Releasing the Watcher: The Fallen Angel Trilogy #3

by Kim Loraine

  His cock jerks inside me, and he slams home—hard. Sparks of pleasure burst behind my eyes. It’s frenzied and wild, nothing like the slow, sensual beginnings of our lovemaking in my dreams, and I love it. He takes me with the abandon reserved for desperate lovers.

  Long fingers slide down between my legs as he fills me over and over. The overwhelming sensation of his cock inside me while his hand works my sensitive clit sends me over the edge. I’m clenching around him, crying his name, and clawing at his shoulders.

  I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull his lips to mine. I wish more than anything we were naked together in his bed rather than mostly dressed and fucking in his office. I want him above me, his bare skin on mine. I want to learn his body.

  “Selah, fuck.” He draws the last word out on a groan as his body tenses and his thrusts become frantic.

  I want him to come inside me more than anything. I’m not on the pill, not protected, but I don’t care. The risk seems small when it’s him inside me. “Come, baby,” I whisper, taking his ear between my teeth and sighing softly. “Come inside me.”

  His molten-silver irises lock onto mine and flare bright again. It’s unsettling, and when a golden glow begins to surround him, I gasp. He lets out a guttural groan as he swells inside me and pulses long and hard.

  The light around him dims almost as soon as he finishes, and he kisses me deeply, as though he wants to crawl inside and never leave.

  “You’re mine.”

  I clutch at him, not wanting him to leave my body yet, but without warning, my vision swims and a headache takes hold behind my eyes.

  “Ah, shit.” I frown and lean away, pressing one hand to my forehead.

  “What is it, baby?”

  Shaking my head lightly, I wince as I try to open my eyes and light pierces my brain like a hot spike. “Headache. Oh, fuck, this hurts.”

  He’s speaking, but the words are unintelligible as everything fades from view.

  It’s then that I see him standing at the river, his clothes strange, skin an even darker bronze, hair brighter. He turns and smiles at me, love shining in his eyes as he walks toward me.

  “How are you feeling, wife?”

  I feel strange. Heavy. An unsettling tickle swirls in my belly, making me gasp.

  His eyes widen, and he rushes toward me. “What is it?” Warm palms rest on my belly—my swollen belly. The tickling begins again, this time strong enough that I know he feels it as well. “Our little one is strong.” He beams with pride, and I forget to be terrified.

  It’s then I feel the first fat drops of rain hit my skin.

  Present day, Seattle

  “Selah!” I know the instant I flood her with my release, something is wrong. I fed on her. The pure energy running through my body is proof of that. I’ve gone too far, and now she’s paying some terrible price for my weakness. Shaking her lightly, I search her face for any sign she’s nearing consciousness, but she doesn’t move. Slipping out of her body, I tuck myself back in my pants and scoop her into my arms.

  “It’s raining,” she murmurs as I carry her to the bedroom.

  “Shh, my love. It will be fine. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

  Her big eyes open as soon as her head hits the pillow, and she offers me a sleepy smile. “Sariel.” One hand covers her belly as though cradling it, but she frowns almost immediately. “Where is it?”

  “Where’s what?”

  “The baby.”

  My blood runs cold. “Selah, there is no baby.”

  Her expression still holds a dreamy quality as she continues to frown. “Yes, I could feel it moving inside me. You called me your wife. You felt it too. By the river.”

  At those words, a memory I’d long since buried comes rushing to the surface. The river. Our child. The rain.

  She sighs and rolls on her side, falling back into a deep slumber as I grapple with the loss of my family all over again. I shouldn’t have taken her. This is a warning. I won’t lose her again. I can’t take it.

  Dragging my hand through my hair, I force myself to stay calm as I process what just happened. Three things stand out. My need to feed on her energy has returned. I’ve used too much of my grace and am more angel than man. And Selah is remembering our past.

  I press a soft kiss to her temple and can’t resist running my fingers along her jaw. She is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. A fierce need to protect her hits me. I’ll do anything to keep her safe.

