Notes On Love

by K. L. Shandwick

  Leaning back to look at me he smirked, “Now you know why I stayed home. At least you know my excuse was valid,” he commented, nodding his head at the hungry group of women looking back at me. “Occupational hazard,” he informed me with a smirk as he turned me toward the bank of elevators leading to his apartment.

  One of the elevators arrived as we approached and Gray glanced back at the door before leading me inside. The door closed silently behind us and he inserted a keycard, pushed the button for the top floor and turned to look at me. The elevator began to ascend and he turned to face me again. “Come here, you,” he smirked, his eyes burning with desire. Grabbing my jacket, he pulled me toward him again and kissed me like I was his air. My fingers tangled in his hair as a moan escaped my lips and Gray chuckled through the kiss before he broke it to look at me.

  “Just as I remember, you’ve always been so responsive toward me. Never known this connection with anyone else,” he admitted and kissed me again until we arrived on his floor. Pulling back to look at me again, he took a deep breath and blew out. “Damn we need to save it for later, we don’t have much time,” he said as I eyed his luggage piled high at the door when we got inside his apartment.

  “You still haven’t told me what we’re going to London for,” I reminded him. I was excited about going to Europe. Every time I asked why he shook his head and took the subject off in another direction. I figured it wasn’t anything bad because I’d have been left stateside if it had been.

  “I know you just got here but the guys are picking us up in about twenty minutes. Are you hungry or can you wait until we get on the plane?”

  I had already had a snack on the way here, so I went with the second option and decided to wait until we were settled on the flight. Feeling exhausted before we’d even set out, by the time we’d settled in our seats and the plane had taken off, my eyelids were heavy and my eyes rolled in my head for want of sleep. It was the first time I’d met the rest of the band, and Surge appeared quiet, while Caleb stared a lot. I was too tired to care who was looking at me by that point and found myself drifting until I couldn’t fight my tiredness anymore.

  ****

  Waking from a deep sleep, the first thing I saw was the same as the last—Caleb was still staring. Penetrating and intrusive, I found myself pulling my jacket around my body as I huddled into Gray’s side, who was still sound asleep beside me. My eyes drifted across the cabin in my effort to ignore his leering stare when I met the eyes of Brody’s wife, Dana looking back at me.

  I unfastened my seatbelt and headed for the small restroom at the back of the private jet, still marveling at how luxurious it was, and ignoring her pointed gaze. Previously, I’d only flown to Phoenix with a budget airline to see my aunt and uncle one time, so I was determined she wouldn’t spoil my experience.

  After freshening up, I opened the door to find her standing so close to the door she blocked me from stepping out. “Brody tells me you taught science in high school.”

  “Yeah, all this is a world away from what I’m used to.”

  “This is material, Hettie. They are what counts,” she replied, nodding toward the guys who were all flaked out in their chairs asleep, apart from Caleb.

  “I’m aware of that. I just meant I wasn’t used to flying to Europe.” The atmosphere was thick between us, and I knew that Phoebe was in the middle, even if she wasn’t on the plane. “Look, I get that you probably don’t like me…and Phoebe’s your friend, but I wouldn’t be with Gray for one minute if I thought there was anything there for her with him. I get that I’m a newbie coming into everyone’s lives here and you’re a close-knit set of people. I don’t want to rock the boat—”

  “Yeah, you are new and you’re right, we look out for each other—” Dana cut over my previous comment, and I had no problem extending the same courtesy back.

  “I’m delighted to hear that since I’ll be one of you from now on. That doesn’t mean I won’t speak my mind, or get pissed off with y’all from time to time. As long as we’re clear, Dana, I’m here and I’m staying. It’s up to you if you want to harbor a grudge because Gray is with me. Just remember he’s mine and from what he says he’s been mine since we met, he just never knew it until recently. Don’t think for one minute that I’ll put up with anyone’s shitty attitude toward me. I make a great friend, but a god awful enemy. Just remember this is Gray’s decision to be with me. It’s none of your business unless you want me meddling in yours.”

