by Robert Burns
The opening passage (ll. 1–26) in brackets are generally not printed as an integral part of this poem. However, given that they and the body of the poem are dedicated to John Ballantine (1743–1812), they are included. They first appeared in the BC, 1926, pp. 61–2 but the original manuscript of ll. 1–26 is now lost.
The poem was composed in late 1786 after the contruction of the New Bridge of Ayr started in May 1786. John Ballantine, a friend of Robert Aitken, was Dean of the Guild of Stone Masons and took charge of construction with Alexander Steven. The architect was Robert Adam (1728–92) of London. Ballantine was a banker and merchant. He owned Castlehill estate near Kilmarnock and in 1787 was appointed Provost of Ayr. Through an initial introduction from Robert Aitken, Ballantine became a keen patron of Burns and promised to assist him with a financial guarantee for a proposed second Kilmarnock edition, advising Burns to publish in Edinburgh. Ballantine took delivery of 100 copies of the Edinburgh edition for Ayrshire subscribers. There are 13 recorded letters by Burns to Ballantine, two being no more than brief scribbled notes. As both Daiches and Crawford have pointed out, the poem lacks both formal and linguistic integration due to its being a ‘mixtie, maxtie’ amalgam of Fergusson’s vernacular dialogue and Thomson’s socially celebratory poetry. The dialectic between tradition and modernity was a convention that never really energised Burns in this poem. Crawford (1933–9) is both informative and perhaps too generous to it.
1 A noted tavern at the Auld Brig end. R.B.
2 The two steeples. R.B. [plus the Wallace Tower]
3 The gos-hawk, or falcon. R.B.
4 A noted ford, just above the old brig. R.B.
5 The banks of Garpal Water is one of the few places in the West of Scotland, where those fancy-scaring beings, known by the name of Ghaists, still continue pertinaciously to inhabit. R.B.
6 The source of the river of Ayr. R.B.
7 A small landing-place above the large key. R.B.
8 This allusion is to the Second Commandment, that there should not be a likeness of Heavenly things on earth.
9 A well-known performer of Scottish music on the violin. R.B. Wallace (1896) records that James M’Lauchlan originated from the Highlands, was once footman to a Laird at Inverary, then moved to Ayrshire as part of a fencible regiment where he found a patron for his musical talent in Hugh Montgomerie, Coilsfield, later Earl of Eglintoun.
10 A tributary of the river Ayr, near Coilsfield.
The Ordination
For sense, they little owe to frugal Heav’n: To please the mob they hide the little giv’n.
First printed in the Edinburgh edition, 1787.
Kilmarnock Wabsters, fidge an’ claw, weavers, fidget/twitch, scratch
An’ pour your creeshie nations; greasy
An’ ye wha leather rax an’ draw, who, stretch
Of a’ denominations;
5 Swith! to the Laigh Kirk,1 ane an’ a’, away!/haste!, one
An’ there tak up your stations;
Then aff to Begbie’s2 in a raw, off/away, row
An’ pour divine libations
For joy this day.
10 Curst Common-sense, that imp o’ hell,
Cam in wi’ Maggie Lauder;3
But Oliphant4 aft made her yell, often
An’ Russell5 sair misca’d her: sore
This day M’Kinlay6 taks the flail, for thrashing corn/whip
15 An’ he’s the boy will blaud her! slap
He’ll clap a shangan on her tail, cleft stick
An’ set the bairns to daud her children, hit
Wi’ dirt this day.
Mak haste an’ turn King David owre, metrical psalms, over
20 An’ lilt wi’ holy clangor; sing
O’ double verse come gie us four, give
An’ skirl up the Bangor: a popular church tune
This day the Kirk kicks up a stoure, dust/noise
Nae mair the knaves shall wrang her, no more, wrong
25 For Heresy is in her pow’r,
And gloriously she’ll whang her punish
Wi’ pith this day.
