by Anna Jacobs
'White.'
'Come in the back way. The kitchen door is open.'
Still smiling, Cal went to roll his bike round to the back of the house, unable to resist the temptation to flourish a mocking bow towards the watcher in the car first.
'Go and get ready, Lily,' Kerry said sharply. 'We're leaving in a few minutes.'
'Can't I just pick up my emails first? You can read them. You'll see for yourself then that Dad still cares for me.'
'Wayne and I have checked. He hasn't sent any emails either yesterday or today. We'd have printed them out for you.'
'I don't believe you!'
Her mother shrugged. 'Believe it or not, it's the truth. Now, go and get ready!'
Lily was tired of saying she wasn't going to Brighton with them, that she didn't want to go anywhere but to her dad's. She didn't believe he hadn't tried to contact her. He emailed every single day, never forgot, sending the emails to both her addresses. He must be worrying about not hearing from her, but her mother had kept her home from school for the past few days, so she hadn't been able to give her friend any more messages for him.
Yesterday her mother had gone on and on at her about their new life till Lily lost it, screaming at her to shut up and leave her alone.
She went upstairs, wondering if she could barricade herself in her room but knowing that wouldn't work for long. Wayne was a strong man. He'd soon break down her door.
As she looked out of the window, he drove up and her mother rushed out to meet him, flinging herself into his arms.
When they started kissing, right there beside his car, Lily realized this was her chance, grabbed her jacket and backpack, took her father's door key out of its hiding place inside a CD cover and slipped downstairs. She went out through the kitchen door and climbed over into Mrs Baxter's back garden. The dog gave a sleepy woof, wagging its tail at her, but she didn't dare stop to pat it as she ran across to climb over the far fence on to the cycle path that curled between the houses.
A bus came round the corner just as she reached the next street and she put on a sprint to catch it, smiling in delight at this good fortune, which seemed like an omen. Leaving the bus at the nearest tube station, she took a train to her father's. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, didn't want to get him in trouble, but couldn't think of anywhere else to go. He'd probably take her straight back home, but at least she'd have seen him, hugged him, talked to him, and made him promise not to give up on her, whatever her mother said.
Outside his house she stopped dead at the sight of the security light winking, disappointment pinning her to the spot. He was out! She started moving again, walking past, fighting against tears. Was he out for the night?
What was she going to do now?
Kerry called up the stairs, 'Lily! Come down and say hello to Wayne.' When there was no response, she went up and flung open the door of her daughter's bedroom. 'What are you—' She broke off and stared round the empty room, her eyes going immediately to the hook on the door where Lily always hung her favourite casual jacket - it was gone - and the shelf where she kept her backpack. That too was gone, though the new mobile phone was lying on the desk, half-hidden by some papers.
A quick search of the other bedrooms, then a rapid tour of the downstairs rooms and Kerry said to Wayne, 'She's got out, run away.'
As he took her into his arms and held her gently, she leaned against him pretending to need his support. But her mind was racing furiously. Where had the stupid child gone? Obviously to her father's. Well, Lily would soon find that she'd only delayed their departure today.
'Is it all worth it, honey?' he asked.
'Yes. I'm not having him bringing her up.' And anyway, Lily's real father paid Kerry a handsome sum each month because of her - and without asking for an accounting, too. She hadn't told Wayne any of the details.
He smiled. 'If that's what you want, I'm with you all the way. She's putting up a stronger fight than I'd expected against coming with us, though. What's her real father like? Does he have red hair too?'
'He did when he was younger. But he couldn't care less about Lily. He made that clear from the start.'
'Who is he?'
She bit her lip.
'Kerry?'
She could see no way of getting out of telling him. She'd already learned that when he spoke in that tone of voice, Wayne meant business.
He stared at her in surprise. 'I know him.'
'Well, don't tell her who he is! She'll be going off to look for him and I'm not having her hurt by him.'
He put his arms round her. 'He hurt you, didn't he?'
She shrugged but she knew she wasn't fooling him - or herself. She'd been badly hurt when Lily's father had dropped her just because she wouldn't get rid of the baby, and she'd never forgive him for that. She would never let herself care for someone that much again, and she'd make sure he continued to pay handsomely for Lily until she grew up._ By then Kerry would have a very nice nest egg behind her, what with Cal's money as well.
Judith and Cal sat up late. She made him a Spanish omelette with crusty bread and a salad, then produced the first cake she had baked in years, a rich fruit cake, and they ate some of it Lancashire fashion, with sharp, crumbly local cheese.
They shared the bottle of wine, sipping it and chatting like old friends. When she yawned she looked at the clock. 'Goodness! I hadn't realized it was so late.'
He glanced across at it, pulled his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'Eleven o'clock's early for me, but I must admit I'm tired today. It's been an uncomfortable sort of week.'
'You should have found out from the authorities where you stand.'
He sighed. 'I suppose so. But what if I have no rights whatsoever?'
'Then at least you'd know.'
He shook his head and his voice was tight with anguish as he added, 'I can't bear the thought of losing her completely, just can't bear it!'
