by E. L. Todd
“I won’t give you a night of sex that you’ll regret in the morning. I won’t use you when you’re at your lowest point.” I pulled her against my chest, cuddling with her. My arm wrapped around her small waist, and our faces were close together. “But I’ll give you this.” My hand moved to her cheek and gently pulled her hair from her face. Her eyes were still red and glossy, the aftermath of unstoppable tears. “Now tell me what happened.”
She stared at me for nearly a minute, her thoughts unknown. Then she spoke. “I went out with Natalie tonight. Everything was fine until I saw Drew…”
I didn’t understand what she was upset about, but instead of asking questions, I let her keep talking, knowing she would get to the point when she was ready.
“And he was making out with some woman.” Her tears bubbled all over again, turning into globs of misery. They were the size of hail, and they carried the same weight. They billowed over and streaked down both cheeks, shining like diamonds.
Pain erupted everywhere in my body, and not just in my heart. A physical affliction had wounded me, but I didn’t carry the scar. More than anyone, I knew exactly how she felt. I knew what it was like to walk into your worst nightmare and never walk out of it.
She sniffed then wiped her tears away, shame written all over her face. “I know I shouldn’t cry. Crying is stupid and for weak people.”
“Crying is a sign of emotion. Those who don’t cry are the weak ones because they’re too cowardly to actually feel anything.” I stroked her cheek and wished I could make all this pain go away. Now I was even more grateful I didn’t give in to my physical demands and do something I could never take back.
“I thought you would be annoyed by it…”
“Do I look annoyed?” Without looking at my face, I knew she could see the sadness in my eyes. Whatever was in my heart reached the surface, thudding with misery. “Did you love him?” She was so worked up over it I could only make the assumption.
“No. So I know my tears are even more stupid.”
I wiped a tear away with the pad of my thumb. “Not stupid.”
“I just feel stupid, you know? I trusted him and thought he was someone worth trusting. But then he goes and…it makes me question my judgment.”
I knew exactly what she meant. “Did you slap him?”
“No. I just walked out.”
“So, he doesn’t even know he’s been caught?”
She shook her head.
“You’ll tell him off later?”
“I guess. Whenever I’m up to it. It’s not about pride, but I don’t want him to see me this way. I don’t want him to realize how much he hurt me. I just don’t want him to know how well he played me.”
I knew that feeling better than anyone. ”Yeah.”
“I guess you were right,” she whispered. “You can say it.”
“Say what?”
“I told you so.” She didn’t look at my face, her eyes directed at my chest.
“Taylor, I didn’t want to be right. I hate that I am.”
“Yeah, me too.”
I ran my fingers through her hair, a failed attempt to comfort her.
“I came here because I wanted to do something to forget about the pain. I want to fall into something stronger than misery. You’re a sex machine, so I thought this was where I should go.” She didn’t need to explain herself, but she continued to do so. “Maybe you’re the one who has everything figured out. You have these meaningless flings that never go anywhere. And you never get hurt. You never feel pain. Maybe you have everything figured out, and I’m the one who doesn’t have a clue.” She released a sarcastic laugh that lacked any type of humor.
“You don’t want to be like me.”
“The grass is always greener on the other side, and your side looks like a green lawn right after a storm.”
“The truth is…I’m pretty lonely.” I’d never said that to anyone before, including myself. I kept up a charade, not for everyone in my life, but for myself. It was the only way I could convince myself that I was okay. “I think that’s why you and I have become such good friends. You keep the loneliness away. You give me everything I’m lacking.”
Her eyes drifted to my face, and they looked like glossy orbs. “You give me a lot too, Volt. The second I saw him kissing that woman, this is where I wanted to be. I didn’t go to my best friend’s place. I didn’t call my mom. I came here…to be with you.”
“And I’m glad you did.” Even without the opportunity for sex.
She pulled the sheet farther over her shoulder and got comfortable on the pillow. “Do you mind if I sleep here?”
“I wasn’t going to let you go, Tayz.” I pulled her into my chest and ran my hand down her back. She felt nice against my body. I could feel the echo of my beating heart when I pressed against her.
And I could feel hers.
“Volt?”
“Hmm?” My lips ached to kiss her again. It was the most natural thing I wanted to do, to feel our mouths move together.
“Thanks for not sleeping with me.”
When she kissed me the second she walked through the door, I wanted her badly. My entire body zoned in on the prize. But when she told me to fuck her, I knew I didn’t want it anymore. She didn’t want me to kiss her when she felt used, and now I knew exactly how that felt. I didn’t want her to be meaningless—because she could never be meaningless. “Yeah.”
***
The strobe lights shone across the walls and changed patterns with the tempo of the song. The bass was loud, making it feel more like a rave than a club. Everyone danced on the floor, either high or drunk out of their minds.
I lingered near the entryway to the bathrooms, my arms across my chest and my eyes locked on the prize. I never lost my target, always carefully waiting for my opportunity. Women came and went, but I never took their offers.
Then he made his move.
