“You know that works a lot better if you actually use it,” I said, pointing to the towel hanging idly from his fingers, “and it’ll save my rug from getting waterlogged.”
He gave me a rueful look and unfolded the oversized bath sheet. My thigh muscles jumped as I watched him wipe his arms. How could he make such a simple, mundane task so blatantly erotic?
“Coffee?”
I’m not sure which of us was more startled by my offer. What was wrong with me? I ought to be kicking his ass out the door, not playing Patti the Perfect Hostess. I told myself it would be a test, a way to prove to myself that my initial reaction to him was all due to shock. Something that would right itself in a more normal setting.
Yeah right, of course it would.
Besides, I was curious to know why he was here.
“I don’t want to put you to any trouble,” Gabriel said, pausing in mid-wipe. His voice was quiet, nothing overtly sexual, yet it still managed to wrap itself sweetly around my spine.
“Trust me, you won’t.” I looked down at the spreading water stain. “You’d better come into the kitchen. It’ll be easier to mop up the floor than dry out the rug.”
I managed to pull all the requirements together to make coffee even as the rational part of my brain wanted to know if I had gone completely insane.
Aren’t you keeping track? the irrational part snapped back.
Allowing Gabriel inside my front door wasn’t an automatic invitation back into my life, no matter what my pelvis thought. I consulted my mental checklist, just to remind myself why such an idea was monumentally bad.
He had left me with no explanation, hurting me in a way I’d never thought possible.
I had spent more nights crying over him than I would ever admit to.
He was absolutely one hundred percent wrong for me.
My mouth fashioned itself in a tight smile. My reasoning was sound. There was absolutely no way I was going to let him get close to me again.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Or something like that.
The coffeepot, announcing the end of its brew cycle by sputtering loudly, seemed to agree with me. “You can sit down if you want,” I told Gabriel as I reached into the cupboard for mugs. I was inordinately pleased at how well I was handling things.
“I think I’d better not.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I saw him eyeing the padded seat of my kitchen chair as he blotted his hair with the towel. I shrugged and fixed his coffee, black with one sugar—funny the things you remember. Only I forgot how fast he could move. After putting his mug on the table, he caught my arm and pulled me to him, his mouth covering mine.
I responded instinctively, parting my lips so I could feel his warm breath and taste his spicy sweetness. Loosening his hold on my arm, Gabriel swept his hand down my back. Long fingers danced over my spine, moved along my waist, and caressed my hip. I was floating in a warm rush of desire as he pulled his mouth away and looked down at me.
The way my body had been cranking up since opening the door, it was stupid to think a kiss wasn’t going to send it into overdrive. But I was damned if I was going to let him think he could just pick right up where he’d left off. As if the past couple of months of abject misery had never happened. God knows I have some pride.
Resting my hand lightly on his arm, I felt his bicep flex invitingly beneath my fingers. His mouth became a satisfied curl that reinforced the confident gleam in his eyes and shattered the tenuous grip I didn’t realize I was using to restrain myself. I let my temper get the upper hand, reacting as any normal female with sufficient backbone would by slapping him across the face. Hard. So much for indifference.
My reward was seeing the self-assurance change to disbelief, punctuated with a flash of hot anger. I think it was safe to assume Gabriel didn’t get slapped much. Slipping out of his embrace with my own satisfied smile, I watched him raise a hand to his cheek.
“Guess I deserved that,” he muttered a little sourly.
“Yeah, I guess you did.”
Leaning back against the kitchen sink, I kept my hands lodged firmly behind me so Gabriel wouldn’t see how badly they were shaking. I know my slap had surprised him, but surely he should have expected it? You don’t run from someone the way he had and not expect repercussions. Every experience we have leaves an imprint that affects us. Good or bad, it’s just a matter of degree.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed my surface temper down. Unchecked, it was liable to make me do, or say, something regrettable. “Why are you here, Gabriel?” I asked.
The minute hand on the wall clock made a click before he answered, “I’ve come to apologize.”
“Bit late for that, don’t you think?” It might have been unnecessary, but the sarcasm felt good.
He stared as if seeing me in a totally different light. The girl he’d left standing on the porch, breathless and teetering on the edge of explosive sex, had been replaced by someone he wasn’t quite sure of. I didn’t think I’d changed that much, but then I wasn’t seeing me through his eyes.
“Perhaps an explanation then?”
“Sure.” I folded my arms across my chest. “Knock yourself out.”
Picking the towel up off the floor, he carefully folded it and then laid it down on the seat of the chair. He was relaxed, sure of himself, and I hated him for it. Where was the anguish, the torment? I wanted—no, I needed—to see that.
The silence between us grew, becoming heavier with each passing minute. Surely he’d had time to come up with something since that night. If he didn’t speak soon, I was going to jump right in and rip him a new one for what he’d put me through. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.
Taking a steadying breath, I let my eyes reacquaint themselves with the width of his shoulders, the broad expanse of his chest, his tapered waist and hips. Like I really needed to do that? I hadn’t forgotten how he looked, and my body tingled.
