He throws his legs over mine while I cuddle into his chest.
“Calvin,” I ask a little sleepy.
“Hmm,” He plays with my hair.
“You used to say to me; what have I got you into? Was that you secretly telling me what you were doing?”
“Hmm.” He murmurs, kissing me chastely. Then he makes slow, steamy, sleepy, passionate love to me long into the night.
Chapter Twenty Four*
A loud banging on the motel door wakes me up in a panic. I shoot upright in bed and frantically look around the room. My anxiety level hit's the roof when I see I’m on my own, but I soon relax a little when Calvin walks out of the bathroom wrapped in just a towel.
I will never get bored of that.
The banging on the door continues. Who the hell would be banging like that? No one even knows we’re here.
To my horror Calvin starts to walk towards it to.
"No, don’t answer it." I plead with Calvin wide eyed. “It could be anyone.”
"Its fine baby relax, it’s only my brother." He reassures me before opening up. What Ashton’s here? Already.
My panic has been replaced by another. "I have nothing on." I gasp pulling the itchy blanket right up to my neck. God, it stinks.
Calvin smiles finding it highly amusing persisting to open the door.
I’m quite selfishly annoyed. I wanted Calvin for myself a little longer. Being in this smelly motel room with him makes it worthwhile. It feels like it hasn’t been just me and him for a long time. And I know it won’t be, for a long time.
Ashton comes bounding through the door like a bull in a china shop, quite excited to see Calvin. It’s so refreshing to see him like this. "Hey bro." He greets him, giving Calvin a man hug.
"Smells as bad as it looks in here." He says making a distasteful face looking round the room with his nose up. He stops when his eyes find mine and smiles lightly. He must know I’m under this blanket with nothing on surly?
I could die right now. Bed, please swallow me up sometime soon.
"Hey Livs, you alright?" he asks me seeming genuinely concerned throwing himself onto the worn out brown armchair.
I’m underneath this itchy blanket completely naked, I am not alright.
"Uh, I’m Okay. Just taking it day by day." I shrug smiling awkwardly at his angelic face. Calvin watches me intently and half amused at the thought of me cringing while he tightens the towel around his waist. Ashton nods sternly to my answer then smiles almost childlike. "Peace offering." He’s holding up a grocery bag. I look at him and then to the bag confused. "I got you both breakfast." He clarifies on an eye roll.
"Good, I’m starving." Calvin takes the bag from his hands and starts unwrapping breakfast, placing it at all the bottom of the bed for me to reach. I glare at him, indicating him to help me out somehow. I can’t move.
He laughs his sexy laugh almost forgetting. "Uh, bro, do you mind stepping out a sec while I get Olivia something to put on."
Oh the shame!
Ashton looks at me in-between biting into a filled bagel with a smirk on his face. Okay, he definitely knows I have nothing on.
"Sorry, I’ll give you some privacy." He winks and takes his bagel with him, stepping outside.
"That wasn’t awkward at all." I mumble climbing out of bed to find something to put on. Calvin continues to laugh at me.
"Why is that funny?" I frown narrowing my eyes at him.
"You’re funny, how embarrassed you are."
"Of course I am." I snap, finding a pair of jeans of mine and a t-shirt of Calvin’s.
God I’m going to look hot today. NOT.
“You wouldn’t mind your brother seeing me naked then, would you?”
He wrinkles his nose, his smirk instantly disappearing. “Obviously not.”
“Well then.”
I make the bed, trying to get it to look a bit tidier, then give up. There is no point.
I sit back down on the bed cross legged watching Calvin eat another bagel and pull my hair around to the one side. I'm contemplating. "Why is Ashton being so nice all of a sudden?" Calvin raises his eyebrows skeptically whilst swallowing. "I thought that’s what you wanted?"
