"Mauricio?" Ashton scoffs. “You think your step dad would get his fucking hands dirty? He just drove the car, dumped Calvin and his men and drove off."
"But I thought..."
"Why? Because that's what he said?" It's almost a shout, he's irritated by me.
I know I should have been prepared for him to take it out on me but now it's happening, I don’t think I could have ever prepared for it.
"No Olivia, your step dad left, like the fucking coward is he and you set him up."
Calvin gestures for Ashton to leave it, wincing as he holds on to his ribs.
My stomach is in knots seeing him this way, but I’m getting angry from Ashton’s accusations forcing my attention away from him.
"I never set him up Ashton. Mauricio had my phone. I knew nothing about this."
"And you expect us to believe that?"
"I would never let anyone hurt Calvin, how can you say that?"
I look to Calvin pleading my case. He’s the only one I care about believing me. But Ashton doesn’t let him speak.
"Hurt him? You think Calvin looks bad? You didn’t see the others. That's why that motherfucker got three men to do his job. Two of the so called 'men' that were fighting Calvin are a fucking mess and eventually had to hold him back so the other one could beat the shit out of him. I turned up a while later after my instinct told me something wasn’t right and took him on. Then they left us, threatening to come back and finish the job. Who does that? I didn’t trust your texts from the start. But wait? You thought he couldn’t take on a man like Mauricio?" Ashton speaks with pride and that smugness both brothers hold.
"Calvin can look after himself,” he adds. “You think just because he looks like this, that they won? Just because there was three of them...”
"And one of me?" Calvin laughs, finally speaking up, continuing Ashton’s sentence. Looking at me, his features have turned hard all of a sudden.
"Olivia, you really underestimate me." He says turning away from me exasperated.
"Obviously." I whisper as tears stroll down my face. He turns right away to face me on a sharp intake. He must have spotted the pain I spoke with. He knows too well I’m not talking about him fighting the world.
His features soften towards me, hinting compassion. "Olivia, please don't think little of me." He’s pleading with me not to think little of him?
He begins to walk towards me but I take a measured step back. I don't know why, it's automatic. I think now that he's in front of me, the way he treated me comes flooding back and it’s still so raw.
"Ashton, can you leave us for a while?" He asks his brother not taking his eyes off me.
"You’re not fucking serious. Get her out of here."
Calvin yells a little at Ashton. "Fuck, Ashton. Just leave us."
Ashton reluctantly leaves the apartment after looking at Calvin like he’s gone mad. He brushes past me forcefully, slamming the front door behind him.
I look down at the floor. It pains me to look at him. I love him so much and my feelings become more apparent seeing him this way. I feel so much pain but a different pain at the same time. I realize he doesn’t love me, that's why we were in this mess in the first place. That and the fact he probably hates me right now, especially after everything. If he was still mine, I’d take him in my arms and make it all better, but he's not and I can't.
His beautiful piercing ice blue eyes softly look into mine, but I have to look away. I thought I hadn't and never would forget how amazing his eye color was, but I’m stricken, and I realize I must have.
This is the Calvin I know. Not the murderous looking Calvin I saw when I walked in moments ago or the stranger that cruelly finished with me.
We stand in front of each other after what seems so long, like strangers it’s almost awkward. Not knowing what to say. But I quickly think of something.
"You need to put something on that eye, take the swelling down. Some ice?" I advise all of a sudden, the caring side coming out of me instinctively.
"It's not as bad as it looks." He murmurs shrugging not bothered. He takes another step towards me so I move out of his way and head towards the kitchen. I have no idea why, but I’m frightened of what might happen if he gets to close.
I grab some ice and wrap it in a tea towel and take it to him.
"Here."
He shakes his head, motioning that he doesn’t need it. I sigh again at how stubborn he is.
"Sit." I demand.
I stand with an ice pack in my hand and wait until he finally takes a seat on his bar stool.
I walk around the breakfast bar going towards him with the ice pack. I hold it in front of his face waiting for him to give me the go ahead.
"If you must." He gives in reluctantly.
“Hold still."
I carefully place it over the top of his eye lid. He winces a little. "Fuck that stings!" but I hold it on steady and chuckle slightly. He looks up at me raising his other eyebrow. "What’s so funny?"
"You, you’re a baby sometimes."
Being near him like this is harder than I thought it would be. I try to suppress my feelings or I will go into an emotional overload. I came to see if he was Okay, then I’ll leave.
"Why can't you look at me Olivia?"
I shake my head and close my eyes. Isn't it obvious?
"I just… cant. Look at what they have done to you. You know I had nothing to do with it right?"
Tears have not stopped since the moment I saw him. He reaches up and wipes them away with his thumb. His touch sends shivers down my spine. It means so much to me. I lean my cheek into his hand cherishing the contact.
"Of course I do. I know you. Please don't over think this." He tries to ease my pain by tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear, like he always does. Did.
"But it's all my fault." I whimper,
"No it's not. Don’t say that." He shifts to face me. I look down at him puzzled. "Of course it's my fault. Mauricio did this to you. And all because...” I swallow the lump in my throat. "I’m in love with you."
