by Abigail Roux
“It was top secret,” Ty answered. He sounded and looked exhausted. “I couldn’t.”
Zane stepped forward, frowning. “What terms?”
They all turned to look at him, as if they’d forgotten he was there.
“Are you serious?” Owen blurted. He looked from Zane to Ty. “You talk about how much you love this guy and you haven’t even told him?”
Ty pointed a finger at him and snarled, “Shut up.”
“Told me what?” Zane asked cautiously.
Owen glanced at him, curling his lip. “Ask your boyfriend. He’s the one with all the secrets.”
Nick strode toward Owen, giving his shoulder a shove. “Johns, shut your fucking mouth.”
But Zane turned his attention to Ty. The look on his lover’s face didn’t do much to dispel the sudden bout of nerves. “Ty?”
Ty stood. His hands balled into fists as he glanced from Zane to Nick. Nick nodded.
“Tell him, Grady!” Owen shouted. Nick shoved Owen into the wall and pointed a finger in his face, hissing.
“Get him out of here,” Ty growled. Nick grabbed Owen’s shoulder, but the man shrugged him off.
“Don’t have to tell me twice. I’m fucking out of here.” He stormed out, letting the door slam behind him.
Nick squared his shoulders, regaining his calming demeanor with impressive speed. He gave them one last glance, then headed for the door. Kelly and Digger followed, murmuring good-byes to Zane as they passed.
As soon as the door closed, Zane heard Owen shouting in the hallway. He turned to Ty, though. “What the hell is going on?”
“Zane,” Ty said, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat. He seemed to be fighting to meet Zane’s eyes. “There’s something . . . something I’ve been keeping from you.”
Zane’s stomach flipped. “I thought we got all the secrets out.”
Ty shook his head, looking sick. “Not this one.”
Zane took a deep breath, trying to come to terms with the flicker of fear in Ty’s eyes. “So tell me.”
Ty struggled to meet Zane’s eyes as he began to speak. “I was never completely discharged from the Marines.”
Zane barked a laugh. “You’re so full of shit.”
“I’m not joking, Zane.”
Zane’s smile fell and he took a step toward Ty. “What are you talking about?”
Ty glanced at the door. “The boys and me . . . the team. We’re still obligated to the Marines.”
Zane stared, mouth hanging open. “What?”
Ty ran a hand through his hair. “It happens with a lot of Special Ops crews; the military never really lets us go. We’re too highly trained, too much money and time has been put into us. And the terms we signed when they released us compel us to go back if they order it. If they want us back . . .”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Zane.”
“No, Ty, I mean . . . what the hell are you talking about?”
“I was never discharged from the Marines. Sidewinder wasn’t disbanded, even though the official paperwork cited disobedience as the reason for leaving. We were just . . . put on reserve because of the fuss the NIA made. They took my refusal of the orders and used it as the excuse to put us all into cold storage.”
Ty looked both riddled with nerves and relieved to have said the words. Zane tried to speak, but nothing would come out. He took a staggering step back and pressed his hand to his stomach, feeling sick and dizzy.
After a few moments of tense silence, Ty leaned closer. “Zane?”
“You’re saying you’re still a Marine.”
“Not technically. Sort of.”
“You can’t be sort of technically a Marine, Ty. You either are or you aren’t!”
Ty put a hand up to calm him, but Zane batted it away. “You’re still a Marine! You’re telling me that any day, you could be called back into service and you’d have to prance off with your little go bag and be gone for months on the front line?”
“You’re upset.”
“You’re damn right I’m upset!” Zane roared. “This is something you stay prepared for, isn’t it? The bag in the closet, never missing a morning run. When the fuck were you planning on telling me this?”
“I was . . . I was hoping I wouldn’t need to. The contracts expire in December.”
Zane sniffed in disgust. “Jesus Christ, Ty.”
Ty raised both hands. “It’s not like it’s something I can just go around telling everyone.”
“I’m not everyone!”
