“What is your MOS now?”
“I’m a mortar man, sir.”
“A grunt.” He arched a brow. “So you want to go from infantry to a commissioned officer? Is that correct?”
“It’s quite possibly my goal, yes, sir.” I shifted in my chair, clutching my knees. “I’ve recently re-evaluated my life, sir, and am in the midst of trying to figure it out.”
“Ah.” His jaw squared off. “What caused this re-evaluation, if I might ask?”
My heartbeat thumped in my ears, louder than drums. “Sir? Why do you ask, if you don’t mind my asking?”
His eyes narrowed on me. He was pulling rank on me. I knew it before he even opened his mouth. “Answer my questions, and maybe I’ll answer yours.”
“Sir, yes, sir.” I cleared my throat, hating the fact that I had to sit here like a puppet while this man interrogated me, but it came with the dog tags. Obedience. Discipline. Respect. “I met a girl, sir.”
“Might I ask this girl’s name?” The captain reclined in his seat and crossed his ankle over his knee. “I do believe I’m acquainted with her father.”
I must’ve blacked out for a second. God knows I felt as if he punched me in the fucking chest. He knew Senator Wallington? Well, there you go. Now I knew why I was here. Her father knew and sent me into a situation where I couldn’t possibly lie.
God damn it.
I tried to remain calm on the outside, even if I was flipping the fuck out on the inside. “You know the Wallingtons, sir?”
“I do. Carrie is a sweet girl.” He looked out the window for a second, then turned those piercing brown eyes back on me. “I’ve known her since she was in diapers.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything.
“You’re probably curious how I know.”
I shifted on the seat. “Yes, sir.”
“Her father asked me to track you. To make sure you were doing your job.” Captain Richards eyed me. “Do you feel you’re doing a good job, sergeant?”
“I feel she wouldn’t be safer with anyone else watching her, sir.” I met his eyes, refusing to flinch or back down. “I would guard her with my life.”
“Would you do that even if you didn’t love her?”
“Yes, sir.” I tapped my fingers on my knees, but made myself stop. “It’s my job. I take that responsibility very seriously.”
“So if you were to guard another young woman, one whom you didn’t love, you would still guard her to the best of your abilities?”
I blinked at him. “Yes, sir. I would.”
“I heard about what you did when Carrie was almost robbed. Those were some impressive moves.”
My cheeks heated up. “I was simply doing my job, sir.”
“My man came home right afterward to tell me how impressed he was.” Captain Richards raised his brow. “Keep in mind, he’s a black belt in karate, among other things.”
I bit down on my tongue, trying to figure out where the hell he was going with this. “I’m flattered, sir.”
“Does her father know you love her?”
I swallowed hard. “No, sir.”
“Why not?”
“We’re waiting, sir.” I gripped my knees even tighter. “My father is about to retire, and Carrie and I decided to hold off until after the fact.”
“Ah.” He nodded, his lips pursed in thought. “You’re afraid he will withhold funds from your father?”
“Yes, sir,” I admitted, sweat dripping down the back of my neck and rolling under the collar of my cammies. I wanted to yank at the collar, but I sat perfectly still. “That was our fear.”
“Our fear?” He eyed me. “Carrie is in on this?”
Should I deny it? I didn’t want her to catch any flak for my lies. But this was a captain in the Marines. I couldn’t fucking lie. It’s not the way the military worked. “Sir, I’d rather not say.”
He considered me. “You’re protecting her?”
“Sir.” I didn’t say anything else, but I didn’t need to. My point was clear. I wouldn’t be saying another word against the woman I loved.
He chuckled under his breath. “You know, I think he would approve if he saw you protecting her from me of all people.”
I inclined my head. “Is this why I’m here, sir? Are you going to tell him about us before my father retires?”
“What?” He shook his head. “No. He doesn’t know about you. But I do.”
I wanted to ask him how or why, but it wasn’t my place. This wasn’t the civilian life where I was entitled to answers. Here, I got them if and when I deserved to hear them. “You’re a smart man, captain.”
“Indeed. You know what else I know?”
I’d love to fucking know. “Sir?”
“I believe you love her, and would do anything to protect her.” He leaned forward again. The man was more fidgety than a fucking teenager. “Somewhere along the way, you fell for her, and she fell for you. Am I right?”
I tensed. It was none of his business. “Sir.”
“You don’t have to treat me as an enemy, son.” He stood up and walked over to the window. “I have a proposition for you.”
“I’d love to hear it, sir.”
I wanted to get up and pace as I waited, but I sat on the chair like a fucking invalid. And worse? I felt like one. This man knew all of my secrets, and he didn’t hesitate to air them in front of me like dirty laundry.
“Did you know how hard it is to get out of the infantry? Lots try, but it takes a hell of a long time and a lot of letters of recommendation.”
“I did know it wouldn’t be an easy move, yes.”
I bit down on my tongue to keep from asking what his point was. If I couldn’t make the move, then I’d get out. Go civilian. I’d thought it through. I had a plan.
