Calvin stares at her impassively, not sitting, so she continues.
"The coronal investigation has been finalized. Your brother died due to a gunshot wound which severed the carotid in his neck, resulting in server blood loss...” Calvin doesn’t let the doctor finish.
"I no he got shot, he’s dead. The point is he’s gone, not why and how! Why are we even here?" He looks around the hospital room frantically. His blood shot eyes are angry.
"Stop examining his body like a fucking lab project." Calvin punches the wall in anguish, but doctor Jessop remains calm and looks on kindly.
I urge her to go on sympathetically, knowing she’s only trying to help. I know Calvin won’t calm down whatever she says.
"We have him here to determine the cause of death Mr. Blake. We know he was shot sir, but its procedure," she continues. "We will need to discuss further arrangements with you. You will need to arrange for Mr. Blake’s body to be taken care of at a funeral home. I suspect the police will continue into the investigation. Have you family you wish to call?"
Calvin pinches the ridge of his nose agitated. "Family? He’s the only fucking family I have around here and now he’s been taken from me. You people come in here pretending you care when really you don’t give a shit. You’ll go home tonight tucked up in to warm bed forgetting about all this, but can I? Can I go back to normal life now my brothers been killed? Well can I?"
"Calvin!" I warn him sharply. I know he’s hurting but it’s not the doctor’s fault.
Doctor Jessop nods in my direction and offers some advice. "You know, you both have been through a lot tonight, there is a hotel a couple of blocks away, its walking distance. Maybe a nights rest will do you good.” I smile thanking her feeling apologetic for Calvin’s comments.
"Calvin, it’s not her fault. She’s just trying to help." I tell him dryly because it won’t make a difference.
He sits down taking the seat next to me rubbing his face in his hands. Even unshaven and tired he’s still gorgeous and the man I’m in love with. I wish I could take away his pain, seeing him like this is heart wrenching.
"What am I going to do without him Olivia?" he looks at me pained, at a loss and seeking guidance. I sigh shakily trying not to cry and pull his chin towards me.
"Look at me Calvin,” when he does, I continue. “I will get you through this. I made a promise to Ashton that I would and I won’t let any of you down. We will get through this together. You’ve done so much for me, and I will do the same for you. I promise." I get down on to my knees in front of him bringing him into my chest as he sobs for his brother.
I try my hardest not to let him hear me cry because I need to be strong for him now. I will fulfill Ashton’s promise and never let Calvin down. How could I?
Calvin is my life now.
We have each other.
***
“I have to organize a funeral. Fuck. I have to organize my brother’s funeral. I have to tell my grandparents. How the fuck are they going to handle this?”
We have booked a hotel room near the hospital on the Doctors advice for the night and I have ordered a hire car for the morning. Calvin was going to do it but he couldn’t speak to the provider. He has been frantic ever since we’ve arrived here.
He’s marching around the hotel room in a frenzy. I try to calm him down but it’s like he’s in his own world. In a trance. He’s pacing, clutching at his hair, talking fast and going around in circles.
I sit on the bed tapping my foot anxiously. After another few minutes of Calvin speaking to himself and I shout over him. My head is spinning by his behavior.
“Calvin!”
He swings his body around to face me, momentarily stunned at my outburst. I take a deep breath trying to figure out how to approach the situation. I almost which I never yelled his name. I almost wish I left him in that trance like state. But he was driving himself mad. And me.
I walk towards him and approach with caution. “You don’t have to do this on your own you know. I’m here Calvin. Anything you need. Just ask.”
He doesn’t look at me but I catch brief hints of melancholy. He looks down at his feet pinching the ridge of his nose. “I can’t ask you to do any of those things for me Olivia.”
I disagree, determined to make him realize I am there for him and he can ask of me anything.
“Of course you can.” My voice is gentle as I take his hands away from his face to look at him. “You need me as much as I need you. Maybe you don’t admit it, but I know.”
His head shoots up this time looking straight at me. His eyes are grave, his voice low.
“I need you more than you will ever realize. But I need to do this. He was my brother. They are my grandparents.”
I offer a different substitute. “Okay. But I can be there with you every step of the way.”
Calvin walks towards me, and kisses me on my forehead several times.
