by Abby Ayles
As they walked into the room Kitty noticed that he had polished up somewhat. His stubble was gone, his hair was combed, he was wearing his best pyjamas and a bed coat. He had made an effort for her.
He beamed when he saw them. “Cassandra! What a wonderful surprise. How was Australia?”
“It was as lovely as always. I would have brought you back a souvenir, but at this point I do not know what you already have in your collection and what you do not,” she replied. “How have you been? Will you be going to Spain?”
Earl Sinclair rolled his eyes. “Not if those two have a say in it. They think I cannot travel with a broken knee. Personally I believe that if it's bandaged tightly enough I should make it.”
“I should like to see that leg of yours, actually,” the Lady remarked. “I heard from Archie that it is an atrocious mass of bruising and blisters.”
“Archie is prone to exaggeration,” Earl Sinclair replied. “But you are welcome to look at it, if you think you can stomach the sight.”
“Do show,” Cassandra replied, morbid curiosity in her voice.
Earl Sinclair pushed down his blankets and reached down to gently pull back the leg of his pyjamas, revealing the half healed knee. It was still quite purple, but no longer verging on black and some of the clumps of blood beneath the skin had begun to disappear. Nevertheless, it was not a pretty sight to behold and Cassandra retched a little.
“Honestly, Augustus, you really ought to see an actual doctor about that thing. At least it looks like it has been properly reset. But you need someone to watch it. What if it turns gangrenous, would you know?” she asked, looking away. “Put it away now, I have seen enough. But I know I would have a hard time telling if gangrene was growing anywhere in that. It looks like a huge gangrene itself. You need a doctor.”
The earl shrugged. “Perhaps, but I want to see if it heals on its own first.”
“If it were up to me you would be down in London right away, staying in a good hospital, round the clock care, the works. I would pay for it for you,” she offered.
“That is most kind of you, but I must reject the offer. You know how I am,” he replied.
Kitty was surprised by the earl's calm response. Every time anyone had suggested medical care before, he had rejected it outright, or become hostile. To see him respond so warmly was confusing.
It confirmed it for her. This woman was probably engaged to marry the earl. She was powerful, around his age, beautiful, well-travelled, intelligent and both Augustus and Delilah seemed to genuinely love her and care for her.
And yet... There was no attraction. The earl was not looking at the Lady the way a man looked at a woman, as far as Kitty could tell. When his eyes landed on her, he looked at her much the same way he looked at Delilah. When he revealed his naked, injured leg to her, he did so without a hint of shame. And when he spoke to her he used no endearing terms.
Besides, if they were engaged, would Delilah not have introduced Cassandra as the earl's fiancée?
So then perhaps they were not engaged. Perhaps Cassandra was engaged to someone else. Although she was very beautiful for her age, she was still long past her courting years. She had to be engaged to someone or another and if she was not engaged to Earl Sinclair, then that meant he was probably unattached.
But perhaps people of her status could afford to marry later? Perhaps she was waiting and still available?
And perhaps Earl Sinclair and Delilah were simply biding their time?
It was too complicated. Kitty realized she was out of her depth. She did not know enough about any of these people to make a proper judgement about them. It was like being a child again, running around among the adults, clueless as to what half their words or actions meant.
And yet it meant nothing at the end of the day anyway. Again, she reminded herself that even if the earl was unattached, he would not look twice at a woman like her.
Delilah took Cassandra to one side and Kitty took that opportunity to admire the earl from afar. His beautifully formed face, his thick black hair, his sharp eyes and sensual lips; everything about him was perfectly pieced together, a true Adonis. Not only that but he was intelligent, with a vast wealth of life experience, not to mention physical wealth. And he was completely and utterly beyond her reach.
As Delilah explained the earl's medical case to Cassandra, Earl Sinclair locked eyes with Kitty across the room. She felt her blood rising to her face, her cheeks growing warm and yet, caught out, she could not bring herself to look away. She smiled meekly, apologetically. He smirked back,
She knew she ought to look away. She ought to be ashamed. But she was not. She thought he was truly a sight for sore eyes and she was not about to pretend to be embarrassed for looking at him. As they gazed into one another's eyes, his smirk grew a little wider and, casting a cautious glance at his sister to make sure she was not watching, the earl winked.
Kitty froze on the spot. Did he just...? Had he...? But now he was looking away, the smirk gone, his face relaxed as he observed Delilah and Cassandra talking.
Kitty shook her head. Surely, she was imagining things?
Chapter 18
Kitty felt too uncomfortable in the earl's presence and was glad when the other two women invited her to lunch with them. She was still not sure whether he had actually winked at her or whether she had been imagining things. After all, her mind was in such a peculiar place, perhaps it was playing tricks on her? Perhaps she was seeing things she wanted to see, rather than reality?
But if there was one thing that Cassandra's endless rambling was good for, it was taking your mind off things. The women sat about the dining room table, their tea service long since gone cold and cleared away. Kitty soon found herself forgetting all her concerns about Earl Sinclair's behaviour that day and focusing instead on Cassandra's tales of Australia and New Zealand and the natural riches to be found there.
