“As do I. Vividly. Sometimes it’s the only thing I can think about. Like now.”
Heat rose in her chest as her tanned appearance flushed. If I’d had any doubts she felt the same, the rapid pulse in the vein just under the skin on her neck reassured me.
“I don’t want to get hurt again, Gray. I won’t recover from that again,” she disclosed honestly. “After the way you left college, and after everything that’s happened since…it’s taken a while for me to even think about dating again. Then like some shiny penny in the mud you’ve showed yourself again.”
I felt torn about pursuing her after hearing the sadness in her voice, but I knew this time was different. I really loved her, I had all along. My mind kept taking me back to her, comparing every other woman to her, although not consciously. Even when I’d been with Lizzie my mind had flitted back to Hettie at times. My whole body had ached for her the moment I saw her walk into JoeJoe’s that first day back in Miami, and my heart had never been the same since the first time I met her.
Staring out at the ocean, its gentle waves lapping on the shoreline, my chest tightened again when I thought of all the things I knew I should say, and all the things I was scared to.
“Shall we go somewhere quiet to talk?” I asked quietly.
“A hotel room, perhaps?” she responded, sarcastically.
“I made that mistake once, but my intentions were genuinely honorable,” I countered. “And I still only have a hotel suite to offer; perhaps you’d like to make another suggestion?” Watching her speculative gaze as she weighed up what I had said, she turned and nodded. “Yeah, you can come to my place.”
“You think it’s safe to do that?” I muttered, careful that my tone sounded encouraging instead of the groan I had wanted to let slip. It wasn’t neutral ground.
“It’s that and a bar, and I don’t want to share my time with you while people think Gray Dennison is living his player lifestyle with his Miami Groupie.” She stood effortlessly, swiping some sand, which was stuck to the exposed parts of her ass cheeks. For a second I’d have given my right ball to be one of those hands, especially when she patted the firm globe of her left buttock a little harder than the other.
Turning away from her, I adjusted my stupid shorts, the fishnet ball bag inside doing nothing to contain my growing dick with a mind of its own. Luckily, I had the small bamboo mat to hide my modesty. After grabbing it and folding it quickly in front of me, I gestured for her to lead the way, although after a few steps I realized once again I’d made a mistake when she draped her dress over her arm instead of putting it on. My eyes were glued to her small bikini bottoms, hypnotized to the point where I gave up trying to keep my throbbing dick at bay.
Chapter 29
Liquid Lust ~ Hettie
Being on the beach with Gray was uncomfortable and wonderful at the same time. For years, I’d thought of the great times we’d had hanging out there with our college friends. Being at South Beach brought a lot of nostalgic moments about us to the surface. He was right of course, I had done an awful thing stringing Parker along, but after the last time when I had behaved so needy, I tried to show him I could move on with my life after he’d shown up again.
Who was I kidding? As soon as my eyes settled on him from a distance everything else faded and blurred in comparison. Fire ignited from embers which had never truly died and liquid lust flowed through my veins. The effect he had on me was magnetic. A second later my heart squeezed like a fist had gripped it tight when I saw he was talking to a girl.
Leggy, tall, and slender, she was like all the others I’d seen him with on TV and in social media articles. The girl he’d brought had a stunning figure from behind and I figured she’d be just his type. Her back was to me while they talked. He was smiling, and my heart was breaking. Suddenly he looked over her shoulder and his eyes finally connected with mine and as far as I was concerned neither the guy holding my hand or the girl standing with him existed from the silent exchange that passed between us.
Panic rose in my chest when I saw her and I prayed I had managed to keep my feelings about that in check. Plastering a happy smile on my face I glanced at Parker, the guy I had brought along in the hopes of putting Gray in his place. From the second I saw Gray’s face I knew what I’d done had probably created another barrier between us.
