by The Leopard
“My lady, what is wrong?” Will said as he approached. “What has distressed you so much that you would seek me out in this rude place?”
Astra took a deep breath. Now that she was alone with Will, she was not sure quite how to begin. “I’ve come to ask your aid, my lord. Not for myself but for Lady Marguerite. It appears you are quite fond of her and she has need of help right now.”
“Marguerite? What’s happened?” Will reached out and grasped Astra’s hands. She could see his face clearly now. He looked alarmed. She had been right to come to him, to ask for his help.
“She is... going to have a baby.” It was very embarrassing, not the sort of thing one spoke about to a man at all. She guessed from Will’s strained silence that he was embarrassed as well.
“The father?” Will asked softly. “What of him?”
“He is already wed,” Astra answered, wincing as she realized she betrayed her friend’s secret. For a moment she had the gloomy thought that she was meddling in another’s life. Would this turn out as wretchedly as things had with Richard?
Will said nothing.
“Marguerite must wed someone, and soon, or there will be a terrible scandal?’
“Her father—surely with his wealth and influence, Lord Fitz Hugh can find Lady Marguerite a husband.”
Astra sighed. “She doesn’t want to tell her father. She has this absurd notion to enter a convent and have the babe in secret.”
“A convent?” Will looked aghast.
“I know it’s madness. That’s why I’ve come to you.”
“How can I help?”
Astra took a deep breath. “You could wed her yourself.”
A heartbeat passed. Will answered. “That is not possible.”
“Why not? You’re fond of her, you admire her, and you do not appear to seek the company of any other woman as much as hers.” Astra paused, considering. Perhaps Will wasn’t free to wed. “Are you promised elsewhere? Has a betrothal been made for you by your family?”
Will shook his head. “No. There was a betrothal once, but I broke things off and paid the woman’s family. The truth is, it would not be fair for me to wed any woman. I fear I would not be much of a husband.”
“Oh, your infirmity,” Astra said, nodding. “I had forgotten.”
“My infirmity?”
“Aye, the sickness or defect that makes you unable to father children. I cannot think the problem would matter much to Marguerite. She’s not overly fond of little ones, and she will have the babe she now carries. I would think that would be enough to content her.”
“Content her? My dear Astra, I don’t think I am the kind of man who would content Lady Marguerite at all!”
Astra folded her arms over her chest. “It’s true Marguerite usually prefers bigger, more robust men. And cruder ones, too, for that matter. But she can hardly afford to be particular now. The important thing is that she weds someone soon.”
Will looked taken aback. Astra suddenly realized how ungracious her words had sounded. “My lord, I did not mean to imply that any man would do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t admire you greatly. I think you are an exceedingly kind and considerate man. Any woman would be a fool not to want to wed you.”
“You flatter me, Lady Astra,” Will answered with a wistful, bitter smile. “If you only knew how most people view one such as me. I worry that even a gentle, sweet soul like you would be repulsed if you knew what I really am.”
She lay a gentle hand upon his arm. “Richard chose you as a friend. He cares deeply for you. You are my friend too, and I’m sure that whatever grieves you would not make me feel differently towards you, if I knew of it.”
Will’s eyes met hers. The anguish in them startled Astra. He took a deep breath and then said, “I have denounced Richard as a fool because he will not see your innocence and purity of heart. Because of it, I will risk sharing my secret with you. But you must make me a promise in return. You can tell no one what you know about me, for my enemies would use the truth to destroy me.”
“Of course, my lord. I swear it.”
Will turned away and stared pensively into the flickering shadows the lamp cast on the stable wall. “Have you heard, Astra, of men who love other men instead of women?”
“Men who love men? Surely the Scriptures teach that it is our Christian duty to love others as we would our brothers.”
“Nay, Astra, I do not speak of that kind of love, but the kind of love a man feels for a woman. The hunger, the desire, the burning that is known as lust.”
“Lust? You lust for other men? How can that be?”
Will sighed. “I know not, but I have felt it since I was a boy. When I was of an age to feel the first stirrings of the flesh, they were directed not towards women, but toward other youths. A man such as me is counted as damned by the Church. For a man to lie with another man is considered a great sin, an abomination. And yet...” His voice shook. “... I cannot help myself.”
Astra nodded. That much she understood, for it had always been that way between her and Richard. They could not help themselves either. “Tell me, Will, is it a passion that afflicts your heart as well as your body? Have you known love such as I feel for Richard?”
“Aye, I have known that, although it seems futile. My trysts need always be quick and furtive. There is little time for true love to grow.”
Astra thought a moment and then quickly made up her mind. For all that she knew Will was condemned by the Holy Church, she would not adjudge him. “Nay, I cannot denounce you, Will, for I am a sinner, too. I do not understand though, what this has to do with Marguerite. Do you think she would mislike wedding you because you prefer men?”
Will nodded. “Marguerite is a lusty woman with a taste for men of hearty sexual appetite. Wedded to me, she would be condemned to celibacy, for I have naught to give her except the fond tenderness of a brother.”
