by Holly Evans
His hands tightened around the steering wheel.
“I am your partner. I am your pack. I am trying to keep you safe.”
I closed my eyes and fought down the emotions. No one had called me pack before. Slowly, I reached out and ran my fingertips over his hand. My breath caught in my throat as I did so, expecting something to go catastrophically wrong.
“I’ve been alone. I’m fucking made, I can barely get a one night stand most nights let alone pack, or friends,” I spat.
He relaxed and stroked my cheekbone with his thumb.
“Things are different now,” he said softly.
I exhaled.
“I need time.”
He smiled.
“We have centuries ahead of us. I’m not going to hurt you, Niko. I will keep you safe, if you’ll let me.”
“I don’t-”
“I didn’t say you need me to keep you safe. That’s what packs and partners do. We look out for each other.”
I relaxed and said nothing more. He knew, about my magic. He had to. The question now was, what did he plan on doing with that information? Could I really trust him with something like that? There were groups of people out there, right now, hunting me down because I was the first.
‘That’s what packs and partners do.’
A smile formed unbidden. He was far from perfect, but he was mine.
Like most churches of the old gods, the shadow church was small and on the outskirts of the town. The sun was setting, staining the horizon blood red as we approached the dark stone building with tall spikes thrust at the dusk sky. My shadow magic rippled under my skin. I had to work hard to push it down deep within me while appearing calm and nonplussed. Alasdair was back to his usual self. He walked close to me with his confident stride and small, infuriatingly sexy smirk.
Saoirse had sent over photos of the bead for us to show the priest. I hoped for some sort of breakthrough. I was ready to get moving and save lives. The dark wooden door, complete with small spikes protruding at even spaces, opened with a soft creak. I rolled my eyes. If this were a horror movie, we’d be the scary monsters. Alasdair stepped into the darkness and sighed softly. The space within was lit by a few stubby candles placed on the black tile floors. Shadows danced and swayed across the walls, and the priest stood in a black cassock waiting for us.
I held my tongue and bit back a comment about stupid theatrics. We were supposed to be professionals.
“And what do the moon goddess’s bitches want with me?” the young man bit out with a thick accent.
The shadow god was the enemy of the moon goddess. Everything must balance, and they balanced each other, which led to a lot of hate. Alasdair bared his teeth in a threatening smile. To his credit, the priest simply raised a thin eyebrow.
“A bead was found at a ritual. It was found to have come from this church. We need to know which of your followers owned said bead,” Alasdair said.
The priest crossed the space of the church in the blink of an eye and took the photos to inspect.
“It is a generic bead. All of my followers have one,” he said, handing the photos back to Alasdair.
I stepped forward into the priest’s space.
“And which of your followers has been looking to be closer to the shadow god?” I pressed.
The priest looked me up and down. The smile that slowly crept across his face set my teeth on edge.
“My followers are all devoted and wish to be closer to our master,” he said.
The corner of his mouth twitched with a confident smile. I could see the victory shining in his eyes. The bastard was hiding something.
Thirty-Two
Alasdair pushed the priest a little harder, but we had to leave. The political situation was too fragile to do more than ask a few questions. We were representatives of the moon goddess, her chosen. If we roughed up one of the shadow god’s priests, there would be consequences.
Alasdair growled and paced around the car while looking through his phone. I ignored him and looked up at the increasingly dark sky, trying to think if I knew anyone in the area that could help.
“I have no one, you?” Alasdair asked.
“Like I said earlier, made don’t really have friends.”
He curled his lip.
“We’ll work on that. You need contacts.”
I held my tongue and stared him down.
“Come for a run with me, it’ll clear our heads. Maybe we’ll figure something out,” he said.
I raised my eyebrow, “A run, run?”
He smiled. “Yes, Niko, a run-run. Our cabin backs onto the forest, we can run freely for an hour or two.”
I stretched and allowed myself a little hope. It had been too long since I’d run through the forest. The woods in Ireland weren’t the same. Running with him, though, I didn’t know how to feel about that. I’d never shifted with anyone else around before.
Alasdair squeezed my shoulder. “Come on, we’ll grab some food and then head out. We can’t risk a hunt.”
I shrugged. “I don’t really hunt anyway.”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Surely, you hunt sometimes, to sate your prey drive?”
I got into the car and left his question unanswered. My ‘prey drive,’ as he called it, the need to hunt and kill, wasn’t unbearably strong. Maybe there was finally an upside to being made.
Our cabin was a small simple thing with the obligatory shared bed, tiny excuse for a kitchen, and large kitchen table which took up most of the downstairs area. Alasdair was positively bouncing at the prospect of a run. I wondered how often he got to relax and release like that. A blush crept across my cheeks as my mind slipped into other forms of relaxation and release.
“Why are you blushing?” Alasdair asked as he shrugged off his shirt, which only made my sinful thoughts worse. “You’ve seen me in my boxers before, why are you getting shy now?”
