by E. S. Carter
Footsteps creak across the landing, heading towards Rhys’ room.
“I have to go,” I say, squeezing my hand around his back to find the lock.
“I have something for you,” he whispers, and I take a step back. My eyes land on the small box in his hand.
“Merry Christmas, Fflur.”
Back in my room, I open the duck egg blue box trimmed with a large white bow and find nestled inside a platinum and diamond dandelion charm. A small white card with Galen’s slanted script simply reads: Sunshine and life.
I trace the words, remembering the day I told him why dandelions are my favourite flower. I fall so deep into old memories that I don’t hear Alexis come into the room.
“Hey,” he says softly, quietly closing the door behind him and standing to look at me where I sit on the bed. His eyes move from my face to the card and box in my hands. “What’s that?”
“A Christmas gift,” I answer honestly, but offer up no more, and with reverent fingers, I slide the card back into the box and close the lid.
“From?” he pushes for a clearer answer while unbuckling his trousers and letting them drop to the floor before picking them up and draping them over my desk chair. His gaze never once leaving mine.
“Galen.”
“Your brother? I thought he’d gone to bed.” He continues to remove the rest of his clothes until he’s stood before me in just his boxers. “I don’t think he likes me very much,” he confesses while walking towards me, and when he’s close enough, he reaches out with both hands and tilts my head towards his. He places a soft but emotion-filled kiss on my mouth and pulls back slightly to look into my eyes. His gaze flits from one to the other, searching, penetrating, looking deep inside me for answers to questions he hasn’t put a voice to yet, but I can tell he wants to ask.
“We don’t really talk anymore, haven’t for years, so I couldn’t say if he does or doesn’t. I knew the Galen before the band, I don’t really know him now, but what I do know is, he’s not the type of person to dislike anyone.”
Satisfied with my response, he places one last kiss on my lips, stands, and slips around me to slide into bed, beckoning me to him with an outstretched arm.
I slip off my clothes, leave them in a crumpled pile on the floor, and carefully place the gift from Galen into my suitcase before climbing into bed and his welcoming arms.
“How come you and Rhys are still close but not Galen? Is it because of the fame or because you’re only step-siblings? I mean you guys grew up together, didn’t you?”
“Not our whole lives. I was twelve when we first met.”
“Huh, maybe that’s why. He doesn’t see you as a sister.”
My body threatens to freeze, but I focus hard on keeping myself relaxed at his side. “What do you mean?”
“He just doesn’t look at you like a sister, that’s all,” he says, while rubbing circles on my back—circles that are getting lower and lower until his hand slips under the waistband of my knickers.
I move my hand from his chest, reach around me and slip his wandering touch back up to my waist.
“Not here, not tonight,” I whisper almost hoarsely.
“Yeah, not here,” is all he says back.
The next day Galen is gone.
Mum tells us all over breakfast that his record company called and wanted him and the band laying down tracks in the studio as soon as possible. They have some new producer they want to work with, and he’s available now and only now.
“Huh, funny he didn’t say anything sooner,” Rhys says.
Alexis’ eyes are on me. I daren’t look or offer any thoughts, so I force down my eggs on toast even though my stomach cramps and eating is the last thing I want to do.
“Well,” Mum says. “Gal might not be here, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make the most of our final day together before you go off to your father’s.”
“Is he coming back for your wedding?” I ask, shocking myself when the question slips free.
Mum gets up to begin clearing the table and answers with a huge smile, “Yes, of course he is. Galen and Rhys are both going to give me away.”
The next day on the drive over to Dad’s, Alexis is quiet, but Rhys does enough talking for all of us.
“You’re gonna love Kate’s cooking,” he tells Alexis and Erin. “I mean, I love Mum, but she’s far better at ordering in than making it if you know what I mean.”
“Mum bakes,” I mumble, half-heartedly sticking up for her because she isn’t the best chef.
“The occasional cookie does not go anywhere near competing with Kate’s roast dinners. I’ve even got my comfy joggers on, so I don’t have to worry about popping a button.” Rhys laughs, and I catch his happy, smiling face as he tugs playfully at the waistband of his bottoms.
“Do you see what you’re moving in with?” I ask Erin.
“Yeah, I do,” I hear her say, and when I turn around, I catch them both sharing a sweet kiss.
My friend has got it bad.
And so, it seems, has my brother.
When I turn back to face the front, I don’t miss the look Alexis gives me. It’s filled with something more than usual. Something that looks a lot like the word he’s said, but the one I can’t.
He reaches out and softly runs the back of his fingers down my face, and when I look at him, he’s smiling to himself, his eyes on the road ahead. The look he’s wearing is one that I bet many girls would kill to see on the face of the guy they’ve been seeing for over six months. Hell, with a guy like Alexis, it’s a look I bet they’d kill to see, full stop.
All it does to me is encourage more guilt to pool and fester in my belly.
My heart whispers: If you can’t love him, be honest. Let him go. My heads tells me: Try. Give this a chance. Forget the past, and build a future.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I expected it.
I silently prayed I was wrong.
I wasn’t.
Don’t ask. Don’t push this.
