by Abby Ayles
“I do not know. I see no reason why he should listen to me and not to others,” Kitty replied. “Perhaps he actually understood the importance of resting and recovering.”
Delilah did not look impressed. “Knowing him, he will still be trying to go on that trip to Spain. Like I said, I've known him thirty-two years. He doesn't learn from any mistakes he makes. He has tried to ride a stag four times because he thought it would be funny. And he still thinks he can do it if he gets it right next time.”
Kitty could not handle this. She realized that she had definitely bit off more than she could chew. If he was the sort of man to just keep stubbornly doing the same things over and over, she would never be able to help him.
“I cannot look after him. Not if he will refuse my every effort to help him,” she said. “I am sorry, Delilah, but I can't help your brother if he doesn't think he needs help.”
Delilah was looking very weary again. “I understand completely. He will not be happy, but you may leave tomorrow if you wish.”
Kitty embraced Delilah. “I am sorry,” she said again. “I really am sorry, Delilah.”
She felt Delilah shake a little as she began to cry.
Chapter 9
Kitty was not sure what to do again. She wasn't about to stay and look after the earl for his own sake. He was as stubborn as a mule and it was not her job to help him with that. But Delilah was a different matter. Delilah had done nothing to deserve a brother like this, as far as Kitty knew. Your family was just luck of the draw, and Delilah had had bad luck.
Kitty knew she was too soft for her own good, but she couldn't help it. Seeing anyone cry broke her heart in two. Even Earl Sinclair, who she knew to be causing his own problems, tugged at her heart strings when he suffered or when a tear escaped his eye.
Seeing Delilah flooded with tears, tucking her legs up against her body, burying her face in her knees like a child that had been punished for something it had not done, it was too much. Kitty could not leave her like this.
Kitty sat beside her friend, gently rubbing her back as Delilah wept. She had not realized how hard all of this must have been on the older woman. After all, Kitty was preparing to leave the situation after a mere day of butting heads with Earl Sinclair. Delilah had tolerated her brother for three decades. Probably many years as just the two of them, also. She had patiently sat through Earl Sinclair's ridiculous behaviour time and time again. She had built her hopes up with each potential solution. And every time she had been disappointed.
And now this was the last straw. Not even Kitty could stop him from hurting himself. Not even someone with the exact right experience could persuade him that he was wrong. He was going to keep hurting himself with his recklessness until it killed him.
“You do not need to stay here comforting me just because you pity me,” Delilah whispered, choking back her sobs as she tried to regain some composure. She lowered her legs, arranged her skirts so they hung a bit more decently, and reached up to feel whether her hair had been ruined.
“No, I am doing this because you are my friend,” Kitty replied. “I would never leave a friend weeping like this.”
“Do you really consider me a friend? We barely know one another, do we not?” Delilah asked.
“And yet you have been nothing but kind, helpful, and truthful to me,” Kitty said. “Which is everything a good friend ought to be. I am proud to consider you my friend.”
“I am so glad you consider me a friend,” Delilah said, wrapping her arms around Kitty. “I consider you to be my friend too.”
Kitty hugged Delilah back, rubbing her back gently. She had never had a sister, but this was probably what having a sister felt like. Having someone to love you and care for you, and repaying them the favour.
“Are you sure you have to leave?” Delilah asked. “I have appreciated your company so very much.” She sat back, taking a deep breath, apparently done crying for now.
Kitty nodded. “I know you have, but your brother does not.”
“He does not appreciate anything. It doesn't matter to him whether you stay here or not. It is entirely up to you,” Delilah insisted. “If you think anything can be done, then it is worth an attempt.”
“I can try, but I do not know what good it will do,” Kitty said with a heavy sigh. “If, as you say, he will just carry on doing as he pleases whatever evidence is before him, then nobody can help him.”
Delilah pursed her lips. “He has some... trust issues. He takes a long time to warm up to people and put a little faith in them. And even so, he still sometimes loses trust over nothing at all. Because I called doctors out to fix his back and knee when he was unconscious he no longer trusts me at all.”
“That is dreadful,” Kitty replied.
“But he may trust you,” Delilah said. “With time, he may put his faith in you, and then we can help him.”
Kitty shook her head. “If he will not trust his own sister, then he will not trust me. Not consistently. I can't do anything for him.”
“Then just stay a while for me,” Delilah replied. “It has been so long since I have had anyone to talk to about any of what happens in my life. All my female friends get scared away by my fool of a brother.”
“Scared?” Kitty asked. “What have they got to be scared of?”
“He is a big man, and a man prone to being angry, and glaring, and sulking. I suppose they think he might be violent. Which is not at all in his nature, but nobody ever wants to stay and find out, either way.” Delilah sighed heavily. “I suppose I understand it, but it also annoys me that people who I considered to be my friends will just run away and leave me with him, assuming that he is violent.”
“I am not scared of him,” Kitty replied. “Nor do I think he is a violent man. I am immensely angry at him, but not scared.”
“Angry?” Delilah asked.
Kitty nodded. “I am. And frustrated. The things he does don't scare me. It won't harm me if he goes out hunting and breaks his knee and needs to have his leg amputated. But it annoys me,” she explained.