Come, let a proper text be read,
An’ touch it aff wi’ vigour, off
30 How graceless Ham7 leugh at his Dad, laughed
Which made Canaan a nigger;
Or Phineas8 drove the murdering blade
Wi’ whore-abhorring rigour;
Or Zipporah,9 the scauldin jad, scolding hussy
35 Was like a bluidy tiger bloody
I’ th’ inn that day. in the
There, try his mettle on the Creed,
And bind him down wi’ caution,
That Stipend is a carnal weed
40 He taks but for the fashion; takes
And gie him o’er the flock to feed, give
And punish each transgression;
Especial, rams that cross the breed, the fornicators
Gie them sufficient threshin, give, beating
45 Spare them nae day. no
Now auld Kilmarnock, cock thy tail, old, stick up
An’ toss thy horns fu’ canty; merrily
Nae mair thou’lt rowte out-owre the dale, no more, roar, -over
Because thy pasture’s scanty;
50 For lapfu’s large o’ gospel kail armfuls, greens
Shall fill thy crib in plenty,
An’ runts o’ grace, the pick an’ wale, cabbage-stocks, choice
No gien by way o’ dainty, not given
But ilka day. every
55 Nae mair by Babel’s streams we’ll weep no more
To think upon our Zion;
And hing our fiddles up to sleep, hang
Like baby-clouts a-dryin cloth
Come, screw the pegs wi’ tunefu’ cheep, fiddle pegs, chirp/notes
60 And o’er the thairms be tryin; strings
Oh, rare! to see our elbucks wheep, elbows jerk/jig
And a’ like lamb-tails flyin
Fu’ fast this day!
Lang, Patronage, wi’ rod o’ airn, iron
65 Has shor’d the Kirk’s undoin; threatened
As lately Fenwick, sair forfairn, sore distressed
Has proven to its ruin:
Our Patron, honest man! Glencairn,
He saw mischief was brewin;
70 An’ like a godly, elect bairn, child/person
He’s waled us out a true ane, picked, one
And sound this day.
Now Robertson10 harangue nae mair, no more
But steek your gab for ever; shut, mouth
75 Or try the wicked town of Ayr,
For there they’ll think you clever;
Or, nae reflection on your lear, no, wisdom/learning
Ye may commence a Shaver; barber
Or to the Netherton repair,
80 An’ turn a Carpet-weaver
Aff-hand this day. off-/at once
Mutrie11 and you were just a match,
We never had sic twa drones: such two
Auld Hornie did the Laigh Kirk watch, old Devil
85 Just like a winkin baudrons, cat
And ay he catch’d the tither wretch, other
To fry them in his caudrons;
But now his Honor maun detach, shall
Wi’ a’ his brimstone squadrons,
90 Fast, fast this day.
See, see auld Orthodoxy’s faes old, foes
She’s swingein thro’ the city! flogging/whipping
Hark, how the nine-tail’d cat she plays! whip
I vow it’s unco pretty: mighty/very
95 There, Learning, with his Greekish face,
Grunts out some Latin ditty;
And Common-Sense is gaun, she says, going
To mak to Jamie Beattie make
Her plaint this day.
100 But there’s Morality himsel,
Embracing all opinions;
Hear, how he gies the tither yell gives, other
Between his twa companions! two
See, how she peels the skin
an’ fell, fleshy tissue under the skin
105 As ane were peelin onions! one
Now there, they’re packèd aff to hell, off/away
An’ banish’d our dominions,
Henceforth this day.
O happy day! rejoice, rejoice!
110 Come bouse about the porter! drink/pass around
Morality’s demure decoys
Shall here nae mair find quarter: no more
Mackinlay, Russell, are the boys
That Heresy can torture;
115 They’ll gie her on a rape a hoyse, give, rope, hoist
And cowe her measure shorter cut/crop
By th’ head some day.
Come, bring the tither mutchkin in, other, pint
And here’s — for a conclusion —
120 To ev’ry New Light12 mother’s son,
From this time forth, Confusion:
If mair they deave us wi’ their din more, deafen
Or Patronage intrusion,
We’ll light a spunk, and, ev’ry skin match
125 We’ll run them aff in fusion off
Like oil, some day.