I gave him a polite smile and turned my back to strip down myself. I felt the crackle in the air when he shifted. His wolf form was a great silvery white creature whose shoulder came up to my ribs in human form. He was standing grinning at me, his silver eyes shining with pleasure. I pushed aside the urge to dig my fingers into his thick fur and instead stepped out into the cold night and shut the door behind us before I shifted.
My wolf was a normal timber wolf. His dire wolf form dwarfed me. That didn’t stop him from grinning at me and going into a play bow with his front paws stretched before him and his arse in the air. I ran off into the woods that sat behind Alasdair before the sinful thoughts became too much. He was right behind me and nipped my hip gently. I growled at him, only to find him grinning at me before he took off into the woods. And so it continued.
We ran between the broad boughs and over the cool earth, nipping, chasing, and running. For the first time, I relaxed and played. The pleasure of running and chasing was unlike anything else. In those blissful moments, I was truly happy.
Of course, it had to come to an end. If someone saw us out there, we’d risk the wrath of the Council. My form could be explained away as a stray dog; Alasdair’s was another thing entirely. I nudged him with my shoulder and smiled at him before I shifted. All stress and strain between us had been forgotten. We were just two wolves enjoying the night. I had my hand on the door to let us back inside to the warmth when I felt his lips on my neck and his hand on my hip. His hot breath curled against my throat, and I paused, entirely lost as to what to do.
He was my partner, a damn Guardian, but his soft lips trailed down my throat and his hand gripped my hip a little tighter. My eyes closed, and I leaned into his hard chest. Maybe giving in to him wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
A phone rang out inside and broke the moment. I opened the door, and Alasdair pushed past me to get his phone. His expression soured.
“Yes, I understand. Yes.”
He sighed and started pulling his suit trousers on.
“There’s been another ritual in Paris. Selene has called me
back.”
He didn’t look at me as he got dressed again. I put my jeans back on and poked at the small woodburner, trying to get my head straight.
“You’ll have the car, keep looking around here. The priest is hiding something.”
With that, he left me alone in the cabin with nothing but my thoughts.
Thirty-Three
The bed felt cold and empty without Alasdair’s familiar presence. The nightmares came for me the moment I fell asleep. The darkness clawed at me and blood dripped from my hands. I woke with a start and checked myself over for blood and shadow. My heart was thundering in my chest. I couldn’t catch my breath. I stumbled down the narrow stairs into the kitchen and looked for coffee and something to eat, something to get my mind off those nightmares. The darkness had surged from within, and I’d become something else, something sinister. I was a predator, but I would never be the mindless sociopath I had been in the dream.
It took two very strong cups of coffee to bring me ‘round to full wakefulness. I needed to figure out what the priest was hiding. Chewing on my bottom lip, I paced around the small living space for a few minutes, trying to think of the best plan. I couldn’t threaten him, that would cause too much political fallout. There could be something of interest hidden in his church, though. Maybe if I could sneak into the private areas, I’d find something in the paperwork.
It wasn’t much of a plan, but it was better than continuing to pace hopelessly. I drove through the streets of Altensteig and wondered at the lives of the humans living there in their quaint three-storied houses with exposed beams painted in soft pastel colours. The town had a sense of peace about it, but there was no hiding the energy buzzing beneath the surface. Those people didn’t have to worry about being hunted down for being born as they were. They could enjoy laughter and joy in the dark pubs with their beers and friends. I found myself slowing to look down the narrow river with tall houses lining it. Brightly coloured flowers burst from the balconies overlooking the river. It was such a change from the constant grey of Dublin.
That wasn’t going to do me any good, pining for what I could never have. I drove out to the edge of the town and parked the car a hundred metres or so away from the church and began a slow circle around the outskirts of the church. It was more exposed that I’d have liked. The spindly trees near it lacked the vibrant foliage that the rest of the trees in the town had. The grass was short and patchy, too, meaning I’d have to be careful about leaving footprints. The building wasn’t much to look at. It lacked the quaint German-ness the other buildings had.
I circled around the entire building twice looking for lights and people. No one was parked nearby. There had been no movement, so perhaps the priest had gone out to run some errands. Even shadow priests had to eat, after all. I kept my ears pricked and approached from the back, where a small wall surrounded a patch of black bare earth. An oily scent covered the ground there, something metallic that made my nose wrinkle. I bet that was where they performed group rituals. My shadow magic began to push and writhe as I got close to that patch of earth. I was distracted trying to push it down. The priest stepped out into the pale light of the overcast day.
“Can I help you?” he said in sugary tones.
I was still fighting with my shadow magic and gave him a tight smile.
“I have a few more questions.”
His mouth twisted into a crooked smile full of malice and dark intent.
“I bet you do. I haven’t felt such potential in anyone before. How did a made come to have such a thing?”
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I demanded as I finally wrangled my shadow magic back into my internal depths.
He stepped down off the small stone porch around the back door and went to touch my face.
“You have been touched by the shadow god in a way most people only dream of. Come inside, we have much to discuss.”
Panic warred with anger. I couldn’t have anything to do with the shadow god; he was the opposite of my lady.