“I know that! But Zane, there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“And that makes it okay not to tell me?”
Ty shook his head.
“Give me details,” Zane demanded.
“I can’t tell you more. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that much.”
“The fuck you can’t. You’re standing here telling me you’re still a fucking Marine, that you and your team are still on some sort of long-term fucking—”
“Zane, calm down.”
Zane slammed his fist into the wall. Blood was roaring through his ears and he had to shout to hear himself. “I’ve been living with you for a year and you can’t tell me more?”
“I’m—”
“Bullshit!”
“I can’t tell you, Zane!” Ty shouted. “God! What I’ve said already could get me thrown in the Disciplinary Barracks at Leavenworth! Do you understand? I am still subject to USMC laws and codes of conduct!”
Zane ran his hands through his hair.
“And frankly, Liam Bell scares me more right now than any secrets I’ve been keeping from you.”
“Are there more?” Zane asked sarcastically.
Ty hesitated, and Zane caught a flicker of guilt in his eyes.
“Oh my God,” Zane whispered. “There’s more. There’s something worse than this?”
“Zane.”
“Tell me what else you’re hiding.”
Ty raised his head and squared his shoulders, his nostrils flaring. “No.”
Zane stared. His heart was pounding. He’d known they had secrets between them, things they weren’t ready to share. They’d discussed these things, shady parts of their pasts they’d rather not take out of the box. But Zane had never expected Ty’s secrets to be something that could hurt him. Hurt them.
Zane studied his lover, letting that truth settle somewhere deep inside him.
“Tell me now, tell me everything I need to know.”
Ty’s jaw muscles jumped, but he stayed straight and tall, matching Zane’s glare with his own. When he spoke, though, it came out broken. “No.”
Zane gritted his teeth and slammed his palm against the wall. “Tell me the truth or I walk!”
Ty swallowed hard, but it was obvious that he was weighing whether or not he should speak.
“You really have to think about it?” Zane shoved away from Ty, unable to tear his eyes from him even as the pain twisted in his chest like a knife. “I guess we finally found the one thing more important to you than I am.”
Ty’s face hardened. “You know that’s not true.”
“Fuck you, Ty! I feel like I don’t know a goddamned thing now!” Zane jabbed his finger toward Ty. “I tell you I’m going to walk and you have to fucking think about it? Just fuck you!”
Ty took a deep breath, but it didn’t help the strength of his words when he tried to speak. “If I told you . . . I’m afraid you’d walk anyway.”
Zane threw his hands out. “What have you got to lose?”
Ty’s jaw tightened. Zane held his breath, waiting, giving him a last chance to come clean, unable to imagine what Ty could have been keeping from him that he was so afraid to admit to.
Ty shook his head, his jaw set.
Zane took a step back. He was devastated to have been backed down, called on his bluff. He had no idea where to go from here.
Only one place came to mind, one place to retreat from the stone wall Ty had just raised. It wasn’t ju
st a wall to protect Ty or his secrets. It was a wall to protect Ty’s secrets from Zane.
He turned on his heel and grabbed up his cigarettes and lighter from the floor. He brushed past Ty as he headed for the door.
“Zane.”
Zane turned.
“There’s a man out there who wants to hurt you. And he’s good. Please don’t go off alone.”
“Go to Hell, Ty,” Zane grunted, and he wrenched the door open and stalked out.
Nick was waiting when the door opened, but Zane brushed past him when he tried to stop him. He had to jog to catch up with Zane’s angry strides, and he felt like a puppy hopping along with its master as he tried to keep abreast of the man stalking down the hall.
“I know you’re pissed, man, I am too. But Ty keeps secrets, that’s what he does. That’s what he’s trained to do.”
“You don’t have to defend him,” Zane snarled. “Is that what you’ve done for twenty years? Defend Ty? You must be goddamned exhausted.”
“Yeah, pretty much.” Nick reached out and took Zane’s arm. “Would you slow down? Jesus.”
