At my Father’s fifteenth birthday, my mom decided that a lip smooching was the perfect gift. Sure enough, three years later Brian was standing with the perfectly colorful bouquet of flowers, in front of Lin’s door on a Saturday morning.
Their love had not been a fairytale, but it had been magical, life changing, and all consuming. The “can’t breathe if you are not near me,” kind of love. It had nurtured their souls and rewarded them every second of every day. And that is what I wanted. True love.
I sighed as Grandpa finished the story. The seagulls were soaring in the sky above the water. The colorful pebbles sparkled with the sun reflected on them. Slow waves rolled in and out on the sand.
“Grandpa… Do you think some people are meant to be alone?”
For a moment he didn’t say anything. Then I felt him kiss my forehead and place his forefinger under my chin, lifting it. When our eyes met I realized his were filled with unshed tears. It was my fault. Mortified I hugged him.
“I’m sorry Grandpa, I shouldn’t have made you talk about my parents. I know how much that hurts you. I didn’t mean to…”
Shaking his head, he broke the hug and pulled back to look at my face. The tears were still there. I didn’t know what to say.
“No my little Bee, I’m the one that’s sorry. After your parent’s…” his voice broke and he closed his eyes. He stopped to regain his composure. When he opened them again the pain inside them was palpable. “I’ve never told you the full story of what happened that day. You were just a child when you began asking about your parents,” a small smile appeared on his lips. “You still called me Dada, until you began to realize the differences between us and the other kids in the playground with their parents.”
He placed his hand on my cheek and I leaned into his touch. The first tear rolled down his cheek and I brushed it off with my finger. My heart breaking from his pain.
“You were so small, innocent and impressionable. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to be the one to open your eyes to the pain…” He took a deep breath and I knew what he was about to say was going to cost him.
“You don’t have to tell me Grandpa,” I said trying to save him the pain of reliving that day, but he nodded slowly.
“Yes I do. You deserve to know and I need you to understand.” He looked into my eyes but his were somewhere else. The past.
“I woke up that morning and gave your grandma a peck on the lips,” He smiled. “I loved waking her up with a kiss, and she would make her discontent fully known when I didn’t. She was my angel, my soul mate. After we ate breakfast we went to visit your parents. Your Father and I had agreed to go fishing that day. We used to do it as a Father/son activity once a month. Your grandma was going to stay with your mom to help take care of you while we were away. You were only six weeks old. It was the first time your Father would leave your mother’s side on a day off, after you were born. He was so in love with her and they were both overjoyed after having you. He spent every second he could, dotting after you. When we got to your house, your dad informed us your mom had woken up with a fever. She wasn’t feeling well so he was not going to join me fishing. Instead, he was going to stay home and take care of you both. Your grandmother decided to stay regardless. That way she could help watch you, while your dad took care of your mother. I still needed to go fishing, since the fish we caught would be part of our food for the month.”
He paused and as if it was possible, the pain in his eyes increased.
“I was gone the whole day. It was a good fishing day too. I had caught enough fish for your Father, our neighbor and us. When I got to your house I knew something was wrong right away. The door was half open. The living room had been destroyed. Everything was on the floor. The furniture was upside down and the lamps broken. There were signs of struggle. Your Father had fought them, trying to protect you all. It was then I saw him. He was lying on the floor… He was gone,” the tears were falling freely from his eyes now, and so were mine. “I ran to your parents’ room; it was destroyed but empty. When I turned towards your room I found your grandmother by the door. Her body was… She was gone too. Your mother was inside, your crib had fallen on the floor and her body was resting on it. They had died protecting you. Desperate, I looked for you but you weren’t in the crib. My whole world stopped at that moment. I thought you were gone too. The pain that I felt was like nothing I had ever felt before. I wanted to rip my heart from my chest just to make it stop. I didn’t want to live anymore… Then I heard you. As if you sensed me you started crying. I looked for you again and I found you in the corner, under your baby blanket. You were fine. You had a bump on your head, possibly from when you fell from the crib but you were fine. I’m not sure if they didn’t see you or if someone took pity. Maybe he wasn’t cold enough to kill a baby, but you were alive. When the funeral ended, we left the town behind and I never looked back. I’m sorry Briana, I’m so sorry.”
I was trying hard to contain the sobs. My heart hurt for him, for my parents, my grandma and for myself. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to lose the people that you loved, to lose your family so tragically. To witness something like that had to destroy you inside. I had grown up with the understanding that my parents were no longer here. It had hurt not having them but I hadn’t known any better. My grandfather was all I had. He was my Father and my mother all in one. If I were to lose him… When that day came… I just didn’t know how I would move on. I reached up and wiped the tears from his cheeks.
