by E. L. Todd
“How’s it going with Clay?”
He pulled his eyes away from the exam and looked at me. The look was normal again, and the man I knew was looking back at me. “He’s even further behind than I imagined.”
“That’s too bad.”
“His reading level is elementary.”
I cringed.
“I have some time to prepare him for the exam, but…that’s so much content to cover.”
“And a lot of hours.”
“But this kid seems motivated. He said he wants to score high enough to at least get into a junior college.”
“At least his expectations are realistic.”
“I just feel bad for him. My parents gave Connor and me everything, and I’m not talking about financial stuff. Dad always helped me study, and Mom always helped me build all my projects and stuff. They pushed me to succeed and knew exactly how to do it. Kids like this…don’t stand a chance.”
“It’s heartbreaking.”
“It really is.” He shook his head and turned back to the exam. Instantly, he changed back into the soft and compassionate man I loved. This side of him was so gentle it was unreal. I loved it when he came out. I just wish he stuck around longer.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think it’s a little challenging…”
“Isn’t that the point?”
“I mean the questions themselves—the way they are written.” He grabbed a pen and marked it up. “You’re trying to trick them with every question.”
“Not in a mean way,” I argued. “This is how every test will be when they get to college.”
“But these kids are juniors. They aren’t quite there yet.”
“Well, they need to be prepared.” I wasn’t going to give them a simple and straightforward test. Every exam I ever had required meticulous concentration just to decipher what the question was even asking. If I didn’t prepare them now, they would be thrown off course when these kinds of exams happened.
“Maybe put a few like that, as bonus questions.”
Oh, hell no. “I’m not giving extra credit. I’m not that kind of teacher.”
“Then throw out the questions altogether.”
My ears were about to blow out smoke. “I’m tired of having to attenuate my teaching style to please everyone. That’s not what education is about. I want these kids to dislike me but thank me later. How can I accomplish that when I’m trying to make the parents happy? And they aren’t even teachers, so they don’t understand what needs to be done.”
Volt shut the packet and tossed it on the coffee table. “Baby, listen to me.”
I was so pissed off, my nose was about to ooze with lava, but when he said those words, I was suddenly jerked in a different direction. “Whoa, what?”
Volt’s face blanched when he realized what he said. “I mean, you’re acting like a baby.”
“No, I’m not,” I snapped. “You just—”
“Just do what I say until you get tenured. When you get to that level, you have a lot more freedom to do whatever you want. But you’re a brand-new teacher, and you are being scrutinized at a microscopic level.” He grabbed my wrist and gave it a firm squeeze. “I hate to say it, but you’re their bitch—for now.”
“I’m nobody’s bitch.”
He shrugged. “Everyone is somebody’s bitch—at one point in time.”
***
“What do you think of this guy?” I turned my computer toward Natalie, who was sitting beside me at my desk.
“Eh. He’s okay.”
“Yeah…he’s the best I found.” Once my profile went live, I got a lot of takers. But most of them were weird, divorced, had no profile picture, or just plain creepy. This guy was the first one who seemed decent. He lived in the city, worked as an accountant, and he wasn’t bad to look at. “But I have a bad feeling about this. I think I’m just going to waste my time.”
“You won’t know until you give it a try.”
“But I may end up dead by giving it a try.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’ll be fine. I can come with you if you really want.”
“Maybe we can just do that GPS sync on our phones so you’ll know where I am just in case I go missing…”
She smacked me in the arm. “That’s not gonna happen. Don’t even think like that.”
I responded to his message and agreed to a date on Saturday night. After I hit send, I knew it was final. There was no going back now. I was taking a risk to find Mr. Right. But I had a strong feeling this guy wasn’t him.
***
Volt and I didn’t talk for the rest of the week.
Which was very odd.
We usually talked every day, even if it was just a quick text conversation. He often came by my classroom to sit in, or we met up after work and got a pastry at our favorite bakery.
But he’d been radio silent.
Volt had something going on in his life that he wasn’t comfortable talking about. That was the only way to explain his peculiar behavior. I felt like I was talking to three different people when I had a single conversation with him. He was all over the place, jerking me around with his unpredictability.
One moment, he was hugging me and pulling out the chair for me at a restaurant, and then a few days later, he acted like he hated me. There was no possible guess I could make that would explain everything, so I just stopped thinking about it.
It was a waste of time anyway.
He would come back to me whenever he was ready to be himself again. And when that time came, I wouldn’t ask him a million questions. I would just let him be—like always.
I got ready for my date and wore the dress Volt had once picked out for me. It was skintight and short, and I was afraid it was a little slutty for a first date. But this was what he recommended, and I trusted his taste. I wore matching pumps with a pink clutch. We were going to an Italian restaurant, so I hoped I wasn’t overdressed.
I got to the restaurant first and was taken to a table near the window. I arrived at my chair and sat down before looking at the time. I was purposely late, as Natalie told me to be, and he wasn’t there yet. I looked at my phone to see if I had any messages from him, but I didn’t.