  I knew I had sounded harsh, but I figured if I was to survive in a world where women vied constantly for Gray’s attention I should be able to handle them with assertion and make sure they thought twice before they took another shot at me.

  “If you’re Gray’s choice the decision is already made. We’re gonna love you simply because he does. You’re right, I was angry at how he treated Phoebe, she’s an amazing soul and I hate how badly he hurt her.”

  “According to Gray he was straight from the start with Phoebe. He cares about her, to the point where he defended her against me. I don’t think you can get much more honest than that. And quite frankly, the thought that she’s slept in his bed eats me up, but like Gray has said, we’re adults not children and we must learn to deal with what life gives us,” I said truthfully.

  Dana cast a glance down to the cabin where Gray was still sleeping and back to me. “I can see what he sees in you, Hettie. You’re a beautiful, straightforward, no bull kinda girl. I’m sure we’ll get on just fine,” Dana stated, just like I’d passed some kind of interview.

  “I’d love for us to be good friends, Dana. I’m guessing I’m going to need as many as I can get when word gets out about Gray and me, but I won’t grovel or change my ways to suit anyone else. What Gray and I have is for the long term.”

  Someone stirred in the cabin and I saw Gray twisting in his seat looking back at me. “You okay?” he mouthed.

  I nodded and smiled at Dana. “If you’ll excuse me, Gray’s awake and I’d like to spend my time with him. God knows how much I’ll see of him when he’s in London.”

  Dana gave me the first genuine smile. “Sure, I know he couldn’t wait for you to get to New York this morning.”

  I wandered down the cabin feeling better about clearing the air, and settled back in my seat. Gray grabbed a bottle of water he’d stuck down the side of him and after taking a thirsty swig he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and gestured the bottle in my direction. Nodding, I took it without speaking, sipped a small amount of the lukewarm fluid, and wrinkled my nose. Gray snickered, “I see you survived the third degree. Did she give you a hard time?”

  “Well, if she was going to, she changed her mind when I set her straight,” I whispered and winked at him.

  Gray smirked, “Good girl. Don’t ever allow anyone to define what we are. We’re the only people that get to do that.” Leaning in closer, he kissed my lips softly then delicately cleared a stray hair from my face. “I love you, Hettie. I missed you so much this last week. My heart hurt waiting for you. I counted down the days. How soon will you marry me?”

  “What’s the rush?”

  “The clock’s ticking, baby. We got to get practicing if we’re going to be young when our babies are born,” he replied.

  Normally I would have been offended by his statement, but it was something I had said when I implied Harris had led me on about having children.

  “It’s not ticking that fast,” I smiled, pleased that he wasn’t adverse to having kids. “I think I’d like you to myself for a little while first. Is that okay?”

  “That’s a relief. I want a lot of practice,” he murmured softly in my ear. His breath on my skin made me shudder, the thrill of it tingling down my spine.

  “So, are you going to tell me what this is about? The trip?”

  “Yeah, I suppose so. Since we were signed, Brody and I started a charity to give something back. Neither of us came from wealthy families, and we came from one
of the poorer areas of London. We knew we had been fortunate to have music lessons and access to other opportunities in life that weren’t afforded to a lot of the kids in our area. There aren’t that many single houses like the ones we were brought up in, and most of the kids at our school lived in social housing on huge estates where there wasn’t much to keep them occupied.”

  I stared at him wondering where he was going with his story, but the frown he had between his eyes and the way he spoke helped me understand how passionate he felt about what he was saying. “Last year, we’d managed to buy an old building from the council. It had been a forced purchase by the local council because it sat right next to a new road they’d built to widen the traffic lanes, anyway…we got it for a steal, since no one else wanted to buy it. We’ve been doing some work to it ever since. Not personally you understand, our charity and volunteers.” I squeezed his hand, and felt proud to know him.