She had not thought of that, Astra realized with a sinking heart. No wonder Marguerite had so quickly dismissed the notion of wedding Will. It would mean facing life with a man with whom there was no hope of passion. For someone like Marguerite, being a nun might seem easier to bear.
Astra sighed heavily. “I thank you for your honesty, Will, although I cannot say you have eased my mind.” She glanced in the direction Will’s companion had disappeared. “That man you were with, is he...?”
“My lover? Aye, he is. Now you see how we must meet, the stealth with which we must plan.”
“I am sorry, Will. If I could ever aid you, know that I would. You have been a good friend to Richard, and for that I thank you.”
“Are things still strained between you and Richard?”
Astra nodded. “I never meant to hurt him, Will. Although it was in my mind to force Richard to marry me, I never intended for the King find us and for him to be disgraced. I begin to wonder if he will ever forgive me. His anger seems to have no end.”
“Richard is a proud man. It will take time for his wounded dignity to heal.”
Astra sighed. “It does not aid me that I bring so little to the marriage. I know Richard feels I have not only humiliated him, but thwarted his ambitions as well.”
“I have no words of consolation to offer you, Lady Astra. He is an odd one, the man they call the Leopard. Because of his past, his heart is filled with bitterness. I can only hope your love will eventually heal his wounds.”
“Please, Will,” she implored. “Tell me about Richard. Tell me why he is so terribly unhappy.”
“You know naught of Richard’s birth and upbringing?” Will asked.
“Not really. I had heard that his mother... that she was a harlot.”
“It’s true, although I think you must consider the woman’s reasons for doing what she did—something Richard will not do.”
Will took Astra’s arm and began to lead her through the stables. “Richard’s sire was a nobleman who abandoned Richard and his mother soon after he was born. His mother was disgraced and desperate. I
’m sure she had exhausted every other hope before she decided to sell her body. By serving as mistress to a succession of well-born men, she was able to secure Richard a position as a page in a noble house. I believe she loved her son and wanted to make some sort of life for him. She gave Richard the best chance she could.”
“Richard has never forgiven her, has he?”
Will shook his head. “No, he fails to see she did the only thing she could have. He won’t face the fact that her sacrifice enabled him to survive and finally prosper. He sees only the shame she brought down upon him. Richard is a man torn between love for the woman who bore him and a fierce hatred of her for peddling her own flesh, even if it was done to keep him alive.”
“Oh, what a grievous decision for a mother to make,” Astra murmured. “My heart aches for the poor woman. Is she still living?”
“Nay, the shame and sinfulness of what she did eventually stole away her will to live. She died when Richard was still young.”
“Did she never tell him who his father was?”
Will shook his head as they paused at the entrance to the stables. “She said he was born of a wealthy and powerful lineage but gave no name. As a boy, Richard used to peruse the face of every nobleman he met, searching for a glimpse of his sire. He has long since given up the quest. I suspect Richard favors his mother anyway. It was said she was a great beauty, with tawny hair, skin like silk and great dark eyes like burning coals.”
Astra nodded solemnly. “I thank you, Will de Lacy, for telling me of my husband’s past. Knowing what Richard has endured makes me love him all the more dearly.” She gave a deep sigh. “Would that I could somehow heal the wound that festers in his heart. Instead, I fear I have made it all the worse.”
Thirty-two
“What say you, Will? Are you up for a night of revel at the Black Swan?”
Will looked up from fastening his cross-garters as the two men dressed in the barracks to go to the King’s Hall. “You are but three days wed. Your place is with your wife.”
“Perhaps we take her with us. I could introduce my wife to Ruby. The red-haired wench could teach her a thing or two.”
“You’re jesting. You’re not really going to see Ruby, are you?”
“I thought the distractions of Southwark might ease my black mood, and we could celebrate your return to London.”
“Richard, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“It’s agreed, then. I’ll say goodbye to my lovely wife and meet you by the Kingsbridge quay.” Richard patted Will on the shoulder and was gone.
Will grimaced as he imagined Richard bidding farewell to Astra. The Leopard was in a strange mood tonight. How much could the poor woman endure? If Richard continued to be cold to her, would Astra eventually learn to hate her husband?
It was a damned shame, Will thought morosely. Astra certainly deserved better. She was a rare jewel, a woman both beautiful and kind-hearted, one fair to look upon and fair-minded. She had not flinched or turned away in revulsion when he told her of his aberration, but been compassionate and kind. That she saw fit to call him “friend” after his shocking confession revealed exactly how generous a soul she truly was.
But Richard could not see her goodness. His anger blinded him. It was clear he still resented Astra for tricking him into marriage. Why had she done it? Will wondered. Astra was not one to do things lightly or without believing that good would be served by her actions. Even if she had entrapped Richard into marriage, he could not help but believe she was innocent of any malicious intent. If she had forced Richard to wed her, she had likely had good reasons. It was obvious she loved her husband and wished only for his happiness. If Richard could not see her for what she was, he was a short-sighted fool!
Will got to his feet. As much as he hated following Richard on this perverse journey to Southwark, it seemed best to go along. Mayhaps after his friend had consumed a few pitchers of ale, he could talk some sense into him.
* * *
“Do you want me, wife?” Richard purred.