Gray’s stormy blue eyes darkened as his eyes flitted to Parker, narrowing as he noticed I held his hand. However, his appearance softened, a look of hurt passing through his eyes when he stared at me. Meanwhile my gaze was glued to him, as I checked him out, and felt butterflies fluttering inside my chest. My excited heart pumped at a thousand beats per minute. Well, not really, it just felt that way. Outwardly, I fought my hardest to appear calm and relaxed.
Suddenly, I felt that the cool maxi sundress I was wearing may as well have been one of those white padded astronaut suits. If it had had a collar, I would have run my finger along the side of it with the heat his stare had generated in me. It was a warm day, but the way he made me feel had nothing to do with the sun.
When he introduced the girl to me I felt furious that he’d brought someone with him. My brave new world of handling Gray Dennison assertively crashed to a halt at the sight of the leggy redhead beside him with the shortest shorts that just passed for decency.
Somehow, he made me feel better when he laid his hands on me and leaned in to kiss my cheek. His firm warm touch settled me. His hand slid around my waist and rested on my hip. I inhaled deeply, filling my head and my heart with his never forgotten scent as he gave my hips a tiny squeeze. I was wet within seconds, intoxicated by his nearness, and I’d craved our connection since the last time he’d held me in his hotel room. The brush of his lips against my cheek in the tiniest kiss dissolved nearly all my strength about playing it cool. That was all it had taken. I had to mentally kick myself from turning to meet his mouth.
While I was still recovering from the hypnotic effect of him, my anger grew and my jealousy grew. The hostility I felt toward the woman with him had almost been a deal breaker for me, but fate must have been on my side because as quickly as I felt hate, it ebbed and relief flooded through me when she left.
After an awkward couple of minutes where Gray made Parker look like a fool, we headed to the beach; my conscience instantly regretted inviting Parker, while my eyes worked from an independent part of my brain, absorbing every move Gray made.
Gray was usually a guy I had needed to analyze, but that day there was definitely something different. His vibe wasn’t his usual laid back one. It appeared as if his heart was no longer buried and his reactions were a little easier to read. He wasn’t exactly an open book, more like the sample you see, the one that draws you in and keeps you reading, and if it’s good it leaves you wanting more. Gray always left me wanting more, he was an incredible hook.
As we sat on the beach I gauged the weight of his stare and felt empowered. My head told my heart I had this while my heart forgot to beat more than once, and my breathing increased to the point where my lips tingled from lack of air.
Suddenly I felt stifled by the dress I’d been conscious of since the minute I saw him, and without a thought of how it may look to him, I stood and I stripped out of it. I had my white bikini on under it of course, but when I saw how his eyes filled with want and his gaze penetrated my body, I froze to let him take his fill of me.
Watching how Gray licked his dry lips while his eyes crept up my body at a snail’s pace made me feel super sexy. The way his head tilted slightly as if he’d perfected his angle of vision gave me confidence. Without being aware, he seduced me with his speculative stare without a word. When his teeth caught his bottom lip and worried it back and forth in his effort not to react, I was utterly smitten.
Speaking in a frank, blunt tone, his dirty words made me wet and gave me goosebumps in equal measure. His tone, language, and suggestive words about being inside me made my pussy clench. There was nothing I’d have
liked better in that moment than to take him in, but I’d been there before. It had torn my heart in half and left me grieving. Apart from the will to have him right where I needed him, there was a greater need to protect my feelings from Gray Dennison.
He was right, the beach was no place for a conversation like the one we were having, but when he suggested somewhere else I immediately got the wrong idea. Feeling better once he set me straight, I put forward my place as it was private, but stated it was to talk and nothing else. Gray’s willingness to take me there demonstrated he wanted to try to figure out what was going on between us.
Once we shook the sand off our legs, we headed for the taxi rank. I pulled on my dress before getting into the cab, and I took him back to my place. The cab ride there was torturous, being so near to him and not being able to touch him. My heart skipped a beat when he placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me into the open door of the cab. When I felt the warmth of it burning through my dress, I fought the urge to turn toward him.