“After what happened that horrible day, I just couldn’t allow anything to ever happen to you. I had to protect you, Briana. Make sure you were safe. I tried to shelter you from life, from the evil in this world. You were so small. Only a baby and I couldn’t… I just couldn’t lose you too. If something would have happened to you I think I would have died. I know I’ve been unfair, but you have to understand. I was so afraid. I couldn’t allow anything to happen to you my little Bee, I can’t lose you.”
“It’s ok Grandpa. I know. It’s ok.
He shook his head and another tear fell. “It’s not ok. I’ve tried so desperately to shelter you from danger. I’ve held on so tightly to you, that I have not let you live. I have carried this pain and this fear inside me for so long. But you deserve better Briana, you deserve to live, to have friends, to experience life, love.”
I understood him so much better now. His overprotectiveness, although overwhelming at times, was excused in my eyes. I never blamed him or resented him for it. But I never imagined it had been this horrible. To lose so much and then have a sliver of hope left, I would be afraid too. I would hold on for dear life and never let go. I did wish sometimes that things were different, but even without knowing what had really happened I understood. It didn’t matter, I had my Grandpa and I was ok with that. He was “my everything” too. I don’t know what I would do without him.
“I don’t believe that you are meant to be alone Briana. You are a beautiful, intelligent, sweet and strong young woman. I know there is a perfect man out there for you. Your soul mate. Your perfect-match in every way and one day you’ll be together as it is meant to be. We all have a great love written in the stars. Yours just hasn’t found you yet.”
*
CYNWRIG
A few days had passed since the blue eyes had spotted me. Had they really seen me? I was not prepared to answer that question to myself, because the answer was something I could not fathom.
I stood on the rock, throwing pebbles at the lagoon and fought every cell in my body not to search for that energy that had pulled me from my path. After staring into those eyes, it felt as though we had connected. Something inside me had changed. I could feel it, the energy hummed inside me day and night. It was now part of me. I felt it calling, and I could not bring myself to stop it. I liked the feeling. Giving upon my futile fight, I threw the rest of the pebbles on the grass and jumped down from the rock. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to search for
the essence, instantly feeling a rush of energy overpowered me. It was strong, drowning everything around me until all I could sense and feel was its calling. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. I took a deep breath and stepped through the portal.
I found myself in a forest similar to mine. Beautiful small trees surrounded me. Unlike mine you could tell man’s hand had maintained this forest. There was almost a calculative presence to the scenery. There were beautiful, multicolored flowers and…
The energy’s pull brought me back to my reason for being here, it pulsated inside me fiercely, calling me and urging me to seek it, connect to it.
I stepped forward through the trees until I heard the voices.
“À sealladh”—Disappear. I whispered trying to ensure that I would not be seen this time.
I followed the voice. It was a woman’s. Soft and subtle like the breeze of summer solstice on your skin and beautifully melodic, like the song of spring in the air around me. I neared it and a jolt of electricity ran down my spine awakening my senses.
I saw her.
My heart began to thunder in my chest and I realized it was her essence I was feeling. She was the one pulling me out of my path each time. Calling me to her, and she was the most exquisite thing I had ever seen. A Goddess in her true form. I stepped forward to the next tree and stood behind it. I tried to see her face. Her back was to me while she walked away. The rush of energy inside me continued to grow, muting everything around me. Strange things were happening to me. I should probably be alarmed but I wanted more. From behind the tree, I could see her better. She stopped in front of a little girl and boy to talk to them. They sat on the grass and she began to speak once more. I grinned listening to her talk about the trees. The other mortals behind the children sat on the grass as well, possibly their parents. I tried to feel their essence but it was impossible. All I could feel was hers. While she spoke my eyes roamed her body. Her hair was a beautiful red with soft streaks of orange, long and flowing over her shoulder, like the cascading water of my waterfall. Her skin was a light peach color, and her shoulders displayed the most endearing set of freckles I had ever laid my eyes on. I wondered then if her cheeks would also have this adornment.
Walking slowly, I made my way to the tree on my left and stopped behind it. Hoping my new location would offer me a new perspective and allow me to catch a glimpse of her face. I was closer, yet all I could see was her profile. Her long lashes seemed to fan the air lightly while she blinked, telling her wonderful story. Her small perky nose stood majestically on her face, demanding reverence. She had lightly plumped lips and round cheeks. I was almost certain I could see her freckles. I smiled. I wanted to see her better but I dared not come any closer. Her spine suddenly straightened and she looked around. Quickly I pressed my back to the tree, hiding my presence. I was invisible, but I did not want to take any chances. I could not allow her to see me. I was risking too much as it was.
I heard laughs and peeked from behind the tree once more. They were rising from the grass. She stood, and I found myself unable to look away. She had a long white dress that tied on her back. Her skin peeked through the cords all the way to her waist. The dress flowed over her body so perfectly. I wanted to reach out and caress it. Her beautiful, tall form was enthralling. Her body had delicate yet perfectly formed curves that were making my pulse race. I swallowed and followed the natural curve of her back. Blinking I tried to break the spell this Goddess had placed on me. I needed to leave before I did something foolish. Like walk to her and smell her hair. I turned around, and threw the stones on the grass.