"I do its just, is he being genuine or? I just don’t know what to think of anyone anymore." I sit at the edge of the messed up bed placing my head in my hands. Calvin crawls beside me rubbing his hand up and down my back. "Don’t feel like this baby, it’ll get better." He tries gently moving my hands away from my face so he can look at me. I look up so he pulls my chin towards him. "It will!" He repeats, kissing me gently on the lips making me feel a little better. His kisses always make me feel better.
"Are you going to get dressed?" I ask him as I eye him up in his fluffy white towel. He must have brought it along with him because I can assure you, there are no white towels in this motel.
He rubs my nose gently with his. "Suppose I have to."
"Do you?" I grin mischievous, he grins back the same. He knows what I have in mind but I don’t think now is the time.
"Is it safe to come back in?" Ashton calls from outside the door bursting our bubble.
"Yes." Calvin calls to him, kissing me once more, leaving me grumpy.
He goes off into the bathroom to get changed. I think he’s done it on purpose to let me and Ashton get to know each other more, which I don’t mind.
"You going to eat?" he asks, opening his wrapped waffles this time. His grocery bag is like Mary Poppins handbag. Jeez.
I shake my head, pursing my lips. "I’m not hungry. I’m sorry." Feeling like I have to apologize for losing my appetite when he’s made the effort to get us food. Saying that, I don’t think he’s taken it to heart, because now there is more for him.
"It must be hard for you Olivia. But if it’s any consolation, I think your coping great so far.” He speaks with a mouthful of food.
I scoff disagreeing, watching mesmerized at how much he can eat. "It may look that way, but inside I’m not coping at all. I feel so cut off from the rest of my family and friends. I don’t know what’s happening. I hate that I left that house without my mom. I hate that I can’t do anything to sort this out. I can’t call anyone either. Am I bad for leaving all that crap behind and running?”
I look down into my lap desperately trying not to cry.
"Don’t blame yourself for leaving Liv’s, you were saving yourself. Your mom wouldn’t leave. What were you meant to do? Carry her screaming?"
I look up at him brightening up. "That’s not a bad idea."
"Imagine that." He smirks and I smile along with him. His facial expression changes as he shifts to face me chucking the remainder of his waffle into his mouth and wiping his hands in his trousers. I get the feeling he’s going to start a deep conversation with me. It’s crazy how, now, I feel so comfortable speaking to Ashton. He’s just like Calvin. Easy going and charming. And to think at one time he hated me and wouldn’t give me the time of day. I remember Calvin telling me to give Ashton time. Now I know what he meant. I also remember him telling me that Ashton is a good man, and maybe he is.
“We have to keep on the move at the moment, if they’re following us, it’s for one reason only.”
“To kill you.” I nod understanding with a sharp pain forming in my chest.
He nods slowly. His blue eyes are curiously watching me. “Yes. You know, me and Calvin have always been ready to fight. Ready to bring down Mauricio. We never thought, I guess, of what would happen if the tables were turned. Like now, Mauricio is hunting us if you like. Whereas we have always been hunting him. We had this goal set in place, set in mind and nothing would have stopped us,”
I look down into my lap again, feeling guilty, knowing where he’s heading.
“I know this might sound cruel Olivia, but I didn’t give a fuck for you. When Calvin told me he fell in love with you, I knew then that our goal was jeopardized. I could have fucking killed Calvin myself for being so stupid in letting himself fall in love with you.
I never gave it a thought that he might actually gain feelings for you because he never has loved a women, relationships were never his thing.”
Hearing Ashton confirm this gives me a great sense of relief. I know I believe Calvin when he tells me he’s never loved, but hearing his brother say it somehow makes me feel a whole lot better.
“Both of us have always only had two things to fight for in life, our parents and each other. With you, it’s given Calvin this new focus in life. You gave him something else to live for, and I love that you make him happy, I really do, now that I’ve got used to it anyway,” he smirks and I sense his apology behind his eyes. I love sitting hear listening to him speak. I love that we're bonding and that he wants to give me his time.
