Inside and Out

by Stephanie Taylor

  “He asked me to come riding at his ranch sometime. Said he had a horse who needed some extra attention.” Jolie placed a bowl in the drain and dried her hands.

  “That’s fine. He does love his horses.”

  “He asked about you, too,” she finally added. “He said he misses you.”

  Cora ignored her and continued to wash.

  “What happened, Mom?”

  “Too many differences, that’s all.”

  “You guys seemed so happy together. And you were the real you. You never gave that fake laugh like you did with Dad all the time and you never said something just because he wanted to hear it. You’ve always told me when I find someone to love, they should love me for me.”

  Cora didn’t like how this conversation was going. Her hold on sanity was slipping. Her own daughter would not change her mind about Liam.

  “I have told you that, and I’m glad you’ve been listening,” she said and handed her a plate to dry.

  “You promised me you’d try.” Her lone statement cut like a hot knife through butter.

  “When I was ready.”

  “Maybe you’re just afraid to be ready, Mom. I mean, I know when I’m about to play a solo on my trumpet in band, I get nervous even though I could play the piece in my sleep. I’m afraid to do it, but once it’s over I always wonder why I was so scared. If I miss a note, it’s not that big of a deal. I just pick up where I left off and keep going.”

  Again, Cora fell silent. If only it was that easy. “We just have too many differences, honey. He’s closer to your age than mine!”

  “Actually, he’s ten years older than me.”

  “And ten years younger than me.”

  “So? Then it’s like Goldilocks and the three bears. He’s not too old and not too young. He’s just right.”

  Despite herself, Cora laughed. Only her daughter could think of such a comparison.

  “Do you think I could go to his house sometime to visit the horses?”

  Cora nodded. “Sure. Now let’s get these dishes done so I can dirty up some more with dinner.”

  Chapter Six

  Cora couldn’t help it when her heart leapt into her throat and sweat beaded on her brow. There, at her front door, not ten minutes after the kids were seated on the bus, stood Sam, complete in a too-tight polo she’d bought for him three birthdays ago. He must have received the papers she’d filed for sole custody. In the four weeks since she’d warned him of her plans, he had yet to come see them. She’d watched Jolie escape inside herself, reading more books, listening to more music and withdrawing socially. She couldn’t stand to watch it. Cora decided to take a stand.

  Sam’s fist pounded on the front door and the door handle wiggled. She could tell just from his knock alone this wasn’t going to be a pleasant visit.

  Swinging the door open, Cora then placed herself in between the opening and the living room so he couldn’t waltz in.

  “We need to talk,” he said, his voice gruff. He attempted to push her aside, but she was so fed up of always being pushed aside that she placed her palm on his chest and stopped him.

  “You don’t live here anymore, Sam. You’re not invited in.”

  He shook the legal papers at her. “This is crazy!”

  Cora cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. She wouldn’t let this man bully her another day of her life. “What’s crazy is you not coming to see your children. I’ve asked you to many times. I gave you an extra month after I told you I was going to file for sole custody.”

  “You’re with someone else now, aren’t you? The only way you’d have this much confidence and stand up for yourself is if someone else is feeding you this nonsense. The woman I married wouldn’t dare take a man’s children from him.”

  Cora stood up a little taller. “The woman you married was naïve the day she said I do. But not anymore. I just see you for what you really are. A selfish man whose priorities are all wrong.”

  “You need to drop this stupidity,” he said with another shake of the paperwork. “I’m doing all I can to make ends meet and pay child support.”

  “It’s not enough, Sam. I’m done with you. You have my lawyer’s contact information. That’s the only way we’ll be speaking from now on.”

  Sam stared at her for a second too long, like he was trying to figure her out. “Who is he?”

  Cora took a minute to take a deep breath. “It’s really sad that we were married for so long and you actually think the only strength I’m capable of is through a man. You were never my strength. You brought me down with your double standards and your lack of compassion. The only reason I have confidence standing here right now is because I’m finally free to be me. With no one telling me I’m right or wrong.”

  Sam’s eyes widened then narrowed into thin slits. “I’ll fight this.”

  “I hope you do,” Cora said honestly. She’d love for something to go right for a change.

  “And one day, our kids are going to see you for who you really are.”

  “Daddy?” Jolie’s voice came from behind Sam. Sam whirled around, his face full of shock.

  “What are you doing here, Jolie?” Cora asked, stepping past her ex-husband to embrace her daughter. Tears were shining against her skin.

  “I thought I saw Daddy in a car we passed on the school bus.” Her dazed perusal of her father made her fall quiet for a moment. “Why are you saying such awful things to Mom? Why haven’t you come to see us?”

  “Jolie,” Sam said with a sigh of frustration, “it’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.”

  “She understands more than you realize.” Cora tightened her grip on Jolie.

  “Not this. She doesn’t understand what you’re doing.”

  “She’s filing for sole custody so we don’t have to worry whether or not you’re going to show up when you say you are.” Jolie’s small frame shook, and Cora’s motherly instincts told her she should let her daughter have some closure even when it took everything inside her not to protect her.

  “Cora can you tell her—“

  “What, Daddy? That you love her more than you love us?”