Calvin's face is a picture of pain and sorrow. "You think this is all because of you? No baby, please don’t think that this has anything to do with you. Stop blaming yourself. Besides, I shouldn't have let it go so far."
I shake my head disagreeing. "No, I’m glad you did in a way, but I wasn't expecting all this. It's like I’ve been punished for falling in love. Is it so wrong?"
The odds have been against us the whole time and I have no explicable reason to why.
I have an overbearing urge to touch the man I’m in love with. The man who left me for an insoluble reason. The man I ache for every second of every day.
The markings covering his beautiful face and body infuriates me. How can another human being be capable of this?
I take the ice pack away from his face placing it down on the breakfast bar. I bring my other hand up to touch him and he stills. I hesitate a second more, then touch his cuts anyway. He closes his eyes in anguish, but the other half of him seeming to want my touch more. Seeing the expression on his face confuses me. I love this man deeply and I had to give him up, because he doesn’t want me, yet his face and eyes tell me something different.
What did I do wrong?
"Olivia, stop blaming yourself. I can tell that you are, but your dad...”
"He's not my dad." I snap quickly taking my hand away from his face.
He nods understanding and holds his palms up like he didn’t mean any harm. "Okay, he's not your dad your right." He then stands and walks over to the sofas to sit.
"Come sit with me. Please?"
I’m about to do as he asked because being here with him completes me in so many ways, but I can't do this to myself. Standing here looking at Calvin this way, being in his company, even for seconds, draws me completely in to him. I love that, but then I have to be dragged away again. I can’t go through that for a second time. I need to spare myself the pain.
I shake my head q
uickly realizing this is a bad idea. My action alarm's Calvin who watches me puzzled.
"Calvin, I just wanted to come over to see if you were Okay. I needed you to understand I had nothing to do with this. It hurts me more than you will ever realize to stay here looking at you this way. Looking at the man I’m completely in love with, knowing he doesn’t love me back. It hurts so much. I can't do it anymore. I need to go. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come."
My voice breaks. I need to go. I don’t want to, but I have to.
I turn away from him ready to leave. He follows me.
"Olivia, wait, please don't go."
"I have too."
"No you don’t." He pleads.
I don't look back. I head towards the door, but then I remember the necklace.
"Shit, wait. I found this, it belongs to you. I noticed it straight away near my car."
I dig into my pocket and pull my hand out urging him to take it quickly so I can leave.
He looks on confused until he notices what I have.
"You…you have it?" his voice is filled with reprieved anguish. The delight and vulnerability in his eyes when he spots the necklace reminds me that's he’s only human and has normal feelings. This necklace and the ring attached are a piece of his life. He needs this.
"I know how much this means to you. They must have pulled it off you when...” I shake the thought out of my head and hold out my hand willing him to take it. His face then changes, he looks at me like he looked at me the night we made love, the look I knew that was there before. Without warning Calvin pushes himself into me, knocking me back against the wall. I grasp the necklace in my hand not wanting to let go of it as his lips meet mine viciously. His desire for me is plausible but isn’t it too late?
He winces slightly as his cut lips mold onto mine but kisses me deeply anyway, pushing himself harder into me. He’s pinning me against the wall with his hips, needing me with hunger and determination. I need him to, more than he knows, so I kiss him back with as much desire and passion as I'm receiving. I whimper into his mouth because of how much I’ve missed this. How much I have ached for his lips to be kissing mine. How much I’ve ached for his arms to be holding me. Even if it does feel strange after months of nothing.
His hands travel roughly through my hair. I cry as he kisses me, not knowing how to exactly cope with it.
"Oh, Olivia." He murmurs when he lips quickly leave mine for air but it’s not for long.
He undoes the buttons on my coat as fast as he can and greedily pushes it off me. I suddenly realize where this is going. I can't do this. I want him undoubtedly but it just doesn’t feel right. Not now.
I try to push him off but it only causes him to hold on to me even harder, pushing me back into the wall so he can position himself in-front of me to take control. He's kissing me harder than he’s ever kissed me before. Pushing his tongue in and lapping up mouth like it’s his one and only chance to have me. He won’t let go.
I jerk my chin away to release myself from his mouth but he locks his lips right onto my neck instead sending burning trails of sweet senses down my skin. It’s hard to deny him but I have to.
"Calvin, I can't...” I can't do this.
"Olivia, please.” He begs continuing to delve into my skin with licks of his tongue and the irresistible torment of his mouth, ignoring my pleas. He’s trying to undress me with as much force as I am trying to keep my clothes on. He’s managed to take my coat off but I won’t allow anymore.
"Calvin, no...” I plead again but he won't relent, he gets carried away. What will happen if I carry this on? We sleep together? Then will he discard off me just like before? I won't be used again. I can't. I have no choice even though it pains me to do it, I have to push him away.
"Calvin stop." I shout this time making it clear and push him away by his shoulders. He looks down into my tormented eyes only then realizing the distress he’s putting me through from what he’s doing. He lets me go loosening his grip, taking a step back.
"I can't do this Calvin, please, just take your necklace, I need to go."