“Why does it annoy you?” Delilah asked. “It doesn't affect you, like you said. So why do you find it frustrating?”
“Because... I suppose because I am jealous,” Kitty admitted. She felt herself blushing in shame as she confessed to this.
“Jealous of what? Of his carelessness? Or his stubbornness?” Delilah replied with a laugh.
Kitty blushed. “No. Of his body. Of how strong and healthy he is. He is so confident in it. So confident that he is ready to go out hunting, that he will be healed enough to go to Spain in a week. He has spent his entire life with a body that just does whatever he wants of it.”
“And you are jealous of that?” Delilah asked, sounding more confused than anything else.
“I have never had any of that. I have never known what it is like to inhabit a body which can climb mountains, and ride on horseback, and swim,” Kitty explained. “For me it is a success to be able to walk and dance and go to sleep without waking up in pain. Those are things which I have had to work hard for. And yet your brother, who was once able to do things I don't even dare dream of, is throwing it all away because he is too arrogant to realize how frail the human body can be.”
“You have no reason to envy him,” Delilah said. “He is not better than you just because he can move his joints a little better, Kitty.”
“But he is. He is blessed with amazing health. With health so good he cannot imagine a world where you need doctors every day, where a pain doesn't go away, where you need to be careful. He can't even imagine my world, that I live in every single day,” she replied angrily.
“But you are also blessed,” Delilah replied. “My brother is the way he is because he has never faced an insurmountable challenge. Nothing has ever humbled him. He cannot even imagine that sometimes things may happen to him that he cannot recover from instantly. Nobody can get through life without being humbled, or disappointed, or hurt. But the longer you go withou
t it, the less prepared you are for it.”
Kitty contemplated this in silence. Delilah had a point. But nevertheless, she could not help but be jealous. “I would still trade places with him any day.”
“He will have to learn all the same lessons you have already learned, though,” Delilah countered. “But now he has less time in which to learn them. Learning all your life lessons like that in one go is not easy. Trust me, I know.”
“You've had a hard time of your own?” Kitty asked.
Delilah looked towards her dismissively. “It is something I am still managing,” she replied. “But yes, we all have a time when we must face a trial or two.”
“I suppose so. I suppose it is also human nature to want the trials that we do not have,” Kitty observed. “We assume that someone else's trial must be so much easier, but if we had lived their same life, perhaps we would find that trial just as difficult. Perhaps the trials we are made to face are selected based on the lives we lead, and the lessons we need to learn.”
“And perhaps my brother is one of your trials?” Delilah asked.
Kitty sighed. “I should hope not. He is more than a trial. He is a challenge the likes of which nobody should have to endure. Not even you.”
“And yet here I am,” Delilah replied. “But I cannot make you stay,” she added. “You came here and did your very best. I thought perhaps he would see sense and listen to you, considering your experience. Apparently not. And you may leave whenever you are ready.”
“I appreciate that,” Kitty said softly. “Though I am not sure that I am ready.”
Kitty had felt her heart grow heavier as she listened to Delilah speak. Could she leave this wonderful, warm, intelligent woman to cope with all of this on her own? Clearly, she had a lot on her plate, and all she wanted and needed was a friend to help her through the hard times. Nobody could make Earl Sinclair see the mistakes he was making. But at least together Kitty and Delilah could look after one another.
Kitty could not bear to leave her new friend there, alone again, despairing over her brother's fate. She rested a reassuring hand on Delilah's shoulder. “Delilah, like I said, I consider you to be a friend,” she began.
“And I am so grateful for your company, and for your friendship,” Delilah said with a warm smile.
“And I would, for my own sake, prefer to leave,” Kitty continued. “But for your sake, I shall stay. Because I cannot leave a friend as distressed as you seem to be.”
“Please, do not think it is your duty to stay and keep me company,” Delilah countered.
“I do not. I am doing this because I could not live with myself if I left you here alone, knowing what you must endure,” Kitty replied earnestly.
“But then you will endure it also,” Delilah said.
“And in dividing the labour we shall halve our burden,” Kitty insisted.
Delilah smiled and hugged Kitty. “Do you really mean all this?”
Kitty hesitated, then nodded. “I intend to stay. I make no promises as to what I shall do to help your brother, but I will do my utmost to make sure your life is a little easier.”
Chapter 10
With a new plan, the women began handling Earl Sinclair's recovery together. Kitty felt as though a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She was no longer expected to wait on him all day every day. She had designated meal times, and a set bed time, and he was not allowed to ask for her at these points. Anything he wanted whilst she was eating or sleeping, he needed to ask his sister or a servant for.
Being able to eat properly and to rest did wonders for Kitty. She felt much stronger, and her aches faded back to their usual, barely noticeable levels.
Kitty was happy to sit up in the evenings and at night with the earl. He still had the odd night where he was in serious pain and needed company, either someone to reassure him, or someone to talk to so that he could distract himself.
Kitty was used to waking up in the night with severe pains, and had no trouble at all adapting to staying up later at night, or even until dawn if that was when he needed her. Talking to him was actually rather pleasant, too, and she was beginning to enjoy their evenings and nights together.