“You wish to know about the ritual, yes? Then come inside, and we will discuss the ritual.”
I stepped around him into the darkness of the church and allowed him to lead me into his surprisingly bright office.
“There was a young woman who came here every day and prayed to our god. She begged him to help her fulfil her potential. She had no potential, she was just another lost soul. I took pity on her and allowed her a moment in my library with the hopes that perhaps a little distraction might help her.” He shook his head and sighed.
“It only fueled her. She found rituals, ancient rituals. She will never be able to fulfil them, but you. You are chosen by him. He would delight in your company and bring you to his side for ascension. Here.” He pulled out a slender dark book. “This will tell you all you need to know.”
He took my hand in his, his skin was icy to the touch.
“Be with our master, bring us into his embrace.”
I took the book and walked out without a word. What could I even say to that? My hands were trembling. I couldn’t belong to the shadow god. The moon goddess had chosen me. I was one of her Guardians. He was wrong, he had to be wrong. The shadow magic within me disagreed.
Thirty-Four
The book looked so unassuming. It was just another black leatherbound book. No one gave it a second glance when I carried it onto the plane. Selene had been good enough to book me business class for the short flight back to Paris. I was glad of the extra comfort as I flipped through the slender book and found myself horrified and fascinated. The ritual was even more brutal than I’d thought. The end goal was to make the person a shadow dancer, a thing of myths and fables. They were demigods who walked the earth plane with complete control over the shadow. They could even walk on the shadow plane itself. Some said they used to exist, but that people hunted them and eradicated them, that they were too powerful to be allowed to live. I didn’t know how you could achieve such a thing, and I didn’t really want to think about it.
Once I was safely back on the ground, I tucked the book away in the depths of my backpack and tried to see if I could get a motorbike to get around Paris on. Cars offered more security, which was nice on occasion, but I wanted the freedom of a bike. It took me a bit to find a place, and the price stung, but there was a nice Yamaha that I could be very comfortable on. I rang Alasdair to see if there was an expense account or something tied into being a Guardian. He laughed at me and told me to get the damn bike.
To say I felt better when I turned the engine over on the bike was a huge understatement. I slipped between the traffic and allowed myself to get a little lost as I headed back to the apartment where Alasdair was waiting for me. The city was buzzing with night-time entertainment and plans. I allowed the bright lights, laughter, and life to slip me by as I made my way through the old city. Alasdair had been told what I had on me, and I knew that I should return to him and make real progress on the ritual killings, but I needed a bit of space.
I pulled up next to one of the many parks and looked over the pristine lawns and perfectly trimmed trees with a smile. It would never be my city, but the life and vibrancy of it helped shake off the cobwebs and fear that had gathered since my trip to the shadow church.
A man in tatty jeans and a well-worn leather jacket jogged towards me, and a glint of silver in his hand caught the light of the orange streetlight. I sighed.
“Goddess, why?” I muttered under my breath.
My hand went to where my knife should have been, but of course it wasn’t there. I needed to gather the funds to get some alchemically treated blades, ones that could get through airport security. The hunter growled something about abominations before he tried to stab me in the stomach. I side-stepped and grabbed him by the shoulders. Using his own forward momentum, I threw him down to the ground. Pedestrians nearby paused to see what was going on. I gave an older woman a polite smile and stepped heavily on the hunter’s k
nife hand.
He grunted in pain as I put more weight on the hand and heard the bones crunch and break. I looked around for more hunters or human police. The hunter tried to reach around for his knife, but I kicked it away before I crouched down and held his chin tightly in my hand. I allowed my fire magic to bubble up and slip through my fingertips. His eyes went wide with pain. I pressed my finger to his lips.
“Come after me again, and I’ll show you what real pain feels like,” I said softly.
He swallowed hard, and I released him before getting back on the bike. It was time to head back and deal with Alasdair.
Alasdair greeted me at the door to our apartment. His hand went to my face, a frown tugging his mouth downwards.
“You look a mess, what happened?”
I gave him a charming smile and stepped around him.
“Just a long day, I’m exhausted. Is there food?”
“Niko…” A growl rumbled under the word.
The shadow priest had scared me. He’d told me I am a true abomination, one of the shadow god’s. How could I possibly tell him that?
“The book is scary shit, it’s put me on edge, is all, and I really am exhausted and starving. Where’s the food?”
Alasdair didn’t look convinced. The small crease remained between his eyebrows.
“There’s food in the kitchen. Where’s the book?”
I handed him my backpack and went in search of food. My stomach growled and complained, it was sure my throat had been slit.
“How did you get the priest to give you this?”
I shrugged.
“What can I say, I’m downright charming when I want to be.”
He saw the darkness within me and felt I was worthier than the bitch doing the rituals, the twisted soul slaughtering innocent wolves. I shuddered at the thought.
Alasdair growled and stalked off. I ignored him. Partner or not, I was not going to share that secret with him. The chances of him killing me himself were far too high. I was quite attached to the whole ‘staying alive’ thing.