When I saw him place his hand flat on the seat next to mine I’d been tempted to stroke it with my little finger. How I restrained myself I have no idea. If I’d been the risk-taker I was in college, I would have slid off the chair in the back of that cab and unzipped his pants. But I wasn’t that girl anymore.
The woman I became still struggled to find herself. My body clock ticked and the man I had put my faith into had let me down. Then I found myself with the one man who had never really left my heart, the boy I had fought so hard not to fall in love with. But I had anyway, and I had no will to fight him. Yet, Gray was the one man I still feared would break me in two if I gave into my emotions.
“Twenty-one dollars,” the driver informed us, asking at the same time for some autographs for his granddaughters. Gray graciously signed two pieces of paper with short notes on each and reached into his shorts. He pulled out a fifty. “Keep it. Thanks,” he said, sliding out of the back passenger door. Gray reached for my hand but instead of giving it to him; I placed it on the seat and used it to ease my way along to the door.
Realizing I wasn’t comfortable, he lowered his hand by his side. I saw the disappointment in his eyes that I wasn’t willing to accept his help. That may have seemed petty, but every touch we had was breaking my defenses and I had nowhere left to run if it all went wrong.
“Why did you run away from my hotel room that morning, Hettie?”
“It felt horrible, didn’t it? Now you know how I felt when you did that to me.”
“You did that just to get back at me? After what we did? After the connection we shared?”
“No of course I didn’t. I left because I thought you’d break my heart again if I stayed.”
We fell silent until we’d left the cab and reached my apartment. As we approached the door, I took the key out and placed it in the lock. When I turned the key, Gray stepped alongside me and leaned on the wooden door frame. His face was mere inches from mine. He watched me carefully with concern in his eyes. “You sure you want me to come in?”
“Do you want to?”
“More than anything and not in the least,” he answered truthfully.
A frown creased my brow and Gray automatically reached up and smoothed the line that had formed with his index finger. “Don’t do that, baby. I never want to make you frown.”
“You do though.”
“I know. Is this a bad idea? You sure you want me in there?”
“Yeah and no way,” I snickered, voicing my indecision. It felt reassuring to know exactly how he felt. He was as scared as I was.
“What are we doing?” he asked quietly and groaned. His questioning eyes searched mine like he may find the answer there.
“Resisting the devil in us?” I offered, letting him know that I was losing the internal struggle to resist him.
“Wow, you as well?” he asked, his eyes narrowing to scrutinize me more carefully.
“Been fighting him off all day,” I mumbled worriedly while I wondered what was running through his mind at that moment.
“Ditto,” he whispered as his devil pushed him to the point where his forehead landed on mine.
His hot breath enveloped me as the smell of him lured the last ounce of denial from me. The angst I expected just wasn’t there any more, replaced by burning need as my mouth sought his. My bag slid from over my shoulder and dropped to my feet. I was vaguely aware of the dull thud. Roughly, I pushed him back against the wall and as if a trigger had gone off, Gray’s fingers tangled into my hair, fisting two handfuls as he pulled me closer toward him in his effort to deepen the hungry kiss between us.
Our breathing grew to short panting gasps as our frantic, hot tongues dueled together. My hands clung desperately to the waistband of his swimmers, as my legs turned to Jell-O. The bone-melting assault his mouth had on mine ran through every fiber of my body. A hum of vibrating need sent liquid fire through my veins, heightening my desire for more.
Dual sensations of pleasure and agonized desperation drenched my panties as my pussy pulsed over and over. Eight years of loss dissolved in one kiss that held fired up feelings on both sides, neither of us could douse. Gray Dennison’s effect on me was like the purest heroin, highly addictive and deadly to my heart.