  Hours later, she’s still sleeping, and I stand in front of the large gas fireplace, staring at the blue flame of the pilot light. She’s remembering us. How can that be? A shiver dances across my skin at the memory of her moaning as I sank deep into her willing body, and my hunger flares to life. My cock hardens at the thought, ready to take her again. Gritting my teeth, I force the desire to recede, needing to harness the control I know I have. When I’d shared a body with Galen, I took too much from Reese, gave in to my hunger without thought for her because I’d been so weak. Devin hadn’t needed to work to control me because I’d known Willow wasn’t mine. But Selah? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I may want to feed from her, but until I know it won’t kill her, that will not happen again.

  “Gabriel. Brother, I need to speak with you,” I murmur.

  My ears pop as the air shifts and his presence fills the room. “I see you didn’t take my advice.”

  “How can you—”

  “Your grace is stronger. You’ve fed, used your power.”

  Worry creeps into my mind. “Have I hurt her?”

  “Not by taking her. You harmed her months ago. The damage has been done. Now we’re just trying to keep the wound from getting worse.”

  “What do you mean, I harmed her months ago?”

  He rolls his eyes. “Why do you think a Watcher found her? Do you truly believe whoever this is randomly chose Selah’s fiancé as his vessel?”

  Cold, hard truth settles on my chest. He’s right. I refused to accept his warnings, unwilling to believe I could be putting her at risk. My jaw aches from clenching it so hard.

  “Because of you, Adam is lost. His soul is trapped as one of the fallen uses his body until it gives out.”

  I pace the living room, unable to think of the man she’d agreed to marry. It would be so much easier if he’d always been a Watcher. “I’ll need to continue feeding?” I ask, hoping the answer will be different from the truth I see in Gabriel’s eyes.

  “You will.”

  “But…I’ll kill her.”

  “You know the risks. They’re the same for you as they have always been.”

  “Except for children. I can’t give that to her again. You and Michael saw to that.”

  His jaw twitches, making me understand he doesn’t appreciate the reminder of the sacrifices I’ve made for the cause.

  “You will need to feed. Now that you’ve done it once, the desire will consume you if you don’t sate it. Besides, a battle is looming. You need to be at full strength.”

  I hate him. Everything he’s said is true, but I can’t help it if I feel like he and Michael have manipulated me into using my grace. They don’t want me to be with her. They want me back within the ranks of the archangels.

  “Brother, you’ve taken her. Enjoy it while you can. I’ve already told you, none of this matters if we don’t stop the war.”

  With a flash of light, he’s gone, leaving me alone, feeling vaguely ill. Enjoy it while you can. How is that possible if I know every time I feed, I’m taking her energy, pulling from her strength to build my own? I need a distraction, something to take me away from the pull of Selah, the knowledge of her in my bed—alone.

  Grabbing my phone, I enter the bedroom, working to fight the desperate urge to join the beautiful woman between the sheets. I tug my shirt over my head, wincing at the shift of my wings across my skin. The grace infused in the lines is so strong now, I feel it at all times, but this sensation is almost like they are real—like they’re going
to burst through into reality.

  After dressing in my running clothes, I sit carefully on the edge of the bed and lace up my shoes. I could do this somewhere else, not take the risk of waking Selah, but if I’m being honest, I just want to be near her. A soft touch drifts over my spine as I finish tying my shoes, causing heat to race through me.

  “Where are you going?” she asks, her voice sleepy, husky, and sexy as fuck. The sound goes straight to my already hardening dick.

  “A run. I…I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

  “Can I come?”

  I bite back the groan that threatens to escape my throat at the word come. She can come, on my tongue, my fingers, my cock. Oh, fuck. Forcing myself to focus, I push aside the instinct to lay her back on the mattress and fill her hard and deep right the hell now.

  “Sure.” I can’t keep the tension from the single word.

  “Let me change first. I’ll meet you downstairs in a minute?”

  This is the exact opposite of putting distance between us, but the selfish part of me has taken over and I’m not strong enough to keep her at arm’s length.

