop running, okay?”
“Yeah, I just, Crank, sometimes I just don’t know what else to do. I’m scared. I’m afraid I’ll never be the woman you need.”
“Fuck, babe. You’re already the woman I need. We’ll get through the rest of it. You just have to give it time.”
“But what if time doesn’t solve it? What if I freak out every time we try to be intimate? What if we can never be closer than this? That’s not fair.”
“Babe listen, I don’t have all the answers. Hell, most times I don’t feel like I have any. But there’s one thing I do know without a shadow of a doubt. I love you, and we’ll get through this and come out on the other side. A little worse for wear and different, but we’ll get through it.”
“But how can you, after what they did, I mean…”
“Are you asking me if I want still want you? Shit, babe, I really fucked this up, didn’t I? It was never about not wanting you. It was about me feeling like I let you down. And just like you still have some things to get through, so do I. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like I didn’t let you down, but babe that’s who I am. The guilt and shit you say you saw in my eyes that was on me.
“But to answer your question, fuck, yeah, babe you bet your sweet ass I want you. I don’t think there’s been a day in the last twenty years I haven’t wanted to be between your legs. We’ll get there. It might take some time, but baby I have faith. We can get
through anything as long as we’re together. You might not believe it now, and that’s okay, I’ll believe it enough for the both of us.”
Cathy stepped back into Crank and laid her head just under his chin. He could tell she was still crying, but not as hard as before.
“How about we blow this joint and go for a ride? It’s been a long time since I felt those legs wrapped around me, and it’s a beautiful day out. What do you say, wanna feel the wind in your hair?” Crank knew Cathy loved to ride. They used to spend hours driving the back roads, and he couldn’t think of anything better to do at the moment. Feeling her wrapped around him as they just let it all go for a while sounded like heaven to him. Cathy nodded, but didn’t say anything. He pulled back, so he could look at her beautiful face, “Was that a yes?”
Crank took her out of there and got her on the back of his bike, and he just drove. After about a half hour, he felt her relax against his back. This was what they needed, a couple of hours just eating up the pavement. No destination and no time limit. He drove for hours, finally pulling up to the lake. Cathy got off the bike and waited for him. Taking her hand, he led her down to the water.
“Do you remember the first time I brought you here?”
“Yeah,” Cathy laughed, snuggling closer into his side, “it was the day you told me you weren’t going to re-up and were joining the RBMC.”
“Do you remember what you said?”
“Before or after I asked what the hell the RBMC was?”
“After,” Crank laughed.
Cathy shook her head, “I don’t know, what was it?”
“You said you would stand by my side no matter, and you always have. Well, baby, I’m giving you those words back. I’ll always stand by your side. No matter what.” Cathy looked up at him, green eyes shining with unshed tears, hair all over the place from the wind, and Crank thought she had never looked more beautiful to him.
When she put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him, he wanted to get down on his knees and thank the universe for creating this woman. Feeling her tongue swipe across his lips, asking him to take the kiss deeper, almost brought him to his knees. He let her have the lead, and damn if it wasn’t the best kiss he’d ever gotten. When she pulled back and smiled at him, he knew they would get through this. It would take time, but they would survive.
“Babe, I need to tell you something. Those guys, the four guys who raped you, they're gone, all of them.”
“Gone?” Cathy questioned, then thought about what he said, and asked, “What, wait, four guys?”
“Yeah, babe, I’m not going to go into all the details, but they were taken care of. Not a one of them is still breathing the same air as you. I wanted you to know. Maybe it will help.”
“Crank, I don’t know what to say, but, babe, there weren’t four guys, there were five, and two guys in suits were in the caves watching; that makes seven.”
“Babe, the DNA came back, and it only showed four samples. We found those fuckers and took care of them.”
“No, Crank, there were five. The first one, the one who touched me first, he wore a condom. Made a big deal about bagging his dick because I was a biker bitch, didn’t want to get my taint on him or some shit. He wasn’t like the other ones, it was…” Cathy stopped. She didn’t want to say anymore, so she asked, “You read the file, didn’t you? You said you read the file. I told all this to the detective, it should’ve been in there.”
“It wasn’t, babe, and I read that file more than once. It stated you couldn’t describe the men who attacked you that you were too traumatized.”
“That’s not true, I described each and everyone one of them down to the last detail. Crank, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know, babe, but I’m going to find out. Let me get you back to the house. I need to talk to Tuck and get hold of Shade.”
They left the lake and took off toward the guest house. When Crank got there, he didn’t shut down his bike. He needed to get back to the Clubhouse and figure out what was going on, but he was having a hard time leaving Cathy.
“Babe, why don’t you just come back with me. It shouldn’t take long, then if need be, we can go in and talk to Shade.”
Cathy had already gotten off the bike and was shuffling her feet, not really looking at him. Crank already knew the answer she was going to give before she gave it.
“Crank, I just can’t go there yet.”
“Okay, but listen, why don’t you go over to Kayla’s and have her help you write your witness statement again, your descriptions of the men and the two suits. Anything you can remember. I just don’t want you to be alone.”
