Chasing Fireflies

by Paige P. Horne

  “Where’s the bird?” Cash walks in and smiles.

  *

  Cash

  The food is good, and everyone tells Sara so. She nods and gives a small smile, but I can tell something is off. She shifts in her seat and looks down at her plate. Her mama is asking how much money she spent on all these decorations and food. And that’s exactly what I can’t stand about the woman. What’s it her business? I take a bite of my food and look over at Sara when I hear a fork clink down hard on a plate. “It’s none of your damn business,” she snaps loudly toward her mom. Everyone stops eating and looks at Sara.

  “Sara,” I say, reaching my hand over at her.

  “No.” She snatches her hand away, and I swallow. Here it is. Here is the blow up. “This food is terrible,” she says, sliding her plate away. “Everything is overcooked, isn’t it, Mama?”

  “I think it’s great,” Mark says.

  “It’s shit,” Sara replies.

  “Sara,” I repeat.

  “I’m sick to death of looking at it.”

  “You did a good job,” I tell her.

  “Oh, that’s perfect, isn’t it, Cash? Go ahead and tell everyone how good of a job I did, like I’m five.” She roughly slides her chair back and tosses her napkin onto the table before she walks away. I run a hand over my face and look around. Our friends and her family sit here, all eyes on me.

  “I think we should call it a day,” I say. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s totally fine, Cash,” Leigh says. “We were finished anyway. Let me help put some of this up.” She turns to Debbie. “Debbie, would you mind helping me?”

  “You don’t have to worry about that,” I say.

  “It’s not a problem.” Leigh stands and grabs a few bowls from the table. I look over at Walter, like why didn’t you shut your wife up?

  *

  “I really appreciate you helping clean things up,” I say to Leigh as they start to walk out.

  “I didn’t mind a bit. I’m really sorry about earlier.”

  “Cash, please, don’t be. We’re your friends—next best thing to family. We understand.”

  “Thanks.”

  I shake Mark’s hand and shut the door after they walk out. “She can’t be on the right medications if she has mood swings this badly.” Debbie enters the living room, and Walter walks behind her.

  “Cash, you need to—”

  “Debbie, do you ever shut up?” I ask. Her eyes go wide, and Walter doesn’t say anything. “Your daughter has been in that kitchen since yesterday cooking, trying to make it perfect, because she knew you would have something to say. And you did, over and over! No, her medication doesn’t work half the time. Yes, we have gone and gotten it changed. Yes, she spent a good bit of money on food and decorations. But just shut up about it!”

  “Well…” Debbie says.

  “Well, my ass,” I reply, opening the door. “We’ll talk soon.”

  Debbie storms past me, but Walter stops. He gives me a grin, and I can’t help it, so I burst out laughing.

  “See you later, my boy. Take care of our girl.”

  “Yes, sir,” I reply before he walks out.

  *

  I walk up the stairs and into our bedroom. Sara lies sleeping. Exhaustion has finally taken over her, and I’m glad she can sleep. Maybe her high is over, and she’s had her blow up. I’m hoping that’s as bad as it gets. I walk back down and grab a beer out of the fridge before I sit down in front of the TV. I watch the game until I’m drunk and pass out on the couch. Happy fucking Thanksgiving.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Sara

  While driving through town to go to my doctor’s appointment, I see Christmas lights being hung and a big tree being pulled upright by a few men and a rope. Turning into the doctor’s office, I park Old Blue and step out of the truck. It’s freezing today, and snow covers the ground still from the small storm we had last night. I open the door and step inside, grateful that there is only one other person in here.

  After I sign in, I grab a cup of complimentary coffee to warm my insides. I was supposed to go to the doctor after Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t get out of bed unless it was to go to work.

  “Sara.” My name is called, and I stand up. Tossing the coffee into the trash, I follow the nurse to the back. The hallways are lined with old photos from way back when, and the smell of new carpet hits my nose. We turn, and I see Dannie’s office door is open. “She’s expecting you. You can go on in.”

