by Rachel Del
“Thank you, you do as well.” And she meant it. “How is everyone?”
“We’re hanging in,” he said, slowly nodding. “It’s hard…. But you know how that is…”
“I do.”
“How’s work going?”
“It’s going well; I’m keeping busy as always. We just brought on a really great author so we’ve had our hands full.”
Despite everything they had been through, Lily couldn’t help but reminisce about how it felt in the beginning of their marriage, when they would talk for hours about their lives and their work. The thought made her sad, which didn’t go unnoticed by Thomas.
“Listen Lily, you were right.” He took in a deep breath, making Lily suddenly nervous. “I was checked out of our marriage for a long time, and that wasn’t fair to you.”
Lily glanced around, disturbed that they were going to have this conversation in the middle of a grocery store.
“It wasn’t really about what was fair. It was about you running off and sleeping with your ex-girlfriend when we were trying to salvage our marriage…” she said softly.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything, especially for how my family has been treating you. It’s not right that they not know the truth about why our marriage ended.”
“You don’t really owe them any answers, Tom. It was our relationship, not theirs. All that matters is that we’re okay, because we need to be… for Ben. I won’t become one of those parents who use their kid against the other parent. I refuse to. Ben needs to know that we love and respect each other just as much as if we were still together. “
“You’re right Lil.” He dropped his head and sighed heavily. “What a fool I was to take you for granted.”
He locked eyes with her, all of his mistakes running rampant in his mind. “I’ll spend the rest of my life living with that regret.”
That night, fueled by a glass of red wine and hindsight that only time can provide, Lily signed the divorce papers, adding her loopy signature below Thomas’ illegible scribble.
Chapter 17
“Then he waited and walked, and watched and waited… and sure enough, the star washed up on the bright, golden sand. The boy had caught a star. A star of his very own.”
Lily closed the book and ran her hand through her son’s soft hair once more before rising from the rocking chair and placing him in his crib.
“Goodnight,” she said as she bent over to flick on the night-light. “I love you.”
Downstairs, Lily poured herself a glass of red wine, leaving the bottle open on the counter. She settled in on the couch and flicked on the television in search of something mind numbing to watch; her conversation with Tanner weeks ago had been rolling around in her head for far too long now.
She was pouring herself a second glass when there was a light knock at the front door. Her bare feet were almost silent as she crossed the room and pulled open the door. Nathan stood in front of her, looking sheepish.
“I’m sorry, I know it’s late. Can I… Can I come in?”
Lily stepped aside. “Of course.”
He slipped off his shoes and stood sheepishly beside her until she stepped forward, heading for the living room. She took a seat on the plush couch, Nathan following her.
“I heard from Tanner today; he said he’s been working on something for a while and he’s hoping to have something to show us soon.” Lily could tell that he had not come to discuss work, but she played along.
“That’s good news.” Though she hadn’t discussed with Nathan in detail as to why things between her and Tanner were strained, he had known enough not to push for more information than she was willing to share.
“I’m actually shocked that it all came together.”
“Me too.”
Nathan was silent, looking down at his hands.
“What’s going on, Nate?”
Nathan chuckled. “Is it that obvious?”
“Well I don’t think you came all the way over here to talk about something that could easily wait until Monday morning.”
“I spoke with my oldest sister the other day.”
While Lily wasn’t sure what he was getting at, she vaguely recalled him mentioning on their way to Santa Barbara that his sisters were the only people whose advice he took seriously. She remained quiet, waiting for him to expand on his thoughts.
“We talked about the family and her kids, but mostly we talked about… well, you.”
“And why would you two be talking about me?”
“She called me an idiot.”
Lily took a slow drink from her glass. “Why’s that?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“I don’t have time for this, Nate. You obviously came here wanting to tell me something, so spit it out.” She jumped in again before he could speak. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. You just… have this way of—”
“Knocking me off my axis.”
If anything could knock her off her axis, it was that comment. She could feel her heart rate quickening, unsure of where the conversation was headed. While the way she had confronted Tanner about his comment was completely unprofessional, it had helped her to let go of a lot of the anger and resentment she had been feeling; anger and resentment that she still felt for Nate.