I wasn’t an idiot.
“I can help you make the move you need. One signature from me, and you’re moving up the ranks.” He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “It would be a simple matter.”
I stiffened. I think I had an idea where this was going. “Sir…”
“Your unit is up for deployment soon,” he said, cocking his head. “You will go overseas, away from Carrie, if you don’t accept my help.”
“I’m flattered and honored for the offer, sir,” I said through my teeth. “However, with all due respect, I’d like to hear the cost of this favor before I accept.”
Because everything came with a price.
And if he said what I thought he was going to say, it would take all my self-control not to punch him in the mouth, fucking C.O. or not.
He nodded. “You’re a smart boy. I like that about you.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said stiffly.
“The cost isn’t much.” He uncrossed his arms. “Stop seeing Carrie.”
I stood up, rage making me see red. I’d known—known—this is what he would say, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to punch him in the fucking face. “No, thank you, sir.”
I only made it one step to the door before he spoke again. “Don’t you dare leave my office without leave, sergeant. You will hear me out. Sit down, boy.”
I clenched my fists and turned back, sitting even though I didn’t want to. “With all due respect, sir, I will not accept those terms. I will stop seeing Carrie if she asks me to. Other than that, I am not open to discussion.”
“Not even to advance your own life?”
I clenched my fists so tight if hurt. “Not even to save my own life, sir.”
“Good.” He sat back down, his lips pressed tight. “Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the real proposition.”
I blinked at him. “Sir?”
“I wanted to make sure you really love her bef
ore I offered you this opportunity.” He picked up his coffee mug, which said World’s Best Daddy on it, and took a sip. “You obviously do, so I feel comfortable in offering you the chance of a lifetime.”
“You’re saying you were testing me?”
“Indeed. And you passed.” He set the mug down. “Now we can talk business.”
I stood up again. “Sir, what do you want from me?”
“I want you to sit down.”
For a second, I considered walking out. Not sitting. But the years of military discipline wouldn’t fucking let me. So I sat. “Sir.”
“I’ll tell you everything. It involves doing something similar to what you’re doing now, but with a huge reward.”
“And what would that be, sir?”
He pursed his lips. “You’ll find out. But first?” He picked up a pen and shoved a piece of paper at me. “Sign on the dotted line.”
I eyed the paper. “I don’t sign anything without reading it first, sir.”
“Then by all means, read it.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his fingers over his stomach. “I’ll wait.”
I picked up the paper, scanning it quickly. By the time I was finished, I looked up at him, my eyes wide. This was a mission. A huge mission I didn’t think I should be reading about, hence the top-secret security clearance application I could see sitting on the desk. “Sir, is this what I think it is?”
“It is. And I can give you all the knowledge you need to pull it off if you sign.”
I picked up the pen, hesitated, and signed on the line.
Saturday evening I shoveled more food onto a man’s plate. I usually came to the soup kitchen on Sundays, but I was trying to keep myself as busy as possible. This time I’d dragged Marie with me. Speaking of which…
I met her eyes from across the room. She made a face at me and I nodded discreetly. It was time to go. There were only a few people here and it was getting dark. It had been a heck of a day. I’d said goodbye to my parents and then studied English with Cory for a few hours.
I felt exhausted yet wide awake at the same time. It was time to get out of here, maybe grab a bite to eat, and try to get some sleep. I had no idea what to expect when Finn returned. Or what to hope for, besides him not leaving.
As Finn would say…this fucking wait was fucking killing me.
I took off the hairnet and smiled at the woman who ran the place, earning a wave in return, set down some McDonald’s cards, and made my way to Marie. “You ready to go?”
She nodded and headed for the door. “I don’t know how you do this all the time. It’s depressing.”
Deja vu. “It’s not depressing. They’re hungry and need food.” I shrugged. “It’s simple.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, now I’m hungry and need food, so feed me. Where are we going?”
I always went to Islands with Finn after the soup kitchen. It was weird not having him here with me. I missed him, and it had only been a few hours. What would it be like when he was gone? No, if he was gone?
“How about some Mexican?” I unlocked my car. “I could go for a quesadilla.”
“Sure.” She slid into the seat and pulled the mirror down, fluffing her hair. “If we go to that place on Pico, we could dance, too.”
“Dance? Yeah. I don’t think so.”
Marie rolled her eyes and buckled up. “You need to lighten up, Carrie. There’s nothing wrong with dancing.”
“You haven’t seen me dance,” I pointed out. “You’d disagree if you saw me in action.”
She laughed. “That bad?”
“That bad.”
“Okay, no dancing then.” She looked at me, her eyes shining with excitement. “Hey, we’re going skateboarding next weekend. How about if instead of feeding homeless people, you come with us? It’ll be fun.”
“That does sound fun.” I buckled up and pulled out of the parking lot. “Count me in.”
After we ate, I was on the way home alone. Marie had run into some guy she’d been flirting with lately and had chosen to stay with him. It was a relief, almost. It felt good to stop acting normal when I didn’t feel normal.