Judith picked up his hand, intending only a gesture of comfort, but the currents that had been whispering between them all evening suddenly grew stronger and desire burned through her. She hadn't felt like this in years, not just roused sexually but roused emotionally too. It would be so easy to care for Cal. He was an attractive man, tall and rangy, with a lean face and beautiful blue eyes magnified into mesmerizing prominence by the spectacles. Even his hair was beautiful, soft and dark, with just a few threads of silver. It had a hint of a wave and was too long at the moment, nearly jaw level, but that suited him. She'd seen an advertisement for spectacles with a guy in it who wasn't half as attractive as Cal.
Then she stopped thinking as he raised their joined hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Desire lurched in her belly and she couldn't help sucking in her breath. It had been a long time.
He took off his glasses and set them down carefully on the low table in front of them. When he pulled her back into his arms, she leaned willingly into his embrace, wanting to see where these feelings would lead. The kiss was curiously gentle, as unlike Des's kisses as anything could be, but it went on and on until she felt the world around them fade and was conscious only of Cal, his lips, his body. When he drew away she let out a little moan of protest.
'Is it too early for us to go to bed?' he asked.
She didn't pretend to misunderstand him. 'This morning I'd have thought so. Now, I think maybe it's the right time. Have you got something to protect us?'
'Yes. I always was an optimist.' With one of his devastating smiles, he stood up and pulled her to her feet. Another kiss made her knees go weak then it was she who took the initiative. 'Let's go upstairs. I'm too old to lie on the floor.'
Without a word he followed her, picking up his spectacles and holding them dangling by one sidepiece, leaving his jacket behind.
The bedroom was old-fashioned and still smelled slightly of mothballs, though she'd had the window open each day. He moved to put his spectacles down, then turned to smile at her again. She opened her mouth to apologize for the s
mell, but his kiss stopped the words. She wanted to touch him, wanted him to touch her, moved willingly as they began to remove each other's clothes, then felt suddenly shy as she stood in bra and panties.
He noticed and stilled at once. 'What's wrong?'
'I'm too fat. I'm embarrassed.'
He stood back, lean and splendid, unfazed by his own nakedness. 'Fat? Judith, you have got to be kidding!' He watched her and said in surprise, 'You're not kidding, are you?' He took hold of her hand and held her at arm's length. 'You're beautiful, just how a woman should be, soft and curved and - ah, Judith!' He pulled her into his arms as tears welled in her eyes. 'Did he tell you you were too fat?'
She nodded against his shoulder.
'He must be a fool.' He chuckled softly into her hair. 'My ex was too thin and bony, still is. I've been with other lovely women since her, not many, but not one of them was splinter-thin. I like comfortable women, real women. This - ' he slid her bra strap down and cupped the fullness of her breast - 'is perfect.'
His mouth stopped her speaking again and somehow they were on the bed, caressing one another, not rushing into love, but moving gently towards it in a way that was new to her . . .
Afterwards, as she lay in his arms, she felt tears trickle down her cheeks.
He wiped them away with his fingertip. 'What's wrong?'
'Nothing. In fact, something inside me feels better than it has for a long time.' She laughed self-consciously. 'I'm crying because I'm so happy.'
'Your ex is a fool to throw away something as valuable as you.'
She gave another shaky laugh and hugged him suddenly. 'You're a lovely fellow, Cal Richmond. And I—' She broke off because she'd suddenly remembered where she'd heard the name.
'What is it?'
'Nothing.'
'There is something. If you don't want to tell me, that's all right, but please don't pretend with me.'
'I suddenly remembered where I'd heard your surname before.'
'Oh?'
'You're probably no connection.'
'But . . .?'
'I had my ex investigated a while back and it turned out he had an illegitimate daughter. Her name was Richmond too.' She laughed. 'No, of course it's not you. The girl's name was Maria, not Lily.'
Cal stiffened against her. 'Maria is my daughter's first name. We called her that at first but when I left Kerry, the girl decided she wanted to be called by her second name, Lily. She can be a stubborn little devil when she's set on something and she won out in the end, even against her mother, from whom she inherits her stubbornness.'
Judith sat in stunned silence. Such a coincidence wasn't possible! Couldn't be. Only - it had happened. 'This won't make a difference to us, will it?'
His voice sounded tight when he replied, the gentleness gone from it now. 'I didn't want to know who Lily's biological father was, and now that I do, well . . . it's thrown me, I must admit.'
'I shouldn't have blurted it out like a fool.'
He brushed her hair back from her forehead and planted a kiss there. 'I had to know sometime. Though if he's never bothered with her, I don't suppose it'll make much difference to anyone now.'
Judith watched him lie back against the pillows. He was frowning slightly and had withdrawn from her, she could sense it. Not completely, but he was thinking more of his daughter now than of her.
His next words proved her guess to be right. 'I can forget Lily for a time in your arms, or when I'm driving, and I truly enjoy your company, think about you when I'm away from you. But she's so important to me, Judith, and this is a crisis . . . one so terrible that it messes me up for giving any other relationship the attention it deserves till Lily is sorted out. I'm sorry, but I can't go to sleep yet.' He sat up, still frowning, and put on his spectacles. 'You snuggle down. I'll go downstairs and - have a think.'