Running his fingers through his hair, he looked unexpectedly frustrated. “I’m not sure you’re going to believe me,” he admitted.
“That bad, huh?”
His eyes narrowed. He thought I was still being sarcastic, but I wasn’t. Okay, that was a lie, I was. Only now his admission had piqued my curiosity and I really did want to hear what he had to say.
“I had to make a decision, Rowan, an important one.”
“Thank God for that. I would hate to think you dumped me for something trivial.”
I waited for him to continue. Almost began a toe-tapping routine with my pointy stilettos before I realized he was done. That was it? After nearly three months, this was the best he could come up with? He had to make a decision. Talk about disappointed. I’d been hoping for something with a little more imagination. Puffing up my cheeks, I blew out a breath, seeing his eyes narrow a little further. Good. At least I didn’t have to tell him just how much bullshit I thought his answer was. He could read that on my face clearly enough.
“So, what was it about, this important decision of yours?” I couldn’t have cared less, but I wanted to see how far he would stretch his feeble excuse.
Gabriel rolled his shoulders, loosening tense muscles. “Whether or not I wanted the return of something, something that I was forced to give up a long time ago.”
The disappointment became crushing, although I’m not sure what I’d been expecting. An elaborate fairy tale about a disinheritance coupled with a declaration of everlasting love? In truth, I had expected whatever he said to involve me in some way, and my feelings were hurt as I learned I wasn’t the reason for his absence. But I was also relieved in an odd sort of way. It would have been too easy to lie.
“Is it valuable?” I asked slowly.
He nodded. “Yes, but not in any monetary sense.”
“But it would mean a lot to you, to have it back?”
“It would change my existence.”
“Seems like an easy enough decision then.” And definitely not one that would have t
aken me three months to make.
Gabriel settled his mouth in a grim line. “There’s a . . . complication.”
Ah, isn’t there always? For the first time I noticed dark shadows under his eyes and realized he looked tired. “What sort of complication?” I asked.
He hesitated, and I could tell he was trying to decide what to tell me. He didn’t have to tell me anything. It wasn’t any of my business.
“The return requires that certain reparations be made,” he said reluctantly.
“By whom?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face before saying, “The current possessor of the . . . item.”
“And you don’t think they’d be willing to do this?”
“I don’t want them to do this.”
“Why not?” The question popped out of me before I could stop it.
“Because it will cost them everything they have.”
“Perhaps you could come to a different arrangement?”
Giving me an odd look, Gabriel took a deep breath that made his nostrils flare. “No. The terms were set a long time ago and cannot be altered. Besides, it’s a moot point. I’ve decided I don’t want the item back.”
“But if it’s valuable, and means that much to you—”
“—I won’t have that sacrifice on my conscience!”
I stared at him in bewilderment. “And it took you almost three months to figure this out?”
Tilting his chin, Gabriel stared at me, his face devoid of all expression. It was as if he needed to keep his emotions under the tightest of control. “Yes, Rowan, it did. All decisions have consequences, and I needed certain assurances before making this one.”
I wished I’d never asked because I had no idea what he was talking about. Still, something in his eyes said it hadn’t been easy.
“Then I’m sorry you found it so difficult,” I told him. And I meant it.
“Something worth doing is never easy.”
“No, it isn’t,” I agreed, but it still didn’t explain why he’d felt it necessary to cut off all contact with me.
In my experience, most people make decisions fairly quickly; no one takes three months weighing the pros and cons of a course of action. And it didn’t explain anything Gabriel had said when he’d left me that night.
His silence had been deliberate. He knew how upset I was, and he could have reached out to me if he’d wanted to. A voice or text message would have been okay if he didn’t want to speak with me directly, but disconnecting his service so I couldn’t contact him had been especially cruel. If I wasn’t important to him then, I certainly wasn’t now.
And knowing that crushed me.
CHAPTER 18
“You’re wrong,” I said quietly, “I do believe you. No one in his right mind would make up such a pathetic story.” I made my voice as cold and cutting as I could. “And now that I’ve heard it, I’d like you to leave.”
Gabriel stared at me, dumbfounded. “You want me . . . to go?”
Oh God, what did he think I would want? Not that, apparently. I watched him clench his jaw, working the muscle. It had been eighty-seven days since I’d last seen him, but who was counting? Surely he didn’t actually think he could pick right back up where we’d left off? From his stunned expression it seemed he did.
My temper began to rise at such presumption. “Did you really think you could just walk right back in here and pretend that nothing had happened? Act as if you’d never been gone?” I leaned forward, hands on my hips, forgetting just how much cleavage my skimpy costume showed. “I don’t care if it was the fucking Hope Diamond you were getting back. Do you honestly expect me to believe you couldn’t call me? Not one single time?”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not? Where the hell were you? Bora Bora?”
I had absolutely no idea what reception was like in that particular island paradise, but it was the only really remote place I could think of on the spur of the moment. The look on Gabriel’s face changed. He thought I was being unreasonable. Fuck him! I didn’t have to be reasonable.