“Leigeil le trannsa.”
I jumped into the portal.
*
If only my will power was stronger.
I had left the place only to return a while after. I walked along the trees that bordered the beach, making sure to not snap the withered branches on the ground, or rustle the leaves around me so no one would notice me. I looked to my left where her essence pulsed. It called to me and made it impossible to think. Then I caught sight of her. She was walking along the edge of the water, her feet bare and sinking in the sand while the slow wave rolled in. She was collecting pebbles and placing them on her gathered skirt like a child. I smiled. For a reason unknown to me, the process seemed to take a bit longer. It appeared not all the stones passed her close examination.
I walked behind the trees looking to find a better place to observe her. I wished I could see her face. She turned her back to me and walked away from the water letting the stones fall from her skirt. Sitting in front of them, she carefully wiped the grains of sand away from them and began to place them in front of her in a specific pattern. I stared at her perplexed while she put the bigger pebbles of similar color one by one in a wide circle. A circle within that one began to form with smaller stones. She continued this process until only one small stone was placed in the center. A laugh escaped me when I realized what she had done and I immediately covered my mouth. She looked up as though she heard me. Her head turned precisely in my direction. I pressed my back to the tree hiding from her searching gaze once more and waited a minute. When I looked back she was standing and walking towards the water. Reluctantly, I dragged my eyes from her, examined the perfectly formed circles on the sand, and chuckled. The stones were arranged by size, shape and the circles were coordinated by color. My eyes sought her again. My breath caught. She stood in the ocean, the water reaching her knees and damping the bottom of her dress, but she did not seem to mind. She started singing a song and danced in the water. Time slowed to a crawl and my heart began to beat to the rhythm of her song. I was mesmerized. Her hands scooped the water and tossed it in the air, droplets falling on her and eliciting a laugh. Oh her laugh. Goosebumps covered my skin. I could spend night and day listening to the sound of her voice, and I would be a happy man…
Happy. That was a strange concept.
Her fingers grazed the surface of the water while she twirled. Her hair had been loosened from the braid, and wavy half wet strands seem to float around her. Her voice rose in song.
She was a Goddess. She had to be.
She was what I would have envisioned our Earth Mother to be in flesh and blood. I heard a man’s voice calling to her, breaking me out of my daze. I realized, to my horror, that I had stepped out of the trees and was making my way to her on the sand.
“Daingead!” I cursed under my breath.
My heart jumped to my throat and immediately I stepped back into the shadows of the trees.
What was I doing? I needed to restrain myself.
I glanced around me frantically, trying to identify if anyone had noticed me when I saw him. An older man was sitting on the sand. I could only see his back, but he was the one that had called her. Her Father? My eyes returned to her while I tried to calm my heart. Only to have it flip inside my chest and steal my breath. She had stopped twirling and was standing still. She faced my way while looking back at the man, and answering him. Her face was a poem within itself. Her big blue eyes matched the color of the sky above us. They shined so brightly with laughter that they could shame any star. The beautiful freckles adorned her cheeks and nose confirming my suspicions. I smiled unable to make myself look away. She laughed then returned to her song and dance. The water sparkled around her, illuminating her beautifully. She twirled and conquered every second of my interest. I stood there, hypnotized by her presence. Only able to feel her, see her.
And in that moment, nothing else existed but her.
CHAPTER 5. AWAKENED
CYNWRIG
I entered my hut and allowed myself to fall on my back on my bed. My heart was still racing after what I had witnessed. I could not seem to stop myself from replaying the images that had bewitched me. Her face and body, her sensual dance on the beach. That voice. It stayed with me as though it recognized a need inside me. One I had not felt in a long time. No woman had ever elicited these sensations in me. Not in the relationships I had in the past. If I was to be
honest with myself, the truth was those had been one sided. I had tried to give them a part of myself. To move on, but the anguish that lived inside me had made it unmanageable for me to give them what they desired. I was not the man they deserved. I did not wish to hurt them. I could hardly keep myself from hurting. I was better if I was alone. However, this woman, this Goddess had awakened something in me. I had brazenly followed her through the trees and beach.
I could still see her playing with the pebbles. I chuckled. She was endearing.
The door suddenly opened and Art stepped inside.
“Glad, you are back, Bro. Where have you been? I thought I was going to have to send the warriors on a search mission after you.”
His voice sounded enthusiastic. He was up to something. I could feel it. I groaned and sat up to find him standing in front of me in a strange outfit. I frowned. I had seen the people in the city wear those during my unexpected visits. What I could not fathom was why my brother would feel the need to use them. He had on blue trousers and a white shirt of a soft material that seemed to not fit him adequately. It clung to his upper body in an odd way. The muscles of his chest, shoulders, and his upper arms seemed to protest from the assault.
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