It had felt much longer, but for less than a minute all my senses had been totally owned by him. An uncalculated, weak moment of passion on my part until my voice of reason kicked in, the devil receded when my conscience freaked out. Releasing my grip from his shorts I slapped my hands aggressively against his chest and pushed him away. Hard.
Frustration washed over his expression as he reached out, grabbed me hard by my wrist, and in one swift unexpected move he slammed me back against the wall where he’d just been, pinning me in place with his whole body. His possessive move made my heart flutter. I could feel him touch me all the way down the front of my body. There was barely an inch where we weren’t connected. Dipping his head, his mouth found my neck, his tongue tracing a hot, wet trail down to my collar bone.
“No!” The word came out in my attempt to breathe and his mouth immediately froze. Pulling back, he stared intensely into my eyes. His hands stopped but he didn’t move away. One kiss and my defenses had been demolished. Nothing was different from the time it had happened before. He was physically attracted to me, but he’d be leaving again soon.
“Why? You started this,” he reminded me.
“I was wrong. I don’t want this,” I lied in a moment of panic.
“That’s not what your body is telling me, baby.”
“My body has a poor memory,” I argued.
“My memory of your body isn’t poor at all,” he said in a hoarse voice as his finger reached up and played with a strand of my hair. I had always felt my soul was bared when he stared intensely at me, and the look he watched me with was designed to penetrate my defenses.
“Don’t,” I warned.
“I want you, Hettie…really want you.” I knew that. I felt how much he wanted me. His hard cock felt like steel pressing hard against my belly.
“Physically, yes, I believe you do. I know you do.”
“It’s not just physical this time. Look…I’ve never had someone I think about all the time when I’m not with them…except for you.”
“I don’t want someone that thinks about me, Gray. I want someone who can’t bear to be apart from me. I want someone who looks at me as if they think I sprinkled the stars in the night sky, and I want someone who would do anything to keep me. Someone who doesn’t have to miss me because they can’t bear to be without me.”
“I’m here, Hettie, that man is me.”
“I don’t believe you,” I spat.
“I see.” Quietly, he took a step back as if he’d considered what he’d said, and realized he wasn’t that man after all.
A stony silence fell between us. I stepped to the side, walked around him, and picked up my beach bag. Turning the key that was alre
ady in the lock, I opened the door to the apartment with my hip and I wandered inside, leaving Gray to follow. When I reached the window, I turned around to face him and saw he was still standing in the hallway with his hands on the framework.
“Are you coming inside?”
“Maybe…it depends.”
“On?”
“You. Do you really want me to come in there? You lost control a minute ago. I think if you do that again, I won’t be able to show as much self-control as I did just now.”
Watching with narrowed eyes, he refrained from entering the apartment. The one thing I took from his reluctance was he was trying to do right by me. And, of course, he was right. I really wasn’t in control. My hormones were in chaos from the emotional wreckage of the previous few minutes in the corridor with him. My silence gave more away than I realized. Gray tapped one foot as if in thought while he looked down at it. I stood quietly watching until he lifted his head to give me a speculative look.
“You want the truth, Hettie? All right. Here it is…I’m not playing with you. I told you earlier, but I know I’m in love with you. After all this time…I know it without a fragment of doubt in my mind.”
My heart flipped over in my chest. It had felt as if I’d waited forever to hear those words, but I doubted a future with him. “At one time, I’d have been delighted to hear those words pass your lips, Gray. At one time, I’d have given anything to hear them.”
“And now?”
“How do you know? If you didn’t feel that way all those years ago, why now?”
Gray’s confused stare became intense, his mind working out some great puzzle behind the look he gave me until he dropped his hands and walked inside the door. Closing it, he strode over and leaned his butt against the heavy, solid oak cabinet that was opposite the window where I stood with my arms folded. He kept his distance and folded his arms in front of him, mimicking me.
“Did I mention I’ve had counseling?” he asked in a low tone. I nearly laughed, but when I saw how serious he was I shook my head.
Notes On Love Page 27