Zane stopped and turned to face him. Nick could tell he had about two seconds to make his case. “Look, I’m not stepping into this, okay? Whatever he said in there, it’s between you and him. But I knew Liam Bell. And if Ty says he’s out to get you, I believe him. Don’t go out there alone just because you’re pissed.”
Zane rolled his eyes and huffed. Nick tightened his grip on Zane’s arm, hard enough that Zane looked down at it pointedly.
“Imagine that you’re out there in this city, and Ty is hunting you down,” Nick said.
Zane’s nostrils flared and his eyes darkened.
“Now imagine him smarter. Faster. Imagine him more ruthless and with less to lose. Now imagine that Ty, and he wants revenge. I don’t know about you, man, but that scares the living hell out of me.”
Zane swallowed hard. He looked mutinous for a moment, but then nodded. “I see your point.”
“Will you let me go with you?”
Zane grumbled and glanced down the hall at the door to their room.
“Let me tail you, then,” Nick tried. “You’ll never know I was there and I’ll watch your six while you do whatever it is you need to do to cool down.”
Zane laughed and finally wrenched his arm out of Nick’s grasp. “Just leave me alone, all right?”
He stalked away before Nick could argue. Nick stood and watched Zane’s retreat for a few seconds, torn. He trusted Ty when he said Zane was the target, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t tag along with the man if Zane refused to let him. Zane would shake him easily, and in the end Zane was responsible for his own safety.
He turned and headed back down the hall to knock on Ty’s door.
Ty opened it almost immediately. Nick shook his head in answer to Ty’s questioning look.
“Goddammit,” Ty spat. He ran his hands through his hair and paced into the room.
Nick held the door open for Kelly and Digger, who’d been standing by, waiting to see what would happen next. Owen was long gone. They filed into Ty’s room, gathering around him.
“What do we do?” Digger asked.
Ty had his hands on his hips and his head lowered. He looked pale and drawn, and Nick could see he wasn’t running on all cylinders yet. But years of training forced them to look to him first.
Ty shook his head. “I . . . I don’t know.”
Nick watched him for a long moment, and when it became obvious Ty wasn’t pulling it together, Nick cleared his throat. “We can leave town. But I got a feeling Bell isn’t here ’cause he can’t find us at home. He’s here because he wants us all together. He wants us here. And he knew we’d be here.”
Kelly shrugged. “I agree, but how?”
“Sanchez,” Digger said. “He knew we’d get together for Sanchez’s birthday.”
“Which means he also has the resources to know Eli is dead, and that Digger is confined to the state,” Ty murmured. “He’s either here on company business, or he’s using those resources and gone off the reservation.”
“What does he have to do with the gris-gris bag?” Digger asked. “You really think he killed that girl last night?”
Nick’s brow furrowed. Ty grimaced and shrugged.
“Sneaking in as a maid and leaving towels on the bed is a little sloppy for Bell,” Kelly said.
Ty held up a hand. “We’re running off the rails here.” He rubbed at his face, massaging between his eyes.
“Why would he approach Zane first?” Digger asked. “He couldn’t know you’d find that note, or that Zane would tell you about meeting him. What’s his game?”
“Everything is a game to him. It’s like chess.”
“You don’t play chess,” Nick said.
“Yes, thank you!” Ty barked.
Nick shrugged.
“We need to take care of this, right here, right now,” Ty said. “While we’re all together.”
Nick nodded. He knew he wouldn’t feel safe heading back to Boston with a man like Liam holding a grudge. “What about Zane?”
Ty hesitated, breathing faster. “I’ll send him home.”
“Will he listen?” Kelly asked, looking dubious. “He’s pretty understandably pissed.”
Nick snorted. “Ty. He’s not going to leave you here, in danger, even if he is pissed at you. Even I know him better than that.”
Ty ran a hand over his eyes again. “You’re right.”
“We have to get him back here,” Nick said. “Use him as our sixth.”
“Is he up for that?” Digger asked.
Ty straightened and shot Digger a look. “I trust my life to him every day. He’s up for anything we throw at him.”
