by Kim Lawrence
“Matt? What are you doing here?”
“I came for you.”
“Oh, Matt, Jimmy’s dead.” She burst into tears.
He stepped inside and drew her into his arms. “Oh, Sara. I didn’t know. When did it happen? I would have come instantly if I’d known.”
“You’re here now, that’s good,” she said, leaning against him. “We just found out this afternoon. It’s so awful.”
He turned her slightly and picked her up, carrying her to the sofa where he sat with her in his lap.
“Tell me,” he urged, holding her close.
“Amber is asleep at last. We came home because—” She stopped and looked at him, her eyes full of worry and sadness.
“Because this is your home, yours and Amber’s. And comfort is what she needs now,” he said. His place had never been hers. Would never be hers. He knew that now.
She nodded, her tears slowing.
“I didn’t know you were back,” she said, leaning her head against his shoulder wearily.
“I got in this afternoon. I tried calling you at work, but you weren’t there.”
“I found out about three. I went to Amber’s apartment, but we didn’t want to stay there. The Woodworths were devastated. I had to tell James. The Army notified Amber. I knew they would be heart-broken. How horrible is it to lose a child? I don’t know how Virginia will bear it.”
“What happened?” Three o’clock? He’d been at the apartment by four o’clock. He could have been with her all these hours.
He listened while Sara disjointedly told him what she knew. He didn’t fully understand where Jimmy had been, but did it matter? The fact was the young man was dead and Matt’s stepdaughter a widow at nineteen. Jimmy’s parents had lost their only child. His wife was distraught, which couldn’t be good for her or the baby.
And he hadn’t been there when she’d needed him most.
She pushed back. “I need to wash my face—again.” She rose and went down the short hall to the bathroom. He heard the water running. Feeling frustrated, he rose and went to the kitchen. The tea kettle was on the stove. Cups were in the sink. Remnants of a meal were still on the counter, little eaten.
He began to clear off the dishes, stacking them in the sink, putting away the food. He heard her join him. She’d pulled a sweatshirt over her clothes. Probably for the residual shock since it was not particularly cool in the apartment.
“I can do those,” she said dully.
“I can manage. Sit and talk to me. Tell me what you’ve decided for the funeral.”
She looked at him, a flare of anger showing.
“Where have you been? I’ve been out of my mind with worry, no word from you in a week. We didn’t exactly end on a pleasant note in our last call—which by the way was initiated from me. Would you ever have called?”
“I would have,” he said quietly. He turned off the water and turned to face her, leaning against the counter.
“When? How dare you waltz back in as if you’d only gone to the store.”
“I had some things to see to. I wanted to…”
“Mom?” Amber appeared in the door. “Oh, hi Matt. I guess you heard?” she asked.
“I’m so sorry, Amber,” he said, taking in her appearance. Gone was the vibrant happy young woman he was used to seeing. Her eyes were dulled from tears. She moved as if she were eighty instead of almost twenty.
“Yeah, me, too.” She went to sit beside Sara.
“Can’t sleep?” Sara asked.
She shook her head.
“Want me to warm up this food?” Matt asked. He wasn’t sure what to do with two weepy females, but he’d try something. He hadn’t known Jimmy well, but he couldn’t believe the young man was dead.
She shook her head. “I don’t want anything but to be with Mom.”
Sara reached out and brushed her fingers against Amber’s cheek. “It’ll get better with time, honey. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it will. I promise.”
“It’s getting through the now that’s so hard,” Amber replied.
Matt felt shut out. The two had a bond he’d never be a part of. They were a family. He was the outsider who had married Sara. Had the deck been stacked against them from the beginning?
He finished cleaning the kitchen, trying to ignore the boxes stacked against the far wall. Sara had been preparing to move, and he’d been stalling making that final decision and signing the lease.
What now?
He turned and leaned against the counter. The two women sat silently, watching him.
“Want to go into the other room where it’s more comfortable?” he asked.
They shrugged almost in unison and rose, walking into the living room. Sitting side by side on the sofa, Amber then leaned against Sara. For a moment Matt could see a little girl, trusting in her mother, the only parent she had.
At least her childhood had held Sara, not the crusty old man who had raised him. Raised him, but not taught him how to be part of a family.
Matt felt as if this was a test. If he passed, he’d be allowed to make a niche for himself with them. If he failed, he’d be back on his own, only it would be worse this time because he’d known Sara and had a glimpse of what life with her could be.
“You needn’t stay, Matt,” Sara said, leaning back and closing her eyes. “We’ll be fine.”
“Sara, you’re my wife, of course I’m staying.” Was she trying to send him away? Didn’t she want him to stay?
“Now’s a fine time to remember. Where have you been?”
He glanced at Amber. She was looking at him, but he had a feeling she wasn’t really seeing him.
“I had some things to work through,” he said, sitting in the chair opposite her. He didn’t want to have this discussion with a third party present. But he wasn’t leaving, either. Not before he and Sara had their talk.
“Where there were no phones?” she asked skeptically.