I grabbed the wine list and tried to decide what I should get. A pair of eyes settled on me, and I could feel their burn. It felt intrusive and inhospitable. Without even looking up, I knew someone was staring at me.
But I didn’t know whom.
I looked up from my menu and stared at the next table over. It was next to the window just as mine was, and a white tablecloth and low burning candle decorated the surface.
A man sat there alone, directly facing me. He wore a gray collared shirt that fit his broad shoulders nicely. Despite the fact the fabric covered everything, his muscular arms were still defined. He had dark brown hair with matching eyes. His face was cleanly shaven, revealing his hard jaw and smooth lips.
And he stared at me.
Heat immediately rose up my throat and entered my mouth. When I looked up, I hadn’t been expecting someone like that to be staring at me. He was easy on the eyes, and I’m sure he felt good on the body.
Damn, he was gorgeous.
I looked at my menu again just so I had something to do. If I put it down, my eyes would wander to him again.
Why can’t he be my date?
I felt guilty for the thought the moment I had it. The guy coming to meet me was probably a nice person, and I felt like a jerk for checking out some other guy who was probably waiting for his supermodel girlfriend.
Minutes passed, and my date still hadn’t arrived. Was I being stood up? That didn’t make any sense since he was the one who asked me out. And he knew what I looked like. It wasn’t like he saw me then left.
I felt the man’s gaze still glued to my face, and I wanted to take a peek and see if he was looking. But then I wouldn’t be able to keep up my poker face of indifference.
Eventually, the waiter came over and as
ked if my date was coming. “Will he be here shortly?”
“Uh, I think so…”
After a dirty look, he walked away.
Now he was thirty minutes late, and it didn’t seem like he was going to show.
How embarrassing.
My phone lit up with a message from the dating app, and I quickly read it. It was from my date. Hey, are you still coming? I have a seat by the window at Le Chance.
Le Chance? I peeked at the menu on the table and read the name of the restaurant. Le Chancet.
Shit, I got the wrong restaurant.
I was just about to type back when someone fell into the seat across from me.
The man sitting at the next table came face-to-face with me. He was even more beautiful up close. He had a nice complexion that brought up his hazelnut eyes, and there was a kindness to him I hadn’t expected. “I was waiting for a blind date, but she didn’t show.”
My first instinct was to tell him I was on a date myself but went to the wrong restaurant. But instead, I said something else. “Me too.” I felt bad ditching the guy I was supposed to be on a date with, but something told me it would be a mistake to leave this opportunity. It was very rare when I saw a man I was truly attracted to. The first time it ever happened was when I looked at Volt.
And now it happened again.
“If you ask me, your date missed out.”
Good-looking and sweet. What a deadly combination. I moved my lips to speak, but I didn’t have any words to actually say. Finally, I found something to share. “That’s nice of you to say. Your date missed out too.”
“My friend arranged everything because he thought we would hit it off. I guess he was wrong.”
“Sometimes things don’t work out.”
He stared at me for nearly a minute, examining every feature of my face like he was trying to memorize it. “Can I be your date tonight? And you be mine?” He grabbed a menu and handed it to me.
My heart was slamming against my ribs so painfully I was certain he could hear every beat. My mouth was parched and my fingertips felt numb. I never wanted to do online dating. Organic meetings like this were the kind I craved. I wanted something natural, to have the kind of chemistry that exploded the second we were in the same room together. I wanted a love story that was more authentic, more genuine.
I wanted something like this.
Chapter Fourteen
Volt
I took a step back.
My feelings for Taylor were undeniable. They were there, constantly bubbling under the surface. When I wasn’t with her, she was all I thought about. And when I was with her, I did stupid shit like call her baby.
I was out of control.
I didn’t exactly know what I felt for her. Did I love her? Did I just like her? Did I want a relationship with her?
I didn’t have a clue.
But I knew I didn’t want to feel this way. I wanted to go back to what my life was before. My chest was empty of all feeling, and I just went through the motions. I was detached from all human emotion.
And I liked it that way.
Whatever this was with Taylor was bad news. If we became anything more than friends, it would end in disaster. Just like my last relationship, she would break my heart and humiliate me at the same time. I didn’t trust anyone, and I would never trust anyone again.
Even Taylor.
The best way to get rid of these feelings was to avoid her. After enough space, these emotions would go away, and we could go back to being friends. She could start dating someone new, and I wouldn’t give a damn. I would screw an endless line of beautiful women and not think about her.
It was a great plan.
But by the end of the first week, I was going through withdrawals. I hadn’t spoken to Taylor, and I missed her voice. Every time I saw a funny meme online, I wanted to show it to her but realized I couldn’t. I wanted to tell her about the progress I was making with Clay, but I couldn’t do that either.
I felt alone.
