Many times during the following two days I had felt tortured knowing he was still at the hotel, so close and yet he may as well have been a thousand miles away. My cell had itched in my hand more than once for me to call him, to see him again while I still could, but it felt pointless, our circumstances were even more complicated than when he went back to the UK.
I fought my feelings and moved on with my life, and even though I’d been asked out on dates many times, I had found myself comparing them to Gray. None of them stacked up, none could begin to compare. Harris moved on to Diane, just like I felt he would, and after a few months we stopped speaking altogether. There was no more to say. I didn’t feel sad about us anymore because after my night with Gray, I had figured although I loved Harris, it was never on a level of what I felt for my rock star.
When I heard the intimate song Gray had written about us on the radio three times in one day my willpower vanished. Initially, my whole body tightened with frustration and I felt the all too familiar tug at my heartstrings whenever I heard his voice. Even though it was on the last few lines I couldn’t bear to hear it again so I switched from my radio station to avoid it.
By the time I’d driven out the high school parking lot and into the A1 heading south for home, I switched it back thinking the song would be over because the traffic bulletins on that station were local to me, and I had wanted to avoid any delay on my journey home. My heart stuttered in my chest and a pang of sad longing shot through it when I heard Gray’s distinctive sexy voice laughing and joking, being his charming, cool self, during an interview with the presenter.
For ten minutes I sat trance-like on autopilot as I drove through the traffic, listening to his smooth deep voice. I couldn’t tell you what was said because my concentration was fleeting, my mind flicking through many memories of our time together, but mostly occupied with vivid images of the last night I spent with him. By the time I got home I pulled my cell out of my bag, as I still sat in my car outside my sister’s apartment, and found his number. My desperation to talk to him was so great I never even figured what I’d say when he answered me. I acted on pure impulse driven by how much I had missed him again.
As soon as the call connected my heart raced. Adrenaline coursed through my body and I thought I may pass out from the electrical charge it spread. Six ring cycles later the ring tone changed and I knew I’d been diverted, just where I wasn’t sure.
I didn’t get time to think about it as his message service kicked in. The diversion threw me. Is it his home message machine or an answering service? Not knowing where I was leaving the message made me lose my confidence and I bumbled through an apology of the way I had been after our last meeting and hung up. It had made me feel worse than before I’d made the call.
Tears fell as my heart felt imprisoned by a man I would never have. Suddenly, I knew if I ever had a chance with him I’d give up my career to follow him. It wasn’t that I was weak, it was a case of I loved him more than I loved teaching. But Gray had never looked back from that night. He hadn’t called again, and he’d probably had a few dozen girls since me. God, I feel stupid.
Weeks passed since the call and I figured it had probably gone to an answering service and felt relieved he wouldn’t have heard the uncertainty in my voice. Thinking he’d probably have been given my message by someone with a posh, efficient telephone voice, and the emotion that had been in my heart when I left the message would have been lost on him. I was, at least, partly consoled by that.
Five weeks after I’d made the call, Kennedy arrived at Lorna’s apartment with a cute guy in tow. Jerod was a handsome six-footer with an easy smile and a laid-back approach to life, despite being a firefighter. He was staying at Kennedy’s place for a few weeks between buying a newly built house and having just sold his apartment. I smelled the set-up as soon as he walked in the door, but I didn’t resist Lorna and Kennedy’s matchmaking attempt because I needed a diversion from Gray.
Jerod was great company and I enjoyed the foursome dates we went on with my sister and her boyfriend, but no matter how cute, he was never going to reach the pedestal I’d put Gray on. It wasn’t for the sake of trying, we made out a lot and I tried hard to make myself like him, but the chemistry I had with Gray could never be matched.
A few months later I began making excuses for why I couldn’t arrange any dates and eventually, I had to be frank and tell Jerod how I felt. I wasn’t prepared for how hurt he was or how he had tried to talk me around, but he deserved better than me. No matter what my head told me, my heart already belonged to someone else even if they weren’t around anymore.