Digger pursed his lips. “Okay. So go fetch him.”
Ty growled. “And you two go find Owen and drag his ass back here.”
Kelly and Digger nodded and turned, almost synchronized in their movements. There was something comfortable about sinking back into that uniformity, into that chain of leadership and trust.
Nick watched Ty rummage through Zane’s jeans, looking for something. “What about me?”
“Stay here. If someone’s not back in an hour you’re the cavalry. Turn on the GPS tracking on the phones.”
“Great.”
Ty stood, holding a bronze sobriety chip. Nick’s father had dozens of them in a drawer at home.
“Zane’s?”
Ty nodded, looking grim and distressed. “He might need it.”
“Really? Is he that easy to knock off the wagon?”
Ty glared at him for a moment, but then he swallowed hard. “No,” he whispered. “No, he’s not.” He headed for the door and was almost out of the room before Nick called after him.
“Take your piece!”
Ty cursed and went back to his suitcase to rummage through it.
“Are you sure you’re okay to do this? I can go out there and bring him back. I wasn’t on a morphine drip all day and he’s not quite as pissed at me as he is at you.”
Ty checked the clip of his service weapon and jammed the magazine home, then stuffed it in the back of his jeans and covered it with his flannel shirt.
Nick watched him with a growing sense of unease. His movements weren’t measured, his mind was all over the place. “Ty,” he whispered.
Ty just shook his head.
“Ty, you’re not up to this.”
“I will be,” Ty growled. “A few hours for the drugs to clear, I’ll be fine.”
“Ty, I’m telling you as a friend. You’re not up to this, drugs or not.”
Ty turned to meet his eyes.
“Liam Bell. He’s the only person I know who was ever as good as you. And right now, he’s better than you are.”
Ty breathed out harshly and looked away. “I know,” he said, heading for the door. “He always was.”
There was no finding a quiet spot in the French Quarter, especially when half the revelers were wea
ring huge Easter hats, bunny ears, and layers of beads.
Zane had wandered toward the outskirts of the Quarter, looking for familiar ground. His steps tried to follow in those of the past, trying to find that little bar he and Becky had visited so long ago. His memory wouldn’t lead him there, though, so he settled for a little tavern on a side street with empty tables.
His mind was roiling, seething, replaying the look in Ty’s eyes when he’d refused to tell Zane what he was holding back. They had been living together for a year. Lovers for almost two. Partners for longer than that. The idea that Ty had been able to keep something from him, with so little effort, was staggering. And he could feel there was worse, lying in wait.
This Liam Bell business was only the half of it.
By the time he reached the bar, his entire body was shaking with anger and adrenaline. He ordered a whiskey straight and took the glass to sit at the corner table.
He placed it in front of him. A challenge. A test of how far he’d come. He’d done everything in the last year for Ty, trying to be worthy, trying to make himself a better, healthier man. He’d fought the withdrawal that had wracked his body and the cloying need that filled his mind every morning when he woke, all to prove to himself that he deserved to be happy, that he deserved Ty’s love.
Had Ty even been worth it?
He stared at the whiskey glass, letting the pull envelop him just to see how strong he was to fight it now.
Ty thumped into the empty chair across from him, rattling the table. The whiskey in Zane’s glass sloshed. He stared at it, not looking up to meet Ty’s eyes.
“Please don’t do this, Zane.”
“Go away, Ty,” Zane said without looking up from the glass.
“You’ve worked so hard to get past this, don’t do this now. Not like this.”
Zane glowered at him. “Who the hell are you to tell me anything?”
Ty recoiled like Zane had slapped him, but he jutted his chin out and squared his shoulders. “I’m your partner. And I’m your friend. And I love you.”
“You’re a liar.”
“You’re right. And you can hate me if you want to, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you. And I’m not going to sit idly by while you do this to yourself because of me.”
Zane glared, but the pain in the pit of his stomach was overpowering the anger. He looked back to the glass, still full of whiskey.