I stayed home every night after work and found myself staring at my phone. I wanted her name to pop up on the screen because I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to ignore her call. It was an excuse to talk to her, an excuse for me to be weak.
But she never did.
Now I was worried over why she hadn’t called me. Did she know how I felt about her? Did she pick up on all the signs? Or did I just annoy her? I hoped I just pushed her away.
I needed to push her away.
Because I would never be a boyfriend again—not even hers.
***
“What’s up with you?” Jared handed me a beer before he plopped down on the couch beside me.
“Nothing. You?”
“You seem weird lately. Like, weirder than usual.”
“I’m not weird. You’re weird.”
Derek walked in from the kitchen and sat on the other couch. “You guys are both weird.”
“What’s up with Taylor?” Jared asked me.
“Why the hell would I know?” I asked defensively. “She’s not my girlfriend.”
Jared gave me a strange look. “I never said she was, man.”
“Good.” I took a drink of my beer and focused on the game. “Because I’m not.”
“She said she would pick up a pizza on the way,” Derek said. “But Natalie isn’t coming.”
“Why isn’t Natalie coming?” Jared asked.
Derek finished chewing a handful of chips before he spoke. “She said she was—”
“Whoa, hold on.” I held up my hand. “Taylor is coming?”
“Yeah,” Derek said. “Tayz. Why?”
“Shit.” I set my beer down and tried to get the hell out of there. “I’ve got to go.”
“But you just got here,” Jared argued. “And why isn’t Natalie coming?”
I walked around the couch and grabbed my keys.
“I guess she has a date or something,” Derek said. “Looks like she’s finally gotten over you.”
“A date?” Jared asked in surprise.
Derek shrugged. “That’s what Tayz said.”
“I’m outta here.” I headed to the door.
Derek turned to me. “Why, again?”
“I’ve got somewhere to be.” Right when I reached for the door, it flew open. Taylor stood on the other side with two pizza boxes in her hand. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to kick your door in.”
I stared at her blankly, hating the fact I loved the way her hair fell over one shoulder. She wore some mascara today, and it made her eyes prettier than usual. I couldn’t stop myself from memorizing the look, wanting to picture it when I made her come in my fantasies.
Shit, this was bad.
“It’s all good,” Derek said. “If you’re bringing food, you can do whatever you want.”
Taylor chuckled then walked around me. “Hey, Volt. How are you?” She spoke to me like the silence over the past two weeks was perfectly normal.
“Good. You?”
“Good. I changed the exam, and the kids did great. Maybe your suggestion was for the best.” She set the pizzas on the counter. “Do you have any paper plates?”
“In the cupboard,” Derek barked.
She grabbed a handful then scooped a few slices onto her plate.
Now that Taylor was there, I couldn’t just walk out. It would be obvious she was the reason why I left, and that would invite unnecessary questions.
She grabbed a beer and sat on the couch next to Derek. She didn’t pay any particular attention to me, which was a relief but also a frustration. She didn’t think it was strange that I hadn’t called her in a while? But wasn’t it worse that it bothered me when she didn’t call when I actually wanted her to?
This kind of psychology was hurting my head.
“So, Natalie has a date?” Jared asked.
I headed back to the couch and sat down, forcing myself not to look at Taylor. She wore dark blue shorts with a pink top. She normally wore dresses, an
d I loved seeing her in this new outfit. Her legs were to die for.
I hated myself for noticing.
“Yeah, she’s been seeing this guy for a while,” Taylor said. “She seems into him.”
“Wow,” Derek said in surprise. “Good for her.”
Jared remained silent, his eyes glued to the TV.
“Yeah,” Taylor said. “They like to spend time together, and she talks about him all the time. I think he’ll be around for a while.”
“Who is the guy?” Derek asked.
“His name is Peter,” Taylor said. “They met when we were out one night. I don’t know much more about him.”
“I just hope he’s a cool guy,” Derek said.
“I think so,” Taylor said. “He makes her happy.”
Jared drank his beer.
I felt awkward not sitting next to Taylor and talking to her like I usually did. In fact, it was so strange I felt out of place. I was on a different planet with different people. Without her as my anchor, I drifted away to a place I didn’t enjoy.
***
“Say what you want, but that game was totally rigged.” Derek cleared the pizza boxes and shoved them into his garbage can.
“You’re just a sore loser,” Jared jabbed.
“Whatever,” Derek said. “Those calls were bullshit, and we all know it.”
“It’s just a game,” I said. “No reason to get worked up.”
“Just a game?” Derek asked incredulously. “That’s it. Get out of my house.”
“I should get going anyway. Have work tomorrow.” And I needed an excuse to get out of there without talking to Taylor…even though I wanted to talk to her.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“I should get going too.” Taylor grabbed her purse and tossed her plate in the garbage on the way to the door. “Thanks for inviting me over.”
“No problem,” Derek said. “See you later.”
Jared walked to Taylor with his arms across his chest. “So…is Natalie serious with this guy?”
Why did he care?