  “Bows4Angels is our charity name. It comes from the two areas of London. Bow is significant to cockney Londoners and where Brody’s dad was born, and Angel Islington was where we grew up. Anyway, it’s a youth club of sorts, but not a drop-in center type of place. We get referrals from social services and The Princes Trust—another great charity—to support kids who they feel are vulnerable. They’ll come to the center where there will be some social activities set around music, everything from jamming sessions with tambourines and xylophones, to the more talented kids who get taught how to mix music, and record via our small studio set up there.”

  For once I was speechless, in awe that in such a short time they’d not only figured out how to be breakthrough artists in the US, but at the same time they’d stayed true to their roots. I fell in love with Gray a little more right then.

  Despite his fame and fortune Gray had stayed humble. The privilege he’d experienced hadn’t shaped him into an ass like a lot of famous people. I could tell by the way he cared for Phoebe he hadn’t forgotten the deprivation he’d witnessed on a personal level, growing up in a tough city without a mom. He could have been excused for losing his sense of proportion and taking the easy life, but instead he had chosen to ensure he gave something back.

  Two dull bells sounded in the cabin and appeared to bring everyone to life. A cabin attendant wandered around with some warm facecloths for us to freshen up, while another popped small silver trays in front of us with warm cheese filled croissants, orange juice, and an expensive and all too healthy looking cereal bar. No one really spoke as we filled our faces, and Brody stood out of his seat and began doing some weird movements like he was in a Tai Chi competition.

  “Sit the fuck down, Brody, you’re rocking the plane,” Caleb advised, and Surge burst out laughing.

  “Listen, Caleb, I’d rather he did that than drag poor Dana up the back for a one-on-one session. At least there’s less grunting.”

  Gray snickered and wiped his mouth with his napkin while the two men continued to banter about what Brody was doing. “Feeling okay?” Gray asked, sliding his hand around my shoulder.

  “Feel great,” I replied smiling.

  “Good, because we’ve got a long day ahead. You never answered me…how soon will you marry me?”

  I raised an eyebrow in question and he gestured he was waiting for an answer. “As soon as you want.” I’d never been more certain of anything. I’d rather die than live without him.

  Chapter 37

  Nervous ~ Gray

  Arriving at London City Airport when the sun was shining was a great way to introduce Hettie to my home city. The jet’s flight path had brought us over many familiar landmarks. Hettie squealed in recognition of the dome at St. Paul’s Cathedral, and the Tower Bridge, as these were instantly recognizable places to her.

  Everyone knew why we were there that day. The charity had been working for many years, negotiating more red tape than you’d find on a dragon in a Chinese New Year festival parade. Hettie’s eyes were as big as saucers, and I had a huge grin on my face from seeing how delighted she was on her first trip home with me.

  Dana reached over and passed Hettie a hairbrush. “Better sort that rat’s nest out, you’re about to have your picture taken.” Hettie looked shocked like it never occurred to her that anyone would be interested in her and grabbed the brush.

  “Shit, now I’m nervous. Who are you going to say I am?”

  “My wife?”

  “That would be a lie.” She frowned.

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “I don’t know. I’m sure you’ll think of something,” she replied as she shrugged, looking petrified.

  “Don’t worry, it’s fine. Everything is going to be fine. You’re perfect, Hettie, and the press more or less leave me alone. I’m a lot less interesting than most rock stars out there.”

  Apparently, the members of the press core hadn’t received the memo about leaving me alone and were out in droves at the airport as were our fans. I had an idea the promotion company was to blame, and although I knew it was great publicity it wasn’t the point of Bows4Angels.

  As the flight attendant lowered the steps I pulled Hettie into my side. She looked petrified and physically shook with nerves. “It’s fine, baby, I got you. Don’t worry, just smile. We’ll be inside the car in a couple of minutes.”

  I watched her swallow roughly as her hand slid up under my jacket, her fingers tightly clinging to the belt loop of my jeans. I pulled her closer still and she gave me another nervous smile as the band filed out, followed by Dana, leaving Hettie and I inside. I dipped my head, kissed her forehead then stepped back. “Okay, Mrs. Dennison-to-be, let’s get ‘em,” I said, reaching for her hand and immediately stepped out onto the steps.