  God help me.

  Sariel won’t look at me as we jog along the path around Green Lake. Measured breaths, the pounding of our feet hitting the cement, the soft coo of doves in the trees, these are the only things we have as our soundtrack. After we’ve made it halfway around, I grip his arm and tug him off the path, unable to take the silence.

  “Selah, what are you doing?”

  We stand under the shade of a tall pine tree, and I stare him down, not willing to let him give me the cold shoulder any longer. “You can’t be serious. You literally fucked me into a coma, and now you won’t even speak to me.”

  His jaw is set, hands shoved into the pockets of his dark blue jogging pants, but I don’t miss the flare of desire in his gaze. “You didn’t just fall asleep. Your body couldn’t handle what we did. It’s part of who I am. I fed on you.”

  A laugh bubbles up to my throat until I see the serious look in his eyes. “What, like some kind of vampire?”

  “Yes.”

  Shaking my head, I lean against the tree and toy with the hem of my top. “I’m going to need a little more than that. You’re an angel, not a vampire.”

  “I’m a fallen angel. A Watcher.”

  “You tell me that as though I should understand what you mean.”

  For the first time since I woke up his expression softens. Taking my hands, he pulls us down to sit on the soft grass. “I suppose for you to truly understand, you have to know the whole story.”

  “I’ve got nothing but time.”

  He surprises me by wrapping his arm around me and pulling me against his chest. “I was once an archangel. My whole existence was to help those who’ve sinned find a path toward repentance. Until I fell and my brothers followed, wanting what I found.”

  My heart squeezes. I know what he found. “Me,” I whisper.

  Tightening his hold, he presses a light kiss to my hair and murmurs, “You.” His posture is tense, stressed, and I wonder if he will continue. “You see, I saw you and couldn’t imagine life without you.” A dark chuckle rumbles through his body. “Less than a year later…I lost you. I caused the ruin of the earth. My selfish desire brought the Great Flood upon the world and condemned me and my brothers to an existence only sustainable by feeding on lust. Chained to our hosts, subject to their whims, starving when they can’t feed or refuse, unless we give in and become the demons we’re thought to be.”

  Confusion swirls in my head. “But you fell for me. The flood was thousands of years ago. How—”

  He trails his fingers over my arm, running them along the inside of my elbow. “Do you remember the dream you had after we were together?”

  I frown, remembering the quickening in my belly and the love shining in his eyes. “We were married. I was pregnant.”

  “Yes.”

  His hand stills on my arm as I take in the gravity of his one word. “That…that was real?”

  “I’ve spent my existence searching since then, Selah.”

  “I died? The baby?”

  “I lost you both.”

  Shaking my head, I scramble to my feet. This can’t be happening. “How can I have lived an entire life and not remember it? How can you even be sure I’m her? Do I act the same? Oh…oh no.” A sick feeling grips me as the truth dawns on me. “I look like her. Sariel, do you know how fucked up this is? You probably don’t even think about me when we’re together. You imagine her.” Anger and betrayal fill my head as I stalk away from him, needing to be anywhere but with the man who is using me as a substitute.

  He materializes in front of me, a force of nature blocking my path.

  “No, Selah. You are her. Your soul is the same.”

  His big hands encircle my arms, but I twist away. “No. I’m me. Not a ghost from your past, not a lost love. Me. I have an entire life that doesn’t revolve around you.”

  “You want me. You need me, just as I need you. You’re mine.”

  No. His last statement sends a chill through me as echoes of Adam ricochet in my head. “Just because you’ve got a big dick and know how to use it doesn’t mean I’m going to turn into the woman you lost. This is too much to take right now. I can’t be her for you. It doesn’t matter if you remember. I don’t.”

  “Selah-”

  “Stop. I need space to figure this out. I’ve accepted angels and vampires. But you telling me I’ve lived and died with you…it’s too much.”

  “You can’t deny this.”

  “I can’t deal with it either.”