"You know, when we left my parents that day, I knew we’d never see them again. Calvin was too young to really understand but I knew exactly what was happening. I’d watched it play out for weeks. I was a smart kid, too smart for my own good,” he chuckles shaking his head at the thought. “I was so angry with my parents at first. I can remember thinking, how could they do this to us, leave us like this. I know my grandparents took care of us and they were brilliant but they weren’t our parents. I started getting angry at myself for not protecting them,"
"How could you?” I butt in, “You were just a child." I’m getting choked up listening. Imagining these two young boys losing their mom and dad. Imagining their faces when they had to leave their parents behind. Not being able to do a thing about it. That image haunts me, so what it does to Calvin and Ashton I couldn’t even come close to comparing it.
Ashton inhales through his nose. "I no, but I didn’t realize it then. I just wished I done something, anything. When we started school I stayed by Calvin’s side as much as I could. Determined to make sure nothing would ever happen to him. I never wanted any harm to come to him. I knew that I could protect my little brother in a way I couldn’t have protected my parents. I could do that,” Ashton pauses deeply. I can see from his sullen expression this is something he feels strongly about. Which gets me thinking. Is this why Ashton has so many different issues to Calvin? He is older than Calvin so therefore he understood more. What he witnessed that terrible day was more than what Calvin had because he understood what was happening. He knew that he was never going to see his parents again and there was nothing he could do.
“You felt guilty by not being able to protect them?”
Ashton’s eyes fly up to meet mine. It’s like for the first time, someone has recognized his feelings.
“I feel guilty every single day Olivia. It’s excruciating to me that I couldn’t protect my parents. My own flesh and blood.”
I continue to talk to him, getting to know him this way has opened up so many doors for me. I’m getting to understand who he is. He is completely misunderstood.
“Is that why you have never loved anybody?” I may have crossed the line with that question, and I’m aware of acting doctor, but I feel no one has ever got to sit Ashton down to speak with him this way.
He’s taken back by my question and drops into deep thought for a moment before answering.
“Calvin’s told you that I don’t give a fuck for women has he? But that’s not true. I can’t get close to anyone because the thought of something happening to them while I wasn’t there to protect them kills me. I figure, if I don’t allow myself to fall in love then I won’t feel that strongly about a women. So strong to the point of where I would want to protect them. If I deny myself that, I can’t fail that way.”
Oh, this makes my heart bleed. He’s been too scared of falling in love in case he fails to protect them? My heart goes out to him.
“That's so sad Ashton. You know, for what it’s worth, I think you would do great at protecting a women.”
He shakes his head lightly disagreeing. “Na, I’m happy the way I am.”
“What about Calvin?” I ask quickly so he doesn’t hear my voice breaking for him. Ashton never allowing himself to experience love as a result of this is distressing. Yes Tyler said that the Blake brothers were players but I can cross Calvin from that list. Ashton on the other hand, there is a reason behind it. He doesn’t want to get to close to protect them from himself. That’s a brave selfless thing to do.
He smiles fondly of his brother and sits back to relax on the armchair placing his hands behind his head. “Calvin is different. He has never fallen in love because that has never been one of his priorities. You see, if Calvin thinks too much, he explodes. He has to be kept on the go. He has to have a lot of things going on to keep his mind occupied. First he took up boxing when we were kids but got thrown out for fighting outside of the ring which wasn’t allowed. That took a lot of his time away. Because he wasn’t doing anything with his mind, he drank to block it out. If he doesn’t have that something to stop him from thinking, he uses drink to help with the pain instead.”
Wait, what? Calvin turned to drink?
“I know he couldn’t have told you that by the look on your face, but he was young Olivia, if he wasn’t kept busy, he had to find another way to block out the grievance. Then when he was old enough, it was poker. He enjoyed it, it gave him something to focus on, to get better at and be on top of his game. It got him traveling as well and I got into it solely so I could look out for him. It was never about the money, but when we knew money talked, it then became about money and Calvin’s new focus was on finding the killer of our parents. That one had always been my focus though.”