“I’m so grateful for what you’re doing for me. I am. I know you want to go home. But I need to see my grandparents. I need to let them know what has happened.”
“I understand.” Because I do. This is important. Not that my mother isn’t important but this is simply a scenario that can’t hold out.
“Ashton sent my grandparents to a national park reserve not far from here.” He points into thin air when he speaks. “We will have to go there. I’ll give them a ring. Tell them we will meet them there.”
I nod agreeing that it’s a good idea. I think Calvin needed the reassurance. “We will do whatever you want. But listen, it’s late. Why don’t I run you a bath and you can try get some sleep. We’ll leave in the morning.” I know he won’t sleep a wink but I still need to try and comfort him.
“How can I stay here while Ashton’s body is left at the morgue in purgatory?”
“Calvin, they won’t be able to do anything tonight. They will him safe until you have made arrangements don’t worry.”
He sags onto the bed after my statement. I walk past him into the bathroom, take our wash bags with me and iPhone press play to Ellie Goulding; how long will I love you, and begin to run the water in the egg shaped tub. Calvin has paid for this luxury hotel like everything else. I tried to use my credit cards but they have all been blocked. I know Calvin has a lot of money and would never ask me to pay for a thing but I don’t want to take advantage.
I undress completely and perch myself on the edge of the tub and watch the water running from the faucet mindlessly. I feel helpless and hopeless. I feel numb and at a loss. If Mauricio sent them men to kill, then will they come back to finish us off?
My disturbing thoughts are thankfully banished when Calvin walks into the bathroom completely naked. As always, it takes my breath away. But sex is the last thing on my mind right now and probably the last thing on Calvin's. He doesn’t have that heated lust in his eyes that he has for me when he spots my naked body. His pupils are listless and absent. But my eyes drift over his statuesque beauty. His bruised ribs are only slight and have turned yellow in color. His once was black eye is also clearing up. He’s healing on the outside but inside he’s tortured.
He walk’s past me in a daze and climbs into the bath. I’m about to object as the water is boiling in temperature but as he steps in it doesn’t seem to faze him. I quickly turn on the cold water while Calvin sits saying nothing until I’ve turned off the faucet.
“The pain of the water is nothing compared to what I’m feeling. Will you hold me?”
His voice is unrecognizable, it’s vulnerable and lost. He’s vulnerable and lost. Calvin asking to be held is rare. His question tugs tightly in my chest but I hold back my emotions.
Be strong for him. Be strong for him. I repeat in my mind while stepping into the bath. I sit on the opposite end to him. He doesn’t look up at me. It seems like he doesn’t notice I’m there.
He stares blankly at the walls resting his arms on either side of the bath. I feel awkward. I almost don’t know what to do with him. I don’t kn
ow what to say.
My instinct seems to take over. I move through the water towards him and straddle him. He suddenly seems to notice I’m there by pulling me into him and shifting so I can wrap my legs around his waist. He rests his head onto my bare chest and stays silent while I embrace him, holding his head into me, listening to Ellie’s enchanting soothing voice from my playlist. I’m aware I’m holding my breath. I am conscious of it being because I haven’t a clue of how to approach this situation or the strained emotions of a damaged soul. The soul of a person that happens to be the man I am unconditionally in love with.
Calvin sighs deeply against my chest. The first response I’ve had off him since he climbed into the tub. I think he’s about to talk but he doesn’t.
“How did we get here, hmm?” I say what’s on my mind because it’s true. Calvin kisses my shoulder blade and says nothing. It’s true, how the hell have we got to this place in a space of a week? I leave my home and get to Hazels. I think I’m safe but then we have to go on the run away from a sadistic asshole. He has my mom held hostage and I’m helpless. Georgia’s has lost her life because of him, Ashton is gone and that man is still at large. How is life fair? How can any more suffering be passed our way?
I seize this opportunity to take care of him. Moving away from him, I fish into Calvin’s wash bag I placed beside the tub and pull out his body wash, shaving foam, a razor and shampoo.
“Turn around.” I order him gently. He vacantly does so, his back facing me. I pull his shoulders down, forcing him to lay until the back of his head is just above the water between my thighs. After wetting his hair, I squirt shampoo into my palms, then massage his scalp and rinse. I hear a low thankful groan from him.