Astra watched him warily. She had not seen Richard all day, and she had suspected he was working himself into another temper. He was smiling, a dazzling, dangerous smile.
She watched him, trying to summon up the patience to deal with his anger. After their last confrontation, she had decided to avoid him for a few days, even accepting Marguerite’s offer to let her sleep in their old bedchamber. Then the Queen had stopped her in King’s Hall and asked her how things were with Richard, and she’d been too startled and tongue-tied to do anything but mumble that she was on her way to meet him in their bedchamber.
What a quandary she was in. If she avoided Richard, the Queen was sure to find out about his coldness and punish him. But if she allowed Richard to get her alone, he would continue to harass her. Observing him tonight, she decided he had prepared for this confrontation by drinking heavily. His gait was unsteady, the whites of his eyes were laced with red, and he carried an open wineskin.
Astra took a step back, trying to think. What did he want from her? How was she to deal with him?
He moved closer, then took a great gulp from the wineskin and wiped his mouth on his now-soiled black velvet wedding tunic. He smiled again. “Take your clothes off, wife. I wish to pleasure you before I go.”
She sighed. At least they were alone in a private room now, she thought as she struggled to undo her gown. Once she was naked, she sat down on the bed.
Without putting down the wineskin, he leaned over and kissed her. It was a practiced, skillful kiss, like those he used to seduce her when they first met. He took his time, his tongue exploring her mouth. Predictably, her body responded. She had no will to resist as he pushed her down onto the bed.
She closed her eyes as he touched her breast. What madness was this—that he should be able to arouse her so easily? In seconds, her nipples had gone hard, her legs felt weak. He kissed her again, and she smothered a moan in his mouth.
His touch was deliberate, cold, but devastatingly sure. His fingers made circles around her breasts, teased her tight nipples and then dipped to stroke her belly. She arched her back as he neared the juncture of her thighs. His fingers teased, toyed, tempted. She lifted her hips as he fondled the curve of her lower buttocks, lingering near, so near to the damp, hungry cleft between. She trembled with longing.
“What is it, Astra? What is it you wish?”
“I... I... I want... you.”
Richard touched her mouth. “Nay, wife. I will not be yours tonight.” He smiled enigmatically. “I have made you greedy and impatient for more, and it was shockingly easy. I think you missed your vocation, Astra. A woman as shamelessly responsive as you was not meant to be a nun. What do suppose you were meant to be, Astra?”
“A wife,” she dared to whisper. “Your wife.”
Richard’s expression grew hard. With a sudden movement, he splashed the contents of the wineskin over her belly and thighs. Astra cried out at the coldness and raised herself up to stare at the crimson mess. “What are you doing?” she gasped.
“I’m finishing my wine, before I go.”
She shrieked as she felt his warm mouth on her, his tongue licking her skin. He started at her belly and moved downward. Slippery, sensuous sensations rippled over her skin. His tongue was hot, scalding, and yet, where it touched, her body shivered as if cold. He stuck his tongue deep into her navel, drawing another startled cry from her. He looked up and met her eyes, smiling slightly. Then his mouth moved lower.
Slow, silkily, he licked her, making her body hum and vibrate like a tightly-laced tambour. As he trailed his fiery tongue down belly, her mind went empty, her thoughts stretching out into nothingness. He sucked the drops of wine from the insides of her thighs, licking closer and closer to the yearning, melting center of her. Finally his tongue slipped inside her, and she sighed in gratification. The pressure increased, insistent, burning.
She moaned and thrashed. His hands clutched her bottom tightly, while h
is mouth coaxed her closer and closer to some elusive shattering triumph.
Then, all at once, the tempting, bedeviling mouth slipped away. She groaned and looked up. An excruciating pang of incompletion wracked her body.
“Please, Richard...”
“Please what? Satisfy you? Why should I?”
She sighed in frustration. “Why do you torture me?”
“Because you deserve it.” He took her hand and pressed it against his groin. “See, you are not the only one unsatisfied.”
“Then why not... love me?” She stroked his shaft through his hose.
Richard pulled away. “Because it pleases me to deny you. When I consider all the times you tempted me and then thwarted my passion, I realize there is no punishment as just as this one.”
“You’re leaving me? Where would you go?”
“To my mistress. A woman who is honest, who does not betray me to the King.”
Astra’s heart sank. He meant to bed another woman tonight. The thought overwhelmed her with jealousy. “Please don’t,” she begged. “I will do anything you ask. I will...” she bit off the words. Groveling would only increase his resolve to hurt her.
“Anything, Astra?” He loomed over her, all taunting eyes and tantalizing maleness. “Of course you would. You’re my whore.”
Astra closed her eyes. “I am not a whore, Richard,” she said vehemently. “I am your wife, your lady wife.”
“You forfeited the title of lady when you contrived that sleazy entrapment in the chapel. A lady does not bare her breasts to entice a man in a holy place. For that matter, a lady does not sneak into a knight’s tent while he is sleeping. Nor does she meet a man at night alone along the wharves of London.”
Astra gritted her teeth. She would not listen to his absurd insults. She had done those things out of love for him, not because she was unchaste. She opened her mouth to argue with him, but had no chance.