I swipe my tears away quickly. I always knew Calvin had suffered deep pain, but not all this. Calvin once told me that he needed to keep his mind occupied. That the world would be a boring place without challenges. Georgia had told me in Vegas that Calvin had an overactive mind that constantly had to be fed, but I didn’t think they meant all of this. I’m not mad that Calvin didn’t tell me about this part of his life. I feel wounded for him. Maybe he thought he couldn’t tell me?
“So what about now?” I sniff, not being able to suppress tears. “What’s Calvin’s focus now?”
“You.” Calvin’s voice answers my thoughts. I dart my head in the direction of him stood in the door way of the bathroom. He’s changed into a dark blue jumper with the rolled up sleeves, denim jeans and brown boots with the laces done up loosely. His hair his still wet as he combs it messily, to the side with his hands. How does this man look sensational all the time, and I’m sat here looking like shit?
How am I even allowed to be with him right now?
I’ve been so wrapped up in Ashton, with him telling me all these revelations, that I’d forgotten anything else.
Calvin’s adoring billion dollar smiles hits me hard. Just like it did the first night I met him. His billion dollar smile that is incomparable. That makes me stop whatever I’m doing just to stare.
His focus now, is me, and I won’t begin to try and make you understand how that feels to hear.
“How long have you been stood there?”
“Long enough.” He smirks, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed, then raises his eyebrow in Ashton’s direction.
Ashton throws his hands up in the air playfully. “What did I do?”
“Telling Olivia more than she needs to know.” Calvin makes his way over to the bed. He sits behind me then pulls me up to place me between his legs. I turn my head around to face him.
“You don’t want me to know this stuff about you?” I frown inquisitive.
Calvin brings his finger up to decrease my frown on my forehead. “Stop frowning. Of course I want you to know. Ashton saved me a job.” He shrugs nonchalantly.
I smack him playfully, to which he laughs at.
“I’m shocked that you got Ashton to talk.” He’s shocked?
“Me too.”
“Me three.” Ashton joins in laughing.
“So you got into fights at school a lot of the time?” I turn my body around so I’m facing Calvin. He leans back on his elbows while I sit next to him cross legged.
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“I was like Rocky Balboa.” He grins devilish and handsome.
I shake my head at his attitude. He’s never going to be able to take anything seriously, while Ashton laughs out loud boxing his fists in midair. They seem to both have that cocky confident attitude.
He finally stops grinning and quits with the sarcastic comments while I still wait for him to answer my question.
“We both got into fights. We never let anyone say a bad word about each other. We always had each other’s backs.”
"That I can believe." I mean, Calvin and Ashton both have bad tempers. I can imagine them going through school with so much anger inside of them. It’s so wrong for children to live with. I briefly wonder if that is why Ashton is here. Calvin is protecting me, and Ashton is protecting Calvin. If I'm right, my heart brakes for them both.
Ashton chuckles thinking. "Yeah, we were never the retreating type, but I was much worse. Calvin knows when to stop, but me, I don’t have an off button and that’s scary sometimes."
I listen intrigued to the details they are both sharing with me. Watching on in awe at how these two brothers have stuck together. How much they have each other’s backs and how much they love one another. It’s a wonderful thing.
Calvin told me how bad Ashton was but he’s never really gone into depth to what they both went through. I can imagine it’s incredibly hard to talk about.
"Calvin’s never told you any of this?" Ashton’s a little shocked. I look over to Calvin who’s studying me carefully. He doesn’t know how I’m going to react to that question. I think he feels sorry that he never has but I’m not angry that he hasn’t.
"He tells me things, but doesn’t really go into detail about much." I talk about Calvin to Ashton like he’s not here. But I give him a reassuring glance all the same.
"Yeah, he finds it hard to open up sometimes. He’s always been the life and soul of a party kind of guy, but any personal feelings, he hides. Unless he feels really comfortable with that person to talk. And when he does. That’s rare. He’s only ever spoke to our gran about things."
Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) Page 24