“I knew, that night, that you weren’t coming back.” He opened his mouth to protest, but I cut him off with an impatient wave of my hand. This had been stewing for a while, and I really needed to get it out. “Only you really should have had the balls to tell me what leaving actually meant.” I emphasized the word, giving it the weight it warranted.
“If you were too cowardly to tell me to my face, then you could have found some other way of letting me know. God knows, you had enough options. But you just left me hanging, never knowing for sure, without a word from you. I almost went out of my mind wondering what had happened to you!” I paused and took a breath before continuing, “You wanna hear something funny? And I don’t mean funny ha-ha.” The question was rhetorical, and I stabbed the air with a black painted fingernail aimed at the middle of his chest.
“I was so scared about the way you drove out of here in your shiny red car that I called all the hospitals in a three-county radius to make sure you hadn’t had an accident. Hadn’t gone and wrapped your fancy Ferrari around a tree, or something equally stupid.” His eyes opened wide, but whether it was due to my confession or the fact that I remembered what type of car he drove, I couldn’t be sure. “Only everyone I spoke to figured I was totally wasted on something because I couldn’t give them your last name, and at least one nurse thought my physical description of you sounded like something out of a fucking romance novel!”
I stopped and took a breath. And then another, a deeper one. And then I got a wake-up call that yanked hold of my temper and smacked it down, hard. Yelling at Gabriel wasn’t going to make me feel any better. Did he really think I cared about some stupid decision he’d had to make, one that didn’t even concern me? Couldn’t he see how much effort it was taking to stop myself from grabbing him, latching onto his mouth, and sucking the life out of his lower lip? Exhaustion took hold of me, and I was suddenly too tired to fight, or argue, or anything. My feet hurt, and I needed to get out of my scratchy costume.
“I had no idea I put you through that,” he said quietly. “I am sorry.”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter now. It’s all water under the bridge, a valuable learning experience.” Placing a hand over my eyes, I took a moment before looking back at him. In all likelihood it was for the last time. “Thank you for coming to explain what happened,” I said wearily, “I’m glad to know you’re all right, but it’s late and I really want to call it a night.”
“Ask me why I’m here, Rowan.”
“You already told me. You came to apologize.” The flaring resurgence of my internal flame was becoming harder to ignore.
“That’s not the real reason.” He took a step toward me and dropped his voice, “Ask me why I’m here.”
My hand went to my throat as I whispered, “Why are you here, Gabriel?”
“Because I cannot stay away from you any longer.”
I must have missed something.
I was tired, my brain was scrambled, and he was playing with me. I’d never doubted Gabriel felt something for me. It just didn’t equate to the all-consuming inferno going on inside me. And now he was saying he couldn’t stay away from me? What type of bull was that? I was not about to be led down that particular path again, certainly not by him.
I shook my head, hoping my own incredulous expression would reinforce the lie. “I’m sorry to burst your bubble, Gabriel, but whatever you think there was between us is long gone. At least it is on my part.”
In the blink of an eye he closed the distance between us. One minute he was by the door, and the next I was trapped between his body and the edge of the sink pushing against the small of my back. It was unnerving how quickly he moved. Almost as unnerving as the heat I could feel coming off him.
He spoke in a low, menacing snarl that had my heart doing cartwheels. “You can lie to yourself if you choose to, Rowan, but never lie to me.”
I swallowed and licked my lip
s nervously—a mistake I realized the moment I saw his eyes tracking the tip of my tongue.
“I’m not lying,” I lied.
“Then why are you trembling?”
“Because you’re scaring me,” I told him. And he was, albeit in a good, sexy way that I was never going to admit to.
Ignoring my words, Gabriel leaned forward and traced a path with his tongue down the side of my neck and along my collarbone. “That’s not fear I taste,” he growled softly as he pulled back and fixed me with his eyes. “It’s desire. Tell me you don’t want me.”
I steeled myself as the memory came flooding back. Actually it had never been that far away, but I was angry that he would use my own words from that night against me.
“You bastard!” I spat out between clenched teeth. “You were the one who ran away! Leaving me with nothing but nonsense about things that were wrong and how I wouldn’t want you if I knew the truth. I didn’t understand any of it then and I still don’t, but it really doesn’t matter because you just took off and left me. Well, I’ve had plenty of time to think since then, and you know what?” I brought my hands up and pushed hard against his chest as a way of underlining my lie. “I don’t want you.”
And then, with the nearness of him compounding my precarious emotional state, I felt the wetness exploding between my thighs and saw the shift in his expression.
“I told you not to lie to me,” Gabriel murmured, delivering the words with a sensual, predatory smile.
My temper spiraled, offering me one last stab at saving my self-respect before it was completely shredded. “Why do you care?” I snarled at him. “You want me to admit you turn me on? Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m so hot for you right now that I’d let you take me right here on the kitchen floor. Only know this, Gabriel, I’d hate you for it afterward—just not as much as I’d hate myself!”
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