He set his beer on the counter and left the girl he was with, some blonde with a boob job. He moved around the dancing crowd in the center, hugging the wall as he maneuvered to the entryway where I stood.
Discreetly, I turned my face away and blended with the shadows.
He passed me, heading for the men’s restroom.
I followed his trail, lingering behind him with enough space between us so he wouldn’t grow suspicious and glance over his shoulder. The line for the women’s restroom was endless, but there were no guys in line for the men’s bathroom.
I entered the bathroom after him and immediately turned the lock behind me. It closed with an audible click, sealing us inside and preventing new visitors from entering the restroom.
Drew turned at the sound, his brown hair messy from the woman digging her fingers into it. He wore jeans and a t-shirt that made his body look even smaller than it already was. His eyes widened in recognition when he saw me.
I stepped closer to him, the threat unmistakable in my eyes. Now that I was this close to him, I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. The image of Taylor crying in my bed was permanently scarred in my brain. It made me so angry I felt like an erupting volcano.
He stepped away, his hand slowly rising to keep me back.
And that’s when I snapped.
I pushed him against the wall and slammed my fist into his face, making blood squirt from his nose at the first strike. The sight of blood didn’t stop me, and I hit him again, blackening his eyes then cutting his lip. Rage fueled me forward, and I bloodied him so much he was unrecognizable.
“Stop!”
“Fucking cunt.” I threw him on the ground then kicked him hard in the ribs, flipping him onto his back. The blood from his face drained onto the tile and made it slippery.
“What the fuck was that for?”
That pissed me off again, so I kicked him right in the face. “You know exactly what that was for, asshole. Come near Taylor again and I’ll kill you.” I’d make good on my word, and I didn’t need to shed any more blood to prove it.
I made my point.
***
Taylor sat across from me, looking sad like she did every day. She was taking the breakup hard, which surprised me. She seemed like a woman who would bounce back from everything.
She picked at her muffin with her gaze downward. That’s when she noticed my hands. “Why are your knuckles so bruised?” She grabbed both of my hands and examined the purple swelling.
I quickly pulled them away and hid them under the table so she couldn’t inspect them any further. “Boxing.”
“I didn’t know you boxed.”
“Sometimes. I like to mix up my exercise routine.”
“You don’t wear gloves?”
I made up a quick excuse. “I put them on wrong.”
“There’s not too many ways to do that…”
If she kept digging, she’d find something I didn’t want her to find. “Has he called?”
“No…and it’s been a week.” She returned her focus to her muffin even though she wasn’t eating it. She just picked at it, making one piece into several smaller pieces.
“Forget about him, Tayz. You’re too good for him.”
“I don’t want him to call because I miss him. I don’t want him to call so I can hear him apologize. I guess I just want to act like he didn’t affect me. Get the last word in kind of thing.”
“But you don’t need that. Just put it in the past and forget about it.”
“I feel stupid too. I thought he was a good guy, but he just turned out to be a player.”
“It’s his loss.” I wanted to make her feel better, but nothing I did or said seemed to make a difference. “What are you doing on Saturday?”
She shrugged. “Probably grading papers.”
“As fun as that sounds, how about we go to a Yankees game instead?”
“I do love baseball.”
“Attagirl.” I gave her a playful tap under the table.
She tapped me back. “And I’m a sucker for chili dogs.”
“Aren’t we all?”
“Should we invite anyone else?”
I didn’t want to bring the gang along. I preferred spending my time with just her. I could be myself in every way imaginable. Somehow, she put me at ease. “I only have two tickets.”
“Bummer.”
“Derek talks too much anyway. Did Natalie ever hook up with anyone?”
“She started talking to this guy, but I’m not sure what happened. She didn’t say much more about it because she was too busy asking me if I was okay. She said she wants to kick Drew in the nuts then slap him across the face.”
Already beat her to the punch. “He definitely deserves a bitch slap.”
“She told me about her feelings for Jared. I tried to steer her away from him as much as possible.”
“Do you think you made an impression?”
“I think it planted a seed. Hopefully, that seed will grow with some water and sunshine.”
I liked the metaphors she made.
“Any new girls in your life?” She asked the question with a sigh, like she didn’t really want to know my answer.
“Not really.” Actually, I hadn’t hooked up with anyone all week—which was a first for me. Despite the fact Taylor gave me a short hand job, it didn’t seem awkward between us. But I wasn’t going to lie, I’d been thinking about that hand job a lot—in addition to her kisses.
“No honies around?”
I hadn’t been looking. “Guess not.”
She eyed the time on her phone. “Well, I should get going. If we’re going to that game tomorrow, I better grade those papers tonight.”
“I can come with you if you like.”
“And watch me grade papers?” she asked incredulously.
“I can watch TV or something. Keep you company.” I didn’t want to leave her alone right now. One of my biggest fears was Drew would call and beg her to take him back, and she wouldn’t have the strength to say no.
I had to make sure she said no.
“Sure,” she said. “If you’re up for it.”