Breaking up with Jerod was the catalyst I needed to move out and into my own apartment. The year after I split with Harris, Diane had bought me out of the apartment, so I had a good nest egg put aside. It wasn’t enough to buy a property, but it was enough to give me some security while I rented. I found a studio apartment above a restaurant near the beach, and I figured moving into a place that was just mine gave me the lift I needed to get my life back on track.
Focusing on my work helped my life settle down and for a while it had appeared to bring me out of the doldrums. I enjoyed male company and when a teacher from another school, Donald, invited me for drinks I didn’t hesitate to go, but quickly made it known I wasn’t looking for a relationship. He had recently divorced and was lonely, and said he was thankful just to have my company. We grew as friends, and from that point on Donald became a great support to me. We talked often about our lost loves, and it was nice to be able to get Gray off my chest now and again without being judged.
In time, Donald met a woman a few years older than him with a couple of kids and learned to love again, while I felt stuck. I wondered if I was ever going to feel the same way again, as I’d felt when I was with Gray, so when two years after the last time I’d slept with him my phone rang and I saw his number light up my screen I was blown away.
It was a Sunday afternoon when he called out of the blue. I was running in the park. The hot sun was high in the sky, the humidity stifling with my exertion. I’d toyed with giving my routine a miss and lying out by the pool, but I knew running helped my mood. I stared at my cell and for a minute I was frightened to answer for fear he’d destroy me forever, but the way my heart reacted just from seeing his name, I knew I may have wondered for the rest of my life what he had wanted if I didn’t.
My response was curt when the call connected, but the sound of his voice when he said my name was an instant thaw, even if I tried to hide it. Even though I tried to stay in control of the conversation when he said he would be in Miami, my stomach and most other parts of my anatomy clenched tightly. He wanted to see me again, and damn it, I wanted to see him as well, but it was different this time because I was truly single, no baggage. But that’s even more dangerous.
I found myself agreeing to his offer to ‘hang out at the beach’ but I was afraid I’d end up in bed with him again like some groupie of his that got laid every time he came to town. I wasn’t that girl, so I called Parker, a guy I’d had a casual date with a few times, and invited him along. Even as I did I knew it was a poor defense against the charms of Gray. It was akin to using a paper bag to protect my hair against a monsoon rain.
When I closed the call out, my mind raced chaotically. Feelings bombarded my mind, body, and soul. I had two days to perfect myself, two days to curb my feelings and not throw myself at his feet. I knew he felt something for me by the way he kept coming back. I loved him that much, I was willing to take the risk of my heartache just to be near him again.
Chapter 27
Curve Ball ~ Gray
I woke to the sticky heat of the Miami climate; even the air-conditioning struggled that morning. Drenched in sweat, I rolled over onto my hands and knees before stepping out of the bed. Relief washed over me when I felt the direct hit of a cool air-conditioned breeze ghosting over my body. Glancing at my watch after a minute I saw it was already 9:30 am.
> My phone text alert buzzed, the vibration drawing my eyes in the direction of the sound. I swiped it off the nightstand. As I headed to the bathroom to take a desperately needed shower I called room service to bring some toast and coffee to tide me over until I met with Hettie.
If I’m being honest, it felt like she’d been on my mind forever. I’d spoken about her in my many sessions as the one person who made me feel different. What that had meant was I was driven by need to see her when I was in college. Needed to be with her, inside her. It wasn’t the same feeling as pure lust like I’d felt for Phoebe.
Standing in the lukewarm shower soothed and cooled my overheated body. It felt blissful, and naturally I soaped up my morning wood while my mind flitted to Hettie. I pictured her smile, those soft curves, her perky round tits, and her beautiful tight flat stomach. Mostly the image in my head was the way she reacted to my touch, especially her wide mouth as her head tilted back in ecstasy, as her hands fisted in my hair. The combination of the visual in my head and the satiny smooth feel of my sudsy hard cock in my hand made me feel horny as hell. Another kind of love, but the feeling was different again from how I loved Brody, Phoebe, and my dad. It was more like how I felt when I played my guitar.