“Actually, that’s about it. I went to see an old friend. He and his wife live in the mountains of Virginia. Unfortunately there is no cell reception. And there was a storm. Power lines and phone lines were knocked out. I thought you got my message on Thursday.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know, now.”
“You didn’t sign the lease.”
He shook his head.
“Should I leave?” Amber asked, looking back and forth between her mother and Matt.
“No,” Sara said.
“Maybe it would be better,” Matt said simultaneously.
Sara glared at him. “She just lost her husband. Maybe I’m losing mine.”
Matt felt sucker punched. “What are you talking about?”
“I know you don’t want a baby, you’ve said so often enough.”
“I have never said it once!”
“You have—”
“What I’ve said more than once is I can’t picture myself as a father. Which is true. Actually, I never pictured myself as a husband, but you changed that. And now we’re having our baby.”
“And you’re thrilled,” she said sarcastically.
“Actually, thrilled isn’t quite how I’d put it. Scared silly more like.”
Sara looked at him. “Of a baby?”
He nodded. “I have never pictured myself as a father—mainly because I don’t have a clue how to be a father.”
“Being around goes a long way in my book,” Amber murmured. “Mine never was.”
“Babies don’t know anything when they’re born,” Sara said. “Whoever they get is usually fine with them. And you don’t become an instant father or mother. It takes time. I was so scared when Amber was born. Heck, I still don’t know what to do all the time, look at this situation. But I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world!”
“You are a great mother,” Amber said, hugging Sara. She looked over at Matt. “At least your baby will have his or her father. Just love the kid a lot and you’ll be fine.”
“I’ll try to remem
ber that,” he said, tilting his head slightly and looking at Sara. If Amber weren’t in the room, he’d sweep up his wife and take her to bed to try to erase the sadness that permeated her being. He hated knowing he’d caused some of it.
Sara studied him, as if seeking an explanation for what had to be a reversal of what she thought.
“I’ve had time to think about us, about the changes a baby will bring,” he said. “And I’m okay with everything.”
“Since when?” she asked.
“Since spending the weekend with Sambo and his wife and three kids.”
“Who is Sambo? What kind of name is Sambo?”
“Sam Bond. He and Dex and I went to college together. He went back east, settled in a town in western Virginia, got married and has two girls and a boy. They are terrific kids.”
Sara and Amber both stared at him.
“Cut me a break, Sara. I’ve never been around children before. I don’t even have any friends who have kids, except for Sam. And he lives three thousand miles away. You know my background. Did you think I would dream of some day having a son or daughter depending on me? What kind of father would I be?”
“I think you will be a wonderful father,” she said softly.
He was surprised at that. “You do?”
She nodded, smiling slightly. “I do. Just the kind I’d want my child to have.”
“Me, too,” Amber said.
“Both of you?” The thought shouldn’t please him so much, but it did.
“And a terrific grandfather,” Amber added.
He stared at her in dawning recognition. “Oh, no, Amber, you’re not pregnant, too?” Now the words she’d said earlier made sense. Her own baby would never know his or her father.
She nodded. “I didn’t even get to tell Jimmy. You and Mom are the first to know.”
Sara smiled. “If you could see your expression. Imagine, becoming a father and a grandfather all at once. Bet you never counted on that!”
Tears filled her eyes suddenly. “If you’re staying, that is,” she said.
He shook his head, totally bemused. “What do you mean if I’m staying? Of course I am, I just needed to fix a few things in my head. It’s a done deal. I spoke with Dex and Tony this afternoon. No more travel for me for at least a year. We’ll have this baby together.”
“No travel?” Sara asked. “But that’s what you do.”
“No, it’s what I did.”
“I thought you didn’t sign the lease because you wanted to be in London, not San Francisco. And maybe wanted to be there unencumbered, without a wife and baby.”
“I didn’t sign the lease because I wondered if we needed a larger place—for our new baby and to have a room for our daughter and her husband to visit. Now I think we need a mansion to accommodate the entire family.”
“The entire family?” Sara said.
“You, me, Amber and both babies. Where else will she live?”
Sara looked at Amber. “Where indeed.”
“Once the funeral is over, I need to go back to school to finish this year if possible. Who knows when I can work on a college education with an infant to care for. I’ll have to get a job. One day, I’ll get back to it. But I can’t live with you and Mom,” Amber said slowly.
“We’d love to have you,” Matt said, glancing at Sara for agreement.
She nodded, her smile almost as happy as he’d ever seen it. Only a tinge of sadness lingered. God, he’d do anything to have her smile be as radiant as it had been on their wedding day.
Amber looked between them again, then rose.
“I need to go to bed. Thanks for being here, Matt.”
When Amber left, Sara spoke softly, “Thank you Matt. That was special to invite her to live with us.”
“I meant it.”
“I guess you did. It surprised me, however.”
“Why?”
“I thought you had come to tell me you were leaving. That our marriage was over,” Sara said slowly.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SARA was gratified at the look on Matt’s face. Obviously she’d been wrong.