  I nod and walk into the office.

  “Sara, how are you?” Dannie asks as she stands and points to the chair for me to sit.

  “Good today, thanks.”

  “Great, so what seems to be the problem?” She sits back down in her chair, and it squeaks. She links her fingers and rests them on the desktop.

  “A lot of shift in my moods lately. My meds just make me sleepy, and once again they don’t seem to be working.”

  “Hmm… How is life going at home?”

  “Well, some days are better than others. I’m a lot to handle.” I kind of laugh, but Dannie doesn’t.

  “I went a little crazy with the credit cards and flipped out at Thanksgiving.”

  “Tell me all about it,” Dannie says. I tell her how Cash and I argued after we left the store because of the card being denied, how I walked out of the house during a snowstorm, and how I was on a high and snapped at Thanksgiving. Saying all of this out loud makes me feel crazy. But the good thing about Dannie is, she doesn’t judge.

  “Well, let’s see what we can do, shall we?” she says.

  *

  Thirty minutes later, I’m walking out with a handful of new prescriptions. Yay me. I breathe in the fresh air as I walk to Old Blue, quickly jumping inside to get out of the wind. I crank him up and head to the pharmacy to fill my bottles of sanity. Coming to a stoplight, I see Leigh walking a dog that looks like he isn’t quite out of the puppy stage. With some elbow power, I roll the window down.

  “Hey, dog walker!” I yell over to her. She turns my way and smiles, then quickly runs over to me before the light changes.

  “Hey, yourself. What are you up to?”

  “Just left the doctor.”

  “Everything okay?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I’m good. What you got there?” I ask, looking down at the brown dog.

  “This here is Bear. He’s a Lab. He just showed up at the back of Banner’s Bar with no collar. Sweet as ever and smart, too.”

  I look up when the light turns green, but there is no one behind me.

  “Sit, Bear,” Leigh says, and he does. She gives him a treat from her pocket, and he takes it gladly.

  I smile. “He seems like a good dog. Hate he has no home.”

  “You want him?” She grins as a car horn blows behind me.

  “I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

  “Okay, I’ll get an answer from you later then,” she says on a wink.

  “I don’t think so,” I reply, smiling as I roll the window back up and step on the gas.

  *

  “How did the doc go?” Maci asks as I walk into the library. Snow comes in behind me, and I take my scarf and gloves off.

  “Same as always. She asked me how I was feeling. I told her some days are better than others. But I’ve been down lately, so she asked more questions and did a few tests. Now I have new medicine.”

  “Sounds fun.” She lifts her brow and gives me a smirk.

  “The best,” I say. “I saw Leigh walking a dog before I got here. Cute dog.”

  “Watch out. She’ll be sending him home with you.”

  “She tried to.” I laugh as I walk around the counter and see an envelope from the state prison. I lay my gloves and scarf down and start unbuttoning my coat.

  “So, you haven’t said anything about Lucas in a while. You two talk or…?”

  “He writes me.”

  “I can see that,” I say, looking back down at the letter. She looks, too, and clears
her throat. “You writing him back?”

  She shrugs and types another book into the computer.

  “Why are you being so vague?”

  “I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. What’s the deal?”

  She sighs. “The deal is, I’m confused, Sara. I love him, and I can’t help it.”

  “He treated you like shit, Maci.”

  “You don’t think I know that? I lived it, remember?”

  I sit down on the stool and bite my lip. She rubs her forehead and looks past the computer.

  “You can’t help what your heart feels. I want to hate him. I really do, but it’s easier said than done. I’ve loved that man as long as I can remember, Sara,” she says, glancing over at me. “I can’t just shut feelings like that off. If I could, I would.”

  “Okay,” I say, holding up my hands. “But I don’t care what he says. He doesn’t love you.” I point at her. “You do not treat someone you love like that, Maci. You just don’t.” I stand and look over at my friend who has tears in her eyes. With a heavy sigh, I look down. “I care about you, is all. Please…just be careful.”