As I took care of myself I remembered one of the hot, erotic sessions Hettie and I had shared on the floor of her dorm room. It was still so vivid in my mind I could almost feel her small hands as they skimmed across my body; how they swept back and forth to match the rhythm of her hips as she rode me in her desperation to get herself off.
My wet hand slapped against the glass panel of the shower in an effort to steady myself as my urgent frenzied strokes almost buckled my knees. The buildup of euphoria made my brain feel tight in my head while an involuntary growl rose from my chest. The sound tore free and rang out into the confined hollow space as I took myself over the edge and forcefully sprayed jets of cum in four long ribbons against the steamed-up wall.
My legs buckled under the force of my orgasm and a deep gasp escaped from my mouth with the overwhelming pleasure that radiated through me. Swallowing roughly, I leaned my head against the wall, spent, breathless, as my heartbeat raced from my effort.
Stepping out of the shower, I heard someone moving around in the bedroom. I wrapped a towel low on my hips as I stepped over the threshold in time to see a room attendant placing a tray on the table by the window. A thought came to mind and I asked for a cool box of open sandwiches, cheese, chips, wine, and fruit to be prepared, figuring the beach would be the perfect place for Hettie and I to reacquaint ourselves. I was thankful I knew the very place on the beach for our meeting as I collected the packed food and headed in the direction of JoeJoe’s.
I loved that our promo team were based in Miami. It let me stock up on much needed vitamin D I lost out on by sitting on a bus on the way to some city or another, or arriving in the dead of night and sleeping my days away. Living long periods of time inside a bus or a building wasn’t the healthiest way to live.
At least in Florida we could relax by a pool or find a quiet spot on a mostly deserted beach somewhere, and traveling there with the band meant I was with the guys for company. At least I never got lonely. That was mostly true if Caleb didn’t snare himself a flight attendant at the airport or a front desk receptionist from the hotel at check in and Surge was feeling sociable.
****
My timing continued to be great and I arrived outside our meeting point five minutes early. I pulled a cap down over my face to partially obscure it, but I wasn’t quick enough for one fan who body swerved and ran over toward me. Impulsively she threw her arms around my waist in a tight hug. My hand immediately covered hers to prevent her from doing anything else.
“Oh. My. God, I thought it was you, Gray,” she said, like she was some long lost relative. Glancing around quickly to see if anyone else was watching, I tried to shift us to the side so I could turn my back against the people passing us to gain access to the boardwalk beside the beach.
“Oh God,” she said again, a little breathless, as she breathed deeply trying to get her emotions under control. I gave her a look of concern, wondering for a moment if she may pass out on me. Shit this is not good.
“Where have you been? Have you been recording or something? We haven’t seen much about you on TV lately.” Her eyes narrowed worriedly like she was expecting bad news. A smile spread as quickly as her worry dissolved when another thought came to mind. “I love your music by the way. ‘Single and Horny’ is my favorite of all your songs,” she gushed, still clinging to my waist looking up with a freaky level of adoration in her eyes.
My jaw ticked at the title because it was Caleb’s idea, and even though the song looked as if it had promise to be a timeless hit, the name grated on my nerves. I continued to glance around me, anxious that her behavior would drew attention to us so I leaned in toward her. I moved closer and rendered her speechless.
“Listen, sweetheart, I’m here for some quiet time. I am so thankful you love what I do, but can we try to keep me a secret from everyone else around us?” I winked for good measure and watched her almost dissolve in front of me. The worried look from before was back in her eyes as they scanned the public in the area, suspiciously.
“God, sorry, I was just so excited to see you right here in front of me.”
I smiled because she was actually a cute girl, and the way she looked guilty made me feel bad for correcting her.