I felt stressed, exhausted, and way behind on life. And so freaking tired. Plus, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Finn was going to find out this weekend.
The whole way home, I went over every possible scenario that could come up. He could be going to war. Or maybe he was getting a promotion. Then again, he could be in trouble. Or he could be getting re-stationed across the country. The possibilities were endless, and I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out which one was the most statistically realistic one while also trying to figure out what my reaction would be.
If he had to move, would I move? Could I even do that?
I parked my car at the curb, not even realizing until I got out that I had gone to Finn’s apartment. I’d been on autopilot…but since I was here, I could use my key to get inside and take advantage of the shower. This morning I’d woken up too late, and the line for the showers had been horrendously long. I hadn’t had a good, hot shower in days, and I couldn’t wait to feel the hot water running down my body.
I slipped the key into the lock, turning it and pushing inside without lifting my head from my phone. I had two missed calls. One from Marie and the other from Finn. My heart picked up speed as I kicked the door shut behind me, swiping my finger over the screen so I could listen to the voicemail.
But the voicemail wasn’t from Finn. It was from Marie. Mexican music played in the background. “Hey, it’s me. I just wanted to let you know I won’t be home tonight. Enjoy the empty room.”
I dropped back against the door, the disappointment at missing Finn’s call so heavy that I couldn’t stand it. I hugged the phone to my chest, tears filling my eyes. Why hadn’t he left me a message? Even a simple I love you would have been better than nothing. “Damn it.”
“What’s with the cursing?” Finn asked, his voice loud and clear.
For a second, I thought I’d called him and somehow put the phone on speaker, but he switched on the light, and he was standing there in his uniform.
“Finn?” I stepped closer but then froze, my heart racing and seeming to painfully climb up from my chest until it felt as if it rested in my throat instead of my chest. I knew that wasn’t possible, of course, but I’d swear to it. “How are you home early?”
“They only needed me for a few hours,” he said, his tone neutral. “So I came home and called you right away. I saw you pull up, so I hung up.”
I knew his being home meant something to us. Something good or bad. But suddenly it didn’t matter anymore, because he was here. And that’s all that mattered, wasn’t it?
I took a step toward him, then another. By the time my foot hit the floor a third time, I was running. I’m talking hair-flying-behind-you, full-on sprint. Finn took a few steps toward me and opened his arms. I flung myself at him full force, holding on to him as if he alone could keep me on the ground.
He hugged me close, his arms wrapping around me so securely I couldn’t even move, and he kissed my temple. I pulled back, meeting his eyes, and forced a smile. “I’m so happy you’re home early.”
He smiled back at me. Even though he hadn’t opened his mouth, I just knew he was going to say something I wouldn’t like. I could feel his heart thumping, beating against my own almost in tandem. “Carrie, I—”
“No. Not yet.”
And I kissed him with all the emotions I had bottled up inside me all this time. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. Didn’t want my worst fears to become so utterly, horrifically, devastatingly alive. When I had been a little girl, I’d been terrified of monsters that hid under my bed. Now, as an adult, I knew the real terror lie in words and actions. In life or death. Not in scary, hairy, hu
ge beasts.
I kissed him with a desperation I hadn’t felt before, knowing if I stopped he’d tell me the words I didn’t want to hear. All those silly fears I’d had over the years seemed so freaking pathetic in the face of what I was feeling in Finn’s arms.
He moaned into my mouth and stumbled back, his hands supporting me. I knew I was attacking the poor man, but I couldn’t stop. Not now. Not ever. When he broke off the kiss, his breathing heavy and his grip on me unbreakable, I dared a glance up at him.
“Ginger,” he said. “We need to talk.”
I forced a smile for him, my hands gripping his shoulders so hard it probably hurt him, but he didn’t so much as flinch. “I know,” I said, my voice breaking on the last word. When he shot me a concerned look and opened his mouth to talk, I pressed my fingers against his mouth. “No. Don’t say it. Not yet. I need a drink first.”
He kissed my fingers and nodded, his bright blue eyes latched on me. “Have I ever denied you something you wanted?”
I wanted to demand he not leave me. He’d promised to give me everything I wanted, hadn’t he? But that wouldn’t be fair. Even I knew he didn’t have a say in whether he left or stayed. It was all up to men like my father. To the men in the government who sat behind their desks, moving men like Finn across the world like chess pieces.
I noticed the outline of his dog tags, so I gently grasped the chain and pulled them out from under his shirt. I scanned the words that denoted his name, social security number, blood type, and religion. I now knew he was O positive. What a weird way to find out. I didn’t even know what the heck type of blood I had, but I knew his.
Oh, and he was Catholic. He’d never mentioned this before. But we hadn’t talked about God much, besides when he’d told me surfing was his version of church. We hadn’t gotten to that part of our lives yet, I guess.
Knowing that this was how they kept track of who was who felt so cold and impersonal. But then again, that’s how life was, wasn’t it?
Out of Time (Out of Line #2) (Volume 2) Page 12