After spending time with Dad and Kate, I came to dread the morning we left for Alexis to drive me back to uni.
I’d told him, numerous times, that I could get the train and that the drive was pointless when he couldn’t stay for more than a few hours. He insisted, and I knew why. I knew, and I silently begged him not to.
“I’ve been thinking,” he began once we’d crossed the bridge out of Wales and were an hour into our three-hour long drive. “With this being your final year, how about making plans to move in with me when you’re done?”
He asks like he expects me to say yes. Like he’s confident in my response. And he should be because things have been great between us, but it’s only been six months.
I know he’s talking near future, six or so months away, but he could be asking about five years from now, and the answer would still be the same.
I look out of the window, my forehead pressed against the glass, and it’s as if the ghost of a boy I loved with all my heart is here with us. Sat in the back, waiting to hear my reply.
All I Ask comes on the radio, my eyes close, and I allow a single tear to slide from under my lashes.
Chapter Forty
Definition’s next single from their hot off the press album goes straight to number one.
Sunshine And Life broke U.K. records and on Max’s birthday to boot.
Everyone is home celebrating, except the man of the hour, Galen.
An hour or so into the birthday celebrations, Mum yells from the kitchen, “Max, quick, Galen is on a video chat. He wants to wish you happy birthday from Singapore.”
Everyone gathers close to the screen of the open laptop, while I hang back—enough to be there and acknowledged but not enough to be in focus.
“Happy Birthday, Dad,” Galen yells, before panning the screen back and motioning to the band’s dressing room where the rest of the members stand around their instruments. “This one is for you!”
They then launch into a rendit
ion of Happy Birthday, followed by an ad-lib song called The Man I Call Dad which is both funny and endearing.
Galen’s eyes flick to me in the background numerous times, as if checking I’m still watching, and if I’m honest, I wouldn’t have been able to walk away if I tried.
Just like always, Galen will eternally be the centre of my attention, and the planet which I’m forever cursed to orbit.
That is until Mum begs, “Play the new song, I love it.”
With all eyes on the screen before them, I slip away without anyone noticing and stand in the hallway, my head yelling at me to walk away, my heart begging me to listen.
When the song is over, I hear Mum asking if Galen will still be able to come back for the wedding, and he promises her that he wouldn’t miss it for the world.
My heart stops when I hear him ask, “Where’s Fflur?”
“Oh,” Mum replies. “I didn’t see her leave. Maybe she needed a breather. She’s had a tough time the last few months what with the break-up and her final year stress.”
“What break up?” His voice asks, slightly tinny in the laptop’s small speakers.
“Her and Alexis parted ways.” Mum’s voice lowers a little when she adds, “I don’t think it was a mutual split. He fought for her for quite a while, the man was smitten, but her mind was already made up. Still, I think she’s hurting over it all. It’s always hard when first love ends.”
I didn’t love him, that was the problem.
“I hope she’ll be okay,” Galen replies after a beat, and I can hear the concern in his tone even from out here in the hall where I hide like a creeper.
“Yeah, she will be,” Max pipes up. “Your Mum is over exaggerating a bit. She was far worse than this when you and Rhys left for uni and that first tour of yours. You boys damn well broke her heart.”
I close my eyes tight, and I wish it all away.
With the sound of their happy voices fading in the distance, I walk out of the front door, climb into my car, and I drive.
The field—our field—looks the same.
But it’s not, and it never will be again.
Chapter Forty-One
It’s Mum and Max’s wedding day.
Two months after Max’s birthday and a week after my finals and I’m back home, currently being preened and primped beyond recognition ready to perform my duty as Mum’s Maid of Honour.
The wedding takes place in a small country hotel in the Brecon Beacons, and both the sunshine and the stunning scenery make for an utterly perfect day.
The ceremony goes without a hitch, and I manage to keep my eyes locked on the happy couple and not on Galen as he performed his duties as best man.
Originally, Rhys and Galen were to give Mum away, but that left Max without his wingman, and he didn’t want to ask any of his friends because they wanted this to be a family affair. So, Gal took up the role with pride, and from the small glimpses of him I’ve allowed myself, he looks beyond handsome in his three-piece suit that matches the ones worn by Max and Rhys—the only difference, they each wear a different shade of green tie. Mum wanted green everywhere because to her it represented Max while it did the same for me, but for his son. Galen’s tie only serves to make his eyes pop, and looking at him for too long is like trying to stare at the sun on a summer’s day—blinding.
Max and Mum exchange vows they wrote themselves, and there isn’t a dry eye in the house when they both touch on Max’s previous health struggles.
After what feels like thousands of wedding photos, we all head inside for the wedding breakfast. The phrase has always sounded a little strange to me, considering we are sitting down to eat at three in the afternoon. When I’d said this to Mum a few weeks ago, she explained that it was a tradition that may sound old-fashioned, but that it’s referred to as ‘breakfast’—no matter the time of day it’s served—because the married couple are starting a new day together.
“Traditionally, couples would fast from the night before and only break it once they’d spoken their vows. It was a way of keeping their love pure for each other,” she’d explained while we picked out her dress.