“It’s okay. Let’s just tone it down a little. I’m waiting for a friend and I was kinda hoping for a quiet low-key day.” The look of disappointment on her face made me feel bad so I tried to make amends. “Got your cell handy?”
Without answering me she raked around in her beach bag, powder blue lace panties fell out and she crouched quickly to catch them before they fell on the floor. Crushing them in her hand her eyes flicked up to look at mine as heat stained her cheeks. My lips quirked as I tried not to smile.
“Oh my God, could this get any worse?” she muttered in her embarrassment and her face flamed red. “Sorry, I…they were in my bag for when I changed, they’re clean, I wore my bikini bottoms to the beach.” With wide eyes her jaw dropped and even though I felt sorry for her I couldn’t prevent myself from laughing.
“It’s fine. I’m used to girls chucking their panties at me. You’ve been to one of our gigs, right?”
Shaking her head, she frowned. “No. Never been lucky enough to get tickets. Sat in the queue on the internet twice but I wasn’t lucky enough to get through before they were sold out. Then the last time they went on sale it was mid-month and I couldn’t afford them.”
“All right, give me your name and email address. I’ll make sure you don’t miss our next one,” I said, glancing over her shoulder wondering where Hettie was.
Nora gave me her details which I sent on to my PA by email attaching a note to her to send Nora tickets for the next gig in Miami. I also told her to extend an invite to the meet and greet, then explained what I’d done to Nora as I continued to watch and wait for Hettie to arrive. She was late. My confidence had begun to waiver a little and I prayed she wouldn’t stand me up.
For a minute, I convinced myself she wouldn’t come, but as I tried to talk myself out of that happening she appeared through a gap in the crowd like a beautiful vision and my heart immediately burned for her. Hettie wore a flowing, white maxi sundress with a red straw hat and I stood enthralled like she was a miraculous apparition. Mesmerized, I stared breathlessly, my eyes fixated, because she looked even more beautiful than the last time I’d seen her almost two years before. A smile curved my lips upward as I took in her stunning appearance until I noticed her hand was entwined with another man’s.
My feelings of pleasure were disrupted like a turn style needle had scratched abruptly across a vinyl long playing record. The awesome music I had imagined in my head which accompanied Hettie suddenly crashed to a halt. The joy I had felt from watching her walking suddenly turned t
o an ache in my chest. My eyesight darted from their hands to his face and the instant I took him in I imagined a tight fist clutching my heart, squeezing it tightly.
The curve ball she’d dealt left me confused for a moment. Then slowly, as I checked him out I saw some similarities between us. He was around my height, my weight, and had a similar color of hair, but he wasn’t me. For a second I thought it was Harris then discarded that thought from the way she’d spoken about him. I felt sick she was with someone else. I’ve left it too long to realize how I feel about her.
Of course, I’d taken for granted she’d just drop everything to come to see me. And I had also expected she’d come alone. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me that she’d be taken. Who knows, maybe that had been too hard to contemplate. An anxious mood washed over me like a depression.
Meanwhile, Hettie looked more beautiful than ever and I questioned how I couldn’t have known how I felt about her all this time. I knew the instant I saw her, I loved her deeply and had since before I left Florida all those years before. My chest tightened in shock because I debated whether I’d realized too late because she had brought someone with her to meet me. Why wouldn’t she be with someone? I felt devastated.
I wandered over to Hettie, and when I glanced at her guy I wanted to possess her. Slipping my arm around her waist, I leaned in and kissed her cheek. I didn’t care at all that he was watching me hold her that way. She felt exquisite in my arms and I wanted more. My hands squeezed her hips. Pulling back to look at her, our eyes connected and I read how I affected her with my intimate gesture. The vein in her neck pulsed visibly, and the way she licked her lips and glanced at mine said she’d almost forgotten the guy she’d brought. I saw the moment she remembered when her cheeks flushed and she pulled out of my arms.
Notes On Love Page 25