Of course, it was all facilitated by Delilah's help, without which Kitty would not be able to keep staying up all night.
Delilah cared for her brother in the mornings, whilst Kitty rested. She would get up at the break of dawn to take over, make sure that Kitty was ready for bed. She would also ensure the earl knew that it would be his sister, and not Kitty, who he needed to call for. And then she would bring her brother breakfast and talk to him. Or, if he had suffered a bad night, she would leave him to get some rest.
Either way it meant peace of mind for Kitty, who could go to bed and get a good sleep knowing that the earl would not try and run away, or do something equally ridiculous as she rested.
The two women came together over lunch to talk, relax, and make plans for the next day. Kitty particularly treasured these meals. Although she no was no longer angry at the earl, she was still frustrated by much of what he said and did. She was still primarily there for Delilah.
The two had grown close. Delilah had never had a sister, and Kitty had never had any siblings. They both found comfort in talking to another woman, someone who understood their thoughts and feelings on a level which Kitty's father and Delilah's brother had failed to. It was a relief of sorts to Kitty when she discovered that many of her thoughts and fears about life were actually perfectly normal.
The women bonded over many things, but especially over the stubborn men in their lives, and the trouble which they caused. Kitty told Delilah about how her father had managed to ruin her marriage prospects almost every time. And Delilah told Kitty about all the reckless things which her brother had done.
Fortunately, his recklessness seemed temporarily halted. After the threat of the doctors Earl Sinclair was much, much more compliant. If he was asked to eat something, he would complain, but he would eat it. If he was told to get some rest, he would complain again, but he would rest. He was still refusing to see a doctor or take any medicine. But as far as Kitty was concerned, just getting him to stop hurting himself was immense progress.
He was still a bit stubborn from time to time, but Kitty found it much easier to handle. If he refused to do something, she had a multiple step attack plan. She could either tell him that it was part of his recovery or that Delilah had asked for it. If he still refused she would threaten to deny him a privilege. And if he refused yet again she would insist on inviting a doctor in. It felt odd, to be treating an adult man like a stubborn teenager. But if that was how he would act, that was how she would treat him.
“I am not sure if what we are doing is working or if he has simply surrendered, but he actually did the exercises this morning,” Delilah said on the fourth day.
“I said that if he did not I would call the doctors,” Kitty, who had just woken up, replied.
“You really are overusing that,” Delilah said a little nervously. “Please do not push it too far. It is a very serious fear of his.”
Kitty shook her head. “I know. I can see that it troubles him greatly. But if it is the only way of ensuring that he does not sabotage his own recovery, then I shall use it.”
“I am afraid that he may decide to send you back home if you keep doing this,” Delilah said.
Kitty smiled. “I think he is beginning to understand,” she replied. “I don't need to do it so much anymore.”
Delilah looked aside, gazing distantly. “I suppose so. Just be careful. After all the progress we have made, I would not like to have you forever banished from our grounds.”
Kitty sipped her tea thoughtfully. “Then you ought to threaten him with the doctors too, unless he lets me return,” she said and laughed a little.
Delilah smiled wryly. “I suppose it does work.”
Kitty knew there was something else. Something that Delilah was not mentioning about the doctor situation. Bu
t she trusted that if it was important, she would be told. Delilah or Augustus would have explained it all to her if it had been too serious.
After a nice chat with Delilah and a filling lunch she felt revitalized, ready to spend some more time caring for Earl Sinclair. She made her way to his room with a tray laden with a pot of hot tea and a couple of plates of select sandwiches and cakes.
“You are late,” he said in his usual blunt manner. But now Kitty knew not to think anything of it. It was just the way he was, he meant nothing by it.
“I am,” she replied, “but I have some tea and nibbles for you.”
“I suppose I can forgive you,” he replied, pushing himself into a fully upright position on the bed. He did this without sounding like he was in serious pain.
Kitty was pleased. It meant he was healing. She put the tray down on his lap, and sat down in the chair beside him as he poured himself some tea.
“What do you do when you go abroad?” Kitty asked. “You have so many beautiful treasures in this house. Every room is full of them, from all around the globe. Or are they not yours?”
“Some were collected by my father, but yes, most are mine,” Earl Sinclair said. “And I go abroad for business. I find someone who has a better trade route and pay them to ensure that goods get delivered sooner, or are better sorted, or finished better, before they make it to an English market.”
“I see,” Kitty replied.
“I move things, but that is not the fun part,” Earl Sinclair said with a smirk. He paused and sipped some tea. “The fun part is all the things you do on the way there, or when the deal is done. You can ride on elephants, travel down fast rivers in little rafts, climb enormous mountains... all sorts of things. I have held tiger cubs and a thing called a platypus which is a very weird creature indeed. And of course there is the food. A million different spices we don't even hear about over here, all mixed to create rich, earthy curries. It's fantastic.”
Kitty listened in awe, leaning in closer. This was so much more than she had ever imagined. A world beyond everything she had ever dreamed of. “That sounds wonderful,” she finally said.