  Camera bulbs flashed, the incessant sound of shutters clicked wildly as I began to make my way down the stairs while I waved at them. Turning back to look over my shoulder, Hettie was stepping gingerly toward me, her eyes darting from the journalists to the stairway. I smiled because she looked incredibly cute as she tried to put a brave face on. When she stepped off the last step I pulled her back into my side and kissed her forehead again before I turned to face the press with her in a show of togetherness.

  Eying the familiar face of the promoter I’d met once or twice, I saw him signal at the small podium that had been set up beside the crush barrier. As I began to make my way to it, Hettie’s small hand grabbed and tightened around mine. I squeezed hers back, dipped my head toward her and whispered in her ear. “It’s fine, you’re beautiful. I love you,” I said, leaning back to gaze into her eyes. A small smile quirked her lips and I murmured, “That’s better.”

  Before she could think about it I pulled her up beside me as I stood on the podium and waved with her hand still firmly in mine.

  Numerous questions were thrown at me, one after another about Bows4Angels which I handled effortlessly. Brody stepped forward a couple of times. He hated being the spokesman, but couldn’t stop himself from interrupting now and again to throw his two pence worth in. Naturally, the subject shifted to focus on Hettie as soon as they were satisfied they’d exhausted the topic they’d been alerted to cover.

  “Gray, who’s this with you? What’s the lady’s name? Is this a new love interest? What happened to Phoebe?”

  I held my hand up and leaned forward to the mic.

  “This, ladies and gentlemen of the press is my beautiful girl, Harriet Lawson.”

  “We’ve never seen you holding hands at an official press conference, Gray. Is this significant?”

  “I’d say…most definitely.” I turned and winked at Hettie, but she was wigging out, a tight smile plastered on, so I pulled back on what I wanted to say, and concluded the press conference by thanking everyone. Turning away from another onslaught of unanswered questions, we piled into the limousine sitting close to where the jet had taxied to a stop. Once inside Brody slapped my leg.

  “You’re a fucking tease, Gray Dennison,” he said with a grin and shook his head. />
  “I was that close to telling them the deal between us, but when I saw Hettie having a mental meltdown and a smile that looked more like a grimace, I figured it could wait until she’s got used to the idea of being in the public eye. I thought of my dad and Phoebe’s reaction when I saw Hettie’s face and that stopped me.”

  “Phoebe?” Dana, Brody, and Hettie all said in unison. A frown creased Hettie’s brow.

  “Yeah. Don’t be pissed, Hettie. I don’t want her or my dad finding out I’m getting married like that. I’d hate her to think I never considered her feelings.”

  Dana’s eyes shifted from me to Hettie and mine followed. Hettie was staring at her hands and my heart squeezed because I’d hurt her. “It’s just—”

  “Stop. We’ll discuss this later,” Hettie said before pursing her lips tight as if she were holding back her words. She sighed, unable to swallow her annoyance. “I get you’re in a band, Gray, and people will know your business, but I deserve an explanation for that statement in private at the very least.”

  I felt like an ass. I had stepped off the plane with the excitement of a teenage boy filling my brain. It was only when it came to the crunch that Phoebe’s face flashed in my mind and I knew I’d hurt her even more if she found out via the media. To do that to her and to my dad after everything he’d been through as well would have been awful, not to mention Hettie’s family. They all deserved to hear it firsthand, not on TV.

  “No, I’m saying it here because I get disillusioned when others confuse my feelings for Phoebe. I didn’t mean I wanted to tell Phoebe, Hettie. I want Dana and Brody to be the ones to let her know. Baby, you mean everything to me; all I’m doing is putting myself in Phoebe’s shoes for a moment. If it were me and you were with someone else, I’d hate to find out you were marrying someone else through the television. It would crush me. My dad too, your mother and Lorna, they’re important to us as well. After this one thing, I swear there will be no holds barred about telling the world what you mean to me.”