  Agony flashes across his beautiful features at my words. I have to get out of here. Stepping back, I turn away and walk toward the trailhead, leaving him behind but knowing he could appear in front of me in the blink of an eye. He doesn’t. He knows I have nowhere else to turn. I can’t go home, Adam might find me.

  Patting my pocket, I find my phone and wallet and heave a sigh of relief. At least I can call a car for myself. I still have some independence.

  No one is going to own or control me ever again.

  Present day, Seattle

  I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting on the front steps, waiting—watching. She has to come back to me. I know that. She knows that. But her words replay in my head, sharp and cutting. I’ve forced myself to stay away, relying on my senses to ensure she’s all right. It took everything I had to stop myself from throwing her stubborn ass over my shoulder and carrying her home. I was a heartbeat away from proving how much she means to me by worshiping her body in my bed.

  Hours later, I give up my vigil and head inside. With every tick of the clock, my anxiety increases. I’m a fucking archangel, blessed with unimaginable power, and I can’t do a single thing to make this woman choose me. Staring down at the amber liquid in the highball glass between my fingers, I watch the light reflect off the edge. I have to figure out what she’ll need from me before she understands our connection.

  The click of the door opening and closing has my heart stuttering. I rush across the kitchen, needing to see her before I believe she’s come back.

  “Selah, fuck, baby. Are you all right? You’ve been gone hours.” As soon as I round the corner, she’s there, and her beautiful gray eyes lock onto mine, anger and distrust swirling in them.

  “I’m fine. I need a shower.” Her words are laced with exhaustion.

  “Selah, please talk to me.” I can’t let her shut me out.

  Her head is mostly covered by the hood of her jacket. Raindrops have left a sheen of dampness on the light purple fabric. Unzipping, she shrugs out of her coat and shakes out her hair. My gut clenches. The long, dark waves are gone. A sleek cut that doesn’t even reach her shoulders swings as she moves.

  “Your hair.”

  Her gaze snaps to mine. “Like it?” There’s challenge in her tone. She’s asking me to tell her no. And that would be partly true. I already miss the soft strands that brush against my
body when I hold her, but I can tell this is her asserting herself.

  “It looks sexy as hell,” I admit.

  A slight grin quirks up her lips. “Needed a change.”

  I nod but don’t say anything else. Sighing, she passes me on her way to the kitchen, and I fight the urge to brush her arm with mine as she goes. Just a small bit of contact. That’s all I need to tide me over.

  “Did you eat?” she asks.

  If I’m honest, I’m not hungry for food. Fuck, I’m barely human at this point. “Let me take care of dinner.”

  She cocks her hip and rolls her shoulders back before pointing a fork in my direction. “You know what? I’m tired.” Grabbing an apple, she returns the silverware to the drawer and heads for the stairs. “I’m going to bed.”

  I want to follow. To make her see why she’s wrong to think I’ve misplaced our connection, but I know this version of Selah better than she thinks. If I push, she’ll push back, and then I risk losing her completely. Her footfalls on the stairs send pulses of anticipation through me. If she’s upstairs, she’s still choosing to be here. That’s at least one small victory.

  An hour later, I’m standing at the top of the stairs, trying to keep myself from walking down the hall and through the door to my bedroom where I know she sleeps. I don’t need to feed, I need to be with her. My pulse comes in a heavy rhythm as I fight against everything in me that says we should be together. But then I hear her breath hitch, and a soft sniffle follows. In an instant, I’m pushing open the door. Crouching next to her, I rest my hand on her hip. She’s curled away from me, arms holding my pillow tight to her body.

  “Selah, what is it?” I whisper as I trail my fingers through her short hair.

  She doesn’t answer, and it’s then I realize she’s sleeping. Shaking my head, I let out a sigh of frustration. I’d needed any excuse I could find to invade her life again. I can’t even do her the courtesy of giving her one night free of me. Standing, I walk silently across the room and into the en suite bathroom. I’ll shower, clean myself of her tempting scent, and pass the night in the guest bedroom.