  “I will. Thanks for your concern.”

  “Of course. I’m going to check the bucket.” Walking into the restroom, I see the bucket is half full of water, so I pick it up and dump it into the sink. I can’t believe she is second-guessing all of this. Lucas is a complete asshole. I know she loves him, but seriously, he held her at gunpoint. I shake my head and put the bucket back down before I walk out.

  Chapter Twenty

  Cash

  Christmastime has always been my wife’s favorite, and because it’s hers, it’s mine, too. I grab the decorations from out of the attic and place them in the living room.

  “Let’s hang some on the outside of the house first, baby.”

  “Really?” I ask because I know it’s a damn job.

  “Yes, really. It’s not Christmas without lights. Come on,” she says, grabbing the box of lights and setting it beside the door. She puts her coat on and turns to me as she buttons it up. “I can’t seem to get the chill out of my bones in this house. You think we could sleep in the living room tonight near the fireplace?”

  “Our backs will be sore as shit.”

  “But I’ll be warm.” She places her green knit hat on her head and smiles.

  “You’ll be warm with me beside you and blankets piled on top of us.” I put my coat and gloves on before I lift the box up.

  “You’re no fun, Cash Williams. Pallets are the best.” She opens the door, and the wind brushes against my cheeks, freezing my nose.

  “Pallets were fun when we were kids, baby. Now we’re old, and we have old people’s backs.”

  “You have an old person’s back. There isn’t a thing wrong with mine.”

  “Sleep on the floor then. Tomorrow, you’ll be telling me a different story about old people’s backs, baby cakes.”

  “Baby cakes?” she says, grinning. I shrug.

  “Just came out.”

  “Okay…baby cakes.”

  “Don’t call me that. It doesn’t sound right when you call a man baby cakes.”

  She laughs. “Whatever…baby cakes.”

  I roll my eyes and put the box down. “I’m sure the lights are tangled, so get to work, woman, while I go grab the ladder, nails, and hammer.

  “Should have done this part inside,” she says as I walk around back.

  *

  Hours pass by, and I’ve hung enough lights to be able to see our house from space. We had all this last year, so luckily we didn’t have to buy any new ones.

  “Come on. Let’s go get our tree,” I call up to Sara as I warm my hands by the fire. They’re stiff and burn like crazy. My gloves aren’t worth a shit. She comes running down the stairs with a dark green sweater on that has a tree on the front and lights that actually light up. My wife is a Christmas tree.

  “Let’s go,” she says, walking over to the coat rack.

  “Hold up.” I walk over to her and turn her to face me. “What the hell is this?” I ask, looking over her lights.

  “It’s a sweater, duh,” she says, putting her arms through her coat.

  “I know that, smarty. I mean, where did you get it and why?”

  “It was on sale, so I didn’t pay much, and why? Because Christmas! Come on, Cash. Get it together.” She hands me my coat with a smile.

  “You sure are chipper.”

  “It’s Christmas!” she yells back as she walks to the truck, lights blinking as she goes.

  *

  We fire Old Blue up and head down the old country road that leads us to town. She sits beside me and wraps her arm around mine, making me listen to Christmas song after Christmas song. I pull up to the center of town and park the truck.

  “So, are we getting a big tree or a small one?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  “Big.” She smiles, and I take her hand as we exit the cab of the truck. We see the chief and Anne, and they walk over to us.

  “Well, glad to see you two out and about on this pretty day,” Anne says. She’s in a red scarf, and a red knit hat sits on her salt and pepper head.

  “It is a nice day,” I agree.

  “But cold,” Sara says.

  “You got a tree picked out yet?” the chief asks.

  “Nope, just got here. Going to look around a bit.”

  “Okay, son. You two have fun. I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.” He nods his head, and I touch the tip of my ball cap as they make their way to his truck. I see a big tree on the back of it, and Sara grabs my attention.

  “Let’s go look,” she says, tugging me. We walk through the trees, looking and handholding. Sara is so cute with the way she tries to decide on picking out one, so I pull her behind a big tree and sneak a kiss that takes her breath away. Her lips taste like cherry chapstick, and her blue eyes are glassy from the cold wind.