Max and Mum sit at the head of the top table, an arch of sparkling fairy lights framing them, reminding me so much of Mum’s first birthday after she left.
Today feels like everything has come full circle, and in a beautiful gesture, they even invited Dad and Kate to attend, and they accepted.
I never would’ve thought we’d all be here like this right now.
It just goes to show that time can heal all wounds if you let it.
It’s a shame it doesn’t do the same for broken hearts.
Galen and I do a good job of avoiding each other and being separated by Mum and Max helps. Galen sits next to his Dad, and I’m sandwiched between Mum and Rhys.
The day flashes by in blur of congratulations, good food and wine, and an abundance of love.
I’m talking to an elderly aunt of Max’s when I hear the first notes of an acoustic guitar being tuned and a hush falls over the guests.
When I turn towards the sound, I see Galen, set up on a makeshift stage, guitar in hand, and a huge smile aimed directly at the happy couple.
“This one is for my folks,” he says with a voice thick with emotion. “You should’ve done this years ago.”
“Hear hear,” Rhys yells from somewhere in the room and taps at his glass with a spoon, everyone else quickly following suit until a bell-like echo fills the air.
When the noise dies down, Galen tilts his head and begins playing an amazing, acoustic version of Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Stay Together.
Max takes Mum’s hand and leads her to the small dance floor, kissing her knuckles once softly, before pulling her into his arms for their first dance.
It’s perfect.
So perfect it hurts. But in a good way.
“He’s bloody good, isn’t he?” My Dad whispers in my ear as he comes up behind me.
“Yeah,” I say softly, my eyes on the boy with his eyes locked on the happy couple, yet I know he is as aware of where I am in the room, as I am of him.
“I’ve had to stop Kate fangirling all over him. I swear she’s Definition’s biggest fan.”
I snort and wrap my arm around Dad’s middle. “I think Kate is your biggest fan.”
“Yeah,” he says softly, his eyes searching out his wife and finding her immediately. “And I’m hers.”
“I’m happy for you Dad. I’m happy for Mum too. Who’d have thought it would end like this,” I say wistfully.
He hugs me tighter and places a kiss on the top of my head.
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out with you and Alexis. He seemed a nice bloke.”
“Yeah, he is.”
“Don’t give up on love, Flower. You’ll know everything was worthwhile when you find the one you’re meant to spend your life with.”
I don’t reply because I can’t. I can’t tell him that I already found that elusive one. That I found him and we could never be.
Rhys finds us then, wrapping his arms enthusiastically around us both.
“Hey, family,” he says, his eyes bright, his grin brighter. “What a day, hey? It’s about time they got their act together.”
We all agree and stand and watch Max and Mum dance until their song ends.
Bouncing excitedly on his feet, Rhys gives us a mischievous smile before announcing, “I’m going to go and show Galen what a real singer sounds like.”
Then he’s off across the room, grabbing a chair on his way, and dropping it next to Galen. Rhys whispers in his ear, and both men burst into a fit of raucous laughter. When Rhys grabs the microphone and taps the end, he announces through his chuckles, “This one is dedicated to our Mum.”
I look over to the dance floor and see Mum put her hand on her heart, right before they launch headfirst into an upbeat, acoustic version of Golddigga by Kanye West.
Mum’s jaw drops for only a beat before she throws her head back and laughs,
and everyone who was sat down during the first dance jumps to their feet to clap and join in.
Rhys gives his all to the song, and he’s bloody awful, but that only makes it better, and by the time their performance ends the entire wedding party is laughing and applauding.
Galen slings his guitar behind his back, high-fives Rhys, and then drags him into a back-slapping hug. When they pull apart, I watch as Gal nods to his guitar and the hallway that leads to the main part of the hotel, indicating he’s going to put the instrument away.
A groan of disappointment echoes around the room, and he looks over the assembled crowd of family and friends, smiles almost shyly, and takes a bow before leaving.
Rhys is still on the stage minutes later, still bowing, still basking in his fame, until Erin goes up and drags him away laughing.
“I’m going to go and congratulate the big kid,” I say to Dad, nodding towards where Rhys and Erin sit at the bar.
I push up to my tiptoes, kiss my Dad on the cheek and make my way through the tables where everyone is still laughing and chatting about that last performance.
“Hey, superstar,” I say, throwing my arms around Rhys from behind. “Are you trying to get Gal to give you a job with the band?”
“He wishes he could have me,” he declares with a laugh, and then asks, “What are you drinking, Sis?”
I give him my drink order and Erin excuses herself to go and freshen up. Rhys and I sit side by side on barstools sipping away before he turns to face the room, resting his elbows on the bar behind him.
“Have you and Gal made up yet?” he asks, erasing my small smile as I sip my gin and tonic.
“W—what? We haven’t fallen out,” I answer quickly, too quickly.
Rhys side-eyes me, arching an eyebrow in disbelief. “Yeah, that answer might fly with someone else, but not me. Neither of you has spoken to each other today, in fact, you rarely ever talk anymore at all. So, what gives?”
I shift awkwardly on my stool. “I think you’re seeing something and nothing. It’s been such a busy weekend and today is—”