  “That’s not it, and you know it. Your mother hasn’t told you the whole truth.” Sam’s face turned crimson and sweat beaded on his brow.

  “But I don’t know. I haven’t seen you in six months and we live in the same town. All my friends have their dads at their school functions, but I have to worry whether or not mine will just call me. You missed everything I did at school this year. You used to be on the front row, cheering me on. Now your seat is empty. Mom’s always there. What’s your excuse?”

  “Jolie, that’s enough. Don’t talk to me like that. I’m your father.”

  For a moment, Cora thought Jolie was going to submit. Then she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “I don’t have a father.”

  With those parting word, Jolie ran inside and slammed the front door shut. Cora watched Sam’s emotions walk across his face. Shock, anger, frustration, despair…

  She didn’t bother to tell Sam goodbye. Cora walked past him into the house and closed the door quietly behind her.

  Jolie needed her.

  ****

  Liam exhaled sharply when Cora’s number displayed on his phone. He’d waited for a month without going after her. It had almost killed him, but he knew it was important for her to find her own way back to him. He couldn’t carve a path for her if she was still blind to it.

  So he’d sat back and waited. Not so patiently.

  “Hello?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

  “Liam?” Jolie’s voice sounded small and far away. Her sniff told him she’d been crying.

  “Jolie? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” His heart galloped in his chest at the thought.

  “Everything is fine.”

  Liam exhaled sharply without realizing he’d been holding his breath.

  “Do you remember when you asked me to come visit one of your hor
ses?”

  “I do.”

  “Could I come out now? I need to get out of the house.”

  “Wait. Why aren’t you at school? This is only Thursday.”

  “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later. Could you come pick me up?”

  Liam was hesitant to get Jolie if Cora didn’t know.

  “Does your mom know about this?”

  “Yes. She gave me her cell phone to call you.”

  “Alright. I’ll be there in ten. Wear riding boots.”

  When he hung up, Liam frowned. Cora still wasn’t speaking to him. At first, it had been personal. He’d admitted his feelings too soon and pushed too hard. She wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment again with the ink barely dry on her divorce papers. And she was gearing up for a custody battle for her kids. There wasn’t a whole lot of time in between all of that for them to develop a relationship.

  He’d be patient just a little longer. In the meantime, Jolie needed him.

  Chapter Seven

  Liam watched Jolie rub his mare’s nose. The horse sniffed her pocket for a treat, but accepted the affection as Jolie fed her an apple slice Liam had prepared before they came out to the barn. Jolie had been around horses only a few times, but she expertly held her hand flat as the horse took the apple slice and her crunch broke the silence in the barn.

  “What’s her name?” Jolie asked, studying the horse.

  “Africa.”

  She turned to look at Liam. “Africa? That’s an unusual name.”

  Liam nodded. He whistled low and the horse perked its ears toward him. Liam slouched over the gate and pointed to the horses behind. “See that spot there?” he asked. “If you turn your head sideways, it’s the shape of Africa.”

  Jolie did as she was told and immediately giggled. “How weird!”

  “My dad named her before he died.” He broached the subject easily, watching her body language and her face for any micro expressions. He relaxed when she continued to pet the horse and feed her another apple slice.

  “Do you ever get used to it?” she asked quietly?

  “What?” Liam shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “Him not being here? When Mom and Dad separated, I thought I’d get used to it, but I can’t. I keep expecting him to walk home from work one day.”

  Liam thought about how to answer that. He wanted to be eloquent and say something profound, but there was just the simple truth. “He’s been gone a long time, but yeah, I still miss him. But the difference is, Jolie, your dad isn’t gone. He’s just going through something right now none of us might ever understand. All you can do is be there for him when he snaps out of it.”

  With a final pat, Jolie moved away from the horse and turned to look at him. “It feels like it’s never going to happen. Mom has tried so hard to be strong, and I just want her to have a good life. Dad hurt her.”

  “You’re a smart girl. Your mom needs time, but she’ll bounce back. She is strong, even if the divorce has been hard. Probably because of it.”

  Jolie tilted her head, her pretty hazel eyes penetrating. “You love her, don’t you?”

  The kid wasn’t just smart; she was perceptive. And it was time someone talked to her as an equal. She might be young, but she had gone through enough that she deserved the truth.

  “I do. Are you okay with that?” They walked over to a hay bale and sat down. With his elbows on his knees, he looked over his shoulder at her.

  “It makes me happy. When we talked about it, she told me there was a lot of things keeping you guys apart.”

  Liam chuckled. “Let me guess. Our age difference was one of them.”

  Jolie nodded. “I tried to tell her it wasn’t such a big deal. So I guess since you love her, the age thing doesn’t bother you?”

  “Not at all.” Liam shook his head.

  Jolie sighed. “Then why is she being so difficult?”

  He couldn’t help but laugh. “She just divorced your dad. She probably needs some time alone to figure out who she is again. For a long time, all of you and your dad defined who she was. A mother. A wife. Now that she’s not a wife, it’s important for her to be her own self so she can move on with someone eventually.”