‘I have been very busy with the Muses since I saw you,’ Burns wrote to Richmond on 17 February, 1786, ‘and have composed among several others, The Ordination, a poem on Mr M’Kinlay’s being called to Kilmarnock’ (Letters, 21). Prior to its appearance in the Edinburgh edition the poem was, in the form of Ayrshire samizdat, locally available under the pen-names of ‘Rob Rhymer’ or ‘Ruis-seaux’. The latter being a play on Rousseau and the French word for streams or (Scottish) burns. Thus Burns’s pseudonymous, covert satirical career, a rehearsal for the darker, more dangerous world of the 1790s, was with him from the beginning. When it appeared in The Edinburgh, the names of his specific ‘Auld Licht’ targets were identified only by the first, capital letter of their surname. These men were tangible and powerful enemies. As Daiches has commented, the specific, proper named detail of the poem, as in the similarly undervalued Holy Fair and the other early ecclesiastical satires, creates difficulties of contextual retrieval for the modern reader. This poem is certainly worth the difficulty and Burns’s own footnotes are of considerable help. While not achieving the manically, perhaps demonically, inspired level of Holy Willie’s Prayer or The Address of Beelzebub, it shares with these poems Burns’s savage, post-Swiftian power of destroying one’s enemies by ironically assuming their voice, person and values and, hence, to the mad, destructive conclusions inherent in them. In many respects it is a darker version of The Holy Fair. It shares with that poem the same sense of the fanatical, ‘Auld Licht’ Calvinism on Scottish consciousness with its power of denigratory pulpit rhetoric. This poem, however, goes beyond tongue lashing into tangible sadism as a mode of clerical control. The image of the whip recurs through the poem. See, for example, ll. 43–5, partly autobiographical from his own kirk-punished fornication, and ll. 91–4. From the second stanza the poem is saturated in vengeful violence as the mode of ‘Auld Licht’ doctrinaire control. This pervasive, perverted violence extends to the hanging image of ll. 113–17 and the burning one of the poem’s conclusion.
A note by Burns to the poem reveals his knowledge of the history of ‘Auld Licht’ fanaticism which surrounded this particular Kilmarnock charge. In it he refers to a ‘scoffing ballad’ written when the ‘New Licht’ Mr Lindsay had been inducted in 1764. Maggie Lauder of l. 11 was Lindsay’s wife and had been the Earl of Glencairn’s housekeeper. On this occasion, however, Glencairn had submitted to ‘Auld Licht’ pressure and appointed one of their own. Glencairn, whom Burns was to idealise as his patron, was not yet known to the poet. In his 1896 edition of the poems, William Wallace gives evidence of the reality of ‘Auld Licht’ violence in 1764: ‘The violence of the people was so extreme at the attempted induction of Mr. Lindsay as to put an effectual stop to the proceedings …. The clergy dispersed in terror… Three young men… were whipped through the streets’ (p. 153, fn.1).
As well as ‘Auld Licht’ violence Burns brilliantly ironises their self-congratulatory Biblically derived singing and pulpit rhetoric as their ‘New Licht’ moderate and ‘commonsensical’ enemies are everywhere put to flight. Both the cacophonous singing and choice of texts in ll. 19–36 are in form and content the reverse of Christian love. Kinsley, as uneasy perhaps with Burns as an ecclesiastical satirist as a political one, totally misreads this stanza when he remarks: ‘But the texts proposed are all indecorous’ (Vol. III, p. 1165). The image, both megalomaniac and self-pitying (ll. 55–6) of the ‘Auld Lichts’ having undergone a Babylonish captivity is quite marvellous. Also Burns points to the fact that while they hated Patronage, the power of the landowner to appoint the minister (see Galt’s more muted, ironic treatment of this theme from a different point of view in Annals of the Parish), these creatures of pure spirit were not averse to the material prosperity the acquisition of a Manse would bring. Ll. 46–54 celebrate their new-found prosperity. Burns revelled in plucking from The Old Testament anecdotes suffused with sex and violence to expose and embarrass the hypothetically pious.
Ll. 39–40 provided an excuse for this acquisitiveness as accepted in the fashionable way that tobacco is accepted. Nor are they averse to (l. 118) alcohol. As in all ecclesiastical satires, as in Blake, varied, savage, devouring, punitive appetites are located behind hypocritical masks. L. 99 refers to James Beattie (1735–1803) who was in his day a major figure as the alleged proponent of Common Sense philosophy and, thereby, the antidote to Humean scepticism. He was also author of the influential ‘Spenserian’ poem The Minstrel; or, The Progress of Genius (1771–4) admired by the not easily impressed Wordsworth.