“Well you sure had me fooled.”
Nathan looked confused. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, back tracking, suddenly afraid of having the conversation.
“You can’t say something like that and then tell me not to worry about it. What’s going on?”
“In Santa Barbara we had these great conversations about our lives… and I don’t open up that easily, Nate, but there was something about you that made me want to keep talking. And then we shared that incredible night together…”
Nathan lifted his arms and rested both hands on her shoulders. “It was an amazing weekend.”
“Please don’t touch me,” Lily gasped, shaking his hands off of her.
“What on earth has gotten in to you?”
Lily moved away from him on the couch. “I heard you,” she whispered, surprised that she could even say the words aloud.
Nathan stared at her intently, his eyes burning into hers. “You heard me? What did I say?”
Lily was trembling from head to toe.
“In California, that morning in the kitchen… with Tanner.” She spat the words at him like venom, staring him in the eyes, watching the words sink in.
Nathan broke eye contact with her, looking down at his hands lying limp at his sides.
“You think my kid is baggage?”
“Lily, I—” He moved towards her.
“Screw you,” she yelled, pushing him away.
“Lily, listen to me.”
“I said, screw you.”
This time as she went to push him away he grabbed her by both wrists and held tightly.
“Listen to me. I don’t think your kid is baggage.”
“I heard you, Nate. You can’t lie your way out of this.”
“I never thought that, Lil. I never would. I was just agreeing with Tanner, which I realize is incredibly stupid. It was a lie, Lily. I should never have said it.”
Lily worked hard to slow her breathing. “Lie or not, male bonding or not, it was just over the line.”
“I know it was, I’m so sorry.”
“I was just getting to know you, Nate. And I really liked what I saw. And then you made that comment and I just… I worry that I was wrong about you. That maybe you’re not the guy I thought you were.”
Nathan couldn’t believe what she was saying. How had things gotten so out of control so quickly? He moved to reach out for her hand but stopped himself.
“I’m the same person, Lily. And I’m human… I make mistakes. I came here to clear the air.”
“Go ahead.”
Nathan sighed. “I’m not the kind of guy who sleeps with someone I don’t car
e about, and I know you’re not that kind of person either, which is why I know that what happened in Santa Barbara meant something to the both of us.”
Tears began to fall from Lily’s eyes. “Then why, Nate? Why the cold shoulder for so long?”
“I saw you,” he said, without skipping a beat.
“Saw me? What does that mean?”
“In the backyard, the night we came back from Santa Barbara.”
“I don’t—” But as the words came out of her mouth she realized what he was referring to.
He had seen Thomas kiss her.
Chapter 18
“Nate,” she said, reaching out to him. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”
“Really? Because it looked like you were getting back together with your husband.”
“We were talking, and then he kissed me. He kissed me.” Lily cringed at how infantile the words sounded coming from her mouth. She reached up and placed her palms on either side of his face. “Please listen to me, Nate. Thomas was in a really bad place that night. His mother had just died for god’s sake. He was emotional and had been drinking, and he begged me to give our marriage another chance.”
“Congratulations.”
“I told him no, Nate. And at first he kept asking, kept thinking of reasons for us to stay together, good reasons, but all I could think about was that he isn’t the same man I married. He isn’t a good guy.”
Nathan looked down into Lily’s eyes and lifted his hands to remove hers from his face. “Why didn’t you say anything, Lil? You’ve had weeks to speak up.”
“I was going to, and then you completely ignored me.”
“So this is my fault now?” he said incredulously. His conversation with his sister, and all that he had wanted to explain to her seemed to have gone out the window.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“What are you trying to say then Lily, because it sounds like you’re talking in circles.”
“I’m trying to say that it’s done, Nate. Thomas and I. Our marriage is over… officially.”
Nathan looked at her then, wondering how everything had happened so quickly; how his feelings had evolved the way they had, despite how little he truly knew about her; despite the mess of her situation.
“Nate,” she whispered. “I’ve really been working on myself since the separation. I’m striving to be a better person. But I know that my life is still a little messy right now, and just because we slept together that doesn’t mean you owe me anything, but I know enough that I want you in my life… in whatever form you think you can handle.”