After washing his hair, I push him back up and tell him to face me. Taking the shaving foam, I about to smother it onto his jaw, but he moves back, retreating warily. “I’ll be careful.” I promise looking into his lost eyes. He sighs deeply giving me the go ahead. I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m going to give it a go. I smooth the white foam onto Calvin’s cheeks, his jaw and chin. Taking the razor blade I start shaving across his jaw almost professionally, taking my time. I rinse of the foam that’s built up into the water and repeat until he’s shaven, fresh faced and gloriously beautiful. Not that I don’t like his designer stubble, but I want to make him feel better. When I’m done his head bows. He closes his heavy lids almost like he’s been defeated. But he hasn’t. My heart hurts seeing him this way. I caress his head between my hands making him look at me and carefully plant soft loving kisses onto his lips, skimming across his freshly shaved jaw, his chin, then back to his mouth. “I will do everything I can to make you happy.” I murmur against his lips. He doesn’t answer me, instead he takes my hips, silently ordering me to turn around. I willingly do as he wants sitting with my back to his chest between his parted legs.
He pulls my hair to the one side and I feel Calvin’s lips flutter across the back of my shoulders and with his hands he pulls me from under my arms to make me sit back closer into him. I sit between his legs, not saying a word until his tantalizing fingers skim down onto my breasts. I throw my head back onto his shoulder as he cups them. His thumbs teasingly circle slowly over my nipples so they strain and harden under his touch. Everything deep down in my groin stand’s to attention, coming alive under his sweet torture. My breathing shallows, my breast’s ache.
“Calvin…” I moan as his fingers leave my breast’s, trailing down onto my wet stomach, into the water until they meet my sex. His fingers brush against my entrance leisurely. I close my eyes on a low groan and hear Calvin’s deep breaths against my ear.
“I need you, Olivia,” He’s breathless from watching me come undone beneath his touch.
“You have me.” I gasp as two fingers slide inside of me. I lay lax, my back against his chest, the back of my head resting on his shoulder and my lifeless legs open wide to him. I flex my hips forward, gently thrusting against his palm, craving the release. He suddenly withdrawals before I’ve peaked. Something he’s never done. I’m frustrated. But I don’t question him.
“Turn around. I want to see you.” He whispers. I turn again to face him, the water splashing over the sides.
“Are we okay?” I ask feeling a little worried about his state.
“Shh,” He whispers sending hot sweet wet trails down my neck with his lips.
“We will stay strong wont we Calvin, me and you?”
He remains silent and kisses me gently. I realize he’s doing it to erase his thoughts but I need reassurance. I feel selfish but I need it.
“Calvin?”
“Olivia…” he addresses me finally but it continues to be inattentive. This time he kisses my mouth tenderly, no doubt to stop me from talking. I pull away gently and try again.
“Will we be okay?”
He sighs almost annoyed bringing his hands down into the water with a splash and snaps at me. “I don’t know.”
I shift back recoiling. He doesn’t know?
He seems to ignore the way I look at him and is about to pull me into him again. I push him away from me, untangle my legs from his waist and without a second thought climb out of the tub grabbing a towel on my way back into the bedroom. He calls me but I slam the door on his voice.
“Olivia,” he calls again barging his way through the door still stark naked. I almost want to scream at him, throw something at him, but how can I?
“I’m sorry, that was insensitive.” His brows furrow perplexed as he rubs his forehead with his fingers.
I scoff whilst drying myself off then slip my jersey top on and turn to face him. “Insensitive? That is not a word I would use for it. So is that what you really think Calvin? You think we're not strong enough as a couple to get through this?”
“That’s not what I said.” He’s exasperated.
“That’s what you meant!” I yell this time, my frustration stemming from his uncertainty.
His eyes narrow seeming hurt but his voice stays soft. “No it’s not. I know we're strong enough to get through this Olivia. At least, I know you are.”
I swipe the tear that’s making an escape from my cheek with the back of my hand then point to him firmly. “You think I’m strong enough to do this? You think I’m capable of doing this by myself?”
He takes a step towards me but stops midway when he spots my held up palm.