“I am.” I threw our trash away and walked with her down the sidewalk.
She held her purse over one shoulder, and her eyes were on the ground. “Thanks for being my friend during all of this. I know there are better ways for you to spend your Friday night.”
Actually, there was no better way I could spend my Friday night. “You’re my best friend, Tayz.”
She smiled as she looked at me, her eyes glowing. “You’re my best friend too.”
Chapter Eleven
Taylor
Sara took me shopping and out for ice cream to cheer me up. Sometimes a frozen treat was the only thing that could lift your mood. At least, that was the case for me.
Sara kept discreetly glancing at me as if she thought I would burst into tears at any moment.
“I’m fine, Sara.”
“I know you are,” she lied.
“Then why do you keep staring at me?”
“Just want to make sure there’s nothing on your face… That’s all.”
Yeah, whatever. “Drew really hurt me, but I assure you, I’ll get over it.” I didn’t want to be one of those girls who moped around after a guy wounded them. There were better things to do with my time than let some guy drag me down. But I needed some time to finally get there.
In the meantime, I’d eat ice cream.
“I know you will. You’re the strongest chick I know.”
“Thanks.” It was a compliment I didn’t deserve, but I’d take it right now. “Everyone has been smothering me with love. It’s been nice.” Volt was in the lead, taking me to ball games and just hanging out at my apartment so I wouldn’t be alone with my thoughts. I never asked him to do anything, and he made all those gestures by himself. “Volt has been the sweetest. Not sure what I would do without him.”
“Your other boyfriend?”
Everyone teased me about my relationship with Volt, and I knew it was easier just to let it go. “My other best friend.”
“You can’t have more than one best friend.”
“You can if the other one is a dude.” And frankly, I spent more time with him than her. Now she spent most of her free time with Rick, and before that, she was Debbie Downer. “On the night I caught Drew, I went to his place and did something really stupid…”
She dropped her spoon into her cup, abandoning it in light of my gossip. “Did you guys get it on?”
“A little bit.” Without even realizing it, the corner of my mouth lifted.
“Say what?” She slammed her hand on the table. “Girl, what happened?”
“Keep in mind that I was a little crazy at the time. I just saw Drew grinding against some blonde in a nightclub.”
“Shut up and get to the good stuff.”
“When Volt answered the door, we started making out. He picked me up and pinned me to the wall as we continued to devour each other like we had fasted for the past week.”
Sara hung on every word. “And he’s hot, right?”
“Oh god, yes.” One of the hottest guys I’d ever seen. “And such a good kisser.”
“Go on.”
“We were getting hot and heavy against the wall, and I just wanted some meaningless sex that would make me feel better. He’s the king of manwhores, so I thought he was the best place for that kind of service. But then he pulled away and stopped.”
“No!” Sara was even more disappointed than I was.
“I gave him some strokes in his pants to change his mind, and it almost worked…but then it didn’t.” When I stuck my hand down his pants and gripped his rock-hard cock, I was expecting a specific size. Average, maybe a little bigger. But when my fingers grasped his base, I released a quiet sigh into his mouth, shocked by what I was grabbing.
“How is he down there?”
I shouldn’t share Volt’s personal information, but Sara wouldn’t quit until she heard the truth. “Let’s just say I thought it was his leg at first.”
She gasped and covered her mouth. “What a hunk.”
“I know. It’s the biggest one I’ve ever touched. I couldn’t believe it.”
She looked away like she was reliving an old dream. “Muriel was big in that department…miss that.”
“I’m sure Rick is more than perfect too…”
“Like I’m ever seeing him again.”
“What? Why?” I thought things were going well. Sara was out of the house and off the couch. The cushion was stained with old popcorn butter and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
“I can’t keep seeing him after what Drew did to you.”
I stared at her blankly because I didn’t understand the correlation. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Because he’s Drew’s friend. I’m not going anywhere near that asshole ever again.”
“But that’s not fair. Rick didn’t do anything.”
“But I don’t want to ever be in the same room with that guy. If I keep seeing Rick, it’s bound to happen.”
“That’s still not right. I really don’t care if you keep seeing him.” In fact, I would encourage it.
“No. You’re my best friend.”
“But—”
“Rick is his best friend, which would mean I’d have to have a relationship with him. And hell no, I’m not having a relationship with a man who hurt my best friend. I want nothing to do with him, and I better not see him again because I may go to jail for the shit I’m about to pull.”
Her loyalty made me smile, giving me the first feeling of happiness in a while. “Well…thanks.”
“No problem. I’ll find someone else.”
“Yeah. There are a lot of great guys in the city.”
“What about Volt?” She waggled her eyebrows.
“He’s off-limits,” I blurted. I didn’t think about what I said before I said it. The idea of him screwing my best friend immediately made me feel vomit in my throat.
Sara raised an eyebrow. “Is he now?”
I knew what the look meant. I’d seen it a hundred times. “Not because I have feelings for him, but because it would make things awkward for me if you broke up.” Not if they broke up. When they broke up.