I place the necklace in his hand. His eyes drift from the necklace then back to me looking injured, not quite understanding my actions.
"Why are you leaving?"
"I can't stay here with you, even though I want too... so much, but I can't put myself through any more misery and pain for you. I can't do it. That’s not what I came here for."
He runs his hands through his hair frustrated. It’s grown a bit since the last time I saw him.
"Why did you come here then?"
I pick up my coat from the floor and slip it on in a hurry while answering him. "To see how you were, for all I knew Mauricio took you somewhere in his car and could have left you for dead."
He scoffs at my comment but it’s true. “I had to see if you were alright for my own piece of mind. I wanted you to know I had nothing to do with setting you up. Mauricio got my cell. I come home and the next thing I knew you were calling at my door."
He answers me enunciating every word with open arms. "For you Olivia, for you. I thought you needed me. I came right away. Ashton told me it was a set up but I didn’t believe him."
"Which had nothing to do with me." I point out again.
"I know that. It never once crossed my mind that you would have had anything to do with it, please don't go. Stay with me."
"Why?” I breathe, “Why do you want me to stay?"
He pauses before giving me his answer, like he’s arguing with himself in his head. "I...I need you. I didn't 'want' to realize it before, but now I do, and I can't ignore it anymore." He looks at me with his blue passionate eyes waiting for my answer.
I look at him dumfounded. "You need me? Where was you when I needed you? And god knows I’ve needed you more than ever these past few months. Where were you when I told you I loved you? You went running for the hills that's where you were. You didn’t need me five months ago! Jesus." The nerve of him!
Why is he telling me this now? He needs me? He doesn’t need me! I’m so angry with him so I find myself beginning to tell him everything that's on my mind. I walk towards him forcing him backwards while I point aggressively.
"You didn’t need me when I told you I loved you or when you finished with me, you were so cruel. How could you do that to me? Have you any idea how that felt?"
"Olivia, I know you’re angry but...”
"Oh please, spare me the sympathy. I was more than fucking angry. You let me beg you, beg you for fuck sake and you still left me. Now you tell me you need me? After all this time?”
He acts like he’s trying to hold on by a thread. He seems stunned that it’s backfired. “I know how it must seem. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt I swear to you.”
My mouth drops open and I come to a standstill. “Hurt? Hurting me doesn’t even come close to how I felt, how I still feel. But now all of a sudden you want me? Why don’t you go call Georgia? I’m sure she will be more than happy to accommodate you. You know how humiliating that was for me that night? I didn’t even know you were back then all of a sudden you’re here and with Georgia. Is that why you finished with me? To be with her?" I start to cry, cry out of built up pain and frustration and so many un-answered questions.
He spins around groaning looking up at the ceiling. Well god isn’t going to help him now!
“Don’t be so ridiculous. Georgia means nothing to me and she never will. I tried to call you that night, I had no idea you would be there. Your cell kept ringing and ringing.”
“Mauricio had my phone.” I tell him again trying to make that point crystal clear.
“Anyway,” he adds bemused, “this isn't about her.”
“This isn’t about her?” I breathe in astonishment. “You were with her that night, of course it is.”
Calvin hesitates before his next remark. I know it’s because he’s worried about how I'm going to react but I want to hear it.
“She was staying at my apartment
because she had nowhere else to go. She called me that night saying she was in trouble but she was just being a conniving bitch. After that night I’m done with her.”
I feel sick again. Why does this women keep inconveniently popping up in his life and why does he have to take care of her?
“You let her stay here? That’s why you came back?” I whisper almost feeling the bile in my throat rising at the thought.
Calvin looks at me like I’ve gone mad.“No. My apartment was empty, I said she could stay. Her fiancé kicked put her out. I came back to help her settle in and that’s when she called me that night. I made her leave as soon as I got back.”
I narrow my eyes at him and cross my arms. “Why does she keep popping up? What is the deal with her?”
I know there is something he’s not telling me about her. She isn’t just some ex.
Calvin sighs exasperated and smacks his hands together to make his point, but I know he’s keeping something from me.
“Nothing. There is no deal with her. Please believe me! It’s you that I want. I didn't realize what I’d lost until I actually lost you."
I roll my eyes looking away speechless. “That old saying?"
He walks towards me forcing me to uncross my arms so he can take my hands in his.
"I’m serious Olivia,” his eyes are fixed on mine, “it's been hell on earth without you. I thought I could do it, thought I could live without you, but I can't."
"And why are you telling me this now? You’ve had months to tell me. Months! I have been dying inside for you. Yet here I am and you decide to tell me now. Why so late? You left me Calvin. You were gone. I came looking for you and you were gone."
"I had to leave, I couldn’t stay around here. I couldn’t keep hurting you. I left for you. I told you before I left I would do anything to protect you and I did."
I smack his hands away from mine, he doesn’t flinch which means he expected it. "You left me. You broke my heart. How could that possibly have been the best for me?"
"You will never understand how sorry I am for doing that to you. You think I wanted to hurt you?"
"Doesn’t matter if you wanted to or not, you did and that’s what counts. Why did you leave me? Tell me!"
Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) Page 11