“Well, you didn’t sign the lease, you were gone without telling me where, you didn’t talk to me, you went off with your friends, and you kept saying…” she trailed off as he rose purposefully and advanced toward her.
“I never said I didn’t want the baby.”
“You changed when I told you about it.”
“You caught me totally by surprise. I do admit I’ve been angry you didn’t quit your job and travel with me.”
“I was afraid. Afraid you’d leave me and I’d be homeless and destitute.”
“That doesn’t make sense. I was never leaving you.”
“We married so fast. I thought that if we couldn’t do what we planned, you’d leave.”
“I’ve told you before, I’m not your first husband. I would never leave you. Don’t you have a clue how important you are to me?”
She shook her head slowly.
“Take a leap of faith, Sara. Believe me when I say I will never leave you. Not a baby, your job or anything else is going to separate us.
“It’s too late.”
“What’s too late?”
“For me to quit and travel.”
“Why?”
She blinked. “It should be obvious. Before long I’ll look like a beached whale. I will need to be no farther than fourteen feet from a bathroom. I’ll have the energy of a slug. Won’t be able to tie my shoes, much less travel to Europe or the Far East.”
“So?” He shrugged, sitting beside her, putting his arm around her shoulder, as if to anchor her next to him. “We’ll deal with that when the situation arises. Did you know Sam and his wife go hiking on the Appalachian Trail every year, pregnant, infants and all?”
“What?”
“I’ve learned a lot these last few days. Pregnant women can do whatever they want—including visiting foreign locales. We’ll have to make sure we’re home in plenty of time for the delivery, but otherwise, if you want, we can still take our trips. But I’ve told Dex I’m not taking any business trips until this time next year. I’m not spending days away from my wife. I want to see all the changes the baby brings. And be here when he is born. By then we may be ready to take up traveling again.”
“You love to travel, that’s the best part of your job,” she said.
“I do like to travel.” He laced his fingers with hers. “But over the last couple of months, I’ve discovered, I like being with you even more. If we never left San Francisco again, I’ll be happy with you, Sara. I never had anyone to share my life with—no one who wanted me just for me before. I realized in Stockholm and Brussels how little visiting those places means these days when you aren’t with me.”
“I requested a leave of absence at work. I was going to tell you the day you left for Brussels. I’m ready to go with you,” she said, overwhelmed with the burst of love that filled her heart.
He tugged her closer, and brushed his lips over her fingers.
“So we’ll travel as time permits until the baby’s old enough, then go back to our plan to settle temporarily in London. Think how worldly our child will be as he grows up visiting Madrid or Brussels or Tokyo.”
“He?” She latched on to the one thing she could, her mind a whirl with the possibilities as Matt presented them.
“Or she. Or they.”
“They?”
“We don’t want this child to grow up lonely, do we? I was an only, you were, Amber was until now. Didn’t we all long for siblings?”
“You want more children?” Sara’s eyes were wide in surprise.
“First of all, I want you. Then, yes. I think I do want a family full of kids. If we ever decide to settle down we can get a house. But in the meantime, a large apartment, that someone can watch for us while we’re traveling, will do.”
“So you want to stay married,” Sara wanted that clearly stated.
“I meant what I said. Yo
u are more important than anything else I have or hope to ever have. I would do anything for you, Sara. I wish you believed that.”
He kissed her, long and deep. She came up for air and smiled at him.
“I guess I can try,” she said.
“For the next fifty or sixty years. Just give me a chance to show you I’m not some guy who is going to walk out on you. I’m in this for life. Our life together. Believe it, sweetheart,” he said.
“I do.”
“Maybe this life we’ll share isn’t going to be the way we thought when we got married a couple of months ago. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be even better,” he said.
“I wanted to be footloose and fancy-free. To travel and see the world. To go sailing, and exploring and learn a new language.”
“And you can. We can make it work however we want it to. As long as we’re together—a family.”
“I love you Matt,” she said.
“I love you, Sara.”
“You do?”
He frowned. “You needn’t sound so surprised.”
“You never told me before.” She turned slightly, framing his face with both her palms. “Tell me again, look right at me and tell me.”
“I love you, Sara Tucker,” he said solemnly, then kissed her. When he ended the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers. “How could you doubt my love?”
“At first I didn’t, but then you grew so distant after I told you about the baby.”
“It was a surprise. I was running scared. And until I read that baby book on the plane ride home, I wasn’t sure how much you and I could do exactly…” He trailed off.
Sara laughed, her heart filled to overflowing.
“We can do anything we want, right up until the last couple of weeks.”
“I’m all for that, then,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I meant what I said about Amber. She might want to live with us, and that’s fine with me.”
“Oh, Matt, thank you. We can let the situation settle a bit for Amber before making any long-range decisions. She may truly wish to be on her own for a while, at least until the baby comes. Imagine, two infants at the same time. I can’t believe I’m pregnant at the same time my daughter is!”
“I can’t believe I now have to adjust to becoming a grandfather before I’ve even been father. Life with you, sweetheart, is not at all like I thought it would be.”