  “What was that for?” she asks me.

  “For being you.” I smile and kiss the tip of her nose. “I got my Christmas tree. Let’s go home,” I say, looking down at her sweater.

  She smiles and turns to look at the tree behind us. “Let’s get this one.”

  “Okay.” After we pay for the tree and have it loaded onto the bed of the truck, I spot Mark and Leigh walking toward us.

  “You got yourselves a big one,” Mark says.

  “Sure do,” Sara agrees.

  “Nice sweater.” Leigh smiles.

  Sara smiles back. “It’s Christmas, guys. When else can you wear a sweater like this?”

  I kiss her hair, and Mark laughs.

  “You know Bear still needs a good home,” Leigh says.

  “Who’s Bear?”

  Sara sighs. “A cute Lab that was found behind Banner’s Bar.” I nod when she answers.

  “I’m getting in the truck. This wind is insane,” Sara says. “Talk to y’all later.” She waves.

  Leigh looks to me. “She’d do great with a dog, Cash. You should come by and see him. He’d be a perfect Christmas gift for her.”

  “Now don’t go making them feel like they gotta get him, Leigh,” Mark says as I laugh.

  “I’m just saying. He’s smart, cute, and Sara seemed to like him.”

  “I may come down and take a look. We better get this tree on home.”

  Mark nods. “Talk to you later, man.”

  *

  “Go open the door for me, baby,” I say as we jump out of the truck. I grab the big tree and haul it inside, leaving a trail of green pine needles. I place the tree upright as Sara leaves the room. I hear Old Blue Eyes singing “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” and my very own Christmas tree comes walking back into the room.

  “Here,” she says, handing me a beer. “I think we picked out a perfect one.” She smiles as she goes to twist the cap off her beer. She fails and hands it over to me. I switch with her and give her my already opened one.

  “I think we did, too.” I put my arm around
her and clink my beer against hers. “Here’s to many more Christmases with you.”

  She smiles, and I look out the window and see the snow falling again. I take a swig of my beer and set it down on the coffee table.

  “Is this where you want it?” I ask her.

  “Yep.”

  I nod and walk over to throw a few logs into the fireplace before grabbing the box of lights and setting it beside my beer on the table. “Well, let’s put some lights on it.”

  *

  We put every ornament that we have on the thing. It’s crowded, but Sara loves it, so that’s all that matters. We sit on the couch with our feet propped up on the coffee table. A few empty beer bottles surround us, and Sara is cute tipsy. The old Christmas CD she has plays over and over, and the soft glow of the tree and the red flames of the fire are the only things that light the room. It’s warm in here, and snow continues to fall slowly outside. I take my wife’s beer from her hand and place it onto the table. She laughs because she’s drunk, and I take advantage. “Let me kiss you.”

  “I’d never stop you.” Her lips touch mine, and I taste beer, salt, and limes on her tongue. Crazy love likes limes in her beer and salt on her rim. It tastes good, and I want more. I push her back onto the couch and run my hand up her sweater, lifting it a little as my hand travels north. Our kisses grow more needy, and I climb on top of her and settle between her thighs. She wraps her legs around me, and I lift her sweater up and over her head, tossing it onto the floor beside us. I reach down and unzip my jeans, and she unbuttons hers and slides her zipper down. I lean back and grab the waist of her pants, yanking them off of her legs before I pull mine down. She grabs my neck and kisses me again. She’s breathing hard, and I’m slipping her panties to the side, feeling her wetness. I grab myself and push inside. She moans into my mouth and bites my lip as I sink all the way in.

  “God,” she breathes as I move.

  “Hold on to my hands, baby cakes.”

  She giggles and links her hands with mine. I put them above her head and move faster. The fire crackles and pops, and I hear the song from A Charlie Brown Christmas start playing as I love my wife in front of the tree I snuck a kiss behind earlier.