Delilah seemed happy that her friends were getting along and was content to wander over to find the maid and make sure that lunch would be served promptly. At first Kitty barely noticed that her friend had gone, she was so trapped between Cassandra's story and her own jealousy, the earl's apparent interest in her and the indifference he must truly be feeling. Her mind was a completely convoluted mess.
But as the door clicked shut, the gears began turning in Kitty's mind and she realized that now was her chance to uncover the truth about Cassandra without raising anyone's suspicions. She could put her own mind at ease and she would not reveal to anyone that she was growing to love the earl.
Not knowing when or if she would be left alone with Cassandra again, Kitty seized her opportunity to ask the Lady about her relationship to the earl and his family.
“You appear to be very close friends with the earl and his sister, Your Grace,” Kitty said.
Cassandra nodded and smiled warmly. “Oh, I am. I am getting to an age now where I tell myself 'If a friend is not a close friend, is a friend worth keeping at all?'. There are only so many hours in a day and so many days in a year. Why should I waste them on people who do not love me and appreciate me and who I do not like myself? I would not be here if they were not both very dear to me.”
Cassandra's reply should have made Kitty happy. She knew this. It was such a positive, life-affirming thing and she agreed wholeheartedly. And yet all she could feel was resentment that Cassandra was willing and able to make such difficult decisions about who she socialized with.
“Where do you know Delilah from, if you don't mind me asking?” Kitty asked.
“Didn't she mention?” Cassandra asked back. “She is my sister in law.”
Kitty paused and blinked. “I thought she said she was not married,” she replied cautiously.
“She is not. Not anymore,” Cassandra said with a soft sigh, looking down at her own hands. “We lost my brother last year. Quite tragic. The doctors did all they could to save him, but he was suffering some internal bleeding and they never did discover what was causing it. E
ventually he passed away from blood loss. And yet she remained by his side, forever loyal, forever caring, no matter how much he suffered, how cruel he became with pain, how vile his symptoms. I shall never lose my admiration for her. And I shall always consider her my sister, even if she remarries.”
Kitty stared blankly at the table. “I don't know what to say,” she finally said softly. “So, she was married to your brother?”
“Yes, she was married to my brother, before he passed,” Cassandra explained. “We were very close the whole time, but I believe that the tragedy brought us closer together. It is odd how a person's blood relationships can be torn apart be such an event, but a person's chosen relationships are strengthened. I saw more decency, fortitude and kindness in Delilah than in any blood relative of mine.”
“And the earl?” Kitty asked.
“He supported my business the whole time,” Cassandra said. “When I was too burdened with duties to my brother, or too sick with fear or grief, he would handle all my transactions, meet with my clients, everything. He is the sole reason that I still have a business and an income today. Most of my brother's estate was sold to pay for his treatments, so by the time he left us and I became Lady, my income was not exactly enough to support me.”
“And you travel a lot too,” Kitty added pensively. “So, I suppose that must help you get along with the earl.”
Cassandra laughed a little. “You are most correct. In fact, it was through business that we met. My brother, may he rest in peace, had no interest in the businesses which our father had ran. So when it was time to take over the Duchy, he became duke and I became the owner of all these businesses. The earl was at the time a business partner of my father's and he helped me very much.
“Suffice it to say, as a nineteen-year-old girl I had no idea what I was to do with my businesses. My father had assumed that my brother would take over and never taught me anything. And my brother, as you have probably guessed, was happy just to be a duke and to marry Delilah Sinclair. Neither taught me a blooming thing about trade.
“All I know, I learned from Augustus. We combined his business mind with my father's connections and deals and we each built our own global brands. And we never stopped. We have been business partners for many years,” Cassandra concluded. “He is a fantastically skilled man when it comes to his money and I trust his judgement implicitly.”
Kitty was even more in awe of this woman than she had been in the first place. “You are a truly amazing person,” she said softly.
Cassandra giggled girlishly and shook her head. “I was doing only what I needed to do to secure myself a place in this world. It is a tough place to live and, as I have seen time and time again, being born into wealth and status, or even marrying into it, is no guarantee you will continue to have it. I was determined not to rely on others for my income ever again.”
Kitty felt relieved and ashamed at herself. Cassandra was a lovely woman, inside and out. And her own jealousy had clouded her judgement and made her hate this wonderful woman.
“I must admit, I judged you very cruelly when I first saw you,” Kitty said, blushing. But no, she needed to confess to this. She needed it out in the open. Something about Cassandra compelled her to be honest and kind with her. “I saw you and I assumed that... I thought you were less than perfect, one of these people who is pretentious and spoiled. And I was jealous. And I have to say now that I am sorry. Because you have been through a lot and I suppose one can never tell what trials someone else has faced based on where they are at present.”
“You do not need to apologize,” Cassandra replied warmly. “I understand you perfectly. You are young and vulnerable and you were afraid of meeting someone who possessed the very things you yearn for. But do not be afraid and do not worry. Because some day all that you yearn for will be yours.”