1 The Laigh Kirk in Kilmarnock.
2 A tavern, later named the Angel Hotel, in Kilmarnock, across the bridge over the Marnock Water.
3 Alluding to a scoffing ballad which was made on the admission of the late Reverend and worthy Mr L—. to the Laigh Kirk. R.B.
4 Rev. James Oliphant, an ‘Auld Licht’ minister of Kilmarnock’s High Church.
5 Rev. John Russell – took over from Oliphant in 1774.
6 Rev. James Mackinlay [spelt M’Kinlay by Burns in a letter, no. 21], whose ordination was opposed by ‘New Licht’ moderates.
7 Genesis, Ch. IX, verse 22. R.B.
8 Numbers, Ch. XXV, verse 8. R.B.
9 Exodus, Ch. IV, verse 25. R.B.
10 Rev. John Robertson, a moderate colleague of Mackinlay.
11 Rev. John Mutrie, Minister of the Laigh Kirk prior to Mackinlay.
12 New Light is a cant phrase in the West of Scotland for those religious opinions which Dr Taylor of Norwich has defended so strenuously. R.B.
The Calf
First printed in the Edinburgh edition, 1787.
To the Rev. Mr James Stephen, on his text, Malachi, IV, Verse 2 – ‘And ye shall go forth, and grow up, like CALVES of the stall.’
Right, Sir! your text I’ll prove it true,
Tho’ Heretics may laugh;
For instance, there ’s yoursel just now, yourself
God knows, an unco Calf! great
5 And should some Patron be so kind,
As bless you wi’ a kirk, give his own church
I doubt na, Sir, but then we’ll find not
You’re still as great a Stirk. young bullock
But, if the Lover’s raptur’d hour
10 Shall ever be your lot,
Forbid it, ev’ry heavenly Power,
You e’er should be a Stot! young bullock
Tho’, when some kind, connubial Dear
Your But-an-ben adorns, small house
15 The like has been that you may wear
A noble head of horns.
And, in your lug, most reverend James, ear
To hear you roar and rowte, rant/bellow
Few men o’ sense will doubt your claims
20 To rank among the Nowte. cattle
And when ye’re number’d wi’ the dead,
Below a grassy hillock,
>
With justice they may mark your head —
‘Here lies a famous Bullock!’
This jeu d’esprit was composed after a challenge by Gavin Hamilton that Burns could not produce a poem on the subject of the Rev. James Stephen’s sermon at Mauchline on Sunday 3rd September 1786 ‘in a given time’ (Letter 46). Hamilton was to miss the sermon and asked Burns for a poem on the visiting minister’s sermon. Originally only four stanzas, as read to Hamilton by Burns and so winning his bet, a further two were added that evening.
The publication of this work in the Edinburgh edition obviously omitted the name of the kirk minister. A pamphlet publication of the poem had been circulated, presumably without the poet’s knowledge, which included The Calf; The Unco Calf’s Answer; Virtue to a Mountain Bard; and The Deil’s Answer to his Vera Worthy Frien Robert Burns. Later in 1786 another anonymous work appeared called Burns’ Calf Turned a Bull; Or Some Remarks on His Mean and Unprecedented Attack on Mr S —. Steven’s identity did not remain anonymous, although unnamed by Burns. The poet was attacked as irreligious and associated with the Devil. Even by the late 19th century Scott Douglas attacks the poet for his verses: ‘very clever, but recklessly severe; for the author could have no personal dislike to this victim of his satirical propensity’ (Vol. I, p. 155). The Rev. Stephen, who later worked in London and ended up in Kilwinning, bore the nickname of ‘the calf’ thereafter. It is highly probable that if Burns had not been attacked in the doggerel pamphlet poems over this work, the minister’s identity would not have been made public.
Address to the Unco Guid
or The Rigidly Righteous
First printed in the Edinburgh edition, 1787.
My Son, these maxims make a rule,
An’ lump them ay thegither: together
The Rigid Righteous is a fool,
The Rigid Wise anither; another
The cleanest corn that e’er was dight sifted