He looks from my palm and into my eyes. “No I didn’t mean that you have to do it on your own, because I’m here. I will always be here.”
“Then why say you don’t know? I can tell you one hundred percent that I will be here for you, I will do whatever you need me to but I need reassurance from you too. The one and only thing I asked of you and you couldn’t give it. I need to know we’ll be okay, Calvin. I need to know we will get through this and that we will continue to fight and get through whatever else is going to be thrown our way. That’s all I ask because, I can’t do this if you’re not on my side.”
Calvin deflates, dropping his arms to his sides and comes towards me. This time ignoring my defense gesture.
“Come here,” his voice is quiet and genuine as he brings me into his strong arms. I let go as soon as he embraces me. He holds my head tight against his chest while he speaks. “I am always by your side, Olivia. I am not going anywhere. I didn’t mean to say what I just did. I’m not thinking straight. I’m sorry if I’m being selfish or distant. I’m still trying to come to terms with all of this myself. Just because I’m acting an ass doesn’t mean I love you any less. It doesn’t mean I think we’re not going to get through this. Whatever anyone throws at us will make us stronger, do you understand? I need you to stop self-doubting, or doubting us because you’re not getting rid of me. Ever!”
I sniff and exhale relaxing at his comforting words but now I feel selfish for asking something of him when he’s not in the right frame of mind to promise me anything.
He’s right, I should stop questioning us because we are strong and w
e will get through this together.
“I’m sorry,” I sniff. “That was completely selfish of me. You’ve lost your brother and I’m acting a complete bitch. I shouldn’t be arguing with you. Tell me what I can do to make it better?”
“I want you to make love to me.” He breathes jaggedly.
I still against his chest, a little confused to his very unusual request and pull away. I tilt my chin up to meet his soft blue but still lost eyes and he moves his hand to caress my cheek. His eyes seem to have lost their sparkle but they are still incomparably rare and beautiful. I know that glint in his eyes will return soon, but for now, I want to help him get it back and mend his broken heart just like he’s done to mine over and over.
I hesitate and I know I’m edgy because it’s so unlike Calvin to ask this.
“Please. If anyone can erase bad thoughts, even if for a second, to let me jump into their world, it’s you. Only you.”
He wants to forget, even if for a second and the request is such a familiar one. I understand exactly how he feels.
I nod accepting and swallow hard on his heavenly rendition of what I can do for him.
I pull my jersey top up over my head and let it drop to the floor. His eyes don’t roam over my naked body like they normally would, his eyes stay fixed on mine sending shoots of love right throughout my veins by his adoration alone.
I guide his strong, lean hardness of a body down onto the king size bed. As he rests his head on the pillow, our eyes lock.
His hands slip around my neck, holding me by the nape while I capture his lips between mine. I suck lightly at his bottom lip then send my tongue delicately into his mouth. He twist's his tongue with mine at a leisurely sensual pace. I can already feel how hard he has grown between my thighs. My lower muscles squeeze together and clench, tightening, already convulsing. I dedicate my attention to Calvin, completely focused on him, so when his fingertips graze over my entrance, then slip into me, I release his lips, jerking at the cultivated pressure. The tight, tingly sensation low in my stomach builds, forcing my hips to move with the movement of Calvin’s hand trying to find precious friction. Now he wants to finish it? I don’t complain. I push my lips into his and groan against his mouth. The admiration and adoration I feel for him is evident. My mouth moves across his jaw, my fingers slightly digging into his forearms as he circles languidly at my core sending that building sensation over the edge of a delicious lingering eruption. I press delicate kisses to his neck, moaning from the pleasure after each one. When his fingers fall from me, I position myself above him, glance up to look at him watching me then gently ease myself down onto him. I gasp as I adjust to the size of him, moaning languidly as he fills me. A husky growl from Calvin escapes his throat while he briefly closes his eyes, biting down on his bottom lip from sensation. He feels so good inside of me, so filling and intense. He speaks raspy breathless words while holding my hips still. “Let me savor you for a moment.” His fingers move into my hair when I lean forward, keeping him inside of me and let my lips wonder over his impeccable chest kissing every part of him. I’m going to make love to him like he asked. He wants his mind to fall blank. I’m going to give him that.
Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) Page 30