“I can do that,” Cathy said, finally looking at him.
“Come here, babe.” Crank was happy when she didn’t even hesitate, coming right to him. He put his arms around her and kissed her softly. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Stay with Kayla and Sadie, okay?”
“I will.” Cathy kissed him once and stepped away from the bike. “I love you.”
“Love you too, babe. Be back soon.”
Chapter 21
Kayla watched out the window as Crank and Cathy took off on his bike. The sound of pipes blaring would always make her pause. Fuck, she’d moved to Defiance knowing full well that the RBMC was right down the road; it was one of the reasons she chose the place. Bikers scared the shit out her, well, at least most bikers, but the RBMC had saved her. She had rationalized that living down the road from them without actually being near them would make her feel safer.
The rumble and her rising anxiety brought Sadie to her side. Kayla knelt down and hugged her furry friend. Hell, some days she wondered if she would make it through the day without Sadie by her side. Seeing Crank today and remembering wasn’t helping either. She talked to her patients about triggers, how to deal with them and prepare themselves for them, but she’d never quite gotten used to them herself.
A particular tone in a person's voice or a sound would often send her back. Like it was doing now. Kayla sat on the floor and let the memories rush through her brain. Trying to keep her breathing steady, she kept saying, “It’s over, it’s not going to happen again. I’m safe.” Petting Sadie’s soft fur centered her made her feel more in control. She had no idea how long she’d been sitting there. Looking around, she noticed the clock on the wall; shit, this had been a long one, over an hour. She went to get up and heard the creak that came when someone was walking down the hall.
Sadie’s head came up, turning that way, growling; she’d heard it too. Kayla looked around. The landline was in the kitchen, and she knew her cell phone was in her office; she’d left it there when Cathy had come back, and Kayla left the room. Why had she been so stupid leaving it in there? Kayla stood when a man she vaguely recognized came into the room. Sadie did as well, keeping her body in front of Kayla. Kayla’s mind was going a mile a minute. This wasn’t a biker. He was a well-dressed businessman, but the look in his eyes was menacing.
“Dr. Stewart, I presume?”
“Yes, and you are?”
“James Haslet, you might have heard of me, I’m the District Attorney.”
Kayla had heard of him and knew he was anything but what he was saying. At one time, he was the District Attorney, now, he was on the run from the law, but she wasn’t about to let him know that she knew that.
“What can I help you with, Mr. Haslet?”
“Oh, I think you could help me very much.”
The way he was looking at her creeped her out, but she stood her ground. She had self-defense training and could handle herself until she got to the book shelf and was able to get the nine-millimeter stashed there. She watched him carefully as he walked further into the room, ultimately, making himself comfortable on her couch, crossing his legs and leaning back like it was the most natural thing to do in a stranger’s home.
“You have a client I’m very interested in learning more about.”
“Sorry, sir, but as the District Attorney, I know
you realize I can’t divulge confidential information on my clients without a warrant or court order. It’s against the law, so I’m afraid you’ve made your trip here in vain. Now, if you don’t mind, I have another patient arriving soon and need to prepare.” Kayla was lying her ass off. She didn’t have another client today, but was hoping the threat of having a witness coming at any moment would deter whatever this man had planned for her.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Dr. Stewart, wrong answer, but I’ll give you another chance. I can be generous after all. I want your files on Catherine Torrent. Specifically, the file which details who she identified as assaulting her. Now, why don’t you be a good little girl and gather them for me?” He leaned back, and Kayla saw the gun in the waistband of his pants.
“Well, sir, as much as I would like to be a good girl like you asked, I can’t help you with that. Cathy hasn’t been my patient for long. I don’t have the information you’re looking for in my files. I would suggest going to the local police station, I’m sure they’ll have what you want.”
Kayla realized her mistake a second too late; James Haslet was up and had her in his grip. Sadie growled, but Kayla knew without the proper command, she wouldn’t attack.
“Now, now, Dr. Stewart, that wasn’t the right answer. I was trying to nice about this, but your type doesn’t respond to nice, now do they?”
“Mr. Haslet, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m telling the truth, Cathy never gave me her victim's statement, and we haven’t spoken about the night of her attack. Her care was just transferred to me.” His grip tightened in her hair, and he shook her like a rag doll.
“I lived with a lying bitch for years, Dr. Stewart, so don’t think I can’t tell the difference. Now show me your damn files, or I’ll just find them myself. If I do that you aren’t needed, understand?” James growled, shaking her again.
Kayla squeaked out a shaky, “They’re in my office.” She could feel the cold metal of the gun on her arm as he taunted her. Looking around, she tried to figure out a way out of this, but couldn’t. The furniture was too close; even if she commanded Sadie to attack, she wouldn’t be able to get around the man fast enough. Letting him take her to the office was a better choice, there was a door in there that led outside. Plus, her keys and phone were on the desk. She walked them to the office, Sadie trailing behind, waiting.
Crank: Ruthless Bastards (RBMC Book 4) Page 13