She rolled over on to one elbow, saying nothing as she watched him pick up his clothes and slip out of the room. She didn't follow him because it was clear he didn't want her with him. After he'd gone she lay down and covered herself up, but it was a long time before she could sleep because he didn't come back.
When she went down in the morning Cal was lying on the couch, fully clothed, looking as if he'd been sitting there and simply fallen asleep.
At least he was still there.
Damn Des! Were the ripples he made in the world going to pursue her for ever?
And why was he having her watched? She didn't have money to spend on lawyers to find out if she could stop him, and he probably knew that.
Twelve
Rows of houses stand guard on their contents, windows blind and uninviting. Streets are littered with cars. Wind blows the day' s debris around. Neon flashes in the distance.
Lily walked round the streets wondering what to do, hating the thought of going tamely back home to face another row and, no doubt, some form of punishment. That was all her life seemed to consist of these days.
As she turned the corner of the street she saw Wayne's car pull up outside her father's house so slipped behind a parked car. She watched as her mother hammered on the door, waited, foot tapping impatiently, and hammered again.
The neighbour came out and said something then her mother got back into the car, which drove away.
They'd guessed where she'd go, but she couldn't face the thought of going home to them because they'd know she'd failed to find her father.
The neighbour came out and walked briskly down the street in the opposite direction. Lily realized this was her chance. She hurried along to her dad's home, looked up at the security light blinking away, smiled and went up to the door. Using her key to let herself in, she punched the secret number into the keypad, then punched the perimeter security system button, which would keep the light winking outside.
Sighing in relief she wandered through the house. It was as if her dad's presence still lingered here and she felt comforted by that. But she wished he was here in the flesh.
In the kitchen she made herself a cup of drinking chocolate, sitting at the table to drink it. 'I had no choice, Dad,' she said aloud. 'They're not being fair to me. And I'd have gone mad spending the whole weekend with Wayne. He probably keeps a whip in the cupboard, that one.'
When she'd finished the chocolate, she went upstairs to her bedroom where she had her dad's old computer to use when she came round if he was busy. With a sigh of pleasure she went on line and picked up her emails from the new address, finding that he'd sent her a message every single day. They'd lied to her about that and had probably deleted them on the computer at home, so it was a good thing she'd got this new account. They'd probably lied about other things too. That thought brought tears to her eyes.
He'd said he was going to Lancashire, was probably there now, so it was no use her staying.
When she went downstairs she was so hungry she decided to make herself a quick sandwich. She sat down in the living room to eat it, enjoying the peace with no one growling at her or telling her to smarten up or talking about dragging her away from everything she knew.
She moved across to the big recliner rocker her dad used, snuggling down in it, closing her eyes just for a minute . . . and woke up to darkness except for the small green and red lights on pieces of electrical equipment. She moved across to switch on the overhead lights then realized that this would give her away to the neighbours, so went into the kitchen and switched on the cooker light instead.
It was two o'clock in the morning! How could she have slept for so long?
She wasn't stupid enough to go out on her own at this hour. Should she ring her mother to fetch her?
No!
Perhaps her dad had his mobile switched on. Half the time he forgot, though. She dialled his number but couldn't get through.
She put her fingertip on the button that was a short cut to her home phone number, to let her mother know where she was, then stopped. She could imagine exactly what would happen. Even though it was the middle of the night, her mother woul
d come round, furious. Probably Wayne would be with her and they'd both go off their heads at her. They'd be mad at her dad, too, blaming him, perhaps using this against him.
Still in the darkness Lily went upstairs to her bedroom and lay down on her own bed, expecting to find it difficult to sleep. But it wasn't. She'd been sleeping badly lately, but here she felt safe.
She didn't wake again until a stray beam of sunlight fell across her eyes.
She rolled over and yawned, stretching and coming awake slowly at her own body's speed, a rare treat. She was tempted, very tempted indeed, simply to stay here. She'd love a weekend on her own without anyone scolding her. But she'd better not. They might bring in the police and if she said where she'd been, they'd take away her key to this house. She'd better hide it more carefully when she got back.
After writing her dad a note she let herself out, sighing as she caught the tube, then had to wait ages for a bus. She went from the cycle path into Mrs Baxter's garden and hid the key to her father's house on the ledge above the neighbour's shed window. Then she went back to the street.
As she approached her own house she nearly turned back, then told herself not to be such a wimp and walked quickly up to the front door. It was flung open just before she got there and her mother stood glaring at her.
'Where the hell have you been?'
'Can I come in or must we have the Inquisition here on the doorstep?'
Kerry slapped her across the face then grabbed her arm and dragged her into the house, shoving her into the front room where Wayne was standing. He looked rumpled, as if he'd slept in his clothes. And angry. No, more than that, furious.
Lily faced them both, rubbing the cheek which her mother had slapped because it stung.
'Well?' Kerry demanded. 'Where have you been?'
'I went round to a friend's. Her parents were away and we just chilled out. I was going to come back after tea, but I fell asleep. She was going out so she left me there. She thought I'd wake up and come home, but I didn't stir till two o'clock in the morning, so I stayed there.'