Kitty felt her heart leap. “I do hope so. The idea of going abroad alone is so wild for someone like me.”
“Someone like you?” Cassandra asked tentatively.
Kitty blushed. “I have a condition. But never mind that. You are planning on going to Spain with Earl Sinclair?” she asked.
“We are actually planning new trade, opening some delivery routes through France and Spain,” Cassandra explained. “But he is naturally not in any condition to travel right now, is he? We may need to plan again, or reconsider the deal entirely. I wish he would have told me, you know? I returned from Australia only yesterday and the first thing I found out, from my good for nothing cousin Archie, no less, was that Augustus was injured and bedridden.”
“I actually told him he ought to send a letter asking to hold the meeting some other time, or that he ought to send a representative. He didn't seem to think I knew what I was talking about,” Kitty said.
Cassandra laughed. “Well you were right and he was wrong. And he probably knows as much, too. He's a stubborn old mule when he wants to be though, isn't he? The more you insist on doing something one way, the more he demands it be done the other way.”
Kitty nodded. “He is the most stubborn man I have ever met in my entire life,” she replied.
“But that is his charm, is it not?” Cassandra asked. “He is stubborn and rude and blunt, but that makes him fun to be around. I for one know very few men who are so very much worth the effort of dealing with them, so very unpredictable and entertaining, as Earl Augustus Sinclair. And I am pretty certain that you would agree with me, would you not?”
Was she so transparent? Kitty blushed. She probably was. She was probably as simple and clear as water to someone as smart and keen as Cassandra.
“I understand it completely,” Cassandra replied. “He is handsome and witty, wealthy and powerful and his stubbornness is like a cherry on top. It adds character, if you ask me. I can see how a young woman such as yourself would fall for him quickly and easily.”
“But...” Kitty began, raising an eyebrow. There had to be a downside.
“But nothing,” Cassandra said with another laugh. “He is a fantastic man.”
“Then how come is it that you are not courting him? Or married to him already?” Kitty asked.
Cassandra shrugged. “As I said, I have no interest in depending on anyone else for my income ever again. Whatever would I need a husband for? No, no, he is a perfect business partner and a dear brother to me. That is all our relationship ever has been and that is all it ever will be.”
“Oh good,” Kitty said before she could stop herself. She clapped her hand to her mouth, blushing furiously and glanced nervously at Cassandra.
Cassandra smiled. “Between you and I,” Cassandra said in a low, conspiratorial voice, “I think he might be a good match for you.”
“I am not so sure,” Kitty replied, fidgeting slightly. “He seems more attuned to someone like yourself. Someone with worldly experience, someone around his own age, someone who he can relate to...”
“Someone who he can show nothing to, teach nothing to and barely say anything to?” Cassandra asked flippantly. “What is the fun in marrying someone who you share everything with? No, you are a perfect match for him. You are naïve but curious, you are kind but just as stubborn as he is. You are intuitively smart and have even outsmarted him. You are a wonderful fit.”
“Do you really think so?” Kitty asked, feeling hope soar in her chest.
“Of course I do. And besides, what is lost by trying?” she asked with a shrug.
Chapter 19
As Delilah returned, Kitty knew that her secretive conversation with Cassandra had come to a close. But she had so much more left to ask. If Cassandra, who seemed to know the earl very well, thought he was a good match for Kitty and Delilah, who was the earl's own sister, thought he was a bad match, then who was right?
At first the joy and hope of what Cassandra had said was all that reached Kitty's heart. But now she was beginning to mull it over and there were many more details that needed to be checked before she recklessly jumped in and confessed herself to the earl.
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They were happy to leave her, an unwed young woman, alone to tend for the medical needs of an unwed man at night. They engaged in business deals as an unwed man and an unwed woman and even travelled together, alone. They embraced a woman who was determined never to marry and would rather support herself. They were not conventional by any stretch of the imagination.
In fact, the most conservative was Delilah and even she lived in the midst of some rather complicated rebellions. She was directly attempting to control her brother's life. For his own good, of course, but what traditional woman would do such a thing in the first place?
Kitty was beginning to realize that the people who currently surrounded her were far from “good, respectable English people”. They were more along the lines of “wild, rebellious English people”.
But she did not mind the rebelliousness. Actually, she sort of liked it.
In a world so ruled by norms and conventions, it was difficult to be a person outside of what was ordinary. Kitty existed in a middle ground, where she was simultaneously a perfect marriage prospect and borderline unmarriageable. And she had to exist there, being desired by men until they found out her health was far from perfect. She had countless admirers and no suitors.
But people who were willing to go against the grain were exactly the sort of people she needed to be around. People who did not look at her as a freak, but rather as a person. She liked these people.
Over lunch the conversation turned to more pleasant topics, but it wasn't long after the coffee was brought out that it turned back to Earl Sinclair's ill health.
“That leg, though,” Cassandra said, shaking her head. “I actually thought of it at one point over dinner and had to stop eating. You saw, didn't you?”