“There’s so much I need to tell you… so much I want to tell you. This situation is so…”
“Confusing,” she whispered.
“If I’m being honest, yes. It’s really confusing. And I’m scared, Lily. I don’t know if I can be the man you deserve. Thomas hurt you, and I just couldn’t live with myself if I caused any further damage.”
“I’m scared too, Nate. I just came out of an eight-year relationship… out of a marriage… and the last thing I expected was to be in this situation.”
The way she said the word situation made Nathan feel as though he was losing her. Her next words made him shudder, as though she had read his thoughts.
“I’m right here, Nate. I’ve always been right here.” Tears pooled in her eyes, and spilled down her flushed cheeks. She wiped at them furiously, angered by their intrusion.
“Lily….”
“I just need to know, ok? Because if this can’t go any further, if we can’t go any further…”
Nathan reached out and pulled her against him, encircling her with his arms and pressing his lips against her hair. “I want you, Lily. I want all of you.”
She crushed her lips against his, pressing herself against him. “Say that again.”
Nathan smiled against her mouth. “I want you.”
She swung her leg over his, straddling him. “Then take me.”
He pulled her face towards him, his mouth meeting hers once again, their breath heavy between them. His hands moved down her body, exploring the curves of her waist and hips, toying with the hem of her dress.
As Lily moved her lips down to his neck, she felt Nathan push himself against her. Even through his jeans she could feel how turned on he was.
“Take off your pants,” she demanded, lifting her weight off of him, allowing him to shimmy his jeans down his legs. “Now take me.”
Nathan pulled her dress up, tugging her panties aside, thrilled to feel how wet and ready she was. He gasped when she reached down and took him in her hand, guiding him inside of her.
Their bodies moved together in perfect rhythm, matched only by their breathing, until they came together, panting and moaning.
Lily climbed off of his lap, and curled herself into the side of his warm body. Nathan linked his fingers with hers.
“I could really fall for you…”
Lily tucked her chin against her chest, smiling. “I don’t know why. I’m completely lost.”
“Everyone gets lost some time,” Nathan said quickly. “What’s important is that you have people in your life who are willing to help you find yourself again.”
“But my past…”
Nate gently shook his head from side to side. “You can’t discount your past because it’s everything that makes you. Granted things are a little messy, but I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, Gardner.”
“That’s not my name anymore,” she said through a smile, not realizing how good it would feel after all that time.
“Good, I always hated it.” He smiled, cupping the side of her face and pressing his lips lightly against hers.
“Liar.”
“Well now what am I supposed to call you?”
“How about Lily. Just Lily.”
“Well then, kiss me again, Just Lily.”
As they kissed, Lily felt in the pit of her stomach that he was quite possibly the man she was meant to be kissing for the rest of her days.
- end -
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Other Books by Rachel Del
Losing Lily: A Finding Lily Prequel
Lily Gardner thought she'd found her soul mate when she met and married the handsome and well-off Thomas Gardner. But as she soon finds out, life and love hold no guarantees.
Losing Lily is a prequel to Rachel Del's debut novella, Finding Lily, that explores what happens when you realize that your life is not at all what you expected it to be.
AVAILABLE FOR FREE ON AMAZON
Fixing Tanner: A Second Chances Book
With two successful novels under his belt, and the kind of single life that any guy would kill for, Tanner Young thinks there is nothing that can stop him. That is, until he meets Leah Foster: the first and only woman he can actually see himself with… and the one woman who isn’t interested in a commitment. In the midst of a ferocious bout of writers block he finds himself clinging to Leah in hopes that she can turn his book, and his life, around.
At once heartbreaking and hopeful, FIXING TANNER captures what it feels like to spend your life running away from a past that
is destroying your future.
Don't miss this third book in the SECOND CHANCES SERIES by Rachel Del.
About the Author
Rachel Del is a head-in-the-clouds introvert, homebody and thirty-something writer currently living in Las Vegas, Nevada with her husband and three-year-old son. Originally from Ontario, Canada she spends her days reading, writing and drinking far too much black coffee.
She blogs at www.rachel-del.com/blog
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