  Jolie nodded emphatically, like she couldn’t have said it better herself. Since when had teenagers gotten so smart? When he was her age, he was still drawing with sidewalk chalk and asking people to pull his finger.

  Silence fell between them. After a moment, Liam said, “Do you like kittens?”

  Jolie gasped. “I love kittens. Please tell me you have some!”

  “Born last month. We try to keep the cat population around here up or the mice will run us over. Wanna see them?”

  Jolie stood and jumped a little. “Yes!”

  Liam led the way to the back of the barn in a corner they didn’t use for anything but storing tools. The mother cat lay with her babies, her eyes closed into trusting slits as her kittens nursed. As they neared, he could hear her purring.

  “Does the mama have a name?”

  “I haven’t ever named her.” He looked at her, her hair falling from her ponytail in childlike wisps. “Would you like to?”

  The radiance that spread across her face melted his heart. “She’s a calico. How about Patches?”

  “I like that.” He crouched down to the mother cat and scratched her ear. “You have a name now. Can we call you Patches?”

  Jolie hesitated for a moment, but Liam could tell she was itching to touch.

  “Don’t be shy. She loves attention.”

  Jolie didn’t kneel; she sat down on the barn floor and ran her hand up and down Patches. Her purring became louder. Jolie giggled.

  One of the kittens had fallen asleep. Liam picked it up and held it out to Jolie and she accepted the bundle of fur with wide eyes and deft hands.

  The kitten was solid white with a black nose and spot above its right eye. The tip of its tail was also black. With a loud meow, the kitten gripped her wrist with its claws and didn’t settle until Jolie put it under her chin.

  Slowly, Jolie’s eyes closed and she hummed.

  Once again, Liam was struck by how small yet mature she was. She was in the stage where she still had the heart of a child but the mind of a young adult who’d lived far too much in her fourteen years. She should have been thinking about boys and fashion instead of whether or not her father loved her.

  “So we talked about your mom some. How are you feeling about your dad?”

  Jolie’s gaze centered on him. “He’s not my dad. My dad cared about me. Whoever that man is, he’s not my dad.”

  Her voice was rough, a little shaky.

  “You can’t hold on to that kind of bitterness. It’s like acid. It’ll eat away at you.”

  “I just can’t figure out why he doesn’t love us anymore. Were we not good enough?”

  Liam scooted to her and put a palm on her shoulder. “You’re enough, Jolie. If anything, he knew he could never measure up. But regardless of that, I know he loves you, just like I do.”

  “He came to the house today,” she finally said, ignoring his words.

  In that moment, Liam understood everything. Why Jolie had called, why Cora hadn’t bothered to come to the door to see her out. They were both hurting. Both so far out of their comfort zone Jolie had needed to get away. Cora had to do what she’d always done: stay behind and be a rock for the twins.

  “What happened?”

  “He said some really ugly things. I didn’t hear all of it, but he told Mom he’d fight for custody. Mom told him she hoped he did.”

  “You’re old enough to choose who you want to live with now. Have you thought about that?”

  “Of course I want to live with Mom. I couldn’t imagine not living with her. While Dad definitely has his issues, I was never as close to him as I was Mom.”

  Liam nodded. The kitten Jolie held yelped as she adjusted her hold and cradled it against her stomach.

  “You would have been
proud of her. She didn’t let Dad run all over her.”

  “I’m happy about that.”

  Jolie picked up a piece of hay for the kitten to play with. Her small grin belied her dejected tone. “When I was younger, maybe nine or ten, I remember Dad made her cry. He said her job was to clean the house and take care of us and do what he said. I couldn’t figure out why he thought that. I mean, why were we a job? Why did Mom have to obey him like we did? I always wondered if he even wanted us.”

  “I know he did.”

  “She didn’t know I was listening. She never said anything to him. Just turned around and did the dishes while she cried.”

  “Your mom is brave like that.” Liam watched the kitten batting at the straw and resisted the urge to pull Jolie into a bear hug.

  “She took us out for ice cream that night after Dad got on his computer to work. Mom told us how much she loved us and how happy we made her when other things around her were sad.”

  Placing the kitten back with Patches, Jolie stood. “I think I should go home now. The twins will be home from school soon and I need to help Mom with dinner.”

  Liam dusted off his jeans and stood along side her. “How about I bring over dinner? You guys have been through enough today.”

  Jolie nodded. Liam wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. Whether Sam was there for Jolie or not, he was determined to be, no matter what happened with Cora.

  ****

  Cora looked up as Jolie walked through the front door, a huge smile on her face. She talked excitedly about the animals at Liam’s ranch and the mother cat she’d named. Just behind her was Liam, carrying three large paper bags. The twins put their homework aside and stood.

  “Who wants Chinese?” Liam announced in a big voice.

  Cora could have cried. For one single moment it was like he belonged here. Like she’d been waiting her whole life just to see him again. Years from now would they look back on their time apart and wonder what took her so long to come to her senses. Suddenly, she realized she no longer wanted Sam to come home and beg for her forgiveness. That dream now featured Liam coming home and greeting her with one of his naughty looks and kissing her senseless. Because that was what he’d do.